Kalanick Bot (PARODY) @KalanickBot Twitter profile

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

In shambles

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Last Seen Profiles

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@RachelNels69480

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@P0rnolocke

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@Cdzevkkk

@golveng_hwang

@hfreflection

@mert_mp4

@JeSuisGentiiil

@Cdzevkkk

@pressures_on

@_karin_220

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@mEnablingSummit

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@SulemanSButt

Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@Anndgrim @Sturgeons_Law It’s both excess weight and low body fat. Holding excess muscle isn’t good for your heart and low body fat % causes stress which can kill you

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@proetrie She would’ve been able to find it out herself if she went in the sauna

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@growing_daniel Kanye rehashing Stalin-era conspiracy theories

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

Me asking my Jane Street quant gf for a Model S

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@nolemonnomelon @___frye Pretty much impossible to take the way through Gaza

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@ManletThorin All of my dad’s favorites are bangers

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

Every software team of ricecels and pajeets needs a 6’3” white boy

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

Most correct thing that the Red Scare girls ever said was that modern atomization is good, actually. I like working out alone, coming back to my studio apartment, and coding/playing chess. Beats the longhouse

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@b1ack1iberation

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@SCHIZO_FREQ Know a guy that works as a train engineer. Has killed probably 10 people in his 30 year career. Very cursed job

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

8 months

@FLusitani The power of the T50 Guido stare

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@varunramg LV and Gucci are luxury for poor people. Billionaires wear stuff that’s not branded like Zegna and Cucinelli. SBF transcends this because he’s a shape rotator

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@TurboThaad Tfw you’re forever stuck in middle management

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@thechosenberg Masshole learns about Europoors the hard way

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@ProfessorGeniu5 @SCHIZO_FREQ “I like when we kiss and she touches my pp”

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

Gonna make an easy prediction: David Sacks is Twitter CEO/COO within 6 months

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

11 months

@growing_daniel

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

4 months

@RichardHanania Didn’t even notice that she was saying anything

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@wanyeburkett Food insecurity effectively means “parents choose buy kids chips and soft drinks instead of chicken, rice, and vegetables with the money the government gives them”

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

This LindyMan tweet has completely broken my brain over the last two years. Are the Asian women I’ve liked/dated mid, am I mid? Who tf knows

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@pataguccigoon The PRs that the chick on the left raised are absolutely wild. Like that one team member that fixes linting and spelling errors

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@eigenrobot Getting thrown into a body of water is a hallmark of a good childhood

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

Zuck getting fertility-pilled

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@0xywh0re @thedmorris

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

Affluence in middle America is strange if you’ve never lived outside of a major metropolitan area. There are dudes holding >$5M in pink sheet stocks living like kings in $500k houses. Major downside is that all of the restaurants are bad tho, lol

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

> It’s over

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@SCHIZO_FREQ You never need to ask that as a man. The girl will offer it when you deserve it

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

Excited for the rest of this century. When the EU collapses, you’ll be able to own a small European country. Some rich Catholic American is gonna send a private army to capture Malta

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@aimeeterese Making Jehovah’s witnesses look reasonable

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

Meta hiring again. Zuck going for the YOLO

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@growing_daniel Guy in my hiking group this weekend was explaining his cutting edge opinion that “you shouldn’t get arrested for using drugs in public”. I proceeded to LKY-pill the entire group

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@sanstitre2000

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

This is the greatest tweet of all time

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

Drop the “Credit” Just “Suisse”. It’s cleaner

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

9 months

@ForgottenNemets Afrikaner physiognomy

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@coldhealing You’d also be surprised at how many people think that a stock momentarily going down results in the company directly losing money

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

10 months

@buckadeath By far the worst group of people. I’d rather hang with the stuck-up, country club crowd

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

7 months

@ad0rnai “You’ll be hot and you’ll like it”

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

8 months

@bizlet7 She’s cute

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@zackkanter Whenever you see a hit piece on a businessman that reeks of resentment, it’s guaranteed to be an Andover or Choate alumnus

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@Hellachans “White male”. This is Jewish erasure

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

5 months

When are you getting promoted? My cousin is the same age as you and he is two levels above you

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

10 months

@Porter97977215 This is how my neck started looking after I started dairy-maxxing

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@extradeadjcb He’s speedrunning Gaddafi

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@Baezantium She’s gonna steal my organs while I’m asleep ☠️

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

11 months

@schizarella @hollowearthterf This one too

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@jayriverlong I tried this but every chick I met assumed I was gay

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@proetrie Inside you there are two wolves: Desire for 1) 5’11” Scandinavian model 2) Shape rotating Chinese or Jewish QT

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@growing_daniel @Lan_Dao_ Lots of alpha in this. Nobody wants to date a 35 year old HR manager

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@growing_daniel @nypost You don’t understand, every dog breed has the same aggression. It’s the owner’s training that causes them to be violent

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@YOJIMBO_KING “Lithium residue? SFO airspace *click*. Trails from small cartel planes? Miami”.

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

6 months

@sympatheticopp @getnormality My mom sold my dad cigarettes at a convenience store in college

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@0xSynsitive Looks like he has a minor case of pectus excavatum based on the rest of the picture. Key features to look for are sunken chest and slight bulging of lower rib cage. His case is more mild than mine and not in need of any surgery

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@bbykyoko Pregaming before going to Le Bernardin is the most trashiest thing I have ever seen

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

8 months

@footslurper

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@heitheremedia @VeetosBack Asian guy-Black girl combo has an incredibly low divorce rate. Wat means

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@sub80iq Me crawling out of bed at 1030 AM for standup at my FAANG SWE job:

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@lporiginalg Author of this article:

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@p8stie Yes, optimal ratio of masculine vs. feminine characteristics in men is 2:1. Lift weights, no bed frame, have a skin care routine. Play autistic game like chess, work 60 hour weeks, use BeReal

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

My schizo friend that browses 4chan all day just sent me a message for the first time in forever. “The mailman is dead”. What means?

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@Engineer_Psych @growing_daniel

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

If you have a hint of Scandinavian blood, moving to the Pacific Northwest will reawaken it and you will be unable to make eye contact ever again

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

Me whenever a Peter Thiel interview w/ the Hoover Institution gets published

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

9 months

@Duderichy STEM majors wiped the floor with psych and sociology majors in their own classes when I was in college

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@LoFiRepublican Crowder’s abdomen looks like that of an alcoholic’s w/ <5 years until liver failure

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@growing_daniel Nothing will ever top this. This chick does my Botox

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@Peter_Nimitz Reminds me of this abandoned house in the Blue Ridge mountains. Looked to be an old meth lab. Had a goat skeleton under the back porch and there were newspapers from the 80s all over the ground. Hadn’t been touched in years

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@pmarca But I thought free speech was a right-wing dog whistle?

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@martyrdison Pretty genius strategy for him to post that and have these pics come as a result. 4D chess

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@JennyChachan

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@MainstreamViews The Virgin beat your kids vs. the Chad Time-out chair

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@BjornIronSkull Would also kill Seattle-cels

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@rhunterh This is 100% my experience. When playing in a high skill level game, pretend like you have no idea what you’re doing. Act out of turn, make bets with ridiculous sizing. But if the whole table is playing for fun besides one guy, just play super dumb against him and you’ll win

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

+2σ mfers on suicide watch because their +3σ classmates make more than them now

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@coldhealing I’ve never seen a woman more obviously on birth control

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

11 months

@LRH_Superfan He became a Cuban

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@Ryan_Gasoline This but unironically

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

Michelle Tandler

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

The pull that mid Asians have on a mf

Bizlet

@bizlet7

2 years

LMAO

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@bronzeagemantis The tall, lanky Balkanoid is what the establishment truly fears

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@JamesGringoloco @AmoneyResists And that’s only salary. Most bonuses and stock grants bring average total compensation up to something like 200-250k

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

This will be every non-political science guy’s joker moment

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@edenamrai @LeporidaeHops You can tell she’s malnourished by looking at the hairline. Early wrinkles on the forehead and unhealthy looking hair. Some kind of mineral deficiency is very common in these vegans

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@lonlabe @restoreorderusa I like the version w/ the added picture

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

Vancouver is basically a combination of LA and Seattle but its entire economy is a Chinese real estate scam

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@powerbottomson1 @unironictechbro Wow husbant, you have so much Twitter stock

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@remnantposting Ex-Mormons may be the most cringe of all the apostate groups

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

10 months

@DestroyFash Slovenia mentioned

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

7 months

@Duderichy Doctors are notoriously bad with money. Most $200k people in software are in better financial shape than doctors making $600k a year

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

11 months

@growing_daniel Even in Kirkland

Jonathan Choe

@choeshow

11 months

FURY AND ANGER: I just got out of a wild scene erupting in downtown Kirkland. Pro-Israel protesters are clashing with pro-Palestinian demonstrators. Both sides are yelling at each other. I saw cops with riot gear, devout Muslims praying on their knees, and total rage playing out

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

@BamaExpat Asians know this. Vivian, Sharon, Lilly, Angela

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@typesfast @kamilkazani New sultan of Dagestan:

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

2 years

@powerbottomdad1 It’s the point at which med-school is pretty hard and CS/math is a stretch. Would rather be a 90IQ guy making a living by breaking into cars on market street

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot

1 year

Balaji needs to go to a cabin in Big Sur w/ no Internet for multiple months. Looks absolutely unhinged in his latest podcast appearance

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Kalanick Bot (PARODY)

@KalanickBot