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@CooperEarlJones

1,885
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527
Following
20,765
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67,394
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P1. Dad joke aficionado. Wordsmith. Veteran. Day mode. U2 sucks. I hate being called Court. Not your black friend. I don’t watch YouTube links you send (ever).

Joined February 2014
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@CooperEarlJones
Daft Pun
@CooperEarlJones
4 years
One day I will say something that will make you mad, make you uncomfortable, or make you unfollow me. Until then, let’s have some fun.
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@CooperEarlJones
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3 years
Roll call if you live in Texas and will still wear a mask
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@CooperEarlJones
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3 years
@GeneforTexas Fled Cruz
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@CooperEarlJones
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1 year
@MrGee54 Apparently, M.I.A. stands for MisInformation Advocate
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3 years
@HaitianBhaddie
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@CooperEarlJones
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3 years
@TMZ “Jason Nomoa” - Lisa Bonet probably
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@CooperEarlJones
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5 years
Arya walking into the next #GameofThrones council meeting when she isn’t in consideration for the throne
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@CooperEarlJones
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2 years
@maloniesworld @_alyssssssac
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@CooperEarlJones
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3 years
“No, honey, I don’t know who Sara Jay is”
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5 years
Haha look at the ref 😂😂 #UFC241
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2 years
@_takeeiteasy
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2 years
@NatashaOladokun
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2 years
@JoiTristan Anything but
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1 year
@WowTerrifying Vintage footage of McDonald’s apple pie filling being prepared
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9 months
Smoltz still thinking the Dbacks can come back
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5 years
I wonder why they call it dad bod instead of father figure
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3 years
@MicahhParsons11
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2 years
@trevor_norris0 Was it just me or was that not funny?
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3 years
@BruceCaresMore @FreeReggieT He’s gonna need to be consoled 🤣
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2 years
@wingstop Fowl language
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5 years
#CornPop coming to tell his side of the story tomorrow
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3 years
Warren Sapp on his lunch break at Home Depot seeing his name trending
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@CooperEarlJones
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2 years
@TreyPfromCali If this ever gets used, might as well pack it up
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@CooperEarlJones
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2 years
The internet is a cold place
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@CooperEarlJones
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1 year
The search continues since contact was lost, but my understanding is Dan and Jake have about 48 hours of oxygen left
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5 years
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
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4 years
Live look at Amari Cooper
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3 years
@GEOFF_ZONES @YouAdoreeShay
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3 years
@DontrellChillis That’s Clark Kent, but when he takes his glasses off in there, he turns into Puperman
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2 years
@GoodNewsCorres1 The man was upgraded to stable condition
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4 years
My ol’ lady trippin, but my
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@CooperEarlJones
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5 years
I snapped this photo of the #DallasTornado going through The Park Cities. Stay safe!
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1 year
@beigewunder Is this like…Vagiagra?
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@CooperEarlJones
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4 years
I went into my daughter’s bathroom to get something and saw this. I wish I had found drugs instead.
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3 years
@JakeNolen @CuriousSoundwa1 Thanks, you can have a glass of eat my ass
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2 years
5 year anniversary
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1 year
She Harvey Oswald
@avoidthehanoid
malark e smith
@avoidthehanoid
1 year
give this girl the cy young for hitting mike pence in the melon with a water balloon
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6 years
@SportsSturm with my absolute favorite moment of the night!
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@CooperEarlJones
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2 years
Win Super Bowls
@_STXMario
✭STX Mario✭
@_STXMario
2 years
What does this guy do for a living? Wrong answers only. #CapBoy #CowboysNation
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3 years
This guy is not doing well #LACvsLV
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@CooperEarlJones
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7 years
"This is the only knee I wanna see the Cowboys take, I'm Ed Carter"
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4 years
@philmartinjr Here’s mine...we are lucky to be doing something we love because it makes it seem like we never work at all!
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@CooperEarlJones
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3 years
I guess you could call him the Zodiac Chiller #FledCruz
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3 years
@TheChiefRasta But you know Payroll Set Tea wasn’t hittin it right so she got with Bubba Ho-Tep
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9 months
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2 years
(Sound on) ⁦ @dfwticket ⁩
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2 years
Success!
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3 years
@gotablasst Areola Grande
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5 years
⁦⁦ @JulieAnnDobbs ⁩ I’m not sure if you were aware of Bob’s flossing prowess
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3 years
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@caroljsroth
Carol Roth
@caroljsroth
3 years
What movie had the perfect cast?
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2 years
@BigRuSantana
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9 months
Y’all heard of Lil’ Sweet? Well I’m Big Sweet and instead of Dr Pepper, I sell Purple Drink
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7 months
😂
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@CooperEarlJones
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2 years
My Joey
@McDonalds
McDonald's
@McDonalds
2 years
bring back _____
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3 years
Assassinated
@nypost
New York Post
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3 years
224-pound Russian woman reportedly killed husband with her buttocks
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2 years
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4 years
@BigDon0 @jordan_newsom Especially if it doesn’t have a water dispenser
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3 years
Imagine being an Eagles fan at this game, then having to leave and go live in Philadelphia
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3 years
@atkelli_ Do you think people will have to weave around it?
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4 years
#thf
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3 years
@Lisahollinger2 I’ve always felt bad for the workers who have to be in there and deal with these selfish people.
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6 years
When your wife replies “yuck” after you text her the #JillScott video
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9 months
Retweet if your team is going to the World Series
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2 years
QB sack #DALvsGB
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5 years
A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow: Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain." The widow replies: "Thanks, that means a great deal."
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7 months
In the Army. I was drunk and needed a ride to get my car so my friends could drive us to Austin to drink some more. She gave us a ride and although nearly blackout drunk, I remembered she was pretty and asked her out. The trajectory of my life changed for the better that night.
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@inaribriana
Inari NOT Briana .
@inaribriana
1 year
Couples… don’t all speak at once but… how did you meet your other half? Indulge me I’m a romantic!
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5 years
That stupid run you have to do when a car waits for you at the crosswalk
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7 years
The guy trying to fix the turf like #OSUvsWIS
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3 years
The Cowboys haven’t departed Foxborough yet because Connor Williams is holding them up.
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2 years
URGENT— Chestily, 53, a healthcare worker was mandated to take Pfizer's COVID-19 vaccine, 3 days later paralyzed from legs down, followed by severe convulsions and seizures, can no longer, clean, cook, drive a car, requires full-time caretaker, "i'm a prisoner in my own home"
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2 years
@AsToldByNisey Say less
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4 years
Had someone stop talking to me because I started speaking up on racial inequalities. 18 years of friendship gone like that. I know it shouldn’t matter, but it hurts.
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2 years
@DallasTexasTV Throbbery
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6 years
Somebody broke into the Walgreens down the street and stole Viagra and Cialis. So be on the lookout for these hardened criminals.
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5 years
Cowboys fans coming back from the dead to cheer in the #LARvsDAL game and proceed to talk that shit
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4 years
In all my 54 years on earth, I still don’t know and will not learn whether to put my defrost temperature on hot or cold to get the window to stop being fogged up. I just turn knobs until something happens.
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4 years
On my way to Dallas with a fresh hamstring for ⁦ @MikeSirois ⁩
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@CooperEarlJones
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5 years
@junior_miller Some prefer a thick clock
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@CooperEarlJones
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5 years
During a meeting this morning, someone said “algorithm.” I said “hey guys!” Nobody laughed.
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2 years
@MikeSirois They need to January 6th Jerry’s suite
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6 months
Say what you will about T Sizzle, but at this daddy daughter dance these girls are jamming to her song and it’s kinda neat.
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1 year
@vidsthatgohard Definitely not a Goodyear for the driver of the car
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3 years
@CenTexAg THROTUS
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5 years
Purple sank
@ABC7NY
Eyewitness News
@ABC7NY
5 years
Residents see purple water after pump malfunction
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6 years
My mom bought my wife a colostomy bag
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8 months
@Benito_D3l_Toro
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2 years
Looking back at the gas pump to make sure it goes back to the welcome screen
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@CooperEarlJones
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1 year
Showed my kids this picture to prove I used to have hair and my youngest walked up and said “is that Martin Luther King?” 😞😂😂😂
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2 years
Yeah…get rid of this shot
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3 years
@CenTexAg An oral report…if you will
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2 years
Pardon me while I live my best life for a moment
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@CooperEarlJones
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2 years
@iamcardib Victims of colonialism lining up to get the jokes off
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4 years
@MikeSirois Everyone knows I’m in over my head, but I might have you beat
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4 years
I don’t respect those who don’t edge
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10 months
I dedicate tonight’s cowboys loss to this rangers win. You’re welcome.
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3 years
⁦ @gordonkeith ⁩ is this enough or does it need more?
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@CooperEarlJones
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2 years
Phil Mickelson will be on The Hang Zone tomorrow
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3 years
#dadpack #kissmyass
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4 years
@junior_miller Anthony Disdain
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