10 years ago, I was released from a 3 week stay in a psych ward.
In this video, the 1st in a series of banter about mental health, I discuss my 2005 bipolar 1 diagnosis at age 14 and my dramatic emergence from the silent mental illness "Cabinet" in 2014.
I'm so proud of my dad for finally finally finally starting to share the truth.
He has always stood up to bullies and narcissists and absolutely deserves reassurance and validation for doing so.
We own everything we ever made in Python and I never dreamed that at this age the income streams would tail off so disastrously. But I guess if you put a Gilliam child in as your manager you should not be so surprised. One Gilliam is bad enough. Two can take out any company.
9 years ago today, I left a psych ward following a 3 week involuntary hold & an epic bipolar 1 episode. This is the 1st photo I took
If you also fight MH issues daily, keep fighting. Every moment further from/through your darkest hour is a victory. Don't let anyone say otherwise
Happy Birthday to one incredible dad
@EricIdle
Thank you for never once employing the "cheer up, Squire" strategy against any of my depressions.
You floor me regularly with your patience, empathy, and compassion.
ps. I promise I got you an actual gift (not just a gif)
I’ve been a Bipolar Bear on record for 15 years. My dad & I used “polar bear” as code when I was young.
I introduce you to Bearyl. Bearyl is often misunderstood and made to feel like there’s something wrong with her. There’s not.
(DM me if you'd like your very own Bipolar Bear)
5 years ago, I got out of a psych ward in a Seattle hospital. I never thought I’d get past all I’d done and experienced.
I still struggle on and off with depression & anxiety. To those who also struggle, you are not alone. You are stronger than you know and it does. get. better.
Meet Anathema Device. Much like her namesake, her face gives the impression that it has been put together hurriedly from stock without reference to any plan.
@neilhimself
As always, save a life. Don't be a twat. Adopt don't shop. It's worth repeating:
#AdoptDontShop
The ghosts of 2 people I knew helped me cut up this dress. It was June 2014 & I was psychotic. I knew they were real. I was certain. When recovered, I accepted my delusions for what they were.
Even though something isn’t really happening, it's real to the person experiencing it.
I've been psychotic. I've left reality. I've heard voice & talked to people who weren't with me.
When I saw someone roll their eyes at a homeless person talking to no one, I felt it & I lost more faith in humanity.
Remember: the only reason that isn't you is neurological luck
Depression is a master of disguise. It doesn't always look like what it is. If you are struggling, I urge you to tell someone. Depression wants you to think you’re alone, but if there’s 1 thing I’ve learned since coming out of the mental health cabinet, it’s how not alone we are.
Thank you to everyone who offered support following my anxiety post. The only way to fight the isolationist tendencies associated with anxiety and depression is to support and encourage each other. No one is alone in it. It’s nice to know that.
To celebrate entering my 30s, I took this pic with my finished memoir Episode. Episode tells of my bipolar episode where at its highs I thought I was a fairy and also Queen Elizabeth I (among other things) and at its lows I was suicidally depressed.
So long 20s. You were a lot.
It's the Panniversary. If you are struggling & can't put your finger on exactly why, it's likely in part because a year has passed since things shut down. Be kind & patient with yourself & your mental health & remember that though it may not feel good, it's okay to not be okay.
I drew this in 2014 fighting my way out of my deepest suicidal depression. I had to visualize I was wounded, a bandage on my brain. I hope someday “just cheer up" thinking will end. In the meantime, it's about self-compassion. You can’t sprint with a cast on
#worldmentalhealthday
I made this in 2014 in a Seattle psych ward. I wanted it to include the end of the Firefly quote "can stop me" but I like it better this way. Also Jane stole all the vowel beads.
Psych wards heal injuries just like any other hospitalization. Let's normalize them!
#EndTheStigma
This is Darryl. Darryl is the personification of my depression. Separating myself from my depression this way makes talking back to my negative cognitions easier. When I say “fuck you, Darryl,” I’m not yelling at or insulting myself. This distance helps me fight back.
Social media is a scary place when you're depressed and convinced your every thought is stupid and worthless. So consider this post a symbol, depression. I am fighting back against you.
I present to you "Baby, She Can Drive Your Car." Happy Sweet 16, Morning Glory!
My anxiety can feel like it appears out of nowhere. It seems to just reach in from the void to seize control. I'll be productive and feeling capable and then BOOM I suddenly can't do a damn thing.
@jk_rowling
You’d think a writer would have a better understanding of the nuance behind the word “literally.”
You’d also think a writer would be better than to callously dismiss the pain she’s inflicted upon other human beings.
I guess it was only your characters who had empathy.
I first wore my psych ward shirt 10 years ago. I wasn’t human (I was a fairy princess). Human again, I wore it while writing my memoir. Memoir written, I’m glad it has a new life as a bedbuddy.
It’s taken a decade of meds & therapy but I’m learning to trust my own judgment again
The man who searched my bag at the Paris airport opened this pouch and said aloud "tres bizarre."
Doesn't everyone have 37 pens in 3 pen cups they made from old pill bottles in their carry on?
#bipolar
#upcycling
I colored this in 2014 in a Seattle psych ward to gain entrance into the Butterfly Club. The club included three other women and revolved around making art.
Art is important. Art heals.
Someone I know had a party in LA. When hospitals turn people away, it's not time to prioritize your social life. Let's value life.
I call this "Will and Won't." What won't you give up to save lives? If the answer is parties, you must work on yourself.
Lights:
@PaulCBuffInc
When I was 6,
@EricIdle
dedicated a book called The Quite Remarkable Adventures of the Owl & the Pussycat to me, based on the poem by Edward Lear. For Christmas, I colorized and embroidered an original ink illustration drawn by
@WeslaBayWeller
In 2014, I sat psychotic on a tree stump to remind people I was the Lorax. In September I returned to find life persisting.
Persisting with mental illness is harder than anyone lets on. Recent loss reiterated some don't win their fight.
Many can't ask for help.
Please offer it.
Happy Father's Day,
@EricIdle
.
Thanks for making me laugh since 1990, even on-demand as in this 2006 video.
Thank you also for not taking back the camera birthday present I captured this gem on.
I had to say goodbye to my furry tuxedo baby, Morning Glory. I will never stop missing her.
This was my final serenade to her. "Foolish Games" by
@jeweljk
Yesterday I finished my memoir, Episode. It chronicles an entire bipolar episode. The story flows from stability, up through mania, down into depression, concluding with a return to stability. All retold in painstaking detail.
I feel an electric relief.
I did it.
Nellie Bly's 1887 expose of the cruelties occurring at Blackwell's Island Insane Asylum caused the city of New York to allot an additional one million dollars annually to the asylum.
That's 32 million in 2023 dollars.
Thank you, Nellie. We could use that today.
#EndTheStigma
People say "you're not alone," & you aren't, but it's not convincing when fetal, head on a tear-soaked pillow. My brain lies, saying the ups are fun & the downs are forever. You're not alone in thinking the lows will never end. But trust me - lookin at you too, brain - they will.
I posted a happy birthday pic of
@EricIdle
from when my parents visited me in Seattle in 2014. I planned the photo months in advance due to the “Do Not Idle” signs in Cap Hill. I’m pleased it has 50,000 upvotes on reddit but I just wish I had photo credit
I am thrilled to announce that my memoir “Episode: The Chronicle of an Unintentional Bipolar Adventure” will be represented by the wonderful
@mattbialer
If you’d like to learn more about “Episode,” here’s a handy link!
Very often, my "crippling migraines" that cancel plans aren't migraines at all. It's really depression (&/or anxiety). It's just as crippling & beyond my control. It should be a valid reason.
I hope to someday not be stigma-shamed into a cover story.
#endthestigma
#bipolarclub
Someone summoned the spirit of mental health stigma & cast it my way. I felt surprised like “oh! There are still losers who think like this?” Too bad for you, losers who wield stigma like a sword. We will continue to normalize mental health issues until stigma holds no power.
Christmas can be a charged & triggering time for many mental health-wise. If you are struggling today, know that you are not alone, no matter how alone you feel. Try to talk back to the voice saying you aren't good enough. Today will pass. And I promise you can make it through.
Meet Medusa, the personification of my mania.
Medusa mistakenly believes meds stifle her creativity, knows she's the greatest person who's ever lived, and enjoys ignoring the concerns and pleas to help from her loved ones. In summary, she's a c*nt.
#bipolar
#EndTheStigma
When I needed help the most, I couldn't vocalize why. I wrote "I think I might be a danger to myself" & handed the note to my partner
I made my 3rd PDF, my "You Are Not A Burden" Self-Harm Prevention Cards, so the vocalization of such a painful reality cant obstruct seeking help
Being afraid of happiness is exhausting. I’m terrified joy is just a sign of mania, that contentedness is really illness. It’s honestly debilitating.
#bipolar
@BipolarClubDx
Tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary of my release from 3 involuntary weeks in a psych ward. To mark the day, I turned my souvenir hospital shirt into a dress.
Tomorrow, join this bipolar bear as I share tales of the bizarre places bipolar 1 disorder has taken my brain
#bipolar
I make things & I'm really gonna try to share them. Take that, negative thought distortions!
"Eye C U" Doctor-style Weekender Bag
Handmade out of vinyl
26"L x 13"H x 9"W
Find this honker and many other handmade &/or made-to-order items at
Coming 11/7/23
I’m gonna sleep now so an old white man can break into my home in the middle of the night, steal my cookies, and reverse burgle me.
Happy/Merry Christmas, Twits!
I'm not an actress but I am an artist and also neurodivergent. Here's 120 seconds of the Etsy store video that combo created.
(Cameo by my cat cuz is it really fit for Etsy if there's not an animal involved...)
2nd completed commissioned Solidarity Fist. 100% of the $ from this sale has been donated to the LA Action Bail Fund led by Black Lives Matter LA. I’m still accepting commissions where 100% of money will be donated! I welcome different concept ideas too! :)
#protestart
#blmart
These days it’s hard to tease out run of the mill depression from the crushing weight of fear and despair over the state of the country.
We must vote the monster out. It’s America’s only chance.
#VoteBlue
Lights
@PaulCBuffInc
“No Justice, No Peace.” Available for purchase in my Etsy Store, Miss Idle Hands.
100% of money will go to the LGBTQ + Freedom Fund. LGBTQ people are 3x as likely to be jailed. The impact is disproportionately felt by transgender, brown, & black individuals.
Commissions Welcome.
George, an embroidered portrait for
@puddlespityparty
. Such a lovely subject to embroider.
DM me if you're interested in a detailed portrait of your own furbaby. It's 60+ hours of work that I love doing and I've already got the finger calluses good to go!
I made this drawing for Part One: Falling Up of my mental health memoir Episode. I aimed to visually represent the uncontrollable nature of spiraling up into mania and the elation that accompanies it.
I made a pie chart to explain the psychology behind liking the character Severus Snape. Even in fiction, saying “it’s chill, Harry. I loved your mom. So naturally I spent 6 years tormenting you, her son she died to save” doesn’t warrant universal forgiveness for abusing a child.
Meet Darryl’s BFF Agatha, the personification of my anxiety. Anxiety feels so different from depression it needed its own figurehead. I talk back to Agatha & the separation serves the same function. I can talk down my negative thoughts without insulting or yelling at my real self
Can someone please explain why "Vision" and "Dental" exist as separate forms of health insurance? Did human beings evolve eyes and teeth after the creation of American health insurance and I just have the timeline mixed up?
All too often people say “I wish they knew how much I loved them.”
So if you’re reading this, I dare you to close twitter right now & text someone you love. Tell them one thing you love about them. Yes even if you think they already know.
Cuz depression doesn’t. It never does.
Bipolar Fun Facts: ways my manic self differs from the real Me:
1. I'm a tangential person. When manic, I can't return to the original notion. I think like a line in piece of fractal art, ever spiraling away from the first thought in a swirl of colorful, self-important madness.
Every year, this day brings me closer to the age I never thought my bipolar 1 brain would let me reach: 40
Many of the neurodivergents I know have/had a similar such age
Check in with the NrDs you love. Remind them you love them cuz they might find it hard to get why you would
Here's how absurd our healthcare system is:
In the U.S., it costs $2,000 a month for Truvada, an HIV-prevention drug, but just $8 in Australia.
The greed of the pharmaceutical industry is killing Americans.
No American should pay more than $200 a year for prescription drugs.
No hero rises until a dangerous adversary challenges them. With
#bipolar
disorder, there's a 1 in 5 chance the fatal enemy will be me.
Living with mental illness doesn't mean you are weak. Not at all. It means you never stop rising against a dangerous adversary.
#endthestigma