We had two routine dental appointments canceled in 2020 that would have caught my husband’s oral cancer as it grew. We found it in early 2021. He died btw.
At the beginning, 13 years ago this day, and towards the end, just 11 short years later. Looking at my children today with gratitude that we welcomed life into our marriage like there was no tomorrow.
11yo offhandedly mentioned that she always has a poem memorized “you know, like as an emergency poem” and I think that’s the most homeschooled thing any of my kids has ever said.
I told a woman (who I love) on here I would listen to the “holy” rosary. I admit I couldn’t get through it before … I listened to the whole thing and this is how it went below….
Hopefully you can try it make it to the end … it’s rough… I skipped here and there because the
In your charity, say a prayer for my kids who are missing their daddy extra today. It’s been a rough one, and having three separate dad shout-outs during Mass was tough for them.
Requesting prayers through the intercession of St. Thomas More for the judge who will be ruling on the motions filed today in the lawsuit against me.
[Nutshell: husband died, life insurance co sued me claiming he lied on his application, this is flaming malodorous bull faeces.]
May have just saved my brother’s life - overheard him and a friend come home from school, start cooking a snack, and mention heavy cream. Warned him in the nick of time that Mom did the Thanksgiving shop yesterday and opening anything related to such ensures his early demise 😬
A fluently talking 2-3 year old is my absolute favorite person to converse with, because they say every thought that comes through their head with totally guileless facial expressions. Just beautiful, animated, hilarious, budding rational humanity.
2yo: “Mom I’m goin’ ousside.”
“Ok.”
“Wait!! Can I take a oranch??”
“Yep!”
“Can you peew it fa me?”
“…sure.”
“Don’t foghet to peew it ovah da twash can!!”
“Thanks.”
“I wait wight heah.”
“Be right there with your orange, sir.”
“Fanks.”
I am but a pawn in his tiny, imperious hands.
I nursed a weeks-old baby though a homily about how we shouldn’t breastfeed in church. Baby was still nursing when I went up for Communion, because Fr.’s lecture was a good 40 minutes so she was hungry again. He didn’t realize but a Church Lady did and the side eye was intense 🫠
This morning my offer on a nearly perfect house for us was accepted, well before our deadline and with no counter. Unheard of in this market. Thanks honey ❤️
Because, to quote the priest who said Tim’s funeral Mass, death is a cosmic obscenity. Body and soul were created together, and they were never meant to be separated.
Our entire being cries out against that rending, in ourselves and in those we love. We do not suppress it.
Don’t mind me, just crying while I pack the bottles of port my FIL gave us as a wedding gift, with a beautiful toast about opening one every ten years on our anniversary and experiencing the flavors becoming deeper and more complex and beautiful just like our marriage…
@LydiaFrangipani
I’m so terribly sorry. I had to listen to my husband’s appointments by phone as well. They didn’t let me in the hospital after his first surgery, gave him a med he was allergic to for five days while I called frantically every nursing shift. I am sorry you went through this hell.
I wish I could tell her how many times those words echoed in my head, and still do. So many eloquent prayers were sent and said to me that year, and this is the one I find myself hanging onto with my fingernails on the darkest days. God bless her.
Twitter doctors: lol imma do the exact opposite of everything you requested just because you annoyed me by making me read this for three minutes when I was supposed to only see you for one
Also Twitter doctors: wHy DoEsN’t AnYoNe TrUsT tHe heALtHcArE sYsTeM
Just discovered I fraudulently obtained a refund for the carrots missing from my grocery order three days ago when the toddler casually wandered into the living room hauling the bag from whatever hiding place he had it. Dang carrot-addicted ninja baby.
I can’t believe how many men on here are admitting they don’t witness the birth of their children because they’re so scared for and “protective of” their wives. You realize that refusing to face down your fears for the sake of the woman you love makes you a… coward?
Back when T had his first catastrophic tumor bleed, I spent the hospital days sitting in the cafeteria with the baby when I wasn’t in the ICU. Went to get my lunch one day and the lady at checkout said hi to baby and then “is your person getting better, honey?”
@obianuju
Is that the baby she’s talking about standing next to her? Imagine standing by your mother, listening to the shouts of people who would prefer if you were dead. Pro-“choice” indeed.
I hadn’t had time to think about what was happening. Until that ER trip I had thought he was. I stared at her for a second and found myself whispering “no.”
“It doesn’t matter, honey. Because you know God’s bigger.”
Yeah, my kids lost their dad during the pandemic - in large part because of a late diagnosis due to suspension of routine medical care followed by severely botched post-surgical care because of hospital COVID policies. He survived COVID itself just fine.
My amazing grandpa was a homebirth doctor. He did it because he saw the philosophy in med school and he was smarter and more thoughtful than most of his OBGYN colleagues. His three sons followed in his footsteps. I’d have been blessed to have any of them at my births.
Grief is not just lots of crying, it’s stupid and annoying things like not being able to get off the couch to clean up a messy kitchen or completely blanking on a scheduled event. PSA: getting irritated with a grieving person over these things isn’t super helpful 🙃.
Hey I’ll tell ya there’s nothing that makes young faithful families feel understood and served by the Church like watching priests casually do cool things our husbands can only dream of doing because they’re too busy, yanno,,,
working
and
like
being fathers.
Anyhoo.
Two years ago, right before diagnosis, he cleared a spot in the snow to set up a makeshift high-heat grill to sear us some sous vide steaks for Valentine’s dinner ❤️
My kid got two stitches in a quiet ER one Sunday. We saw one nurse and one doctor for maybe 15 min. There for an hour.
Room fee: $1,738
Pharmacy [sutures, one needle, gauze, numbing, smear of Bacitracin]: $110.96
Physician fee: $485
Surgical repair fee: $591
Total: $2,924.96
Toddler took a very unfortunate 5pm nap (which I failed to prevent because… I also fell asleep) so I attempted to sing him to sleep for the night. Backfired because I forgot he loves to sing and he’s now keeping himself awake tunelessly hooting nonsense phrases at the ceiling.
Fresh-ginger hack: get the big thing of organic at Costco, stick it directly into the freezer. It’s way easier to grate frozen, it won’t mold or dry out, and organic means you don’t have to worry about the skin. Fresh ginger tea is magic for the onset of illness.
Toddler has a habit of coming to me in distress explaining his problem with earnest half-gibberish sentences, so I’ll say “show me?” and follow him to the source of the problem. This works great, but now when he needs help he just comes to me and shouts “homie!!”
Been crying for 3 days saying goodbye to various people, picking up my mom tonight from the airport so she can help with moving week and travel with us. This is suddenly very real.
Made a man cry today. He came to tell me how well the kids did on our flight, we chatted and of course a kid listed the events we’d be in town for - “Christmas, New Year and Dad’s birthday!” so he asked if Dad was flying out to join us later and yeah. Worst small talk ever!
So, so tired and emotionally shellshocked, but I got hugged by a million people at Mass this morning and then while I was carrying laundry across the house I spotted the toddler being toted around the yard by his Papa investigating trees. So it’s a pretty good day 😭.
Toddler is eating kiwi for the first time, got some on his arm, panicked because he thought it was bugs, now won’t eat the kiwi because it’s full of bugs. This child can’t be restrained from picking up slugs in the garden, and he’s clinging to my leg to be saved from a kiwi.
My sister came for a week to help pack, we pretty much turned the house upside down and shook it into boxes, stayed up too late, drank too much wine, re-re-re-watched Community, talked about everything under the sun. Made me actively excited to move near her and my other sibs 🥲
I don’t find them hilarious, I find them beautiful. I think they know exactly the vows they made, and this joy in blissful times of goodness and health will help carry them through bad times, sickness, and sorrow. It is bitter cynicism to imply that the happy are merely naïve.
Parents of an old friend of Tim’s showed up to drop off flowers and gifts for the kids, just as I was hauling a (heavier than anticipated) AC out to the garage. The dad helped me, gave me a hug, and said “I know you’re an independent sonofagun, but I’m here to help any time.” 😭
This isn’t just goodbye to friends and places, it’s goodbye to the person I was and was going to be with Tim. Our plans, our home, our future, our community; the thing we were building together. Turning my face away from that path and taking a firm and chosen step down another.
Tim’s headstone was finally placed, on Ash Wednesday. Seeing it for the first time was a swirl of emotions. Thank you all for your continued prayers and support, the kids and I are doing ok ❤️
-Marie
Tim asked me to marry him 13 years ago today. We’d been dating three years, but knew within months that we were gonna get married. The rest of college was excruciating, and we tied the knot five weeks after graduation. Get married young and spend all the time you have together ❤️
I miss partnership with my love so much on mundane weekday evenings. We’d work together on the day’s-end tasks, kid bedtime and dishes and sweeping up, then study or read or work or watch tv together and chat throughout. It was a peaceful hum, now just quiet without the peace.
Overnight plantain leaf poultice drew out a large, deep, partially-healed-over splinter from my kiddo’s foot (she wouldn’t let me touch it, too painful.) I already know this stuff will work but then I’m shocked and delighted anyway when it does. Parent PSA for summer bare feet!
@obianuju
This is what happens when the worth of other humans is reduced solely to how much easier and more superficially pleasurable they make your life. Narcissism at its finest.
Giving kids choices works great until they’re standing in the middle of the family room informing you at 90 decibels that “your options are LET ME CHANGE MY SHIRT or I RUN AWAY!!! Those are your TWO CHOICES!!!”
Had to get out Tim’s phone to find some confirmation codes, and left it on the dining room table. Saw it while walking by a while later and automatically took note of it because “he’ll ask where it is eventually” and caught myself. Rough night.
Kids are listening to an audiobook of a 50s classic, in which both private detectives and a character named Richard are extensively referenced by their antiquated common nickname. It’s a bit jarring.
These two (11 & 9) got a wild idea to make a quilt for a tiny family member and have blown me away with their work. Yes it took me over an hour at Joann sending them pictures of fabric 😂. They learned to use a rotary cutter and knocked out all the cutting this afternoon.
Ya’ll!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳
Radiologist says that the lymph node is slightly swollen in my armpit but that it’s not cause for concern at this time. We are going to do a round of ABX and kind of regroup but THIS IS GLORIOUS NEWS! I thank you all SO much for your prayers! He is merciful!
No I will not stop buying real books because sometimes they have this inside and then I spend a lovely few minutes imagining what these people were like ❤️
I just found out my former therapist, a lovely Catholic woman, died of a sudden cardiac event while at the beach with friends a couple of weeks ago. She was 44. Pray for Angela’s repose.
My family’s airbnbs are owned by a guy who clearly bought a couple houses as an investment, has never furnished a living space before, and possibly lives in a pod? Less than amusing when it comes to 2-in mattresses and a near-totally empty kitchen, but there are some perks.
Stressful travel, forgotten dress, loneliness enveloping me in its aching depths, but my little brother is married and the Byzantine ceremony compels one to stare at the enormity of the marital vow in all its cosmic earthshaking glory. Te deum laudamus.
Sorting seeds after not really having a garden for two years - I started my usual giant flats the month before Tim was diagnosed, most of the ones I didn’t give away died or were neglected. Last year I didn’t have the heart. Just bought four new garden beds and it’s happening 💪🏻
Hi friends, this is Tim’s wife Marie. My love passed into the arms of Jesus around 1AM today. He had received anointing a few hours before from Fr. Augustine, who arrived just as we were finishing up family rosary around Tim’s bed.
Half-acre climate-controlled greenhouse, split into sections with all kinds of exotic edible and medicinal plants. Preferably equipped with an auld Scottish caretaker who keeps everything impeccable while occasionally grousing about the children climbing the banana plants.
@coookwithchris
@bballbrianna
When we lived in FL ours always came with “PET CONSUMPTION ONLY” stamps so we got a couple gallons a week for the house lizards.
…and I was impressed that he 1) had noticed I liked it, and 2) went to the small trouble just for me. I realized then that all the attention he’d been paying me wasn’t by accident. Plus he was tall and cute. We got 11 years, 4 months, and 14 days married ❤️
Thank you all ❤️. We made shortcake together for dessert later, and now we’re watching one of his favorite movies (The Music Man) while I lesson plan and dinner cooks. Cozy rainy day.
Kinda sucks that selfies with my cute baby last year all mark Tim’s hospital stays, and me taking pictures to send him from home or the hospital parking lot. Maybe someday those memories will soften and I’ll be able to just enjoy the baby’s cute face.
See this is where a female shopper would have gone “hm, I wonder if this actually says twelve bananas, and not twelve bunches of bananas” and TEXTED ME TO CHECK 😂
This reminded me about then-new priest Fr Chrysostom, OP, who raced to meet us at the hospital and walked into the ER room for his first-ever Anointing to see T, myself, bed, and nurses liberally splashed with blood. He got it done and didn’t pass out. Quite the rite of passage.
Back when T had his first catastrophic tumor bleed, I spent the hospital days sitting in the cafeteria with the baby when I wasn’t in the ICU. Went to get my lunch one day and the lady at checkout said hi to baby and then “is your person getting better, honey?”
I am grouchy about the fact that searching for a paint by number kit for an eight year old pulls up 90% “for adults” results. Why do adults monopolize what used to be kid hobbies.
TA for my class started her intro with “filthy queer hippy vegan” and I’m conspicuous for not having pronouns in my bio… this is a friggin BOTANY class why do I feel like I have to keep my head down and my lips zipped??
Had a couple of families coming by to care for the cats while we were gone. Get back and the dishes I left are done, floors picked up, a couple of teen boys fixed some falling-down spots in the fence, and a dad fixed the gutter that was hanging off the house. Angel friends.
Mulled wine by the tree with my mama while Dad does the crossword. Peaceful way to end Tim’s birthday - his second not with us and it was surprisingly viscerally difficult. Thankful for my family.
This is your regular reminder to get life insurance now, while you are hale and hearty, before a dentist notes an interesting spot in your mouth and then once you die insurance decides he “diagnosed” you 18 months before you were actually diagnosed.
Accidentally started watching an episode of Suits involving a scumbag life insurance company denying a widower’s claim and now I’m all angry and it’s almost 11pm but I have to finish it for closure 🫠
We were at a school party, in a group of friends, and he said he was getting a soda and asked if I wanted anything. I said sure and he brought back a chocolate milk - which you had to make by finding the Hershey syrup in the coffee shop. It was an extra few steps past soda…
Kids wanted sandwiches for lunch, but all the bread was in the basement freezer - which shares the space with Dad’s workshop. Daughter comes up “Papa said he’ll bring the bread up and don’t worry about it!” Dad emerges minutes later with still frozen solid, perfectly sliced loaf.
Went trick or treating, was laughing w/a friend about the “mom tax” & said hers is always Butterfingers; she loves them frozen and her kids don’t like em. Went downstairs where the kids were trading candy later and her sweet daughter was asking for everyone’s Butterfingers 😭
It’s always in the rare moments when I feel cheerful and bouncy that I find myself unthinkingly going to text Tim some thought. Makes it feel like there isn’t truly healing, only forgetting.
Just got off the phone with Fr. Buckley, who called regularly while Tim was sick and still calls every few weeks to check in on the kids and me. 96 years old and still caring for his former TAC charges from his “burial above ground” in Los Gatos. Diamond of a priest.
@TACollege
Cereal marketers should be charged with false advertising for putting fresh berries on the front of the box. Signed, everyone who’s dealt with an angry toddler whose cereal did not come out of the box with “taw beys innit.”
See the problem here is only having one basket; you need 4-5 and then line/stack them neatly along the hall. This strategy gets me a good six loads before I’m forced to fold anything. Plus the kids can forage for what they need so you can go even longer!
Now in my 30s I finally get why my very busy mom carried a lipstick and always applied it in the car before walking into a business - a nice neutral pink is instant class, even if your hair is still wet or you have zero other makeup on. Confidence in a tube.
Easy: a working single mother “pushed to the limit.” It’s faster for her to do them herself than to teach another person, and they’re probably socially isolated - if there’s no one else doing the dishes, there’s also no one else to teach him. Home Ec classes are a dusty memory.
Realizing that my inevitable arc is to lose 70lbs, grow my hair past my waist, and float skeletally through the apothecary and book shop attached to my house that is open approximately when I feel like it, offering anyone who wanders in a coffee while staring at them unsettlingly
MIL and great-uncle took the kids to the park, so I am cleaning the kitchen, having a drink, making dinner, and singing at the top of my lungs with no one yelling “Mom THTOP!!” Glorious.
This is after a $500 “discount” (reason not given), so technically it’s $3,424.96. Now, of course I’ll get that total down with a few (very annoying) phone calls and a lot of time on hold. And
@SamaritanMin
will cover it. But you guys. That’s so far beyond reason.