John Heffron @JohnHeffron Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@AndreaInApnea

@lovsgrimes

@bluwhaleai

@Pashlim

@scala_lang

@forestgonnadie

@NCFC_Nick

@JavierDeAndres

@MIA_139

@SwitzerTx

@Svine_uskocna

@Tumi_Gladee

@nogachannel

@wrldofdai

@Y63PwY073otIve0

@RYOTA_Equal

@lchann11

@mferstokens

@LPP2014

@MrBeast

@POWAWA117

@Left2DP

@TravenL

@Ekkhard

@SwgDarkside

@sportbillysays

@k57232390

@BrawlStars

@Kanami_Bubble3

@CNB_Media

@GloblDocuments

@fallonhewitt_

@YzypC4F02T19136

@Pure_RomanceXXX

@BinorRaja

@ZvikaKlein

John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

Hey @espn can you replay Avalanche–Red Wings March 26, 1997, @DetroitRedWings

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

Everyone should refer to their family as “The Firm”

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

@JimGaffigan Feels like the bachelorette party was kicked out of the club.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

@funnybrad @TheEllenShow Dude been thinking about what you have done all day. Amazing. Please try to make some of the money go to counseling. The joy of Disney will go away. Coping skills are needed for life. Love you for what you have done.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

10 months

@PopularLiberal He didn’t protect children at Ohio state . That’s all you need to know about him. If you support that . That’s all we need to know about you

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

5 years

So we are at about 3 moths. Since I got bell’s palsey, which is basically your brain telling your nervous system to unplug your face for 30 seconds and see if it reboots. Def not 100% better but I have so much gratitude it’s healed this much in such a short time.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@Santos4Congress @PeteButtigieg When are you going to meet the people of your district? Asking for a well .. all of them

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@RonFilipkowski Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

At this point I come to Twitter to retweet @RexChapman

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

@chrislhayes It’s like when someone is reading rules to a Board game no one has played before.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@laurenboebert Turn on the news pretty big shootings happening at @michiganstateu if you want pictures

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

If you lied about a mom dying in 9/11 you should stfu about almost anything in life. Ps are you going to pay that lady back for the lipstick money you stole?

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

@richardmarx Sade, the rest of the list is also Sade

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@RonFilipkowski Will they be throwing paper towels?

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

7 months

@roywoodjr There are mail box stores that use the name .. how did that pass HR

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

@bertkreischer @joerogan @JoeBiden @realDonaldTrump With one ad for “flesh light” right before Like the early days . I also want @redban brining up @olivegarden

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

@CNNPolitics If we stopped testing for poisonous ricin , then we wouldn’t have packages with poisonous ricin. So simple .

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 months

@DonaldJTrumpJr Was he afraid to debate ? I haven’t been following . But everyone can agree someone who wants be prez should debate .

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@Twitter Let’s move on.. show me an example .. let’s move on… don’t you wish you can do that in a relationship argument

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

This reminds me of when I was in school. And after my report My teacher would say. "John you didn't read the book did you?l #debatenight

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@laurenboebert Why do you hate Michigans upper peninsula?

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

7 years

@jaketapper @POTUS @JudgeJeanine Who was "project manager? On this?

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

7 years

So sad to hear about @Ralphie_May Rest In Peace Ralphie.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

5 years

@roywoodjr I know some cities you could just take an Uber in? Might save you and having to give away 50% writers credit.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

7 years

@LindseyGrahamSC Can we bid on the position on the Kushner eBay page?

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

I have reached an age where I notice Gas in #DieHard is 72cents a gallon.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

@AnaCabrera @kaitlancollins Weird I’m watching a lot of TV ,frustrated , and No appearance scheduled.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

6 years

Hey @AriShaffir didnt you get kicked off for longer? and you didnt tell people to take up arms. @bertkreischer

CNN Breaking News

@cnnbrk

6 years

Twitter suspends far-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones from its platform for one week

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

10 years

Pinky and the Brain Tumor #RuinThe90s @midnight

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

6 years

Is the only way to get more twitter followers is to fight with people? I don’t have that type of time or energy.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@MammothNationUS I don’t know one person who is furious.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

6 years

@AynRandPaulRyan ??

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Hey @SarahPalinUSA i know a lot of soldiers with ptsd that don’t hit women. #parenting #upbringing

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

@bertkreischer Trying to decide if I can afford tickets to your show or a 3 person dry sauna .

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@marklevinshow Why can you have a public opinion but he can’t ? Should he just do a podcast then it’s fine ?

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

2 years

@RitchieTorres You don’t pay for those tours . You get a lessor vessel to text you what door is unlocked . Ugh .. freshman

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

Guy at store rolled his eyes at me. He didn't have a mask. I did. He had on LEE Jeans. That says everything about his decision making skills.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

10 years

My dentist told me i need braces/invisiline. Am i dick for thinking my parents should be paying for this? They have had 40+ years to save

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

7 years

@Trevornoah someone needs to buy him that Amazon echo so he can ask Alexa

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@tedcruz

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Pretty sure not having the right workout clothes is what held me back last year.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

9 years

Just started watching that daredevil series so far it's pretty badass

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

@RexChapman @TitusNation I ate one of these and drank a Hawaiian punch every day for lunch in high school.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

Spent NYE alone . If you did . Know we need the time to rest. Things are about to get awesome.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

10 years

Hey #Canada on Tuesday, December 30th at 9:00pm #JFLonCBC , @CBC @Just_For_Laughs @JimGaffigan http://t.co/95jdfYtGbx

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

2 years

I asked for .0005 more cents . All my albums taken off . Guy who sex traffics minors all good. @Spotify

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@MrBeast To old for this survey. Dang

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

Do churches next .

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

Too many Universities and School Systems are about Radical Left Indoctrination, not Education. Therefore, I am telling the Treasury Department to re-examine their Tax-Exempt Status...

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Does Pence have to help Trump sell merch after the show.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

Hey remember in 2019 when a bachelorette party was Annoying at a comedy club . It’s still a thing in 2021

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

That’ll do 🇺🇸 That’ll do.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

7 years

@JoyAnnReid He has no employable skill. He’s not going to become a Horse ridding instructor.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

9 months

@scrowder @realDonaldTrump It’s almost like they have always been a thing .

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Thank you @SantaMonicaPD for saving many lives today.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

5 years

Get ready for the Heffron serge @JimGaffigan

Jim Gaffigan

@JimGaffigan

5 years

My new comedy special QUALITY TIME is NOW streaming on @PRIMEVIDEO . Check it out. Please tag or share with friends who might want check out Quality Time.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

Anything for you Sal

Sal Vulcano

@SalVulcano

4 years

The #ImpracticalJokers Movie hits theaters THIS WEEKEND. Tickets for all 240 screens ON SALE NOW. If the movie does well we will open in more theaters the following weekend. Help us #BreakTheBoxOffice & get the movie to other areas for fellow fans. Please spread word & RETWEET!

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

Although it’s been said many times many ways.. Merry Christmas.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

2 years

@RonFilipkowski Same sentence. Over and over

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

2020 has been a battle for most. This morning I received a gift card for @Arbys from @kathleenmadigan . Today there is calm and Arby sauce .

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

9 years

Thank you @TampaImprov for a great week. THIS WEEK Des Moines FUNNY BONE

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

These both came out today. 35 years ago. So, my guess 35 years ago. I was at a mall. #breakfastclub #VisionQuest

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Rip Prince. You couldn't have been a bigger part of my teenage years. Thank you for your gifts to the world

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Hey Go see Orny. This weekend

Comedy Castle

@ComedyCastle

8 years

This weekend's lineup is @Ornyadams , @bigmacher & @FamousKramis . You better be here! 🎟:

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

If you made Jello with fruit in it . Take it out. Nobody likes it.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

@JimGaffigan I was thinking about starting a George recount re-enactment group.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

I’m starting a company called also self defensive forks that are dipped in CBD.

bert kreischer

@bertkreischer

3 years

Yo - hit me up if you’re doing big things with forks. Small batch Artisanal forks, I’m looking to get into my own fork they take with me everywhere, next level shit!!!

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

5 years

@pattonoswalt Not only do I agree. I have a flannel shirt tied around my waste. Listening to this

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Guy on news, just said The Caucasians are out to get Chris Brown. I can honestly say, as white dude, his name never comes up for anything.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Congrats @jimmypardo you are this weeks comedian sitting behind me.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@SenTedCruz What about the head of education . Never teaching or having a degree in teaching . Or having kids in public schools? You prob thought that was wrong ? Ill google if you said anything ..

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Prince has Kept Trump off of @CNN and put Music On @MTV #RIPPrince #purplepower

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

Hey @disneyplus if everything starts burning down after Tuesday. Please just Release all the @themandalorian eps. It is the way.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

@redban Seems like 100 years ago

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

. Thinking as my eyes well up about the moment we had GothamComedy Club when I thought you said “I’ve just decided I’m not having any more kids “ and I said something meaningful . And you said “what the fuck . I said I wasn’t having any more tequila” rip @VicHenley

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

5 years

Hey everyone you should follow an amazing human who does alot of great work and a friend of mine. @KimEGoldman

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

10 years

Classic John Pinette ------ Original Chinese buffet http://t.co/xE4EIUdkPh

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

2 years

This pic is of one of my greatest mentor and friend at one of the greatest clubs ever @ComedyMagicClub I smiled so big when I saw it . @AlonzoBodden

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

9 years

So is boxing officially over now?

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Well I guess now that Sesame Street is on @HBO they can address the "Its bad to grab pussies" thing.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

5 years

@genesimmons My mom gave me this before she passed I think it’s true

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

10 years

Hey @HISTORY more #WorldWars type stuff less pawn stars type stuff

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

Hey @netflix please create a "if they're whispering" automatically turn volume up "if there is shooting/fighting" turn volume down feature

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

Great idea. You should do this here.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

6 years

Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention You see us as you want to see us… In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is not one of us want to be shot . Sincerely yours

CBS News

@CBSNews

6 years

A Pennsylvania high school will issue more than 200 detentions to students who walked out of school as part of a nationwide protest against gun violence:

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

9 years

A generation doesn't know how much @ScottBaio dominated battle of the network stars. @GilbertforMI http://t.co/6yZew5JXnm

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

True fact: This guy was in second position to play @LukeCage but couldn't get out of this holding deal. #Debates2016

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

I think of this joke all the time . Just at random moments @RockSolidShow

Better Than Ezra

@betterthanezra

3 years

We are saddened by the news of Norm Macdonald. He was a hilarious man and an absolute legend. Thankful to have been the inspiration behind one of the “Best Weekend Update Jokes of All Time,” according to the internet. Rest In Peace Norm, and may your jokes live on forever.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

I’m confused: People who say “It should be ALL LIVES MATTER” Included everyone. r same people who get pissed when peps say “Happy Holidays’

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

7 years

@bertkreischer @JonReep you guys are so fucked up. Love it. SecondShowAdded .

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

7 years

Merry Christmas 🎄🎁 and Happy Holidays, to all those that are not bots!

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

5 years

Hilarious I thought I could help @joerogan with his twitter numbers.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

1 year

@laurenboebert And don’t show their junk to kids

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

I see the trend with comedians is naming their tour . Look for my “There was a fall out, can you do this date tour “ Coming to your city .

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

8 years

And that kids, was what it was like for parents to travel with children before the iPad #GOPDebate

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

3 years

Comedians in Detroit this weekend @billburr @natebargatze @bertkreischer and me ! My show @ComedyCastle will be the one with no bus in front of it .

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

10 years

im excited to see everyone but me!. @joerogan @TheComedyStore @redban @TonyHinchcliffe @iliza @JohnHeffron http://t.co/IaOc90ZO1L

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

6 years

Dear all Companies: if someone is calingl your customer service, thats means something went wrong, which means, they have spent more time then they wanted on the issue. So lets assume they dont have time for a ”Quick” Survey after the call.

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

@theSamParr Face moisturizer. And prenup

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John Heffron

@JohnHeffron

4 years

Waiting for these results , reminds me of the wait time when you stole songs/porn from Lime Wire.

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