Teacher: Kelvin name any animal that lives in water
Kelvin: Hippopotamus
Teacher: Good, Amos give us another example
Amos: Hippopokelvin
Teacher: What's that?
Amos: Kelvin started it
I spent the night at my aunt's. Her last born (Chima) has attempted JAMB 6 times and failed all.
At dinner;
Aunt: Chima, pass me the salt
Chima: *passes the salt*
Aunt: Thank God!!! At least you can pass something
So apparently, Omah Lay & Tems obtained work permit & performed under the protection of
@PoliceUg
. How come
@PoliceUg
now turned around to arrest them?
There's a side to this story we haven't heard
#FreeTemsAndOmahLay
At my Dad's secondary school reunion, the MC asked we the kids to ask them any question about their school days
Me: Who used to carry first place?
My Dad:
Nurse: Doctor, there's a patient complaining that he hasn't been urinating
Me: He needs to repent of his wicked ways
Nurse: But you haven't even seen him or do you know him?
Me: No, never seen him before
Nurse: Why did you say so doc?
Me: There's no piss for the wicked
All your life you've been a mermaid
How about we change that and make you my maid
Not the one that does house chores to get paid
But the type that will come into my life and make my life made
Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces - North
Chief of Army Staff - North
Chief of Air Staff - North
Inspector General of Police - North
Commandant General of NSCDC - North
But somehow the Capital of insecurity in Nigeria is still North
This country is fugged. I just tried withdrawing some cash from different ATMs but they kept saying 'Insufficient funds'. I mean how can banks in this country not have sufficient funds?
Kidnapping/abducting schoolchildren is the new hustle in Nigeria 🤦🏾♂. With the government's willingness to pay ransom, it's a surprise schoolchildren are not abducted on a weekly basis.
Over 300 schoolgirls were abducted in Zamfara.
#RescueJangedeGirls
Ladies please remember the goal as you go to church on Sunday is to get closer to God and not draw men farther away from God.
Think about it!!!
It can help people!!!
I remember one time I lost my wallet and my Mom was around, I told her and under ten minutes she found my wallet, an old trouser, my conscience, my self esteem and my girlfriend's period.
MOMS ARE THE BEST!!!
You might hate to see this but... Nigerians condemning racism is the biggest form of hypocrisy..
I mean, it's Nigeria, a country where your tribe & religion might be a determinant of how successful you can become.
All I'm trying to say is "FIX UP YOUR LIVES FIRST"
Love Doc: So you love puns
Me: Yes
Love Doc: Anyways, to improve your relationship, I suggest you always put her first, make it feel like a race
Me: hmmmm.....
Love Doc: What are you thinking about?
Me: Do you think she'll cum first if I give her a headstart?
When you want to build a house, you'll realize the value of sand. When you need manure for your crops, you'll realize the value of excreta.
Take no one for granted, everyone and everything has a purpose
*6 weeks after NYSC without a job*
Mum: What happened to the remote control
Me: I don't know, it just stopped working
Mum: At least something can find work in this country.
Me:
The reason why I'm still single
Girlfriend's Dad: What do you do for a living?
Me: My best sir.
Girlfriend's Dad: No! I mean WHAT DO YOU DO?
Me: Okay!..... Your daughter na.
The way guys cluster around these politicians when they come to their hood is sickening. After excessive praises from you, they 'drop' how much? 50k, for how many people? Prolly 10 - 20 people. Then y'all go back & say "Honorable so & so is the best, he sabi settle boys" *SMH*
In 2040, having a convo with my kid.
Kiki: Why is it you & mum's 19th year anniversary when you got married in 2019
Me: Baby, you won't understand
Kiki: Try me
Me: *with a sad face* There was no year in between 2019 & 2021
Kiki: You mean no 20.....
Me: Don't say it!!
No matter how bad the score was against Nigeria, I always had a feel of ease whenever
@papilokanu
was coming on. I know I can't be the only one who felt that way.
Happy birthday legend
Nigeria's submission for the Oscars 2021, 'The Milkmaid' is a movie that every Nigerian should be proud of. The professionalism with which the insurgency in Northern Nigeria was narrated is impeccable.
Support 'The Milkmaid' to bring the Oscars home
#TheMilkmaidFor9jaAtOscars