Mick Ferry @MickFerry Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

23 days

Event to be announced soon ….

0

4

Last Seen Profiles

@OFalafel

@yoongigi_yibodi

@milfsskoo

@Lauradanielam00

@QUnft

@couples_mot7arr

@uruhik0

@AlexVintage

@xixi7660

@binor40

@BehobiOt7

@NoraSauer08

@zeno001

@Vanessa54333489

@OHADALLAS

@studionoook

@rhaetarg_s

@AirMoneyApp

@dailycatboyjerm

@RolandKenway

@kizawa2020

@RamonFe25031748

@jkjkjkbottom

@BrisaOttonello1

@jordanmoore_21

@MaiThuy1011

@turbancorap00

@bokeplokalmalam

@eaturselffitta

@suzume_pua

@Rr1632597672

@yayanflo

@xxfuneraI

@ForWomenScot

@grano_no

@BinorRaja

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

I don’t know who is delivering the vaccine to the UK but if it’s Hermes then check your neighbours wheely bin.

68

402

6K

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

James Martin’s kitchen. Yeah that’s what I’m watching coz there is no football to get ready for. “Here’s a sauce for Yorkshire puddings. Red wine, Madeira, sherry and veal stock.” Fuck off James. I’ve got two oxo cubes and some dried noodles.

63

170

2K

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

10 years

Finally figured out how to make Quorn sausages taste good. Wrap them in bacon. Delicious.

47

619

931

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

@BeardedGenius My son shared this with me tonight. It’s made me laugh so much.

19

80

764

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

@BeardedGenius I found out that Borussia Monchengladbach used his pronunciation as their Twitter handle for a while.

7

47

697

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

This is fecking brilliant!!!

14

67

672

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Table 8 for a few drinks, then off to table 10 for the nightlife and the table 3 for when it kicks off in the kebab shop.

FootballJOE

@FootballJOE

4 years

Which table are you sitting at

4K

377

3K

14

68

654

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

7 years

Just how I like my ravioli starter. On a miniature washing line. #azerbaijan #plates #food

50

300

647

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

6 years

If you’re getting on it today because you’ve finished work for Xmas. Remember not to be rude to the staff in the bars and restaurants, trust me, they’d rather be elsewhere. Then if you collapse through excess, don’t give the emergency services any grief. DO NOT BE A DICK TODAY.

10

152

605

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

1 year

Me and my family paid into a Xmas hamper scheme run by this man. 35 weeks of payments we could barely afford, just so the kids had a few treats. The week before Xmas his business went bust and he started organising foam parties in Benidorm. Piece of shit.

Mark Nelson

@marknelsoncomic

1 year

State of this going on holiday prick

28

5

91

36

34

601

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Dad died on Apr 1st, he’d been ill for a bit. Cos of lockdown rules, he had family that couldn’t see him in the care home before he died. A week later a handful of us attended his funeral. You know, the rules. Sadly 1000’s went through the same thing. The rules? #oneruleforone

18

68

576

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

We first met when studying Maths at University.

Giles Paley-Phillips

@eliistender10

4 years

Tell me a love story in 4 words or fewer

4K

134

2K

14

39

531

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

I’m so missing having a mooch around TKMaxx. Looking at the shoes, clothes etc. Not seeing anything I fancy but still end up buying some pink Himalayan salt, jelly beans and a 5m charging cable for my phone. Even though I know it will only last two weeks.

14

27

507

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

I’m not sure how to process this but, in the cab on the way home. I farted and it was bad. The cab driver said, “I don’t know what that smell is but I’ll open a window in case it’s my car.” And like a coward I said “ok pal, don’t worry about it.” #ashamed

11

5

465

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

5 years

A mate of mine reckons he once saw Matic play a first time pass forwards instead of receiving the ball and turning in a circle before playing it backwards or losing it. I called him a liar. We’re going outside for a fight as soon as it stops raining. #MUFC

13

43

441

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

The best comedian I’ve ever seen has died. My all time favourite. RIP Sean Lock xxx “Sharks only eat you when you’re wet.”

5

10

438

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Phew!!! I saw “Wotsits” trending and I feared the worst. Thank god they’re ok.

8

35

387

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

My dad died 2yrs ago. Parkinson’s and Dementia took him. Yesterday, he would have been 78. I wanted my dad to be old and with it, so I could talk about why certain things had happened. Sadly not to be. I have to unload this luggage somewhere. Big walk today. Love each over x

24

0

378

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

“Ffs Rishi, just buy the gear. Stop haggling over the price.”

Matt Grant

@mattgrantsky

2 years

Is Dominic Raab okay?

3K

2K

11K

10

17

378

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

I’m going to a dinner party tonight with 12 of my mates. I reckon one of them will grass us up.

18

35

372

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Some weird stuff going on at the minute. Somebody tell us the truth. #5G #conspiracy #toast

23

117

353

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

2/2 … before I took to the stage. I explained that I wasn’t given individual audience members details. He stormed off down Oldham St in a rage and I shit you not, he kicked a bus stop.

7

5

357

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

5 years

John Woo has started making films about cricket. #CricketWorldCup

9

89

345

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

Two years ago today, it’s the “Greeters Guild” legend @milocomedy Troy Hawke

4

17

337

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

1 year

My dad had Parkinsons. I used to tell jokes about it. It’s how we coped with it. My nephew bought my dad a dart board for Xmas once. Let that sink in.

Phil Chapman

@IAmPhilChapman

1 year

Lady tried to tell me what I wasn't allowed to joke about last night. Nobody tells El Chapo what to do

21

32

625

4

335

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

Many moons ago at The Frog&Bucket I did a joke about somebody falling over whilst on a bus. A gentleman waited outside after the show to fight me, because ten years earlier his uncle was knocked down by a bus and it took him weeks to recover. He asked if I knew about this … 1/2

10

16

325

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

9 months

Mum and dad on a night out with the brother that never married.

Hayley Ellis

@Hayles_Ellis

9 months

Getting your pals to model your clothes your wanting to sell on vinted

14

8

139

2

8

329

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

8 months

I can now add Grandad to the CV. Feeling proud today.

65

0

295

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

It’s a difficult time for all of us and I don’t want to get all moody and heavy. However, if you think a pot with a pastry lid is a pie, then there is no place in society for you after all this is over. Sorry for the serious tone but it needed saying.

22

27

274

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

I’m an adult, definitely a grown up I’d say. I am of average intelligence, nothing extraordinary. Just an average person. Yet, every now and then, I have to stop myself tasting shower gels that smell of fruit.

11

16

274

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

Super League, gone. Half and half scarves should be the next thing. Then VAR, then pies that cost more than 3 quid .... then semi finals at Wembley ....

15

38

264

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

I’m off to have a word with a couple of people. I’m very nervous.

20

5

257

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

I have two grown up daughters and I’ll always worry about them being safe because “NOT ALL MEN” can fucking behave themselves.

2

12

245

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

So. We’re not coming out of lockdown in Gr Manchester. That’s most of my work gone. Cheers Boris. There is absolutely no science behind the hospitality closures. I think I’m done now.

22

5

237

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

5 years

All my brothers and sisters and others, working behind bars, waiting tables, serving customers, driving cabs, driving buses, all the A&E staff and emergency services. I hope your quota of knobheads is small this evening. The worst Friday of the year.

6

41

244

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

Benedict Cumberbatch is trending. I missed him once in a restaurant by two weeks. All the staff said he smelled gorgeous and they named a table after him. Lovely man.

4

40

240

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

11 months

gina shirah

@GinaShirah81815

11 months

Turn off your cell phones on October 4th. The EBS is going to "test" the system using 5G. This will activate the Marburg virus in people who have been vaccinated. And sadly turn some of them into zombies.

8K

1K

4K

10

30

241

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

1 year

Low self esteem, lack of motivation, bad genetics, sciatica and a love of booze and food. Oh, and I don’t have an axe.

Kim Wexler's Ponytail 🐝💛🎗

@MadisonKittay

1 year

Men, what's stopping you from looking like this?

4K

277

4K

14

6

243

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

1 year

What a universe we live in. I’m in the Vyne Theatre in Berkhamsted. It’s a lovely venue on an industrial estate. And a member of staff has got @Haveawordpod on a loop for the customers in the bar.

2

7

240

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Bleach comes in so many flavours these days. Not like when I was a kid, there was only one flavour and that was bleach flavour. What a time to be alive.

10

32

222

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

If a meat free Burger King has made you angry. Then you’ve probably got quite a few issues already. I suggest you go outside and shout abuse at a pigeon until you’re exhausted. Then find a quiet corner and don’t bother anybody ever again.

10

30

226

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

8 months

Evie Rose (a new United fan. Just got to get that past her dad)

27

0

230

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

5 years

My mum is not well and at the moment her brain is operating like an iPod shuffle. There is normal conversation, then some of the most fecked up funny chat I’ve ever had. Feel bad for laughing but I need it. Give your mums a hug. xxx

17

3

220

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

My mum was never a coffee drinker but in the final few weeks of her life she got hooked on lattes that had Baileys in them. She would have about 5 or 6 a day. I think I’ll have one myself later. Miss you xx #MotheringSunday

0

220

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Well of all the times and dates you chose to go dad, April 1st in a lockdown. Say hello to mum. Rest in peace Manny xx

71

0

221

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

She was found alone, cold and scared after her owner abandoned her. She is house trained and responds to basic commands. She can be a bit skittish in front of cameras and howls if she sees a photo of her former owner. For just £3 a month you can adopt a former Tory.

14

56

215

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

This happened seven years ago and I still cannot figure out how me and the lady on the till got this so wrong.

26

21

207

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

5 years

22 years ago I started out as a comedian. I’ve been to places and seen things that I would never have witnessed if I was still an upholsterer. So many highs, a few lows. Tonight though. Could be the pinnacle, a dream come true. I AM JUDGING A PIE CONTEST #keepdreaming

13

2

203

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Start of lockdown: “Will you be alright mate.” Yeah, I’m sharing a house with people I love. Weeks later: “how are you getting on?” I’ve just ordered a rock hammer and a poster of Raquel Welch.

7

23

207

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

“I killed 25 Taliban. Aye pal. “I got frostbite on me dick.” Did ya pal? “Me brother hates me.” Ok mate. Last orders!!! Last orders people.

2

3

211

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

Barbers today. Before and after. You decide.

15

6

208

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 months

To all my fellow Dads out there. We can’t all be the best, no matter what our coffee mugs tell us. This afternoon there will be a “Reckoning” at your nearest B&Q car park. There can only be one.

14

18

209

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

For the North West I like the sound of “The Granada Republic” it will look good on t-shirts and flags. What are you in other Northern areas gonna call yourselves? #TheGranadaRepublic

27

36

196

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

6 years

Imagine being so outraged by a food product that you don’t have to eat. I cannot stand liver, it’s fucking awful but I don’t protest outside the butchers. #whatatimetobealive

10

15

189

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

5 years

A Christmas Eve funeral. Not ideal. Sorry mum, I know you wanted a cardboard box and a shopping trolley but we’ve had to do it a little more formally.

41

0

192

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

Madness that some bars charge more for a pint or bottle of beer than what they pay their staff for an hours work.

5

23

192

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

6 years

Inside Roy Keane’s head “first I’ll take Dixon out with a pen in his eye, then I’ll drop kick Bilić. Then smash Clattenberg into the ....... oh, they’ve just asked me a question. This will have to wait.” #itvworldcup

9

34

186

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Stand up has not made me rich or famous but it has given me a living. I’ll be working until the day I die. I think it’s the purest of art forms but we’re treated as the hoi polloi, I quite like that. Go to a local gig when you can. #SaveLiveComedy

4

37

183

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

5 years

I’ve been through a lot worse watching United. We’re a bang average team at the minute. You have to accept that. Average players, average management and a below average board. So what do we do? Keep showing your love for a start and get the Glazers out. #GlazersOut #ManUtd

7

34

180

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

Mum phrases that can destroy you. “Stop showing off in front of your friends.”

20

5

183

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

One year ago today I missed saying goodbye to my mum by 45 minutes. I think it will always bother me. Give your mum a call, tell her you love her xx

5

2

185

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

To all my fellow Dads receiving cups today that say “Best Dad in the World” remember, there can only be one. Let the fighting commence. #HighlanderDad

19

181

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

If you’re having the vaccine, place a magnet over the bit of skin that was injected. Leave it there for 2 hours and it destroys the micro chip. Me mate Deepmind Malcolm told me.

11

13

180

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

1 year

People think it’s ok to play loud music on public transport and if you ask them to turn it down, you’re met with aggression. People talk during in a comic’s set and if asked to be quiet are met with aggression. Self entitlement and bad manners are getting to be the norm.

10

9

179

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

I’m 53 and I can’t get into the jeans I wore when I was 51.

The Guardian

@guardian

3 years

People who ‘can’t fit into jeans they wore aged 21’ risk developing diabetes

756

132

489

7

17

176

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

I think I’ve been too romantic with my notions of who and what we are in this country. Our behaviour from toilet roll to fuel is embarrassing. It seems that in times of crisis we resort to selfishness and not looking out for each other.

7

4

170

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

@RosieisaHolt I love the “banter” guys. When you respond with your own banter, they usually get angry. They didn’t mean that kind of banter.

2

0

167

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

Do you remember when salt and vinegar Discos used to turn your face inside out.

13

1

165

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

My sister dropped off a carry bag full of my dad’s “personal things” nothing wealthy, just watches with no worth and coins he had found, newspaper clippings about his beloved Manchester United. It’s brutal that a carrier bag full of his nonsense can kick you in the guts.

18

0

160

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

I was really nervous doing this, I’ll admit. It’s the biggest podcast in the country.

Have A Word

@Haveawordpod

2 years

EARLY ACCESS IS LIVE🚨 @MickFerry joined us on the couch this week for another episode of absolute chaos.

5

11

108

14

5

150

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

Ahh, now I get it. Free speech is free speech if you agree with it.

7

12

143

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

How’s your mental health Mick, now we’re going into tier 4? “I’m alright.” Are you burning rubbish in the yard whilst drinking Bloody Mary’s and wearing a bath robe? “Might be.”

8

0

143

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Fred Perry was a working class superstar ostracised by the upper classes. His brand became synonymous with a multicultural subculture. That was influenced by Mod fashions and into Ska, Bluebeat, soul and reggae. I love my Fred Perry’s and hate the racists hijacking the brand.

3

17

142

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

In 1997, @peterkay_co_uk did his first ever solo show. It was at @frogandbucket He was already becoming a superstar around the North. I had only been doing stand up for a few months. Peter asked me to do the support slot for him. It was my first ever paid spot.

8

0

147

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

8 months

A year ago today this man took our Xmas hamper money and cruelly sent us a picture of himself on holiday.

10

1

147

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

I’m watching James Bond. He doesn’t half get into some scrapes. What is he like eh.

12

3

141

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

“Bruce Willis is a ghost.”

Daily Star

@dailystar

4 years

William's five words to Harry that made him 'go ballistic' and changed things forever

388

24

69

12

9

138

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

Aye, I remember the respiratory conditions, the reduced life expectancy, the damp, the indignity of sharing bath water, the lack of tenancy laws. People are choosing between heating and eating. Blokes like Field Marshall Flag Shag seem to think a 54% rise in fuel costs is ok.

Buy British

@UK_Needs_Reform

2 years

Who remembers living in a house without central heating, no double glazing, no loft insulation etc. and waking up and scratching pictures in the ice on the inside of the windows?

5K

920

15K

6

30

140

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

6 years

Inside Roy Keane’s head: “I’m not sharing a cab with these pricks .... I wonder what this table is made from ... I nearly punched a pigeon this morning ...I’ve got a pork pie in my pocket ... a dickie bow, feck off!! ..my turn now.” #insideKeaneshead #itvworldcup

5

27

131

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

1 month

@BeardedGenius Haha. I’d never knock a football fan but it’s taking a lot of effort to understand these social media fans.

2

139

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

I gigged. In front of humans. Lots of them. It was joyful. @HWCCLiverpool was wonderful.

9

1

134

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

1 year

It’s a “Backy” thread closed.

Have A Word

@Haveawordpod

1 year

What word do you call this? 🚲🤣

67

8

141

11

3

134

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

I’ve got a gig tonight in a proper venue @frogandbucket woohoo!!!! No live audience but I’ll be beamed into living rooms. Right, I think I’ll have a wash.

11

5

128

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Important Government Information: As thousands flee London we have to be vigilant and report any “Cockney Refugee’s” to the local authorities. Do not take them in. How to spot a Cockney Refugee: 1: Say hello, you’ll know within seconds. (Cont)

5

22

129

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

Time to accept we’re an average mid table team. Embrace the below par players and their stupidity. Let it wash over you and the stress of watching them will leave you. #ManUnited

11

30

131

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

The final “The Two Minute Chat Show” this week and it is the superstar @BillBailey #twominutechatshow #musicbyBelair #FridayFeeling #cloning #DIY #funny #amazing

13

28

129

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

5 years

@RealBobMortimer This is a scam. I bought two cat names from him last year and I had to pay an extra £8 admin fee for shortening one of the names. Also, read the small print. He retains the rights to the cat name. When your cat dies, he reclaims the name. I’m contacting points of view.

6

0

126

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

6 years

Every morning Mark Lawrenson superglues bread to a bird table and pisses on his neighbours flowers. He then mulls over Bran Flakes or All Bran. He opens the latest copy of Esquire and sticks photos of his own head on the men he hates. #Lawrenson #bbcworldcup

0

28

120

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

@Benfogle Hey mate, why don’t we get everybody to sign a card and put a quid in the tin. Then Rachel from accounts can buy her something from Home Bargains this weekend.

4

1

124

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

If a shop wants you to wear a mask, then that is their business. They can make that rule for their premises, they’re not stripping away your rights. I don’t remember protests against nightclubs because of their “trainers” rule.

3

23

124

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

3 years

We’ve completely lost our minds in this country. There was no fuel shortage until knobheads that only do 20 miles a week decided to fill their tanks.

9

6

124

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

1 year

A very rare Friday night off but a brilliant Friday night. @jimjefferies @JasonManford @GlennWool @andrewismaxwell & @robriley73

16

4

124

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

19 days

People saying that dressage isn’t a sport, behave. Some of the best away days I’ve had is watching the Manchester Prancers. I remember one day we were away at the Millwall Hoppers and we took their stables. Absolute chaos. They chased us off cos they had polo mallets. Naughty.

4

15

129

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Sometimes I’m so proud of Oldham. In times of panic buying, I’m glad the essentials were cleared out first. #panicbuying #HealthyFood

1

12

115

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

8 months

Has anybody close to Joey Barton checked to see if he’s ok? I knew somebody a few years ago that got very combative on social media. Angry and threatening. Turns out they were in the middle of a massive breakdown.

24

7

120

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

Truly honoured and touched. x

JOE

@JOE_co_uk

4 years

@MickFerry 🏆

1

2

22

23

6

120

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

2 years

Nadine Dorries said if she becomes Chancellor, then she’ll make sure the British Dollar is strong and reduce the price of a loaf by 15 centimes.

3

19

114

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

6 years

At the Saturday early show at @comedystoreuk there was a guy sat on the front row dressed as “Princess Leia” the rule of thumb is to ignore such people. We all did. He was heard complaining about how much effort he’d put in and not one single comic talked to him. #victory

4

12

108

Mick Ferry

@MickFerry

4 years

I hate Twitter sometimes. It’s full of bullies. Earlier I got the name wrong for an electric transmission tower. It was a pylon.

13

3

109