Halfsies @Halfempty621 Twitter profile

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Halfsies

3 years

So this is one of my favorite stories to tell. I warn you ahead of time it is gross and involves a spider. Two things I would like you to keep in mind during this story is that I hate spiders and shitting in public. These are key to the story. 1/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

Imagine giving a fuck someone was shoplifting from a corporation. Imagine giving enough of a fuck to chase them. Imagine giving enough of a fuck to shoot someone shoplifting from a corporation. Imagine giving enough of a fuck to shoot a pregnant woman shoplifting from a 1/

Shannon Watts

@shannonrwatts

1 year

NEW: A Nashville Walgreens employee pulled out a pistol and shot a pregnant woman he says he thought was shoplifting. Doctors performed an emergency c-section; both the woman and her baby are in critical condition. The employee is claiming self-defense.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

This is, without a doubt, the most boomer shit I've ever seen

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

"aMeRiCA isN't A rACisT cOUnTRy!!!1" Oh yeah? What does your grandma call these?

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

Idk who needs to hear this, but God damn are older women hot.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

Corporation. Look man, gun people don't want to hear it, but the vast majority of folks who carry are hoping to play hero and shoot someone one day. When I carried I considered it a sacred obligation to avoid conflict if at all possible. I would eat shit sandwiches 2/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

To add onto this I'm going to give you guys the secrets to getting with literally almost any woman you want: 1. Take the things that are important to them seriously. They don't necessarily have to be important to you. You don't even have have to agree with her views on them. 1/

Terrance Avery

@terrancesavery

1 month

Can't believe this needs to be said but it is 2024: if you aren't having sex but you'd like to be it's a skill issue. Go watch 600 pound life. Those people are having sex. Stop being a nerd and just have sex.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

@shelikessharks We had one last year that got all up in everywhere

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

From people I NEVER would have if I was unarmed, because I knew that every confrontation you have when you're armed is literally two steps away from a deadly force situation. The fact of the matter is most of these people are constantly afraid or have a hero complex 3/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

Usually both. And all of them would benefit far more from a boxing class than they would from carrying a firearm. Hell, most of the people I know that carry don't go to the range often enough to be a benefit in the ultra rare situation that required a gun. Most 4/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@SabioScientist My apologies for making your world a little bit worse, my friend

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

Of these people are delusional when it comes to the skills and circumstances required to shoot someone. 5/5

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

@bad_takes

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

Just understand that they are important to her and shouldn't just be dismissed. 2. She's not free labor. If you're an adult man that can't cook, do dishes, do laundry, or any of the other basic life skills you're not ready for a partner. Learn how to do those things first, 2/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

Boy, that's a little on the nose.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

And cultivate the discipline to do them regularly. Women want teammates, not coaches. This applies to kids even more. They're 50% your DNA, that makes them 50% your responsibility 3. Treat her like a full human being. Her life outside of you is just as important to her 3/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

Full send lol

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@Halfempty621

3 years

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

As yours is to you. Give her the same support in her life you'd expect her to give you in yours. 4. Your insecurities are not her problem. You need to work on your own shit, just like she needs to work on hers. Applying ridiculous restrictions and controls on her 4/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@JaneTea4 Yes you did

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

Just because you're scared in some deep dark corner of your heart isn't the way. 5. Take care of yourself. Wash your ass, trim your fingernails, don't do gross shit. Take a fraction of the time to look good as she puts in. 6. Learn how to do something. Sure, you might 5/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

Is treating them like they're some kind of separate species with all these exotic demands. They're people. Treat them like people. You want a chick that can cook, fuck, supports you, all the while looking good while they do? Try being a man that can cook, fuck, be supportive 12/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

Alpha shitheads will laugh at this one, then go home and make a bunch of knuckle children into a dirty sock. But this is the way. Learn to appreciate and more importantly, express your appreciation for the softer, beautiful side of life. Make funny faces at the baby staring 7/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

Where she wants to be kissed, and treat your orgasm as the reward you give yourself for giving her her's. In summation, most dudes out there are selfish and incompetent. This list came out way longer than I had anticipated, but none of these items are hard, and 10/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

And look good while you do it and you'll be amazed at how far you get. 13/13

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

At you from that strangers baby Bjorn, fawn over those kittens, stop and admire the beauty of a flower. Not only will it make your life better, it opens you up to being able to bond with her on levels most men close themselves off to. 8. I touched on it earlier, 8/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

Find that dream gamer girl that falls in love with you for you Smash Bros. ability, but you vastly up your chances of finding and keeping someone if they think you're interesting. Giant bonus if that something is useful. 7. Get in touch with your feminine side. All these 6/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

Adopting even a handful of them will put you fucking lightyears ahead of most dudes on the market. And if you can't remember them, the golden rule never fails, treat women the way you'd want them to treat you. I think one of the biggest disservices we do to women 11/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 month

Both in learning life skills and learning a hobby, but learn how to cook. Seriously, it's the biggest cheat code available to dudes, and anyone can do it. 9. Learn how to fuck. Not just how you like. Learn how to turn her on, learn how she likes you to go down on her 9/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

@SweetieWalker

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

@livedawg2021 @lakewitchhouse

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

From a local cesspool Facebook page. Behold, the dumbest shit I've ever seen!

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

4 years

@RockwellNormie @fMRI_guy @joshtpm

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

@CaligirlLeftie And yet some how they continue to make record profits

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

I will continue to shout from the rooftops that the American mythology is the most dangerous ideology in the world.

Ron Filipkowski

@RonFilipkowski

2 years

Emperor Desantis gives his absurdly false version of how he expects history to be taught: “It was the American Revolution that caused people to question slavery. No one had questioned it before we decided as Americans that we are endowed by our creator with unalienable rights.”

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

I'm over being civil. If you're upset over Bud Light it's because you're fucking stupid, end of story.

Jason S. Campbell

@JasonSCampbell

1 year

Benny Johnson: "You will kneel before us and you will apologize. Until then, no Christian, no person of faith, no red blooded American -- if you have red blood in your veins, then you do not buy a Bud Light product"

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@PinstripesGWeb Unfortunately that describes all too many folks, whether they realize it or not

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

What if we just rounded up everyone wearing body armor or an AR in public and sent them over to Ukraine. They're obviously looking for some operator shit to do.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

The same people I can't trust to wear a mask want me to believe I can trust them to carry a gun.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

@SerTophamHatt

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

@bitchbi45

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@Halfempty621

5 months

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@Halfempty621

2 months

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@brollbenny Apologies for making your world a little worse

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

20 days

Dave is dead on here. I've known plenty of these CCW sheepdog fucks and they're fucking terrified. They're constantly looking for the opportunity to play hero, and by hero I mean filling something with bullets. Weak men should stay weak men, not be given the tools 1/

dave, aspiring peasant 🌳🦫🐺🦉🌲

@aspiringpeasant

20 days

I think most people would be legitimately surprised how passionately the Sheepdog People want an opportunity to kill someone. They will take any chance they get because they're scared of everything and everyone and cover it up by "STANDING OVERWATCH" in parking lots.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

"Scientific concensus was less about what the hard data said, and more about whatever a bunch of weird white dudes with sexual hangups figured was right." - @IwriteOK on the history of sexual health science.

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@Halfempty621

1 month

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ragga

@Ragga0

1 year

@HumansNoContext

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@TimmyzBeach Easily the worst tree nut

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

5 months

Day stared with a good cry and ended with a good toast. I miss you boy, thank you for making me a better person

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@Halfempty621

3 months

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@flemsha Apologies

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@Halfempty621

2 months

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

4 years

I gotta put my best friend to sleep today, guys. I'm fucking gutted.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

I know travel is supposed to remove prejudice, but I am going to be totally honest that being in SE Asia has deeply reinforced one stereotype for me: white people really don't season their food.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

Man, I just don't get it. I'm pretty hard-core 2nd Amendment but I just don't understand the obsession. A gun is a tool. If people acted this way with other tools we would rightly think they were fucking weird.

Thomas Massie

@RepThomasMassie

3 years

Merry Christmas! 🎄 ps. Santa, please bring ammo. 🎁

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

Talking to a good friend about the emotional fallout of her kid's first mass shooter drill and I would just like to take a moment to say fuck you to everyone who just accepts this as the way it is.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

Personally I think there are a lot of factors here. Hurt from 9/11 and the military hero worship that came with it are the biggest factor. GWOT also made the military look cool. But I think where things get most confusing is Iraq. 1/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

@mama_c2 I figure the real hotness starts mid to late forties and goes on from there

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

I feel this in my bones

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@mistressmatisse Sorry for making the world a little worse for you

Brazil nut - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

@dalepartridge

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

Lol he had an American flag on his sleeve, what a shocker. If you see someone acting like this in public you have a moral obligation to beat them

chris evans

@chris_notcapn

3 years

Are white men okay?

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

Not everyone missed her 😉

Micki Witthoeft

@michellewittho1

1 year

Ashli Babbitt Loved - missed and remembered every day 💔❤️‍🩹❤️

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

Currently behind a truck with one of these in the back window. I cannot begin to articulate how badly they've missed the point.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

Several people on this flight have removed their mask and I feel like I should be legally clear to belt them in the fucking mouth

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@Halfempty621

5 months

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

@tedcruz

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

4 months

Skills that will be completely useless when a 16 year old clips me from the bushes with a .22 as I leave to go to the grocery store

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

@always_broncos It's absolutely insane. But considering people that carry are still people, and most people are stupid shit like this will become far more common

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@Halfempty621

2 years

@NataliaAntonova

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@Halfempty621

2 years

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

Little man has been having some problems with bullies recently, so my ex and I decided now is a good time to start teaching him how to defend himself. I've made sure to begin and end each session with the rules for using violence: we never hit people over words, 1/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

I own a bunch of firearms. I've had my CCW permit, been to multiple training courses for them. They are a tool, and a far less useful one than a hammer or screwdriver. People who have made guns their entire personality are doing incalculable damage to this country.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

What the fuck is this???

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

@xtinariechelle AFAIK most major retailers are the same

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

Making some coasters our of scrap cedar tonight

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 months

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

This is why we keep our hands to ourselves, children.

Coochie Mane

@ImperialRocket8

2 years

@To__Legit2Quit Fixed it

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@Halfempty621

2 months

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

CCing your boss on an email to a coworker is an act of war.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

11 months

They've chosen a new Grimace!

New York Post

@nypost

11 months

Purple haze! Maine residents baffled by mysterious magenta vapor filling the sky

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@Halfempty621

4 months

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@_AmandaKerri 🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀

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@Halfempty621

1 year

@AlbertPlant531 Corporations literally write the law through lobbyists. Grow up

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@Halfempty621

2 years

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

People treat sex workers like we haven't all been selling our bodies 40 hours a week for most of our lives.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@Martin5Zeb Unfortunately

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

So that Brazil nuts post took off a little bit, and I wanna take some time to address a couple of points that keep coming up from the smooth brains that show up in every comment section involving race in America. 1. "Maybe just your racist family called them that." 1/

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 months

Ladies please, for the love of god DO NOT FUCK HIM IF HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH THESE

Duchess Anna of Banana 🍌👑

@duchess_banana

2 months

Fellas, thoughts on stretch marks?

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

@IwriteOK

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

@KnowThySelFV Then I guess I'll have wasted a life of treating people kindly. If that sends me to hell then we have the kind of God that doesn't deserve to be worshipped.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

6 months

Alaska is a mother fucker. There was a boating accident last night here in town, 3 injured, two still missing. I know people like to give them shit, but the Coast Guard is a fucking blessing and does more good for the average American on the daily than any other branch

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

@KatjasTeaTime After following her

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@Halfempty621

1 year

@richnear

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 years

One thing this Game Stop story has proved is that I do not understand the stock market.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

2 years

Finally got my bidet installed. I will now only be shitting at home, or in the homes of other civilized people.

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

3 months

@SabioScientist The more you know....the sadder you get lol

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Halfsies

@Halfempty621

1 year

Lots of vax/antivax talk right now, so I just wanted to clarify my position on all this: If you're antivax you're fucking stupid . You, Rogan, RFK, and Deuce Bigelow can all eat shit, you fucking dummies.

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