Customers: It just won’t turn on. I can’t believe it. No I didn’t buy AppleCare. I thought Apple products didn’t fail. I’m so careful with it. Honestly, it never leaves my bedroom.
Also Customers:
Wow it only took a global pandemic for some of you to realize you CAN in fact reset your Apple ID password from home instead of harassing Apple retail employees
BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 14 BACKUP B
iPhone Leather Wallet with MagSafe is designed to increase you efficiency, allowing you to lose your iPhone and your wallet at the same time 🙃
#AppleEvent
#iPhone12
Customer: *looking over new 16” MacBook Pro*
“It looks nice I guess, but I’m not buying another one until Apple starts making them with CD drives again”
Customer: Yeah, I’ve had iPhones for years since the first one. I’ll never switch!
iPhone setup screen: Enter your Apple ID
Customer: So what do I do here?
Me:
If your upgrading to your 8th new iPhone and you still don’t understand why backups and knowing your Apple ID password are important by now we’re just going to confiscate your iPhone and give you a flip phone to use because it’s all you deserve sorry I don’t make the rules pal 🤷♂️
BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME BACKUP YOUR DATA YOU HAVE THE TIME
BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16 BACKUP BEFORE UPGRADING TO IOS 16
Me: Hello, may I ask who I’m speaking with?
Customer: I’VE BEEN USING APPLE PRODUCTS SINCE THE 80’S
Me: Ah ok, what’s your name?
Customer: I HAVE AN IPHONE AND 2 IPADS
Me:
After this global coronavirus pandemic forces our country to collapse we will have to reorganize our society into 3 distinct classes:
1. AirPods Pro owners
2. AirPods owners
3. Peasants
Overheard at the Genius Bar:
Customer: Can’t you guys just call me when your done fixing my phone?
Genius: How?
Customer: With a phone duh. It’s not that hard.
Genius: …
Customer: …
Customer: Oooh 🤦♂️
Me before
#AppleEvent
: My current devices get the job done. I have everything I need. I don’t need to spend more money.
Me after
#AppleEvent
: My current devices are useless. My life is incomplete and lacks meaning without these new Apple products.
Customers love to refer to their old age as an excuse for not understanding technology, but all I can hear is how you had decades to learn how to use a keyboard and mouse and still chose not to
Me: Hello, thanks for calling Apple Support
Customer: What? I’m having a hard time hearing you
Me: Okay, let me try something *pauses for a few seconds and makes no settings adjustments* How about now?
Customer: Oh yes, thank you that’s so much better
Ah yes, the most magical time of year, when I begin to receive random “Heyyy, how are you? Are you still at Apple?” messages from people I haven’t talked to all year 🙄
Us: We would like to be paid more. We’re struggling to survive.
Apple: No, our pay is already fair & competitive.
Us: Ok, we’re going to unionize
*anti-union video leaks to press*
Apple: Hey pals. We found some more money for you. Let’s work this out together okay friends?
The best part about the M1 chip is no longer having to find ways to explain the difference between i5 and i7 processors to customers that barely know how to browse the internet
FUN FACT: Loudly shouting “This place has really fucking gone down hill since Steve Jobs died” is one hundred percent NOT the shortcut to getting better service in the Apple Store.
Customer: Why hasn’t my package arrived yet?
Me: Not sure if you’re aware large sections of the country are frozen right now
Customer: But this is Apple! You have billions of dollars!
Me: I don’t think Winter takes Apple’s net worth into account
Customer: *silence*
Dear Customers,
If you’re headed to an Apple Retail store during a pandemic instead of having a new iPhone shipped to your home like a sensible person, at bare minimum I beg, I implore you, DONT ACT LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE K THANKS BYE
- Management 😘