Isaac Hirsch @IBHirsch Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 months

I need to publicly apologize to the Wizards for stating they haven’t won 50 games in 50 years on Jeopardy. They won 54 in 1978-79. I love you all, please send me a signed Anthony Gill jersey

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

@yashkaf @QiaochuYuan What they don’t have is $100,000 given to them by their parents

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 months

The words “appears to be” are absolutely cutting me like a knife

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 months

I’m just a little guy

Jeopardy!

@Jeopardy

4 months

The Tournament of Champions has a new competitor and it's Isaac Hirsch! 🎉 #Jeopardy !

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 months

I don’t want to get too political but I think it was pretty rude for President Biden to preempt Jeopardy for a press conference where he said I “must be stopped” as Jeopardy champion and that he would “shave (my) mustache off” with his bare hands

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 months

MAN WAKING UP FROM A FOUR YEAR COMA: wow. I can’t wait to see what’s new on Quibi

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 months

Don’t cry because it’s over… smile, because you’re better at math than I am

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 months

All the time I spent waiting to go up at open mics… I should have been studying geography

Ken Garr

@kengarrwastaken

4 months

@IBHirsch has finally broken even after 7 years of paying for open mics. Congrats!

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

2 years

@AmySilverberg There was a guy I saw at open mics when I first moved here who was a “well regarded storyteller” who had a story that was just about him sexually assaulting a woman

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

10 years

Mike was just a normal guy living a normal life *record scratch sound* ...until his record player stopped working

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

Hello Mister Police. You know I had to do it to em. I gave you all the clues

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

1 year

@Senn_Spud It’s Ken’s fault because he says that Durant is overrated and then KD shows up and they spend the rest of the movie arguing. I loved it

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

8 years

@Mobute somewhere there's a war victim in South Sudan going, "at least I'm not a conservative scholar in a liberal university system"

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

WELL-DRESSED BUSINESS MAN: I'm a busy guy, always on the go-- but there's always time to (pulls out Nature Valley bar) make a huge fucking mess

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

Ah yes, there's that icon of responsible, competent gun ownership, Elmer Fudd

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 months

@emmabaccellieri I had to ask my girlfriend if there was anything else interesting about me after the last tape day and she said “didn’t you play Jeff Goldblum in a water ballet?”

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 years

Six months ago, I decided that I was going to put on 30 pounds of muscle this year. I haven’t really gotten around to it so these are just two photos of me side by side

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 months

My big takeaway from this past week is that if I were both single and not straight I would be having a really good time right now

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

2 years

hi I’m a comedian who posts clips on Instagram every day because the algorithm demands it. in today’s clip, I sneeze onstage and then say “whoa I just sneezed.” nobody laughs at any point in the clip

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

5 years

I’m in a very happy relationship, and you can tell because I’ve literally never tweeted about it

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

I'm havi👏🏻ng real 👏🏻👏🏻 troubl👏🏻e clapping👏🏻👏🏻to the👏🏻beat

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

10 years

damn they must really want their clothes back http://t.co/656Bc8Ua8p

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 months

a rare interview with the increasingly reclusive Isaac Hirsch

What is...? A Jeopardy! Podcast

@jeopardypodcast

3 months

The 2024 WIAJP Player of the Year: Isaac Hirsch. Our new friend @IBHirsch joins us for an extensive interview about his comedy career, ToC prep, his poor math skills, and most importantly, about becoming a gay icon. Apple: Spotify:

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

This girl on Tinder wants to be in a big budget movie someday but is also openly a white supremacist who hates Jews. Bold strategy

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 months

@Jeopardy Yes, very… weird

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

8 years

Looks like somebody lost their V-card!

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 months

@MattModderno I’m an occasional BulletsForever commenter

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

5 years

“Who’s on our lineup tonight? Doesn’t matter— our audience is hot as shit”

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

If I had a billion dollars, I promise I would never post on this website ever again

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

1 month

Replacing my doctor with a machine that cannot correctly identify how many times the letter R appears in the word “strawberry”

Derya Unutmaz, MD

@DeryaTR_

2 months

This is the final warning for those considering careers as physicians: AI is becoming so advanced that the demand for human doctors will significantly decrease, especially in roles involving standard diagnostics and routine treatments, which will be increasingly replaced by AI.

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

10 years

Looking at car listings for $1000 is like reading little short stories with twist endings like "no engine" or "needs doors"

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 years

I encourage people to go through my old tweets. There’s nothing offensive but maybe you’ll like one

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 years

@megindurti Hopefully she’ll shout out her brother who pretended to be black to get into med school

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

@yashkaf @QiaochuYuan It’s absolutely about the parents, dude. Congrats to him about being fairly self-aware about his privilege, but this degree of navel gazing about it is tacky and people who’ve been broke their whole lives are of course going to mock it

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

11 years

For sale: baby shoes, adult shoes, baby and adult clothing, come on down to Kohl's this weekend

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

10 years

"These Are Improbable Names for Rappers" by Yung Law School ft. TRACHEOTOMIE$ and Police Officer

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

2 years

Tonight, The Chase. ABC. I have gained 30 pounds since this photo was taken

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

(drunk guy trying to order at Taco Bell) uhhhh yeah lemme get a

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

5 years

Last night my gf discovered my old DeviantART and found this piece I posted when I was 13, called "AIM Guy... fat" It's the funniest thing I've ever done

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

Finally, the Charlie Sheen/Whoopi Goldberg/Luis Guzman 9/11 movie we've all been waiting for

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

DOCTOR TO TWITTER USER: you have ADHD, which encompasses every negative personality trait you can think of. Unfortunately there’s no cure and you cannot be held responsible for your actions or ever improve yourself

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

Oh, you use Twitter to tweet? How quaint. I use it to get mad at people I've never met

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

1 year

love how innovators are describing as “turning (industry) on its head” like it’s good to turn things on their head. it’s bad to turn things on their head. “meet the pediatrician turning babies on their heads”

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

Oh me? I live in United Sta, United States

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

"Hey buddy, I just won 134 million dollars. Here's 130 dollars, mostly in 10s."

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 months

In my opinion this isn’t true simply because it’s far more embarrassing to see a group of five adults unaware that they’re bombing rather than just one

romy rhoads ewing

@romyewing

3 months

bad stand-up is way worse than bad improv in the same way that premeditation makes something murder instead of manslaughter

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

Watching the pilot episode of Last Comic Standing and there was a surprise Dan Nainan appearance

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 months

don’t know what I was thinking posting this Facebook status when it’s clearly a tweet

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

would have a lot more respect for the President if he replied to one of his tweets with "holy shit this took off"

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

This comment is from a debate on a YouTube video about whether someone should have gone all-in in a poker game

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

Robert predicted Pizzagate well before it happened. Is he a globalist or just prescient?

Robert Benfer

@RobertBenfer

10 years

First Watergate. Now Gamergate. I hope Pizzagate is next. I'm hungry!

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

Tired of walking the beach in Malibu only to be hit in the face with yet another free spirit's ashes being scattered

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 years

We were so close to a world with “Shaun Baun”

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

this is still the best stand up post I ever made on Facebook

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

2 months

One nice thing about AI is that it has decided to credit my grandfather with discovering calcitonin, something the medical establishment refuses to do just because he technically didn’t

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

5 years

Imagining a Parts Unknown-style show hosted by a 9 year old. Villagers in a remote Andes outpost serve the host an unusual goat stew, and he asks them if they have Mac & Cheese

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

I’ve met so many people in Los Angeles who serve as cautionary tales against letting an objective lack of success go to your head

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

Recently appeared in a Facebook commercial like this, so if you're wondering how much it costs for me to sell out it's about 150 bucks before taxes.

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

It didn't work

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

5 years

I’m really hoping the movie has a bunch of normal looking actors and then a CGI James Dean who looks like this

Alex Weprin

@alexweprin

5 years

"This opens up a whole new opportunity for many of our clients who are no longer with us,"--Mark Roesler, CEO of CMG Worldwide, whose company controls the likenesses of Burt Reynolds, Christopher Reeve, Neil Armstrong and many others.

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 years

As a thin man, I’m very proud we dominate eating contests. All the fat guys are overconfident, because they’re the best at eating they know. The thin? We understand that eating is work

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

8 years

@RoboRosewater did you guys know "Magus Hatser" means "Could not translate tweet" in Estonian

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

DATE: What's the last book you read? ME:

shanley

@shanley

7 years

you're out here "reading books" so you can "be smarter" that's NEVER been a fucking problem i had. much the opposite

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 years

Look I made a bunch of money in crypto and my advice is do not learn anything about it at all, go in totally uninformed, and just do whatever your friend Dan tells you to do

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

when your roommates keep stealing your food

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

10 years

Man murderously angry about bad Columbo cinematography http://t.co/Vf5z1PG5di

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 years

LAPD Chief Moore retired for a couple weeks to collect a 7 figure pension, and then became Chief and now earns both the pension and his salary! Very interesting!

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 months

Twitter is still fine as long as you don’t look at the replies to literally anything

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 years

One thing I like about Twitter is that it insists on showing me the same ten users I don’t follow every day whose tweets make me angry

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

10 years

[Giving a TED talk] the world is a vampire

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

The police show up at my door. “Mr Hirsch, your heckin wife-arino has been turned into a smol puddle. She was run over by a huge chungus. We are sorry for your huge L”

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

Imagine an alternate reality where there are juggalos but for Third Eye Blind

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

5 years

Can’t wait to meet all the guys inspired to try open mic comedy by the new Joker movie

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

Congrats to my dad, the new comedy editor at Vulture

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

1 year

Finally got an invite to Dwibbl, so you can follow me on there. You do have to do a little JavaScript coding each time you send a Dwib and they have to be in all caps for some reason but hopefully this is the thing that kills Twitter

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

5 years

strolling around my old college campus with my girlfriend, pointing out every new building or store that has changed. “that used to be a UPS Store,” I tell her. she has never been more thrilled

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

In my experience, people with ADHD

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

7 years

KID GIVING A SOCIAL STUDIES REPORT HE DIDN'T PREPARE FOR: louisiana is famous for 3 things-- fried chicken... chinese food... and... donuts

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

5 years

The referee in Air Bud is bad at his job

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

1 month

The biggest argument against AI isn’t some dystopian vision of the future, it’s the present. Think of how much worse browsing the Internet is now than it was five years ago. Every major website, from Google to Facebook to this one, is filled with meaningless slurry now

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

5 years

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and kept trying to remember the name of the new Bond movie while half awake. Here’s what I came up with

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

Netflix has a crazy amount of money. They should just start giving stand up specials to random people. Not random comedians, random US citizens. You have a month to prepare and in exchange you get 3000 bucks. Netflix does not help you prepare in any way. Incredible content

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

4 years

We’ve cracked this baby wide open. Bill Gates went to the patent office in 2006 and said “I’d like to patent this disease please”

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

3 years

Can’t believe the current employees of the Starbucks I used to work at in Maryland 6 years ago were not fascinated by my stories like “this store used to look different” and “a guy named Jeremy used to work here”

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Isaac Hirsch

@IBHirsch

6 years

Throwback to when my mom texted me from physical therapy and coldly roasted me