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Eric Keith Profile
Eric Keith

@EricKeithMystry

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Eric Keith is the author of the mystery/suspense novel, NINE MAN'S MURDER. Used to design logical games and puzzles. Currently looking for a literary agent.

http://t.co/3KLte7s5lP
Joined February 2011
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ً

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@GKSTychy1971

@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 months
@NatashaCL7 Can't, I'm vegan.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
@ImBrittanyEvans I'm bi: I like pepperoni and pineapple.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Hugh Laurie
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Replacing the tubes in your television set.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 years
@NatashaCL7 My wife who is reading this.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 year
Fish wants to learn how to swim. How can her friend teach her to do something she’s been doing all her life? #PBPitch
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
7 months
@lyssasphere That's why I leave it home.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 year
@lyssasphere Hell no. You're exercising and eating right.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 months
My wife has a book in the SCBWI Crystal Kite Award. Any SCBWI member can vote in each category. Her book is BUSY FEET and is the last entry in the California/Hawaii section. Check it out. All votes are welcome.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Cat Stevens. Hey, I don't criticize your diet, don't criticize mine.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
7 months
@NatashaCL7 Just remember that I'm the one who put the "dope" in dopamine.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
I saw a book in the bookstore called, “Ventriloquism for Dummies.” Shouldn’t it be for ventriloquists?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
10 years
I just landed a role on a television show. I play Times New Roman. Typecasting.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 months
@NatashaCL7 [Too scared to say "yes"] No.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@lyssasphere Because you're watching it.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 year
Billy is despondent after losing his pet chicken. He asks each of his friends if they’ve seen her, but before they can tell him she’s on his head, he interrupts. Will Billy learn to listen, and find his chicken? #PBPitch
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 years
@LarkynSimony
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 years
The Daylight Savings Act is a bill whose time came an hour ago.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 year
@tamsully12 Sophia Loren.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
@JJRossReaders Who cares? It's just a Home Depot display model.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
I gave up being obnoxious for Lent, and then I forgot to change my clock for Daylight Saving Time. Hence, my silence.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 The Barbara of Seville.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
My psychiatrist says I’m overly skeptical. I doubt it.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Yes, and they always scream, "This stall is occupied!"
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Laundry day. (Washingtons of clothes)
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 months
At my age, on July 4 I celebrate In Depends Day.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
@jesswho82 I am ecstatic to be married to the most wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman on this planet. I think that's what she told me to say.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Chromosome X
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 years
2020: Me: Hey babe… Girl: Ugh, stay six feet away and cover your face. Years prior to 2020: Me: Hey babe… Girl: Ugh, stay six feet away and cover your face.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 years
You can prevent Covid by graduating high school. It gives you diploma-tic immunity.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 year
Mongo Monkey likes playing practical jokes on his friends. But what happens when they decide to turn the tables on him? #PBPitch
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 years
@tattooed_bee Australian... Oh, sorry, I thought you said Bee Gees.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 year
I thought Elvis was the King.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
My wife told me I’m losing my hearing—or asked me to get broccoli from the store, I’m not sure which.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
@IOScheffer My betas devoured the book, along with the fish food.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
9 months
@TheNicole_C Stop dressing in fatigues.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 month
@NatashaCL7 She'll outgrow it when she becomes more humble.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 months
@NatashaCL7 Too late for me to do "mid."
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@DesideriaMesa No, their boyfriends kept beating me up.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
10 months
@CrissieC How will caressing your husband make you sleepy?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 years
@NatashaLink1 @jillnicolez She told you not to mention phone. And while you're at it, will you answer it, it's ringing.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
@IOScheffer I tried that with a book of mine, but it tanked.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
10 months
@NatashaCL7 Good, because I just ran out of tenderizer.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 years
I just can’t win: Wearing a mask has improved my social life, and then they come up with social distancing.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Actually, in my state it's illegal to eat attorneys.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
@KarineWrites The blood of my foes. (Too much GOT)
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
8 years
Third month of the Amnesia Club’s first meeting: Still introducing ourselves.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 years
@NatashaCL7 Because it's illegal to hire a hit man in Oregon.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
@KhuDesiree @ImBrittanyEvans Of course not. I make Brittany get her own pizza.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 years
@AlyssaGoodwitch 6 or 7 in an hour. 8, if someone removes the wrappers. (You may be too young.)
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 years
I used to have first-grade friends who would help me with my homework. I was in tenth grade at the time.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
My wife says that I should still wear a mask in public, so that other people don't get sick. To their stomach.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
19 days
@lyssasphere My wife doesn't seem to have any trouble.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
Not to brag, but I just spoke to a pretty woman who told me she wished I wasn’t married: My wife.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Can't you just give your children normal names?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 months
@lyssasphere Legs: the things people stand on.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
How cool is it when you ask your kids to do something, and they actually do it? Asking for a friend.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
@Stephie_Lark Ask my wife how her day was. You're welcome.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
7 years
I signed up to be a professional philosopher but I failed my metaphysical.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
My doctor just prescribed some pills for my pharmacophobia (fear of taking medicine).
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 You've quit smoking just in the nicotine. Sorry.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 months
@lyssasphere Lucky? What are you talking about? I'm already a fossil.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
[Job interview] Interviewer: Weakness? Me: I’m a pathological liar. Interviewer: Really? Me: No.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 year
@tamsully12 @RealJamesWoods Gives new meaning to the term "armed robbery."
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
11 months
@NatashaCL7 That's how you found me.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 years
I am sick and tired of people telling me to wear a mask. Since I was 12.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Hi
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
7 years
My wife and I just renewed our wedding vows. Apparently I had let mine expire.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Give him singing lessons.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
When we got married, my wife’s name got legally changed to mine. I hate being married to a girl named “Eric.”
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@KaylaChowShow Hope. Oh, you said wrong answers.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 years
My wife makes me wear a mask. She even makes me wear it outside.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
Obnoxious Neighbor: My son’s reading at a fourth-grade level. What about yours? Me: Second grade. Neighbor: [Smirks] Me (shrugging) Latin is a difficult language.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 A "t." I'm a little drunk.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 It's ketchup, okay?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 year
@KupcakeProse If you die, can I have your licorice?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 years
@alyssaforkwitch All of the thyme?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
“Shake what your Mama gave you.” Me: How do you shake chronic guilt and an inferiority complex?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
7 years
Psychiatrist: I think you’re imagining things. Me: I want a second opinion. Wife: Who are you talking to?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 Sure, tri tip or ribeye, either is fine with me.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
9 years
#WW @aeTyree @foulplayauthor @seams16 @elocio @cindyoherman @danipmystery @stacey_wilk @EvPowers @Sarafurlong @RebeccaTLittle @Smart_Reads
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
My wife made a voodoo doll of me and just ignores it.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
@thisonegirlamy Stimpy. Then you'll have Kylo Ren and Stimpy.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 years
@LarkynSimony I think I have Covid. I'm starting to like Nickelback and Peter Cetera. Isn't one of the symptoms of Covid loss of taste?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
I broke my nose this morning sniffing a donut. Right before the car ran over it.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
11 months
@NatashaCL7 Yes, nothing is all it takes to stop me, too.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I chose the last two weeks of 2061.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 years
@NatashaLink1 @eschieb What do you mean, as if?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
@NikkiFantasea That would never've occurred to me.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 years
“Let me call you back.” Me: I’ve been called worse.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
10 months
@NatashaCL7
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 The god Ra promised them free burial, but Egypt 'em.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
3 years
Just read your bio. I hope I'm not one of the people you like to cook. Wait, I misread that. You said "for," not "four." Sorry.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 I'll whine anywhere.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
1 year
@NatashaCL7 Okay, I'll try to tweet you less.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
7 months
@NatashaCL7 What makes you think it's an adjective?
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
5 months
@NatashaCL7 Please, it makes me nervous when people stare at my profile pic.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
6 years
My body is a temple. The Temple of Doom.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
4 years
@NatashaLink1 I haven't spoken in 40 years.
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@EricKeithMystry
Eric Keith
@EricKeithMystry
2 years
@tamsully12 It tastes like chicken of the sea.
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