Greta Hayer @GretaHayer Twitter profile

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Just going to put this over here… #amquerying

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

I hate being a writer. I had to describe someone to the cops and I was like, “he looks like his father has money,” “smells of cigars and whiskey,” and “has an arrogant chin”

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

If you’re writing a book, your house is allowed to be as messy as you want

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

4 months

@missmulrooney Once i met a small child in a fabric shop and we were just looking at patterns and stuff and her mom came looking, calling her “Greta! Greta!” And i was like what? Im Greta. Anyway i think of that little Greta and hope her life is good. (Related but unrelated anecdote)

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Editing my book and I can’t believe I wrote the exact phrase “dark tunnel of darkness”

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

This is the most attention any of my tweets have gotten so I want to say: I’m querying a fantasy novel and if you’re an agent think I’m see cool please let me know and I’ll send you my book

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Serious question: what if my main character brings a goat around with her for like half the book?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Feeling dramatic so I’ll say it—i don’t know what I’m doing wrong as a writer. I write a ton. I read even more. I have strong short story pubs. I have a great query letter & my readers say I’m “so close,” yet I’m STILL struggling to get an agent after YEARS. Why is this so hard?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

First full request of the year!! ✨✨✨

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

2. Fuck off if you say I shouldn’t have gone to the cops. I was low-key assaulted I want to catch the guy and bring him to justice. I’m using the tools we have available, even if they’re broken tools

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Wow I’m never tendered before and it’s amazing and overwhelming! So many cool writers have seen my tweet and it gives me hope that I *can* write something people are interested in! A couple things before I go: 🧵

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

There’s a famous self help book writer in my restaurant, and she’s being quite rude to her server

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

3 years

I’m on a quest to get published in every animal-named lit magazine. I already got @okaydonkeymag . Just a menagerie to go! Please recommend any animal-titled mags for me!!

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

1. Seriously, I #amquerying ! Please let me know if you think I’m funny and want to read a dark Swan Lake retelling and or a book with dragons :)

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

3. If you’re a writer, follow me! I almost always follow back and I love connecting to other authors. I tweet lots of cat pictures and writing bullshit 💖 Ok, muting now. Love y’all 😘

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Are u having a good NYE or did you get too drunk and start thinking about the library of Alexandria and now you’re crying?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

What if i started a discord for sff writers and agents and we did pitch stuff and helped each other with our wips, etc?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

3 years

@jzux The only thing that works for me is to pretend they’re dead. Mourn them, but don’t interact AT ALL if possible. Block them on everything. It sucks so much for 2 weeks. Then it sucks a little less. By the end of a month, it’s almost ok Heartbreak is so hard & I wish you the best

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

@LastObjects A man took his penis out and peed on me in a crowd of people, including kids. I filled a police report

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

If i ever write a vampire book, my vampire will not be cool and sexy - they will be super weird and constantly making jokes and references that no one alive gets

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Very excited to announce that anxious fretting apparently works, because “How to Determine if Your Grandmother Has Been Replaced by a Fairy and What to Do About It” is going to appear in @thedreadmachine !!! 🖤

Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Guys, im so nervous

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Had a dream an agent with my full tweeted “nothing in my inbox motivating me. Gonna pass on all.” So yeah, querying is fun and healthy and not hurting my heart and mind one bit

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

I’m going to ask for a raise today. Please pump me up

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

3 years

Three rejections this morning :/ please compliment me or my adult son to cheer me up

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Today I’m officially changing the name of my novel to THE WEDDING SWORD. I hope this appropriately mysterious and intriguing 🌹🗡🖤

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

The only way to get this hat back to New Orleans is to wear it through the airport…dare i?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to come right out with it… I’m a red head now

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

3 years

I sent my first short story ever into @PodCastle_org 10+ years ago, back when I was in high school, & today I get to announce I sold a story to them!!! Dreams come true!!! Thanks so much to the editors and the whole @EAPodcasts network for teaching me to being in magic✨✨✨

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

So I just rejected an offer from a lit agent. I feel a little weird about it because I’ve wanted an agent for so long, but I know in my heart that she isn’t the best fit. My rejection is a vote of confidence in my work—I know a better offer will come. I believe in my book. ✨

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

@etran3 My mom would say “if you’re bored, you’re boring” and so i had to make up weird stories to entertain myself 😅

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

@LastObjects Sorry it’s not a fun story it’s semi traumatizing

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Today, I got three really kind, personal rejections that all asked me to submit again. Come on guys just say yes

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

In 2022, i didn’t get an agent (my goal) but i did read 164 books and wrote 341,241 words, and about a third of those pretty good if i say so myself ✨

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

She’s just a little book cat

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

the moral of my book is that a journey isn’t about the dragon you kill at the end but the friends you fucked along the way

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

The Matt Bell total rewrite method really works! I cut 700 words from my notorious 12 page fingering scene, and it’s tighter than ever!

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

How come nobody taught me sooner that the cheat code for liking the parts of your body you feel weird about is getting a tattoo there

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

I can’t wait until I’m a popular enough author that people will tweet about my book being one of the worst they’ve ever read

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

I don’t want a job i just want to learn things and make art

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

I was rude to a group of French people a week or so ago who wanted to buy out the restaurant with zero notice and I basically said “You can’t afford it. Guess what? They were trying to rent it for president macron

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Why did my parents encourage me to be a writer?!?! I have no marketable skills

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

I don’t care about traditional gender roles. Which one of you carries the lizards outside safely in a cup and which one thinks the cats deserve a little treat?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Just kidding—couldn’t stay away. If you’re a local nola writer, you should follow @thirdlanternlit for events and the chance to meet other writers! And if you’re a cute girl who likes tattoos, follow my super cool, deeply underrated sister @hotcheetovirgin

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Just got an email that a magazine wants to translate one of my stories!!! I’m crying!!! Incredible!!

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Me: my book is so good, so beautiful i can’t believe it came from me. Can’t wait to query Me 2 minutes later: this is the worst book in the world; no one should be forced to read it. I’ve wasted my life Me another 2 minutes later: oh man this book is gold

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Back on my bullshit (writing about fairies in bars)

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Has anyone written a story about a bunch of fairies trying to run a restaurant, preferably in New Orleans, or am i going to have to do it?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

This is the cute face of a writer who really wants a lit agent

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Me every time i have to leave the house

Nerd Girl Says

@Rachael_Conrad

1 year

Thinkin’ about this pony working up the courage to jump over a tiny step

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

I’m starting a new book and i want my characters to have ridiculous, relatable pet peeves. Twitter, help me out

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Wow i wrote 82k words in exactly 3 weeks

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Hard at work

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

3 years

Woke up to a partial request from a super legit agent. I think 2022 is going to be my year ☺️

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Probably the best week in my writing life: Reprint read on @PodCastle_org 🏰 New short story @thevanishpoint 🔭 And a weird little flash @EthereaMagazine 🦾 Oh and also a mysterious email from an agent with more details coming soon ✨✨✨

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

3 years

Two years, zero regrets ❤️ happy anniversary, my love

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

No costume just truths

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

If you’re traveling for a funeral you should get free booze on the flight

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

I don’t want to be dramatic but @mdbell79 ’s total rewrite changes everything. This is the beginning of the scene where the queen asks Rothbart to help her convince a child, first try and then new version. Neither are perfect but one is closer

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

I lied to my boss and said I couldn’t work tonight saying “i have to help with my husband’s popup” and guess what? Now i really do have to help with the popup

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

How drunk can i get? (Complication: my boss is at this bar)

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Work selfie please validate me

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Turns out the secret to writing is keeping your phone just out of reach

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Why are people so mean to service industry people??!!! This bitch told me I need therapy tonight because I told her we’ve been closed for half an hour when she asked what time we closed

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

It would be about three months old, just a normal baby goat bleating around

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Hanging out at the second most beautiful hotel bar in the city

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

3 years

Ahh I just sold a story!! Crying but happy

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Just hit 12k on my new project, a regency romance + magic with lots of marriage proposals, rides in the park (chaperoned), rides in the park (unchaperoned), and various ballroom shenanigans. Wish me luck! I’m not ready to give up on this one yet!

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Very tired of querying. How else can i get a book published? Is there like a shark tank style gameshow where i can make my pitch and publishers can negotiate with me directly?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

3 years

Ecstatic over my @flashfroglitmag acceptance today! Adding one more animal to my menagerie of lit mags and couldn’t be happier ✨

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

I can’t believe i made a character that likes birds. I don’t even like birds. Why am i forcing myself to research birds?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

POV you’re a Victorian orphan asking for another bowl of porridge

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Good morning the best hat

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Mardi Gras Goth 🖤🖤🖤

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Putting my pitch out there soon everyone can pressure me to finish writing: In this enemies-to-lovers, Dungeons & Dragons themed romcom, Penny suffers under the pressure to live up to her family’s high expectations, but only feels like herself when she’s playing D&D. (🧵)

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

I did the thing I’ve been threatening my male managers to do for months— i got tampons to keep in the host stand for employees and guests

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Today i wrote 1000 words, queried 10 agents, and kissed all my cats. A very excellent day. Can’t wait to see what comes next

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Just finished my @mdbell79 -style total rewrite, and the new and improved THE TALE OF TALES clocks in at 82k words rather than an unwieldy 114k. The plot is tighter and forms a more natural arc, there are fewer and more complicated characters, and I’ve even added a dragon✨🗡🥀

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

The querying trenches are rough rn. I need a short story acceptance to light my way 🕯

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

@AlisonAgosti My parents called my aunt’s live-in boyfriend her butler so that we children would never know they were “LIVING IN SIN”

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Happy anniversary, my love ❤️

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Writing a book is kinda easy. Writing a good book that makes sense, carries emotional weight, and is enjoyable for readers is very, very hard

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

My book asks a truly important question: what if Death was hot?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

This is the face of a cute girl with writers block

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

She’s sleeping 💕

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Some of my favorite books this year 💕

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

In bloom 🌸🌸🌸

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

This is a picture of the highest extreme of love a human body can handle

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Ghost cat

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

Holy shit, I love books so much 😭

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Finally feeling good enough to go into public. Being sick sucks

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

I sometimes wonder what judgments people based on my pink hair, and today a stranger asked me if I had a light for their joint to celebrate their dog’s bday, and that’s a stereotype I can live with

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Today i should find out if i got that raise or not. If i didn’t get it, I’m going to put in my two weeks. Anyone know any cool jobs hiring right now, just in case?

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

Today in the saga of rich people problems, apparently our soap is “too slippery” and our fault that they lost their wedding ring

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

I know I’m about to get my period because i started weeping thinking about a restored Victorian boat (the only one left of its kind 😭)

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

I’m meeting with an agent this afternoon (!!!!) someone please tell me what to wear

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

I can’t believe they were just giving these away last night

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

3 years

Really lovely rejection from @uncharted_mag_ today. I’ll definitely be sending them more weird stories in the future in hopes that one of them sticks 💖

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

1 year

I remember in high school i tried to diet really hard so I’d look good in a super tight shirt i loved. Went back to my parents house and found the shirt in my old closet. Friends, i skipped meals to wear **this**

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

There’s some discourse going on about “age appropriate romance” in books, and i just have to say that my parents never talked to me about sex so i had to figure it out from reading vampire books 🤷🏼‍♀️ Smutty books > abstinence only ignorance

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Greta Hayer

@GretaHayer

2 years

She’s beautiful

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