John Kelly @JohnKelly Twitter profile

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

The full-page ad on the back of today’s @washingtonpost A section. Sometimes, the print edition is vastly superior to the web. @TheDailyShow

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

@feeonlyplanner @SopanDeb I feel your pain, George.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

Bald eagle named First Lady has not laid an egg, possibly because her mate, Mr. President, is distracted by presence of a second female. I mean, how many metaphors does nature have to throw at us? from @postmetrogirl

The First Lady still has not laid an egg, and Mr. President is still tweeting about it

Experts are not sure why the pair of eagles nesting at the National Arboretum have not procreated yet.

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

When Isaac Newton was quarantined, he invented calculus. When Shakespeare was quarantined because of the plague, he wrote “King Lear.” When I had to stay home in high school because I had mono, I watched “Let’s Make a Deal” and “The Price Is Right.”

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

Today’s @washingtonpost Free for All page is a triumph. Note the letter about Paul McCartney, then note the brief letter at the lower left. Then note everything else. I’m looking through you, Free for All headline writer.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

Julian Assange definitely gonna audition for the title role in the spring show, “Kleenex Boxes on My Feet: The Howard Hughes Musical.”

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

Peter Tork was always the best at doing that rigid pratfall, stiffening his body and falling over like a sheet of plywood. A great physical comedian in this manic show. RIP to the former Monkee.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

8 years

#IfMenHadPeriods Tampon ads would show them happily riding Harley Davidsons in white leather chaps.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

@CarolLeonnig @AshleyRParker Yep. And it will provide a good family story. We still remind our younger daughter about her epic meltdown at Legoland over a waffle cone. She is now an Ivy League-educated attorney (who, it must be said, still struggles with waffle cones).

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

8/ What I will never do is give up my bitchin' Twitter handle. I was here first. Also: Democracy dies in darkness. @johnkelly out.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

2/ I am not THAT John Kelly. My Twitter avatar should be a hint that I am not THAT John Kelly.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

@Brett_Kavanagh Yep.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

The photo of the Chinese balloon recovery reminds me of Copley's "Watson and the Shark" at the National Gallery of Art. left: U.S. Navy/AP right: @ngadc

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

Perspective | What a load of bollards: The @WorldBollard Twitter account celebrates the stordy barriers. Here's my "interview" with the nameless figure behind the account

Perspective | What a load of bollards: This Twitter account celebrates the barriers

“Bollards are the greatest invention of the last 500 years,” says the brains behind the World Bollard Association.

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

10 months

I'll be participating in this strike on Thursday. Shouldn't employees at The Washington Post be fairly compensated for the work they do?

Washington Post Guild

@PostGuild

10 months

Three hours until Washington Post workers start our 24-hour unfair labor practice strike at midnight Dec. 7. Don’t cross the picket line and don’t read @washingtonpost .

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

Looks like my life just got more complicated....

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

7 years

I am pleased to inform you that I have just named General/Secretary John F Kelly as White House Chief of Staff. He is a Great American....

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

‘Surrender Donald’: The railroad bridge over the Capital Beltway that was once spray-painted with 'Surrender Dorothy' gets a political message

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

Beatles-inspired Christmas cards I made my family do roughly 25 years apart. Merry crimble!

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

A lovely farewell from KidsPost editor @CBarronDC . When we launched the page 23 years ago, we heard from so many kids who were delighted and surprised the newspaper was doing something just for them. 1/

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

I wondered what @capitalweather meant by "conversational snow," but now that it's falling, I understand. These flakes just won't shut up. "No two of us are alike," they keep saying. No one said the conversation would be scintillating.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

8 years

@BWDeLanty @ChuckGrassley @POTUS You've tagged the wrong John Kelly.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

Boy, a lot of civil rights PSA stuff in this Super Bowl. But what would happen if a player actually exercised his First Amendment right to free speech?

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

I hereby nominate Yellowstone Bison as @TIME magazine’s 2022 Person of the Year.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

The founders most certainly did intend for DC to extend into Virginia. DC used to include what is now Arlington County and Alexandria. Virginia took that part back so they could maintain slavery there.

Jerry Falwell

@JerryFalwellJr

6 years

My family has lived in VA since the 1600s. VA would never elect people like Northam, Fairfax, Herring, Warner or Kaine without the votes of federal gov employees in NOVA. They are all an embarrassment to VA & the Founders never intended the Dist of Columbia to sprawl out into VA!

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

4/ The other John Kelly may be a great American/lousy American, but if you've tagged me, you're a careless American...

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

@ktumulty Shouldn't it be reclassified under Fiction?

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

The @boyscouts offer a Journalism merit badge. Perhaps @realDonaldTrump would like to read the requirements:

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

Thirty years ago today I started at the @washingtonpost . There's never (well, hardly ever) been a day when I didn't look forward to going in to work.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

Anyone else notice how extreme weather events really started ramping up after the formation of the @capitalweather gang? I’m not saying they have a machine in the basement with a bunch of knobs and dials they turn to drive up readership, but I’m not NOT saying that either. #hot

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

@aubrey_huff You know who married a single mother? George Washington. You may not value him as man, but plenty of other Americans do.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

6/ I am thinking of changing my Twitter avatar to a photo of me standing in front of the White House...

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

5/ I don't know if people complain to the OTHER John Kelly when I write about squirrels but I hope so...

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

Soon, my pretties, soon. #SquirrelWeek is coming.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

1/ Some thoughts on the promotion (?) of John Kelly to White House chief of staff: It's always nice to see John Kellys doing well...

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

I spent years making my long-suffering family recreate famous Beatles album covers for our Christmas cards. Here they are, with our daughters growing from babies to young adults. Happy Crimble!

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

Perspective | UFOs visit Washington in the season finale of ‘Project Blue Book,’ tonight on @history . Show creator @davideoleary says the show was always headed here -- just like the UFOs.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

Wow. This is so reminiscent of how another chief executive takes to Twitter. “Anti-congestion-relief activists”? Are they like the Democrats who want crime? This is not a good look, Larry.

Governor Larry Hogan

@GovLarryHogan

5 years

These anti-congestion-relief activists show no regard for the hundreds of thousands of you who are stuck in soul-crushing traffic every day; even more, they offer no real ideas to solve a public health, environmental & safety crisis that is hurting quality of life in the region.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

8 years

The railroad bridge over the Beltway near the Mormon Temple has new graffiti: "Bridges Not Walls." It's not the first message painted there

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

Roses are red Gym socks are smelly Despite what you've tagged I'm not that John Kelly

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

Nothing brought more joy to "The Joy of Painting’s" Bob Ross than squirrels. Though the artist never painted them on his show -- preferring "happy little trees" and "happy little clouds" -- he loved the critters. A special #SquirrelWeek story.

Perspective | Nothing brought more joy to ‘The Joy of Painting’s’ Bob Ross than squirrels

“This is a happy place,” he’d say as he painted. “Little squirrels live here and play.”

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

I’m glad my wife asked me to pause “Girls5eva” @peacockTV while she answered a work email. It froze with this on the screen, when @SaraBareilles character visits a doctor’s office. I love the specialties of some of the physicians.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

Perspective | ‘Surrender Donald’: The Beltway bridge has a new message. Here's the history of the CSX railroad bridge, from 'Surrender Dorothy' to today.

Perspective | From ‘Surrender Dorothy’ to ‘Surrender Donald’: The Beltway bridge has a new message

Graffiti artists love the CSX bridge near the Mormon Temple. The latest message is "Surrender Donald."

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

Is there parking and an employee discount?

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

Two points if I may: 1. @Scaramucci is apparently gone. 2. I am still not White House chief of staff. But thank you for the shout outs.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

A lot of chatter in the journalism world this week. That's because Squirrel Week begins on Sunday. (An easy way to remember: Squirrel Week starts the Sunday before the @PulitzerPrizes are announced.) #SquirrelWeek

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

7/ Or maybe a photo of me sitting in the Iron Throne from "Game of Thrones." Or in a Nehru jacket stroking a hairless cat...

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

I wish the world didn’t keep providing @MarinaHyde with material, but she’s so good at cutting to the chase — and then cutting up her subjects — that it’s almost worth it.

Yet more disgrace for Trump as the FBI raid Mar-a-Lago. Of course, he’s milking it | Marina Hyde

Law enforcement agents searched the 45th president’s mansion – and gave him another reason to run in 2024, says Guardian columnist Marina Hyde

www.theguardian.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

Perspective | How do you rehang the @ngadc 's massive Alexander Calder mobile? Very carefully. And check out the time-lapse video, compressing six hours into 30 seconds!

Perspective | How do you rehang a massive Alexander Calder mobile? Very carefully.

The National Gallery's East Building is again filled with an airy sculpture.

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

Perspective | One of the last times @artologica saw Gandalf, the white squirrel was standing near his favorite tree, which had been felled for the renovation of Franklin Square. The park's trio of albino squirrels has since vanished #SquirrelWeek

Perspective | Franklin Square was once home to white squirrels. Not anymore.

Albino squirrels may not be as mystical as a white buffalo, but they're pretty darn cool.

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

11 months

A tractor trailer from @amazon tries to drive down low bridge-ridden Rock Creek Pkwy, bringing traffic near the Watergate to a standstill. @STATter911

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

Perspective | Happy anniversary to me! It was 15 years ago today that my column started. I'm grateful to have spent half my career at the @washingtonpost writing it. Plus: It’s time (again) to focus on squirrels.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

3/ I apologize that I have no way of passing your congratulations/tirades on to the OTHER John Kelly...

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

Being mistakenly tagged by @chelseahandler is gonna send me over 5,000 followers. But do they love me or the other John Kelly? (Or hate us?)

Chelsea Handler

@chelseahandler

7 years

Well, we now know @JohnKelly is a racist. Don't know why I thought he was righting the ship, but it's clear this ship is iceberg bound.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

Overcome by Washington baseball fever, I have become obsessed with these photos from the @librarycongress of DC ballplayers, circa 1900. Enjoy.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

Advice from @seananmcguire on how to pick up a swan: Pick it up as if it was a corgi. #NatBookFest #newsyoucanuse

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

Change a letter and ruin a beloved Washington-area attraction: C&O Cabal

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

I went to Chicago. My suitcase went to Charlotte. The @AmericanAir customer svc rep asks me to describe an article inside so bag can be ID’d. “A T-shirt that says ‘Democracy Dies in Darkness.’” “That’s very...specific,” she said.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

3 years

All sorts of #cicada action in my part of Silver Spring this morning. @capitalweather

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

8 years

I'm only watching because I watched the first two and want to collect the whole set, like some horrible Pokemon. #debatenight

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

3 years

Perspective | "And what does it even mean to be remembered by the universe?" When @Geofutures came across a 109-year-old photo, it launched him on a quest to reunite it with a family member -- and sparked a rumination on the nature of time

Perspective | Uncovering the story — and the person — behind a 109-year-old photograph

The photo of the District boy was in a bag full of random ephemera.

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

@Helenhs @TrueFactsStated @CavernariG We have

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

Happy @washingtonpost anniversary to me.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

Hey, OTHER John Kelly: If you really are resigning, make your first post-resignation interview with me. We could call it "John Kelly on John Kelly." Or "JFK on JFK." Or "Frost/Nixon," though, admittedly, that one doesn't make much sense.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

A bass drum for sale at a Michigan Goodwill. I’d just love to know the sort of music The Wolf Toilets did.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

@JamesFallows @farhip @ddale8 I like driving in the UK for the simple reason that it requires me to do something I often don't do in the US: pay attention. Entering a London roundabout in a manual transmission Vauxhall demands every corpuscle of my nervous system. I never feel so alive as when I've exited it.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

On this date in 1989, I started working at the @washingtonpost as deputy editor of the Weekend section. I was 9-years-old. Child labor laws were less rigorous 31 years ago and I was the only person who could fit in the steam-powered editing loom.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

I’m on vacation. I left Washington to visit Switzerland and walk St. Bernards over a mountain. I don’t want to think about anything else today. #stbernards

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

3 years

Perspective | Need a pick-me-up? I defy you to do anything but smile after gazing upon these 37 pictures of squirrels, winners in my annual #SquirrelWeek photo contest

Perspective | Squirrelpalooza 2021: Here are this year’s 37 winning squirrel photos

We narrowed hundreds of photos of squirrels down to these 37 cute, funny, touching pictures.

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

Highlight of my recent vacation: Standing on the shore and photographing a mother orca and her calf as they frolicked off the coast of Northern California. Lowlight of my recent vacation: Realizing I'd just spent 15 minutes photographing a pair of black rocks.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

If the @washingtonpost ad has a robot and a mermaid, I’ll be really irritated I stayed up.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

Get your springtime on. And then go home and watch “The Wicker Man” (the original 1973 one, not the Nic Cage remake).

Washington Revels

@revelsdc

6 years

@JohnKelly , it's the 1st of May. Let the reveling commence! DC families can be a part of the traditional #MayRevels this Saturday on the grounds of @WNCathedral . And yes, there WILL be a Maypole! #CommunityTraditionCelebration

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

I’m so happy for the Nats. My Lovely Wife is on a business trip to Egypt. She watched the game on her laptop. She just texted that she’s crying with happiness. It’s 6 a.m. there.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

The do's and don'ts of social distancing. Be like the squirrels on the right, not the squirrels on the left. Oh, and be sure to check out all 38 of the winning #SquirrelWeek photos:

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

A lot riding on my 1st tweet after yesterday. This seemed safest: Pete the White House squirrel, 1922, from @librarycongress #unhygienic

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

Another kind of October surprise: After waiting months for the right rescue dog to come along, the Kelly family has adopted Archie, a skinny lab mix with a face like Harry Dean Stanton and a serious tennis ball habit

Perspective | Archie and me: Meet the newest Kelly, a skinny rescue dog with a tennis ball habit

We’re still getting to know this 7-year-old (sort of) Labrador retriever.

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

I'm tired of all the shade being thrown at Crystal City. It is what it is. What were you expecting? Beacon Hill? Brick Lane? Montmartre? No one's holding a gun to your head and forcing you to move there.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

In October I invited readers to share their DC bucket list wishes. Cathy Strickler, 74, wanted to play one song with the Natl Symphony. They saw my column and today she played “Sleigh Ride” with @NSOtweets at the @kencen . It was great!

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

"If these 38 photos of squirrels don't make you smile, then, frankly, I don't know what to say." Here are the best images from the @washingtonpost #SquirrelWeek Photo Contest.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

3 years

Tale as old as time...

BBC News (World)

@BBCWorld

3 years

Spanish bishop quits after falling in love with woman who writes Satanic-tinged erotic fiction

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

3 years

Our long national nightmare is over: Squirrel Week XI begins Sunday. Watch this space for exclusive squirrel content. #SquirrelWeek (This @librarycongress photo is by @CarolHighsmith , taken at Brookgreen Gardens in South Carolina.)

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

I hope someone is working on their Sexy Rule 5.09(a)(11) costume for Halloween.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

10 years

Julie Gibson was an "exotic" dancer who stripped her way across Washington. Nixon was a fan. http://t.co/QGxlzM4puz http://t.co/42yxMbmq3K

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

3 years

Screw it. I’m putting on the three-hour fire log, the expensive one that crackles. And then I’m gonna sit by the window and imagine that my only responsibility between now and spring is to tend the flames.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

3 years

I'm so glad that instead of wasting time brewing beer at home as a hobby, I decided years ago to refine my own gasoline. I use responsibly-sourced, organic crude oil to make small-batch high-octane unleaded, decanting it into amber swing-top bottles and gluing on my own label. 🥳

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

3 years

A great Letter to the Editor in today’s @washingtonpost

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

Squirrel-eka! Scientists at UK's @SangerToL have sequenced the genetic code of the squirrel. Two squirrels, in fact: red and gray. Now you can build your own squirrel in the lab, though that's not what they plan on doing. #SquirrelWeek begins today!

Perspective | Squirrel-eka! Scientists in Britain have sequenced the genetic code of the squirrel.

The 10th annual Squirrel Week begins with two dead squirrels outside of Liverpool.

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

So farewell @WaPoExpress . Tone is the hardest thing to get right in a creative endeavor— whether it’s a novel, a movie, a feature story or a tabloid newspaper— but you nailed it from the very beginning. Washington will miss your friskiness. We need frisky.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

And because everyone needs a smile, here's a photo (by Vickie Baily) of the owlet at Redgate Park in Rockville, Md. #chonk

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

3 years

People like to humiliate their dogs when they’ve done something bad but I thought I’d praise mine. I came home to find he’d folded the towels and emptied the dishwasher. Good boy, Archie!

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

When I was a kid, I was led to believe that I’d see a lot more dogs running down the street with a string of sausages in their mouths than I’ve ended up seeing. #KidLifevsAdultReality

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

Perspective | I kick off #SquirrelWeek 2022 with a look at some squirrel stories you have have missed, from an unusually large squirrel in Ohio to a meth-addicted "attack" squirrel in Alabama (allegedly)

Perspective | Kicking off Squirrel Week 2022 with some squirrels in the news

Short Tail, Little Buddy and Deeznutz are just a few of the squirrels making headlines around the world.

www.washingtonpost.com

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

9 years

Five years ago 10% of men's dress shirts were slim fit. Today, half are. End the tyranny of the slim fit shirt! http://t.co/sKsHPcOEZi

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

4 years

It is now sunny outside in DC, marking about the 10th weather change today. So far we’ve had rain, no rain, thunderstorm, spring, monsoon, temperate, intemperate, gully washer, scorcher. I expect we’ll soon be experiencing sun dogs, which is sunlight refracted thru ice crystals.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

7 years

As awful as things seem in the world, we must take some consolation in the fact that at least the Yankees are not in the World Series.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

The OTHER John Kelly is back in the news and I'm again experiencing a blip of mis-tagging. It's a good time to remind people that THIS is what I'm about: Squirrels, squirrels everywhere! Here are the winners of our annual Squirrel Week photo contest.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

Uh oh. John Kelly Twitter is heating up.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

2 years

KidsPost may not have moved the needle in a way that moves the bottom line, but maybe it planted some seeds along the way. If just one kid who read it grows up inspired to be on the Supreme Court -- or to share a pizza with her friends -- can we not consider it a success? 11/end

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

6 years

This text message really gave me a start.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

November: that time of year when you’re reminded that every single overcoat you own is missing a button and you had eight months to sew them back on and you didn’t.

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John Kelly

@JohnKelly

5 years

Perspective | If you read one story today about baby squirrels getting their tails tangled together and the people who untie them, make sure it's this one. #SquirrelWeek continues, ready or knot...

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