Johnny Riggs 🐊 @JohnnyRiggs9 Twitter profile

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Johnny Riggs 🐊

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22 days

@DiscussingFilm South Park called it Disney has gone way evil

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2 months

@MKUltraMoney

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22 days

@JarettSays Would totally watch the minion voice actors on a split screen. Funny

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4 years

Touch her, goddamnit. Let her know you want her. Do this forever.

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4 years

Let women be sexual in their tweets without feeling it’s an invite to show her your ass or your dick

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1 month

@anactualwalnut Most office work doesn’t need to be done in an actual office building and they’ll say anything to deny that fact but the pandemic proved that commuting to work and sitting in someone else’s building figuring out what the hell you’ll eat for lunch and then driving home and burning

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2 months

@bindureddy How did the world survive without spaghetti dancers you might ask

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3 years

What doesn’t kill you aims to make you suffer

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1 month

@crustaceanfella Gojira always singing about the earth. But like everything else online nobody bothers looking into it. Just a knee-jerk reaction and it’s a big day for metal. First one ever at the Olympics. Metal forever 🤘

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2 months

@Riley_Gaines_ If you’re bleeding like that prob see a doctor

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4 years

Most men don’t understand they’re creepy because they’ve never had to deal with a creep.

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4 years

Sex and drugs is all we have left folks

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4 years

Good morning. Your assassins have failed.

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3 years

Love is gravity. Not a cage.

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22 days

@ClownWorld_ How about we end tips and just pay people like normal

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2 months

@i_zzzzzz Every husband out there rn

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3 years

Remember when life felt like living?

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3 years

Why do people bother backing into a parking spot What are you preparing for

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Johnny Riggs 🐊

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3 years

You know what would make men go to therapy? Having it cost less than a fifth of whiskey

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12 days

@TyphinaRex How else can a pilot buy fancy things for all his girlfriends

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4 years

I’m thankful there isn’t a “who’s online” feature for Twitter.

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4 years

Everyone is mentally ill at this point.

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4 years

Hospitals are overrun so maybe wait to get something stuck in your butt until after the pandemic

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3 years

Trust me when your woman says “Ok wow” she is absolutely not wowed in a good way

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4 years

Twitter: Tell us about your darkest childhood memory but make it funny

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4 years

Everyone is mentally ill at this point.

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23 days

@beinlibertarian Gotta give props to Elon’s gentle nudging to keep Trump on track. I mean this is pointedly open communication and even though they aren’t lockstep I think Elon can change Trump’s mind on the more hawkish views. It’s one hell of a moderation/interviewing task and he’s doing it.

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3 years

Does nobody get abducted by aliens anymore

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4 years

You’re damn right I judge you by your taste in music.

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2 months

@Rothmus Too bad people don’t know it was worse before this regulation happened But then again they probably haven’t cracked a book since school

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2 years

We’re all a bunch of apes clinging to a rock waiting for the asteroid at this point

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3 years

I never got why it’s called “ghosting” because I seem to remember that ghosts haunt and make pests of themselves instead of the opposite

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3 years

Saw a cat licking his asshole for fifteen solid minutes. Thought of Twitter.

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4 years

How do you win this Twitter game anyway?

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4 years

Like you’ve never cuddled with a whiskey bottle before

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13 days

@TheMilkBarTV @salltweets In case he’s wondering how actual women feel about his not “enjoying being in the male changing room” 😒

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3 years

Kill your ego and see the weather change.

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4 years

According to Twitter 70% of people want to be tied up and dominated but 90% want to eat cheese

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2 years

The older I get the more I realize how much grown adults don’t really know what they’re doing

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4 years

Music straight-up transforms my mood.

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3 years

You keep going because you can’t let the bastards win

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3 years

Volcanoes are pissed off because they haven’t had a decent sacrifice in centuries you know

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4 years

Goddamnit woman. You got me all fucked up thinking about you.

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3 years

Tis the season to buy more shit you don’t need with money you don’t have for people you don’t like

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2 years

Death comes for us all. Enjoy the waiting period.

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4 years

Never underestimate what a man will do to keep his woman safe.

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3 years

I didn’t know “perfect for me” had a face until I saw yours.

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3 years

Twitter because there’s no other way to get to know so many Canadians at once

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3 years

Learn how to say no before the yes buries you.

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3 years

She never looked away as I revealed my darkness. Never.

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3 years

Give her a reason to wear her nicest things from out of the lingerie drawer

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1 month

@salltweets This is so gross. Why? Why not actual women

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4 years

My therapist had to rebook my session so he could see his therapist.

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3 years

There’d be a lot less loitering if sharks were land animals

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3 years

You know she’s special when even the neighbors are afraid of her

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4 years

Merry Christmas you fucking freaks. I love ya.

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3 years

I knew I was in love when I started to fear death instead of welcoming it.

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23 days

@salltweets So wait. $100k in wins (hotly disputed by women’s rights in the female boxing category) and now this person is suing two of the richest people on the planet because other people made fun of the whole spectacle? 🤣🤣🤣 Take your best shot I guess

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3 years

Keep in mind there’s no sanity test required to be on Twitter

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3 years

We deserve some fun goddamnit

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3 years

First I gotta deserve you before I can have you

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4 years

Potential cat owners: I love my house but what this place needs is a box of shit

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3 years

If you wouldn’t take a stranger’s advice on the internet then why would you take their abuse

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3 years

The hardest thing is leaving the old you behind

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Johnny Riggs 🐊

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3 years

Hard to believe it’s mass shooting season already

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3 years

Remember when you could buy shit without being bugged for a damn review after? What do I look like fucking Consumer Reports

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4 years

Lady, I think it’s safe to add “psychotic bitch” to your resume

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3 years

People be like “Save the children” to explain their abortion laws but when the parents ask for food shelter or education support the same people be like “Why would I support someone else’s children”

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3 years

Seems awful suspicious that it’s always a “hiker” or a “jogger” finding the dead bodies

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2 months

@bash18c If I gotta reassure you every day of your life you don’t need me you need therapy

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4 years

It hits different when you’re the one getting hit

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2 years

What this place needs is more bees

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4 years

Just watching the neighbor rake all his leaves into my yard, you?

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Johnny Riggs 🐊

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3 years

Look when your girl is showing as typing for like three minutes but only sends “ok” she is definitely not

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3 years

Hating yourself gets you nowhere. Believing in yourself can get you anywhere

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4 years

Save money on your heating costs by setting yourself on fire

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4 years

My sex tape is just me rubbing the sixth coat of wax into a Trans Am with t-tops

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3 years

Isn’t it funny how some people had no idea of the shit poor people go through

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4 years

Sexualize everything ~Twitter

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4 years

People on Twitter all pissed off somebody stole their tweets, motherfucker half of that shit was already on t-shirts

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2 years

Maybe reconsider using “imma” if you’re middle-aged and white

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3 years

Don’t tell me what kind of love I deserve ok. I can make my own mistakes

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Johnny Riggs 🐊

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4 years

Cougar ladies will absolutely do that thing you like but also make you do it too so choose carefully

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Johnny Riggs 🐊

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3 years

Just because you’re loud doesn’t make you right

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4 years

Never date from here. Twitter is the bar where a person takes off the ring and hits on strangers.

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3 years

Fuck your fax.

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4 years

America: it costs $1.25 to add a slice of cheese

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4 years

If we like the same kind of music, I'd probably help you bury a body.

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Johnny Riggs 🐊

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4 years

I was bad, then I was good, and now my motives are questionable.

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15 days

@RosieCotton100 I don’t think half the country understands how right of way works tbh

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3 years

We’re not shaming you. We’re saying you’re a goddamn idiot

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4 years

Fuck today. Sobriety is OVER.

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4 years

Late at night I put on my headphones and let music save me another day.

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2 months

@historyrock_ Love this. That kid will keep playing and keep rock alive

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3 years

So you don’t agree with me. Guess what? You also don’t need to fucking tell me either

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4 years

What do people that put their last name in gothic letters on the back window of their truck want from us?

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3 years

EVER GIVEN directions so bad you got stuck in the Suez Canal and fucked up export shipping in Europe?

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2 years

Just want to get in the car and drive but twenty years ago

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3 years

I traveled many miles but my thoughts stayed home with you.

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3 years

You can bet your ass the women are talking about you in the DM rooms if you’ve shown yourself to be an internet creep

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