Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness Twitter profile

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

1 month

Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Shout out to the dads who make silent sacrifices

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

6YO: Can I eat a cookie? Me: Finish your dinner first 6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

8 months

Adulting involves using the phone’s flashlight a lot more than I had anticipated

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Parenting is missing your kids when they’re asleep, and missing your sanity when they’re awake

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

grandmas be like imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Sorry kids I missed your childhood, I was busy trying to align a picture on Microsoft word

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

10 months

Number of times I’ve cooked Mac and cheese: 1000 Number of times I’ve thrown the box and then picked it up from trash to read the instructions: 1024

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

I have eaten all the Halloween candy, so this year trick or treaters are getting Taco Bell’s hot sauce packets

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Secret to a successful marriage is to wake up and be the first one to say, “I didn’t sleep well”

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Adulting involves using the phone’s flashlight a lot more than I had anticipated

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

America, where a fetus has more protection than a child in school

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

9 months

6YO: My tummy hurts Me: Must be the bag of cookies you ate 6YO: It’s the other one, not my cookie tummy

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

What parenting books don’t tell you is that your child’s social life depends on how much you can tolerate the other parents

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Hey America! Your check humanity light is on

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

My kids will be late to school even if we lived inside the school

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Indian parents on Easter be like, look the bunny brought you some math worksheets

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

A minute of silence for all those husbands who believed in their wives saying, “no gifts Mother’s Day this year”

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

You’d think anti aging creams would use bigger fonts

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

5 years

I have eaten all the Halloween candy, so this year trick or treaters are getting Kikkomon soy sauce packets

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

A minute of silence for all those husbands who believed in their wife saying, “no gifts for Christmas this year”

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

A minute of silence for all those husbands who believed in their wife saying, “no gifts for Christmas this year”

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

When my wife gets upset at me I sneak into her Netflix profile and give thumbs up to the most boring documentaries

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Twitter was created so the least favorite children have a sense of community

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

kids at bedtime are like raccoons on cocaine and in the morning sloths on melatonin

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

My Wife: Don’t look at your phone while driving Also my wife when I’m driving: What do you think of these bar stools?

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Secret to peaceful parenting is to never tell your child the plans for the day

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Hey America! Your check humanity light is on

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

6 months

Kids talking at bedtime are like the marketing emails which you’ve unsubscribed to multiple times

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

I was reading the emperor’s new clothes to my 5YO and she farted and told me that only stupid people could hear her farts

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

1 year

Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

I’m not wasting my forties trying to figure out mastodon

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

10 months

My Wife: Don’t look at your phone while driving Also my wife when I’m driving: What do you think of these bar stools?

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Once married the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Adulting involves using the phone’s flashlight a lot more than I had anticipated

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Introverts wear glasses to avoid eye contacts

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

Twitter is a community which brings together every mother’s least favorite child

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

6YO: My tummy hurts Me: Must be the bag of cookies you ate 6YO: It’s the other one, not my cookie tummy

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

Today I learned that you never bring a ‘I did the dishes’ to a ‘you never pick things up’ fight

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Secret to a successful marriage is separate blankets

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Award for the best actor goes to my puppy, for her performance as the world’s hungriest and most deprived dog everytime she smells food

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Last night my 6YO got to choose a special treat, and she chose to give me a new ‘fashion princess’ hairstyle

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Until I became a parent I had never heard a human cry because they bumped their nose on a marshmallow

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

1 year

Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section

39

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1K

Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Once married the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Things you never find once lost 1. Innocence 2. Childhood 3. Chapstick 4. New Chapstick 5. Backup Chapstick

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

Twitter was created so the least favorite children have a sense of community

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Good news! My 8YO says she is halfway done with the story which she started telling last Monday

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

My wife still brings up that one time in 2015 I complained of tired legs while she was in labor

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

7 months

Good news! My 8YO says she is halfway done with the story she started telling last Monday

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

My kids will be late to school even if we lived inside the school

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

1 year

Number of times I’ve cooked Mac and cheese: 1000 Number of times I’ve thrown the box and then picked it up from trash to read the instructions: 1024

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

6 months

Damaged my eyes by staring directly at 5th grade math homework

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Feeling sad cause I wasn't invited to a social event that I wouldn't have attended in the first place

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

The way my mom slapped the TV remote not only did it start working it gave up its dreams and is studying to become an engineer

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

When my wife gets upset at me I steal her phone and say things like“fashion hearing aid” “old people clothes” and “save the ostrich”. Then, I let the targeted ads do their magic

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

Today I learned that you never bring a ‘I did the dishes’ to a ‘you never pick things up’ fight

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

My car was making annoying squeaky noises, it stopped once I dropped off the kids

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

My 5YO lost her first tooth and is very certain that the tooth fairy will give it to an old lady who really needs it

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

My five year old was watching the snowfall and said, snow is just cloud poop I’ll never be able to make snow angels again

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

The way my dad slapped the television not only did it start working, it also gave up it’s dreams and is studying to become an engineer

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Excellent news! My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

I bought a Roomba to save an hour on vacuuming, now I’m spending two hours staring at Roomba vacuuming

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

My Wife: Don’t look at your phone while driving Also my wife when I’m driving: What do you think of these bar stools?

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

*Facebook down* Grandpa: *in the back alley* Yes, can I please get a gram of conspiracy theories

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

5 years

I’m more terrified thinking about being stuck at home for 14 days with kids, than the virus itself

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

79% of parenting during summer is asking kids to close the doors

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Last weekend at a friend’s house I shouted “Alexa! play the last argument” and they both panicked

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

I wish I was rich enough to buy snacks at an airport without a second thought

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

10 months

grandmas be like imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

My children wanted to play restaurant and are very upset because I told them my place does not allow kids

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

5 years

Day 8 of Quarantine - Good news! My 7YO says she is halfway done with the story she started telling last Monday

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

Hey America! Your check humanity light is on

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Me: *Living in the US for 18 years* Me: *Calls mom in India everyday 9PM* Mom: *Everyday* What time is it there?

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

If you learn to cook beans you can add it to your legumé

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Secret to a successful marriage is to wake up and be the first one to say, “I didn’t sleep well”

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

7 months

Sorry kids I missed your childhood, I was busy trying to catch up on emails from your school

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

7YO: Can I eat ice cream now? Me: Did you eat your greens? 7YO: Cows eat grass and then give milk I’ll get my greens from the ice cream

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

My wife has no intention of ever sharing her blanket and yet every morning she asks me to help her spread it over the entire bed

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

Pineapple is just a cactus who got enough hugs from it’s daddy

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

my broke ass thought this was a 57 dollar bill

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Married Wrapped 2022 list is out! My most heard tunes were 1. What’s for dinner 2. Did you even look?! (Explicit) 3. Never mind! I’ll do it myself

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

Me: *Living in the US for 16 years* Me: *Calls mom in India everyday 9PM* Mom: *Everyday* What time is it there?

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Me; Alexa! Start understanding my Indian accent Alexa: Here’s what I found on Wikipedia about median cement

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

I have already eaten all the candy, so my kids will open their Easter eggs to find packets of Kikkomon soy sauce

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

2020 is a really long country song

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

My wife still brings up that one time I took a nap in 2015 while she was in labor

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

Americans: I’m not taking the vaccine, with unknown side effects Also Americans: Yes I’ll take a McDouble, large fries and a large coke, sorry Diet Coke

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Don’t forget to remind your wife that she gets an extra hour to do more chores tomorrow

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

4 years

A minute of silence for all those husbands who believed in their wives saying, “no gifts for this Mother’s Day”

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

Worst side effect of the covid vaccine is that soon I’ll have to meet my mother in law

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

We went to a museum and I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing an obnoxious exhibit called other kids

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Before language was invented fire was called ow ow owwwwww

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

Who even sits in the middle on a sofa? Just buy corners and be done

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

My wife still brings up that one time in 2013 I was indecisive about which shirt to wear, after her water broke

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

3 years

I bought a Roomba to save an hour on vacuuming, now I’m spending two hours staring at Roomba vacuuming

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Vinod Chhaproo

@Chhapiness

2 years

When your kids eat pancakes, do they pour the syrup on the floor first or the table

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