meeka @MeekyBlinders Twitter profile

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meeka

6 months

sometimes I wonder if my brother has autism but then I remember that one time he showed me his spreadsheet of all his friends that would calculate when he needed to hang out with them/text them in order to maintain a friendship

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

11 days

A babysitter allowed our 4 year old to eat 55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos, 55 pies, 55 cokes, 100 tater tots, 100 pizzas, 100 tenders, 100 meatballs, 100 coffees, 55 wings, 55 shakes, 55 pancakes, 55 pastas, 55 peppers, and 155 taters

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

"are you wearing the al-" "the aldi sneakers? yeah, I am"

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

i'm free february 13th btw (national crab rangoon day)

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

a common misconception is that womens hips have evolved to carry children when in reality they evolved to carry Kirkland Signature 25 lb Jasmine Rice bags

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

i would jork your peanits in every universe

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

@theandyw noooooooo!!!!

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

@papaPierce I only remembered the spreadsheet because I was thinking about doing this

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

7 months

@gazpachomachine japan censors all of the reproductive parts i wanna see 😔

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

14 days

you can tell a couple has broken up when the girl starts posting nicely lit photos of themselves and the guy starts posting a photo of a sandwich with the flash on captioned "ham and cheese"

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

1 month

quitting my job to focus on letting it linger

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

@RandyTreibel don't worry about it, randy

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

pretty cool that capitalism allows me to have 1.5 hours of me time every night 😌 I think I'll use it to cook and do laundry

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 years

@AlwaysAButt

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

suicide watch? that's cool, mine just tells time

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

happy to report that after 5 months of anticipation my dad is in fact doing good

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

has anyone played this game? feeling kinda scared

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

8 months

i can't wait to explain what this shittily drawn dragon is to randos for the rest of my life :)

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

@TeslaEnthusist ka-fucking-chow

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

i'd rather tell my coworkers i'm being abused than tell them this came from moshing to fall out boy

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

@VenturaArabe every day I get more than a thousand likes on something I learn a new reason people can get mad at me

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

some of y'all need to check in here

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

michael

@FilledwithUrine

5 months

getting my girl some lingerie for valentine’s day

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

17 days

I made a coffee scented candle today and I'm kinda proud of it

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

straight up "jorking it". and by "it", haha, well. let's just say. My heartstrings

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

hey I noticed you broke your format of funny tweets and did a vulnerable one, can you do me a favor and never do that again?

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

8 months

@depthsofwiki the two genders

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

15 days

you're poly? poly just haven't found your soulmate yet

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

concept: friends with benefits but the benefit is that we are friends

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

1 month

always want to post thirst traps, never want to deal with the repercussions 😔

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

the face of a woman that's going to play stardew valley and go to bed at 8pm

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

one time my boss complimented my coworkers henna tattoo but he accidently called it hentai

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

@AGoldmund aldi

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

what does it mean when someone unbookmarks your selfie? did they finish?

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

7 months

ACAB includes regular people that drive ford explorers

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

@Tabletop_James i don't think you're supposed to eat that much concrete

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

thought I was just really sleepy because I only slept 3 hours but turns out it's because my coworker was accidentally creating chloroform gas while cleaning

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

1 month

bf made me try tater tot hot dish, which is sorta like if you gentrified shepard's pie (if that's even possible)

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

will you marry me? no worries if not

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

guess who just accepted a job offer? hint: they are in this photo and they're not a toilet

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

I didn't cut my hair that short, you're welcome I guess

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

do not go gentle into that good pussy

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

1 month

convicted on 34 counts of not wanting to be at work

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

klebsiella pneumoniae on blood agar

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

this girl quit her job today

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

me: :( * * . * . * . * . * . * . . * substances *. * . * * . *. * . . * . * . me: :)

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

@mildly_jaked *chops*

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

great, now chinese food has gone woke too

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

19 days

I am a safety hazard to myself and those around me, sign

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

@solarbrewer whiskey on the rock pikmin

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

running late to work, due to woke (up late)

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

7 days

sometimes when I'm lonely I list a free 2000 honda civic on facebook marketplace

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

everyone say goodbye to my long hair

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

if I'm eepy and you're eepy then who's honking the shoo

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

some people post on this website for validation or to connect with their friends, I post on this website for one reason and one reason ONLY: to gain enough influence that I can convince some company to create spicy dino nuggets

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

NEW JOB! I LOOK VERY STUPID IN MY ID BADGE PIC!

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

1 month

ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be the sleepiest person alive

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

nobody yearns harder than a depressed midwestern boy

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

this parenting shit is easy

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

8 days

taking trogdor out to get some sun

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

13 days

y'all mind if I go drink gin with my friends?

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

19 vs now (28)

emmy 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

@emxlymargaret

3 months

19 vs now (26) 😂

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

not being allowed to wear makeup at work might actually be a massive w?

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

18 days

this is my "I definitely got more than a couple hours of sleep before my 12 hour shift" face

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

@jetadepescado I will keep that in mind when I finish this bag in 3 years

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

1 month

I see drunk me was investing in my future

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

25 days

when I was 20 I dated a 27 year old and at one point apologized for something I said earlier in the week and he went "it's okay, your brain isn't fully developed yet"

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

I love 👍 reacting emails, like oh jenny got a promotion? 👍! we have new client offerings? 👍! I'm being let go for under performing? 👍!

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

me and my ugly son

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

4 months

this stupid dumb idiot didn't remember her interview was via zoom and not phone until 15 minutes before it started

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

ex: *sending me pics of his amsterdam trip* me: very pretty! ex: I would have taken you here one day. me: very petty!

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

wearing this on my date tomorrow, wish me luck

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

14 days

@Clownie_Boo this is horrifying, please include a trigger warning next time

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

iykyk? I don't know shit about fuck and I'm tired of pretending that I do

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

1 month

friend, having the worst day of their life for the 46th day in a row: I just feel like there's something wrong with me me, flipping through the dsm-5 under the table: everyone has bad days buddy, it'll get better soon :)

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

whenever I acquired a new allen wrench at my old job I would drop it in my coworkers drawer. she eventually pulled out like 15 one day and was like "WHERE ARE THESE COMING FROM?!?"

Anna Swartz

@Anna_Snackz

5 months

by age 32 you should have a bunch of these

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

18 days

you think a guy is different and then boom! RGB lights in their living room

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

cosplaying the floor at work today

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

26 days

I would gladly be held at gunpoint if it means I get to be held

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

6 months

you’re in her dms my head is in the oven and i'm losing consciousness

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

@spicybmo holy shit

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

ask not what my coochie can do for you, ask what you can do for my coochie

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

1 month

don't care + didn't ask + preheat oven to 350°F + mix together 1/2 cup brown sugar + 1 cup granulated sugar + 1 cup butter + 2 large eggs + 4 teaspoons vanilla + 3.5 cups flour + 1 teaspoon baking soda + 1 teaspoon salt + 2 cups chocolate chips + I made you cookies + I love you

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

7 months

cloaca is a beautiful name for a baby girl

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

@solarbrewer these look like coors sponsored elite feet

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

4 months

for whom the baja blasts, it blasts for thee

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

if I die in a car accident instead of marking the site with a cross and flowers please mark it with a 12 foot home depot skeleton

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

5 months

beef wellbutrin

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

NOOOOOOO MY SON

meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

this parenting shit is easy

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

3 months

but those are my emotional support 6 half full water bottles in my car's footwell that crash violently into each other when I brake too hard

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meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

Vlasic - $3.99 Mt. Olive - $4.39 Kroger - $2.99 Best texture/crunch: 1 - Kroger 2 - Mt. Olive 3 - Vlasic (it's not even close, garbage crunch) Flavor: 1 - Mt. Olive 2 - Kroger (but it's very close to being # 1) 3 - Vlasic Overall winner: Kroger

meeka

@MeekyBlinders

2 months

don't text, I'm conducting research