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Jamie Dimon (Parody) Profile
Jamie Dimon (Parody)

@DinosaurBanking

2,721
Followers
260
Following
258
Media
741
Statuses

Parody account... Not real Jamie Dimon. Chase bank loves me ❤️❤️❤️. Has tried shutting me down 4 times. $JPM

Houston, TX
Joined August 2023
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
7 days
$SOFI $JPM Sofi is such a small pathetic bank. What are they going to do? I'm untouchable! I'm unstoppable! I'm too big to fail! 🥊🥊💪💪
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
2 months
$SOFI I'm sad to announce that I'll be DROPPING OUT. JPMorgan Chase Bank is OLD and SICK. It can no longer provide a value to customers. I fully support SOFI Bank as my replacement.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
This deserves more attention than a man with silly jokes. Great job! @anthonynoto $SOFI
@Dboybruh
market(ing)man
1 year
BREAKING! New SOFI Ad 🔥🔥 #getyourmoneyright (unofficial) @anthonynoto @LStaffordWebb @CLapointe12 @SoFi $sofi spent many days and hours putting this together from scratch, all by myself, PLEASE LIKE amd RETWEET!! Help me help #SOFI , we have the best community
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
Ok you got me ‼️ I'm a HUGE fan of $SOFI and ♥️♥️♥️♥️ @anthonynoto
@KyleWhiteGOAT
stock goat
1 year
$SOFI 🚨Breaking news 🚨 JP Morgan Chase increases ownership by +51% now owns 5,819,037 shares, valued close to 50 million dollars.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
Repost this one! People need to see that SoFi cares for their customers and celebrates good Financial decisions! Congratulations! 🎉🥂🎁
@ERfiredoc
SSMD
1 year
@SoFi Update! I went to retrieve my box! I got it! @SoFi
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
6 months
@CNBC I'm most afraid of.... Sofi
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI Can someone help me. "The Google" seems to be broken. It keeps changing my search. Was I hacked?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI In an out of Twitter jail 3 times in 2 weeks. That's just gangsta!
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
8 months
#Bitcoin Random people come up to me and say "Satashi" Whats that all about?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI WHAT IS THIS NOTIFICATION!!! That's Not Funny! I know it was you @anthonynoto How did you get someone to sneak a referral link on my profile? I can't seem to be able to remove it.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
$SOFI gives Deposits a day early. I give them when I feel like it.
@ChainAffairs
ChainAffairs ⚡
10 months
Major U.S. banks, including Bank of America, Chase Bank, US Bank, Truist Bank, and Wells Fargo, are grappling with deposit delays due to issues with the Automated Clearing House (ACH) system. #Banking #ACH #DepositDelays
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI So I FINALLY got dark mode on the Sofi banking tab. It's too dark. I can't see my balance.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI @anthonynoto Round 2
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
6 months
@anthonynoto What are you trying to say....
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI Where do I see myself in 5 years? If SOFI and @anthonynoto keep taking away my customers, I don't know.............
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
11 months
$SOFI such disloyalty. I thought we had an arrangement. That sell rating was supposed to be permanent. @ddolev My offer still stands if you are interested.
@liorsela
Lior
11 months
🚨 Refinitiv/Verus upgrades SoFi Technologies $SOFI from SELL to HOLD
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI wants you to "Get Your Money Right" I want you in debt.
@StockMKTNewz
Evan
5 months
JPMorgan $JPM said today a new unit called Chase Media Solutions will let marketers tempt Chase customers with targeted ads related to their spending history - WSJ
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
11 months
SoFi is a garbage bank run by amateurs. It does nothing but burn cash and the stock is going to zero. Noto has no Idea how to make a profit. Monday is going to be a really bad day.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
6 months
$SOFI If I gladly pay $39 billion as the cost of doing businesses, A few hundred million shares shorted is also well worth my money. Anthony Noto scares me.
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@Kawcak20
Josh Kawcak 🇺🇲
6 months
Per Ortex, $SOFI has 173M shares shorted, or 19.53%, at the close of the day. Rate cuts were reiterated today by the #FED , Noto clarified the Offering on CNBC, April 10th CPI, and $SOFI earnings on April 29th .... 🤷‍♂️🍋🤷‍♂️🍋🤷‍♂️
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI I don't get it... All my $JPM customers are leaving for Sofi. What do they offer that I don't? I'm still cool! I'm still hip! I'm still "With It"............. Right???
@NBA
NBA
5 months
We’re taking the #SoFiPlayIn Tournament to a whole new level. Tune in this week as the 7th-10th seeds duke it out for their shot at becoming champions. Brought to you by @SoFi , the Official Bank of the NBA and the next generation of banking. @SoFiStadium
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
4 months
$SOFI He just left me! I'm so upset. @Kenmegan44 says he doesn't need me anymore. Sofi now offers Zelle payments.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
9 months
@anthonynoto @SoFi Well...... OK.... 😲
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI $JPM Got to keep distracting people from seeing the real issues.
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@unusual_whales
unusual_whales
5 months
JPMorgan, $JPM, CEO Jamie Dimon says he worries geopolitical events and U.S. political polarization "may very well be creating risks that could eclipse anything since World War II."
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
@EverythingSOFI Let's go!! Loaded and ready! 🚀🚀🚀 JP Morgan Chase increases ownership by +51% now owns 5,819,037 shares, valued close to 50 million dollars
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
I'm tired of being picked on. I am DOUBLING my previous offer. With Chase PREMIER. Instead of 0.01% APY We have DOUBLED that to 0.02% APY. You won't see $SOFI and @anthonynoto dare to DOUBLE their rates!
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
9 months
Some dude just tried to deposit this. Was yelling that $SoFi was going to put me out of business. The security guard tasered him and I kept the $20. I kinda like it.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
9 months
4.6%APY with SoFi or 0.01% APY with Chase. The choice is clear. Stay with Chase. If we gave you more, I'm sure it would be wasted on more gifts anyway. 🎄🎄🎄
@Kenmegan44
Kenmegan4
9 months
$SOFI What's under your tree? The best gift of all - better finances. Get your money right with SoFi.🎄🎁 💰
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
$SOFI My man! At it again. Trying to go for that perfect zero rating!
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
8 months
1000 people think I'm actually Jamie Dimon. They are correct!
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
11 months
$SOFI David wanted more compensation so I dumped him. He pulled his sell rating. @ddolev Dan, would you be interested in doing a hit piece on SoFi ? I'll waive your account fees for 6 months and double your APY to 0.02%. I'll even give you 1 overdraft fee refund. We have a deal?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
6 months
$SOFI They tried to shut me down again! Was down for a few hours but the comedy will continue!
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
8 months
$SOFI Who would you trust with your money?
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@EverythingSOFI
Everything SOFI
8 months
Who’s telling the truth? Will $SOFI be profitable? Take your pick!
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI You think @anthonynoto would help a guy out?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI I made the list too! $JPM #13 ..... In China..... What?????
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@anthonynoto
Anthony Noto
5 months
WOW‼️💥🔥 Humbling to see @SoFi recognized as a top 5 bank in US in the newest @Forbes World’s Best Banks report ‼️ So proud of what #TeamSoFi is building 💪 So THANKFUL FOR OUR @Sofi Members.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
$SOFI Great job! Here is your coupon just as promised. I'll give you a call later to discuss other FUD opportunities!
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@CorneliaLake
Lake Cornelia Research Management
10 months
$SOFI See below from @Seawolfcap on CEO/CFO buying stock. They have to try to defend as they have a premium P/B multiple and shouldn't. The fiction of $SOFI saying they are selling their loans at 105 is all about recognizing upfront the future servicing revenues. They are
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
8 months
@SatashiMoto Are you talking about your pet rocks?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
7 months
@SoFi A $12 monthly account fee? A $32 overdraft fee?
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
@kurtosiscapital @vladtenev @anthonynoto @danawhite Vlad isn't Noto's competition. I AM‼️Vlad isn't even in the same league 👇
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
9 months
I thought we would have made a nice pair. Of course she went with the younger company. I'm so jealous $SOFI
@Kenmegan44
Kenmegan4
9 months
Hey! Cathie is using $SoFi Invest to offer her new venture fund in January 2024 .Open an Active Investing account with $10 or more, and you'll get $50 in stock. Use the link:
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
Stop calling me! If you don't like it, switch to Sofi!
@MarioNawfal
Mario Nawfal
5 months
🚨🇺🇸 BREAKING: CHASE BANK OUTAGE LEAVES THOUSANDS LOCKED OUT Chase Bank's online systems hit a snag on Wednesday, frustrating customers across the U.S. as they found themselves unable to access their accounts and financial information. Starting just after 1:30 p.m. EDT, the
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
15 days
$JPM $SOFI Do you trust ME or SOFI?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
Brilliance.... I'm doubling your pay
@ramahluwalia
Ram Ahluwalia CFA, Lumida
10 months
@CorneliaLake @Seawolfcap Correct So many issues - Gains on Sale - Liquidity Risk - Credit Risk - Leverage ratio constraint Many ways to lose, only 1 way to win - a very narrow path with steep edges on both sides - and entirely out of SoFi’s control
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
4 months
$SOFI I hate SOFI as much as I hate @Bitcoin I wouldn't touch it. Complete scam.
@KyleWhiteGOAT
stock goat
4 months
$SOFI 🚨 Breaking News 🚨 JP Morgan Chase increased their Sofi position by +86% Total Shares = 6,711,858
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI Who does she think she is⁉️😡😡
@Kenmegan44
Kenmegan4
1 year
$SOFI BREAKING NEWS ‼️ @LizYoungStrat issues initial coverage of $JPM $WFC and $BAC with a STRONG SELL and price target of $3 due to the imminent threat SOFI presents to legacy banking❗
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
11 months
I'm terrified of what $SOFI will become. We must stop them before more customers realize that SoFi is much better than JPMorgan Chase Bank.
@elerianm
Mohamed A. El-Erian
11 months
. @jpmorgan 's CEO Jamie DImon in this morning's quarterly earnings remarks: "Now may be the most dangerous time the world has seen in decades."
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
2 months
$SOFI I did a search just for fun... Is this real?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
27 days
$SOFI $JPM I put up a good fight. That guy was a linebacker at Westpoint and an Army Ranger! I didn't stand a chance!
@Kenmegan44
Kenmegan4
27 days
$SOFI $JPM Who is fighting for you? @anthonynoto @DinosaurBanking
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Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI I just want everyone know how special you are. I share the most SACRED part of my day with each one of you. I don't even share this part of the day with my family.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$JPM Letter to Shareholders
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
7 months
@FunOfInvesting You miss something buddy
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
6 months
$SOFI Smart people bank with Sofi... I don't want smart people. You can have them.
@blueharbinger
Mark D. Hines
6 months
JAMIE DIMON: $JPM Savings Accounts still pay ~0.01% interest b/c Jamie Dimon is smart (and he knows he can get away with it). FYI: Many bank CDs don't automatically roll over when they mature. They sit in cash. Because the banks know they can get away with it. Be smart people!
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
8 months
$SOFI Would have double beat if it wasn't for SoFi 😡😡😡
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
Please stay. Have a pen!
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@allincoder
AllInCoder
1 year
@anthonynoto @Kenmegan44 Bullish on $SOFI if JPMorgan is threatened by a mere parody account. Also I am in the process of switching all my auto pay onto my SoFi accounts and once I am done going to close my Chase account. These axxholes been stealing my interests income
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
9 months
$SOFI ❓❓❓😡😡😡
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI I apologize and take accountability for only giving 01%APY. It was uncalled for. My very worst moment was captured on X app. Although the memes have been amusing the flipside has been cruel. I thank you for staying with $JPM & I hope to do good& help promoteFinancial health
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
@amitisinvesting What about the one I gave you. Did our time together mean nothing?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
7 months
$SOFI You photo shopped that! People love Chase so much, they are willing to pay a $12 monthly fee. What do they pay SOFI ? ..... NOTHING!
@EndicottInvests
Nate Endicott
7 months
I got a buddy of mine to bank with $SOFI & here is his initial reaction:
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
18 days
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
@Colee_255 @Kenmegan44 I choose legacy banks because I'm to lazy to switch.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI Sofi May be the official Bank of the NBA, but I play ball at the YMCA with the local Lions Club. I shoot a mean "Air Ball". The guys call me "Brick" - probably because I'm a tough guy!
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI Just scheduled an MRI... Doctors orders. Too bad 🤷
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
4 months
$SOFI @anthonynoto is coming for me. I'm getting out before he embarrasses me. Sofi is going to destroy legacy banking. ✌️✌️
@Barchart
Barchart
4 months
JUST IN 🚨: Jamie Dimon is hinting that he is preparing to retire as CEO of JP Morgan $JPM
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
8 months
#Bitcoin The most widely used currency for illegal activity is the US dollar.
🚨Just In🚨 Jamie Dimon is not a fan of #Bitcoin because it can be used for sex trafficking! "The nation's largest bank was sued for ignoring red flags about Jeffrey Epstein's sex-trafficking operation while he was a client." - NYT 9/6/23 🤡🤡🤡 #wednesdaythought
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
11 months
That's not fair! All my posts get corrected! $SOFI
@elonmusk
Elon Musk
11 months
Making a slight change to creator monetization: Any posts that are corrected by @CommunityNotes become ineligible for revenue share. The idea is to maximize the incentive for accuracy over sensationalism.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
9 months
$SOFI A friendly holidays 🎄🎄 reminder from Chase Bank. Since $JPM only offers you. 00000001% APY on your savings, you won't have to report it on your taxes‼️ Our gift to you. 🎁🎁 Merry Christmas! 🎄🎄
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
7 months
$SOFI Can't get your stock up? Take a little blue pill. In fact, take all 3 at once.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
9 months
I just sold a bunch of $JPM shares. I think I would look great in a Cyber Truck. 😎😎😎
@andrewrsorkin
Andrew Ross Sorkin
9 months
Watch my conversation with @ElonMusk :
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 month
Why is President Donald Duck trending?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
$SOFI I've got much better taste in music
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@anthonynoto
Anthony Noto
10 months
My favorite band @SoFiStadium ‼️🔥 @SoFi
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
Your finances got you DOWN? Is your APY% too LOW? Is your bank not EXCITING anymore? $SOFI thinks it's the little blue pill that will Get Your Money Right. (May cause excessive wealth. See your financial advisor and ask if @SoFi is right for you)
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
9 months
$SOFI I've had quite enough of your logic‼️ 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
@VadimKotlarov
Vadim Kotlarov
9 months
@Kenmegan44 @anthonynoto 🤔 So did Jamie Dimon just say that his clients are criminals, drug traffickers, money laundering and tax avoiding?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
@anthonynoto @SoFi @Forbes That's what I always say. It's the traditional banking experience that matters. Grab you some free coffee (made fresh 6 hours ago) and get in line.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
It's really no contest. Who is better SOFI Bank or Wells Fargo?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
8 months
@SatashiMoto Are you one of those crypto criminals. Only criminals use #Bitcoin I tell everyone to stay away. It's OK if I use it. Everyone knows I'm a criminal.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
Taylor Swift may be at @SoFiStadium all week, but I have invited her to meet YOU at your local $JPM Chase Bank this Friday. You... Are... Welcome! $SOFI
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
9 months
This is how you run a REAL BANK! Take notes $SOFI
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
11 months
@Chase Also, NEVER trust anyone claiming to be Jamie Dimon because the real Jamie Dimon is too cowardly to be on Twitter.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
$SOFI For all the Cam Girls following my account, I want to congratulate you for being so interested in finances. Thank you for choosing a handsome man like myself and a .0001%APY over SOFI at only 4.60%.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI I asked @elonmusk how much money he had deposited with JPMorgan Chase at 000000001% APY. He sent me this photo. I think it is a LOT!
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
11 months
I've been thinking about changing up the logo. What do you think? $SOFI $JPM @Chase
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
Thank you so much for your work! You did an excellent job! Here is your coupon just as I promised $SOFI
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
8 months
$JPM Where are my JPMorgan Chase Bank employees ‼️Why aren't you voting 😡😡😡❓ I'm not letting you work from home just to play video games 😠🔥
@Kenmegan44
Kenmegan4
8 months
$SOFI $JPM $WFC $BAC The most trustworthy bank. The one with integrity. Which one considers your best interest first? Who is focused on delivering solid financial education?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
3 months
I'm going to run for president. I don't think anyone bothered to run for either party this year.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
2 months
Thanks to our wonderful customers for willingly accepting 00001 %APY, paying fees just to have an account, and those wonderful overdraft fees! Thanks for not using $SOFI instead!
@Chase
Chase
2 months
$JPM reports 2Q24 net income of $18.1B and EPS of $6.12, or net income of $13.1B and EPS of $4.40 excluding significant items.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
7 months
$JPM The official bank of the Washington Generals! Take that $SOFI
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@SoFi
SoFi
7 months
It’s not every weekend you become the Official Bank of the NBA, and doing it at All-Star 2024 made it a career highlight. Thanks to the SoFi members, fans, and everyone in the league for welcoming Team SoFi to the court. 🏀🤝🩵
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
What is your favorite thing about $JPM Chase Bank?
.01% APY
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Checking Account Fees
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Overdraft fees
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Broken ATMs
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
@DataDInvesting Can I be in it?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
8 months
#Bitcoin I'm not offering these on your Chase app but $SOFI actually put the pet rock tokens on theirs. I'm sure you aren't interested Open an Active Investing account with $10 or more, and you'll get $25 in stock.
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI It really ruins the experience of signing a mortgage if you do it all on your phone. Doesn't everyone fondly remember signing their documents!
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
@JacobBa20458891 @anthonynoto It's more fun without cooperate restraints. By the time you include the fine print and get approval from 20 different people it's vanilla and boring. I'm basically free to do whatever the hell I want.... Until my account gets banned.... Again. $SOFI
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$JPM It's done..... Except for $SOFI customers
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@StockMKTNewz
Evan
5 months
JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon just said: It’s quite clear the American 🇺🇸 economy is strong Extra money for the lower 50% of consumers is “about done”
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
10 months
@siyul @DataDInvesting Great job! Your check is in the mail. Thanks for your work
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
5 months
$SOFI Where are my customers going?
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
26 days
$JPM $SOFI Hey fellow young people! I'm still hip, still cool, still WITH IT! Just like myself, Chase bank knows what young people want! Free pens Free check registers and super cool drive thru tubes! (please don't fart in them thank you!)
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@DinosaurBanking
Jamie Dimon (Parody)
1 year
$SOFI We have scientifically developed music to play while you are on hold that makes you want to hang up. Some governments use our music as interrogation incentive. Why would I ever need An AI based call center?
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