Eephus Tosser @EephusTosser Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@yeliz_kaan_ap

@DCMS

@BmmwLKuOBQeYsmq

@scoe100

@jcliff42

@jxyl33nn

@ChrisUnits

@isocksNft

@DCI_Kenya

@mc_math17

@Angel_2Die_4

@bokeplokalmalam

@ShuraVAL

@kcjhour

@AgathaL76

@Tess_Lucia

@_Kinato

@rahef_z

@momonogikana_mg

@DCGSSport

@Banteer_LyreGAA

@RyanBasi

@AnthonySingler8

@YeidosFr

@xbt_capital

@ppissu2

@racheleroyale

@wkana762620

@Dite4Africa

@heyMAKWA

@BinorRaja

@hindnurse

@Sal_Dillon

@xbt_capital

@CLESTIAMOUR

@StephNBATS

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

8 months

Dylan

@PowellAnalytics

8 months

If there were a “Sports Twitter” Hall of Fame, honoring the best sports-related tweets of all time, what would be your nominee?

1K

749

9K

6

915

23K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 years

NOW THEY'RE STEALING SIGNS FROM THE FANS TOO?????

Kristie Rieken

@kristieAP

5 years

And then the signs got confiscated by ballpark personnel who said signs weren’t allowed. #astros

839

891

5K

112

2K

14K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Dodgers fans Yankees fans 🤝 Watching the World Series from home

Dodgers Nation

@DodgersNation

3 years

Dodgers fans Yankees fans 🤝 Hating the Astros

43

263

2K

28

3K

12K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

The original team (i.e. drafted by, signed by) of every teams' current top depth chart spot, per Fangraphs RosterResource (via Reddit, so if this is your work, please LMK)

144

553

5K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

using whose bat now

Chad Moriyama

@ChadMoriyama

3 years

Max Muncy using Albert Pujols' bat gets one over the wall. I swear these events are all planned out by Joe Davis to make the calls great.

17

141

1K

50

422

5K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

9 months

If the Oscars 'In Memoriam' doesn't include the Pop-Tart Bowl mascot, we riot.

9

214

4K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

Straight Outta Contention

Seattle Mariners

@Mariners

2 years

what's the name of this album

375

93

2K

72

245

3K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

7 months

@HelenRuthsGhost I tried keto for a hot minute and made shredded cheese into a taco shell and let me tell you something that was a highlight of my life.

3

14

3K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 years

Lance McCullers, Jr., has more World Series RBIs over the last ten seasons than the New York Yankees do.

21

351

2K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

6 months

@lunarmaxie "I can see your feet" took me OUT.

6

17

2K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

This was so savage of Judge

26

180

2K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

If you ever wonder whether you're smart enough to comment on baseball, remember that a professional major league pitcher hinted that a team was stealing signs because they didn't swing and miss when his teammate threw the same pitch 97% of the time.

ESPN Stats & Info

@ESPNStatsInfo

3 years

Lance Lynn threw 76 pitches. 74 of them were fastballs (97.4%), the highest fastball rate by any starting pitcher in a playoff game in the pitch tracking era (since 2008). The Astros hit .290 against fastballs in the regular season, best in MLB.

71

177

1K

13

325

2K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

Dusty Baker has managed Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey, Jr., Bryce Harper, Sammy Sosa, and Kenny Lofton. It was Chas McCormick, Jeremy Peña, and Framber Valdez who gave him his first championship.

17

180

2K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

#NewProfilePic

22

169

2K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

8 months

Zendaya modeling the new MLB Fanatics All-Star Game uniforms.

12

85

2K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

@RespectfulMemes You found Perry's Place! 😂 I love this ongoing feature. Here are the latest two.

3

56

2K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

7 months

@CandiiLoveX You're actually not entitled to their trauma.

2

15

2K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

10 months

Shohei Ohtani blowing the lid off of access journalism with a simple, human request of privacy is truly hysterical to watch in real time.

15

163

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 years

There is only one team in Major League Baseball that both: A) Remains in the playoffs, and B) Has won a World Series in the last decade. That team? The Houston Astros.

17

149

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

Few things funnier than pitchers pointing at a pop-up that goes 408 feet.

24

124

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Since being told by Carlos Correa to shut the f**k up, Cody Bellinger is slashing .201/.287/.381.

17

98

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

Chas McCormick will be in highlight videos for the next thirty years.

13

60

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 months

Say what you want about the team, but no one can doubt that the golden age of Astros baseball has been graced by Julia's presence in it. Fans are spoiled by her hard work, passion, and charm every game.

Houston Astros

@astros

3 months

Paving the way for ALL women. Astros and @Academy caught up with @JuliaMorales and got an inside look on her path to the big leagues.

26

125

1K

9

66

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

The Mariners were 13.5 games back, went on a 14-game winning streak, and are now 13 games back.

29

141

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

how it started how it's going

11

158

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

@astros have u considered that this tweet might hurt the feelings of the mariners players fans and coaches who inexplicably check the astros team twitter page after getting swept in a playoff series

48

19

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 months

Not even José Abreu went 0-for-34.

22

139

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 months

Me, recruiting a starting first baseman for the Astros:

Michael Schwab

@michaelschwab13

3 months

Do you have power? What part of Houston are you in?

732

26

493

5

76

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Some Astros fans are waving goodbye to the Dodgers as they exit the postseason tonight.

FOX Sports: MLB

@MLBONFOX

3 years

Some Dodgers fans are waving goodbye to Astros fans that are heading for the exits tonight.

84

348

2K

6

124

999

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 months

IDK why everyone is so excited about Yordan. This guy has been cycling for two years now.

66

73

1K

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

Aroldis Chapman watching the top of the ninth inning from the dugout.

8

113

990

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

@yamsnmac @Dareal_CD Also trending topics. You click on it and it's just three hundred tweets of people asking why it's trending in the first place.

0

6

929

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

6 months

So glad Lent is over and the Astros don't have to give up scoring runs anymore.

6

118

962

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 months

Going to the only stadium in MLB without a Pride night and still getting slapped with some dude's Boomstick in the bleachers.

25

95

955

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

8 months

8

179

953

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

It's crazy to think that the Queen's last memory on Earth was Jose Altuve beating the Rangers on a walk-off wild pitch.

12

79

934

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 years

Clutch move by the Astros using their first-round pick on WINNING THE 2017 WORLD SERIES.

6

161

886

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Justin Verlander, quietly, walking into the clubhouse in September: Where the fuck is Toro? 🥲

21

74

906

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

The Phillies have the second-highest payroll in baseball. I think you skipped a chapter or two of Moneyball.

Life of a Philly Fan

@PhillyFanLife

2 years

The final out to the Moneyball music THIS IS FOR PHILADELPHIA

41

540

3K

22

64

890

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

I don't know if his walk last night ends up being Jon Singleton's Trey Mancini moment or if there's something bigger in store for him down the road, but I can't stop thinking about how cold-blooded that plate appearance was.

35

32

906

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

When you say the Astros weren't punished you are telling me you don't understand the value of high draft picks - and hey, that's okay! MLB does a poor job of selling the draft. But DM me and I'll be more than happy to teach you about it. It's pretty damn cool.

15

97

869

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

Not a fan of this…it’s via the team-run account. Have a little class for a fan base that’s hurting.

Oakland A's

@Athletics

1 year

broke out the brewms 🧹

335

486

8K

9

66

863

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

After finishing his shift at Cane's, Peña should apply at White Castle so he can learn to hit some sliders.

82

65

868

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

Anyway how about that insurmountable Philly crowd that was unlike anything the Astros had ever seen before? 😂😂😂

26

68

843

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

@3YearLetterman Must have rubbed him the wrong way.

23

16

826

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

How it started, how it's going, yada yada yada

8

77

830

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

If only there was a way to find out for sure. Some kind of tournament, maybe, where the best teams could play each other in a series-elimination format.

fan of the Yankees

@realboshek

3 years

Really sucks. Yankees are better than both the Astros and Braves... 2021 the most disappointing Yankees season perhaps ever

342

54

869

10

80

843

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 months

Yainer Diaz just stole the first base of his career and it was off of Martín Maldonado.

10

49

857

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

This McCullers kid they called up from Sugar Land may have a future in the big leagues.

11

56

834

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Oh great, so now no men will be able to find the bar.

Corner Bar CLE

@CornerBarCLE

3 years

Progressive Field has renamed the bar in right field in honor of the new name, The Guardians!

71

140

1K

24

103

795

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 years

@TavoWavvoo @Lissielys a submarine with expired registration 🤨

5

15

755

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

6 months

Convinced the Astros hired an A.I. social media manager so they could afford Josh Hader's salary.

Houston Astros

@astros

6 months

No one man, except Ronel Blanco, should have all that power 👀 Congratulations to our American League Player of the Week! 15 IP | 0.0 ERA | 1 H | 0 R | 11 K

37

426

4K

16

31

814

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

Davey felt differently about this when it happened in the exact same stadium a few years ago.

Rudy Gersten

@DCBarno

1 year

Davey Martinez is furious. He should be.

87

70

476

28

112

794

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 months

Still think it was a missed opportunity not having the Yankees play the Royals in the London series.

4

50

789

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

It's June 27th and I can't help but think of the Yankee podcaster who tried to troll the Astros and instead inadvertently created the year's must-have piece of Houston couture.

19

60

761

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

good morning why did schwarber bunt

69

29

755

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Mike Fiers' day is done. He made it through 3.1 IP with 9 H, 5 ER, 2 BB, 2 K, and 2 HR. His ERA stands at 7.71 on the season.

51

64

745

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 years

@BNightengale Friends close to Curt Schilling are tired of lending him money.

6

21

663

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Just randomly every 20-30 minutes I start laughing all over again. Of course it was Jose Altuve. Of course it was.

21

30

714

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

6 months

@teddylj "Nirvana brand."

6

2

726

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 years

People want to know why Astros fans are so arrogant; so us-versus-the-world. Well, you made us that way. For all the talk of taking, it didn't start that way. The 2011 Astros were an earnest attempt to field a competitive team. They lost 106 games.

50

139

707

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 years

@Reuters He'll use his one phone call to cauliflower.

6

4

652

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

7 months

Just noticed that the Angels' lineup is missing Anthony Rendon, which is probably the most realistic thing in this entire rendering.

13

45

700

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

11 months

Kyle Tucker in the postseason.

Travis Kelce

@tkelce

15 years

NAP TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

121

9K

30K

12

53

692

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

10

62

633

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

6 months

Can't believe how much detail they put into these things to make them realistic.

7

52

640

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Love y'all acting like Yankees-Astros is some kinda rivalry, but I save my energy for teams that have actually beaten the Astros in the postseason.

31

46

582

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

10 months

You've heard of elf on a shelf but have you heard of

47

34

598

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

Houston Astros when Corey Julks starts: 7-2 Houston Astros when Corey Julks doesn't start: 0-7

23

73

577

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Don't break up my boys, Jimmy. Don't you dare break up my boys.

3

38

575

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

I think it's safe to say Héctor Neris is going to be unavailable tomorrow. If he can even find the ballpark.

7

32

562

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

It's Max Scherzer's birthday. What a great day to trade him to the Houston Astros.

15

27

555

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 years

Yesterday, I loved Charlie Morton. Tomorrow, I will love Charlie Morton. Today, I hope Charlie Morton has the worst day of his life.

13

48

553

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 years

With Luis Garcia starting the game for the Astros, that makes three pitchers (with Javier and Paredes) from the 2019 High-A Fayetteville Woodpeckers squad to pitch for Houston in the ALCS.

15

48

544

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 months

@Razzball This is so over the top lol

1

0

556

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Minding my own business on a backpacking trip when this guy who couldn't care less about baseball finds out I'm an Astros fan. "I think our neighbor at the ranch played for them for a while." "Oh, do you remember his name?" I ask, expecting a mystery. "Lance Berkman." 🥴

12

14

538

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

6 years

Every couple of days, I remember Marwin Gonzalez is no longer a Houston Astro and I get sad all over again for a few moments.

12

73

520

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

I love baseball, and I love smart, passionate fans from all fanbases. I've built great friendships and mutual admiration societies with so many awesome people across the spectrum of fandom. But DAMN IT do I love Houston Astros fans!

12

19

531

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 years

Ken Rosenthal: Why did you ask your teammates not to tear your shirt? Jose Altuve: Last time they did that, I got in trouble with my wife.

4

51

525

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

Since being forced into the American League, the Astros have won 40% of the AL pennants.

5

62

525

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if someone is enjoying something and not hurting anyone - whether it's Spiderman, Taylor Swift, or pineapple on pizza - it's completely free to STFU and keep scrolling. People forget that.

20

65

517

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

110 of the Houston Astros' 147 games (74.83%) have been started by pitchers originally drafted or signed by the Astros.

9

33

524

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

@michaelschwab13 I went on a business trip to Houston with my dad, just the two of us, in 1987. While touring the Astrodome, Kevin Bass was taking batting practice in the cage. When he saw me watching him, he asked if I wanted to take some swings. I did. Lifelong fan ever since.

13

3

509

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 years

Probably Giancarlo Stanton.

NBC New York

@NBCNewYork

5 years

BREAKING: Gov. Andrew Cuomo says one person has tested positive for coronavirus in New York.

40

248

219

7

41

500

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 years

Red Sox: We would like to have fans at games. Nancy Armour: Cubs: We would like to have fans at games. Nancy Armour: Rangers: We would like to have fans at games. Nancy Armour: Astros: We would like to have fans at games. Nancy Armour: CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS FUCKING GUY?!

10

69

498

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Astros are basically the opposite of the Angels. Every headline is, "Fans boo Jose Altuve and throw trash cans on the field as the Astros win 15-2 off the back of three Carlos Correa home runs."

4

40

488

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

Max Clark's high school season has ended. His final slash line: .646/.808/.1.215 -- yes, that's an OPS of 2.023 👀 Could have been higher had they pitched to him. Oh, and he also stole 35 bases in 28 games.

11

19

517

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 years

I do not typically play "sign/extend/DFA/trade this player," but extending Carlos Correa so that he retires a Houston Astros should absolutely be a priority for this front office.

11

33

492

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

@Starting9 How it started How it's going

3

67

489

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 months

I tell you what, though. The season may not be going the way Ryan Pressly would like, but this dude is still coming in and backing up home plate.

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

5 months

The Mariners out-Astroing the Astros.

6

15

277

7

10

505

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

I think it's weak as hell to pin a loss on officiating. I don't think I've ever done it, and I don't think I ever will. But I don't mind telling you, it is impossible for me to take this game seriously with this guy behind the plate.

19

41

488

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

Hunter Brown worked hard his whole life to make it to the big leagues and they're giving him his first start against a minor league team.

20

30

489

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

2 years

Yordan Alvarez took a lefty reliever 450 feet to straightaway center. Happy Monday.

12

16

483

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

Entire bullpen needs to apologize to J.P. France's baby.

6

40

488

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 years

*Astros win 37-2* AsteriskTour: Altuve strikes out 2x in one game. Love to see it.

8

41

461

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

1 year

23

66

476

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

9 months

Glad he could get that initial first-round exit out of the way early.

3

48

477

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

4 years

Oakland Athletics pitchers recorded 330 outs against the Houston Astros in 2020, between the regular season and the postseason. Not one of them was recorded by Mike Fiers.

9

43

452

Eephus Tosser

@EephusTosser

3 years

Man, I don't mean to be the 'no respect' homer, but the reigning batting champ who just won a Gold Glove is probably in the top ten at his position.