Chelsea Fagan @Chelsea_Fagan Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@baran6411

@LMdiplo

Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

have just been informed that the two absolute most terrifying popular girls from my high school class are now married to each other with a baby and i fear we need the romcom stat

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

no greater or more precious bond in this life than the one between people who don't want their pickle and people who want an extra pickle

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

how did none of you tell me that there is a romcom on netflix with a male lead that has cameron from ferris bueller energy and a 92% on rotten tomatoes (which for a romcom is the equivalent of winning a pulitzer prize)??

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

7 years

the other day a bartender told me his high school did a performance of RENT where they couldn't say AIDS so all the characters had diabetes

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

it’s been about four months since we started our four-day workweek experiment and i can honestly say that the idea of a five-day workweek now seems insane looking back, both because three days are necessary for a proper weekend and no job truly needs all five days

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

the entire mental health profession may never recover from the damage that tiktok therapists are doing

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

in some ways this latest COVID wave feels the most depressing, as it's genuinely hard to tell what we're even reaching for anymore. everything feels simultaneously accessible and irresponsible, and you don't feel 100% good about any choice

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

as someone who has watched about 100,000 hours of trash reality television, elon musk conceiving twins via IVF with his mistress while his main chick was pregnant with their second child is maybe literally the messiest thing i've ever heard of

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

shakira is so me honestly bc if you cheated on me with a girl half my age after a decade of marriage and two kids i simply will not be taking any kind of high road. i'm producing the biggest hit of my career that's just three straight minutes of humiliating you

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

we’ve had the “men need to put the toilet seat down” conversation, they either get it or they don’t. the real discourse everyone needs to listen up for is putting the lid down when you flush. flushing with the lid up is waging biological warfare on everything in the bathroom

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

once you hit your 30s as a woman, the algorithms start feeding you a genre of content that can only be described as “cutesie-fied scenes of marital contempt” and it is so bleak

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

i am so upset that this is 90s romcom level chemistry... doing my absolute best not to stan this

The Jade DéMelody

@THEJADEDEMELODY

2 years

@PopCrave I mean:

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

this man is like the only person who has ever actually gotten the superhuman confidence and success promised by a cult. he's like the top .01% girlie they bring on stage at an MLM conference to show what's possible

Tom Cruise

@TomCruise

2 years

A special message from the set of #MissionImpossible @MissionFilm

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

why as women are our clothing options now 'extra on the set of euphoria' or 'extra on the set of little house on the prairie'

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

sometimes you see a person running in such a way that you know they're doing this instead of going to therapy

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

ok i truly couldn't tell you a single thing about kamala harris' tenure as VP but there is no one on this earth i'd rather have a two glass of white wine lunch with, like this woman is just vibing

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

ok this is almost beside the point but i can name at least five things your mom has done to alter/improve her appearance with like 95% accuracy lol

Layah Heilpern

@LayahHeilpern

2 years

Letting yourself age gracefully is far more beautiful than plastic surgery. Here’s proof: Madonna at 64 My mum at 64

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

it's officially october which means getting dark at 4:30 season is about to have its boot on our neck. please give me your tips for not breaking down mentally that don't involve those stupid sun lamps

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

me protecting myself from the ever-creeping sense of doom by refusing to consider anything beyond a week from now

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

literally all i want to do is clean my kitchen and then stare lovingly at it from the doorway lol

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

6 years

cannot stop thinking about how creepy that viral thread about the couple on the plane is. it's unreal how the internet has poisoned our brains & concept of basic privacy so much that u could be 100 tweets deep on something like that & not feel weird about it

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

every year it's clearer to me that not being a parent is one of the greatest & most consistent sources of joy in my life. it allows me everything i most value: time, freedom, spontaneity, indulgence, and the ability to dedicate myself wholly to any project, goal, or cause i like

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

it's important to remind yourself on an extremely regular basis: almost nobody thinks about you, is genuinely interested in you, remembers that thing you did, etc. and this should be both liberating and also deepen your affection for the few people who actually do

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

just saw a tiktok of a cake being cut and it’s actually a watermelon with some kind of topping on it and the fitness queen birthday girl was so excited and let me just say that if anyone ever does that to me i’m walking out of the restaurant and possibly setting it on fire

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

the craziest part of this interview is that you know for as terrible as this all is, she’s not even saying a tenth of the full truth, AND she’s giving them the grace of not naming names

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

this is going ~off, so to answer a few FAQs: -we do a 32-hour workweek -no, we didn't dock people's pay -re: "we couldn't do this at my job, we need coverage," your employer could hire more people, but they're currently getting away with paying themselves more and overworking you

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

i have seen several reality storylines where someone had an 'oops' baby behind their spouse's back and it was considered basically the ultimate form of betrayal. but to be making regular trips to the fertility clinic with your mistress??? actual inconceivable sociopath shit

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

literally no tech device will ever feel as inexplicably chic and powerful as the blackberry in its heyday. i truly thought i was running a boutique PR firm on that thing

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

the main thing you notice in a four-day workweek is how many pointless meetings and redundant tasks you used to have. it’s not even that you’re suddenly insanely productive, you’re just not filling an arbitrary amount of time

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

mmm ok but can we not project our YA novel fantasies onto a 15 year old girl who is in at best an extremely toxic home environment and is now the subject of unfathomable media scrutiny

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

emily in paris boldly asks the question 'what if a tampon commercial lasted for three seasons'

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

the way i NEED him on the next season of white lotus

Zach Raffio

@zachraffio

2 years

He had a quiet 2022. Too quiet. What is he planning.

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

starbucks baristas when they see the latest "secret menu" going viral on tiktok for pumpkin spice season

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

regular reminder that we switched to a 4-day workweek earlier this year and will never go back (32 hours, no pay cut, mon-thurs). revenue increased, everyone's happier, the same work gets done. and also three days is the minimum for a good weekend lol

Is the Four-Day Workweek Finally Within Our Grasp? (Published 2021)

After embracing flexible work styles during the pandemic, some companies are now embracing a shorter week.

www.nytimes.com

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

This is the relationship a public should have with its elected officials. You either serve us and are accountable to us, or you're gone. Hero worship of politicians, turning them into celebrities, congratulating them for doing the minimum -- it has to stop.

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

this comment on our video about celebrities & influencers gaslighting us about beauty should be a required disclaimer on beauty magazines, like the health warnings they put on cigarettes

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

it's interesting how so many of americans' beloved travel experiences: vegas, disneyland, european capitals, even cruise ships, are about enjoying the walkability and mixed-use town centers we constantly vote against creating in our own communities

Hayden

@the_transit_guy

2 years

The urbanism of The Venetian Resort in Las Vegas:

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

this movie is so good!! glen powell is so charming!! the romcom is alive and well!!!!

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

5 years

Weight Watchers probably regretting their promoted hashtag tonight

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

another day, another tweet begging you guys to find another woke CEO to retweet whose ex-wife did not credibly accuse him of years of abuse including literally waterboarding her

Inside the viral story of Gravity CEO Dan Price.

www.bloomberg.com

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

today i was in a taxi in barcelona, stopped at a light, and all of a sudden i see a tall, handsome man in a nice coat walking down the sidewalk and i think mm nice, then i realize it's my literal husband, so i flag him down, he hops in the taxi, and we go get lunch. iconic tbh

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

like there is absolutely no way the woman on the right does not have at least *some* of the following: -veneers -botox -lip fillers/flip -blepharoplasty -tanner -laser/peels -balayage -spray tan -a neck/face lift and listen the girl looks great!! but please be for real lmao

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

prince harry truly in his livejournal era. he is on aol instant messenger checking to see if the royal family is online and then changing his away message to a song lyric that's clearly about them

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

sooo many romance writers here talking about how they’re doing this and let me just say, if it pans out, you know where to throw some royalties

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

6 years

Need to hear more about the graphic designer on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's campaign because her main poster was stirring as hell -- it manages to feel both vintage without being cheesy and modern without being dry

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

new yorkers going to jersey to buy weed

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

thinking about a bathroom with lush, dramatic green tile work

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

i think the most maddening thing about this stage of COVID discourse is that it's basically just the people who take it seriously fighting with each other about how seriously to take it, while the unvaccinated are basically just YOLOing with total impunity

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

The only thing that would make this Suez Canal ship story better is if Elon Musk inserted himself into the situation, loudly offered a useless solution, and then accused a crew member of being a pedophile

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

an emotion i miss is being at a restaurant w a friend and wanting to order something totally over the top, like a huge sundae, or a fishbowl cocktail, or something they flambé tableside, and your friend is like "i was thinking the same thing!!" and you giddily order it together

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

i've been reading a lot about longevity and apparently the best thing to do is get moderate, regular activity but not go too crazy. so basically we need to stop idolizing instagram fitness gurus and start idolizing the old guy who walks around your block in jeans every morning

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

6 years

do you ever think about how hot you could be if you were rich

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

quinta brunson is so relatable because if i got my own show the first thing i’m doing is writing myself into a slow-burn romance with an extremely hot actor

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

at least professionally, most young people should not have impostor syndrome. like half the executives at most companies can barely use email

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

i think cosmetic procedures are great, i fully plan to get a facelift when the time comes, but we need to be real that "aging gracefully" in pop culture/social media is just a question of people who have the money and discernment to get tasteful procedures rather than bad ones

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

@JustBeKindOkay hmm yeah may just have to break down mentally then

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

5 years

The ultimate thing I can’t relate to in both pop culture and rich people behavior is wanting to survive an apocalypse. Please know that on day two of civilization collapsing I am ready to go

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

5 years

i feel like our cultural obsession w skincare has kind of arisen in the vacuum left by the (open) obsession w being thin, in that it's just another way to make something that is primarily about money and genetics be some kind of marker of how conscientious & in-control you are

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

5 years

A lot of things that we think take a lot of courage actually just take a lot of money.

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

i sometimes lose sleep over a dumb thing i said at a party seven years ago, and meanwhile people are out here making entire IG story highlights of themselves blatantly disrespecting social distancing guidelines. people without anxiety are fucking wild

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

the adult equivalent of finding out santa isn't real is realizing that except at more extreme ends of the spectrum, working out has almost nothing to do with how your body looks, but you just have to keep doing it forever so you don't feel like you're decaying

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

6 years

my financial strategy is to make my home a place i enjoy being so much that i never go anywhere and therefore never spend money

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

6 years

a cool thing about twitter is how every woman who starts an account is issued one (1) guy who replies extremely sincerely to every single thing she tweets

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

2021 was the year i bought my dream apartment in manhattan 💁‍♀️

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

6 years

also i've seen people saying "well the couple was ok with being outed by the media and the thread itself so??" which good for them but i want to live in a society where we operate on the assumption that strangers don't want their private conversations turned into viral content

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

nothing fills me with a visceral disdain more than those IG/tiktok couples where one partner is american and the other is foreign and the whole concept is 'look at my spouse doing wacky foreign things.' like please have some dignity

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

@stuartbuck1 there are THREE women involved in this???

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

7 years

@xoMiaMoore apparently the characters took "insulin breaks"

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

it’s an extremely undervalued privilege to grow up with parents who supported and hyped you up no matter what. like if you had the kind of parents who cheered the loudest as you came in dead last at the track meet… it’s like having a secret superpower

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

no one wants to hear this but making friends as an adult is very similar to the early stages of dating. it will be awkward at first, you have to actively make plans and follow up, and you need to push through until things become more effortless

𝕭𝖗𝖚𝖏𝖆♡𝕭𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍

@brujabitchh

2 years

If you were able to make a new friend in your mid twenties, how did you do it?

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

6 years

listening to, live tweeting, and photographing someone's private conversation for literal hours is the kind of thing you should be able to press charges against

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

7 years

nothing is more embarrassing than people who brag about how much they work. like buddy your total inability to manage your time or carve out space for your personal life is the opposite of aspirational

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

walking in LA and this guy getting out of his car was like “you walk a lot!! i saw you walking a couple of hours ago over on melrose and now you’re here!” and he was 100% right. i love that the simple act of walking here makes you a memorable side character

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

i don't say this lightly but for a lot of people on this website there is a point at which you'd be better off doing some volunteering than going to more therapy lol

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

5 years

something that has been very helpful to me is remembering that if my part to play in this pandemic is staying as much as possible in the comfort of my own home, i am an indecently lucky person who owes everything to the people on the front lines of this. it's the least i can do

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

some days i'm filled with so much contentment and fulfillment i could cry, and it's wild to think that my whole life i received the message that this is impossible as a woman without children. i'm so glad i didn't listen to that, and live in a time when this life is available!

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

objectively dunkin coffee tastes better than starbucks, but starbucks is a consistent product, whereas the dunkin experience is pure chaos. is your iced coffee going to be barely sweet, or the sweetest thing you've ever tasted? only the dunkin employee knows, and he isn't telling

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

4 years

unpopular opinion perhaps but i do not want any media to integrate, analyze, or even passively include covid. i don't want to see sitcom actors in masks or watch movies about falling in love over zoom. i would like to get my vaccine and wipe this era from my memory forever

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

a very important subgenre of man is the guy in horror/action movies whose job is to push up his glasses and remark that something is very wrong here

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

taking a train and feeling a familiar flush of rage at how much the automobile industry has undermined american society. we could have fast, cheap public transit. we could live more connected lives. we could live in walkable communities. we deserve so much better than car culture

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

every day i am so grateful that my husband has almost zero internet presence and no interest in social media. literally top five attractive quality in a man

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

okay so obviously having children just so you won’t be lonely is not a good reason to have them, but i also think most people don’t realize that nearly half of seniors in care facilities have *no* visitors in an average year, and most of those people have kids

Shane Morris

@GShaneMorris

2 years

Millennials who are very cavalier about not having children are in for a shock when they enter their 40s & realize life is only half over. What do you do at that point? Keep trying to be sexy & have fun? I expect to see a lot of sadness & confusion about what to do at that point.

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

zara clothing exists in this liminal space where you can ask a woman where she got a cute item and she'll invariably say it was from zara, but then when you actually go in there yourself, it is nothing but unwearable chaos

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

5 years

Quitting your job with no backup? Money! Calling off a wedding? Money! Starting over in a new city? Money! It’s very easy to have the courage of your convictions when you have a safety net, and very difficult to do anything on principle when you don’t.

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

seth rogen once said that he and his wife get as much joy out of not having kids as people get out of having kids and WOW has that been a mood the past few days lol

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

someone explain why this season of the crown has a full-on infomercial for prince charles’ charity and not even ten seconds of the revenge dress

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

7 years

someone valuing "niceness" highly is a red flag for me. "niceness" is very different from kindness, people who value "niceness" generally mean a passive/superficial neutrality that prioritizes civility over any real kind of meaning or conviction. imo.

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

5 years

forgive me twitter but i'm about to Sincere Tweet (TM) for a few minutes on the whole "self-care/emotional labor/form messages for your close friends" phenomenon that for some reason seems to be reaching a fever pitch right now, and i find deeply upsetting

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

is there any feeling in the world more chic than happening to be in the same foreign city as a friend at the same time and getting to meet up with them?? like damn did nancy meyers write this

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

6 years

the best thing i've started doing in life is reaching out to women i admire or just think seem v cool & telling them so. not only does it sometimes lead to real friendships or collaboration, but it's also the most effective way to subvert potential envy into mutual affirmation

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

5 years

Decoupling “working out” from “losing weight” in your mind is one of the best things you can do for your physical and mental health.

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

the most accurate dragging i've ever received is when my friend referred to me as acting 'like the mayor of the airport' whenever i fly because i'm always dressed up in fancy clothes and saying hello to everyone

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

just finished encanto and whatever magical substance they sprinkled on “we don’t talk about bruno”… i’m trying to buy it by the pound

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

5 years

can you all PLEASE stop with this tedious 'adam driver isn't hot' or 'adam driver is hot in this special way only certain people understand' discourse and just look at his gq shoots like normal people

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

6 years

Couples who flirt publicly on social media frankly need to grow up and just leak a sex tape

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

one thing about me is that i have the opposite of impostor syndrome lol. i trust my instincts, i highly value my own work and time, and i don't really care if other people don't always get it. most professional spheres are full of deeply untalented or unserious people anyway

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

here’s the thing about caesar salads: nine out of every ten you order will be a wilted clump of mediocrity and impossibly bad parmesan, but that tenth one will so fundamentally change you as a person that you will keep ordering them in spite of the overwhelmingly bad statistics

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

3 years

if you guys don't stop putting these dumb celebrity men on blast for clout i stg. ben affleck has just the right divorced guy energy to hit on any of us given the right circumstances, and this is ruining it

Meech

@MediumSizeMeech

3 years

Just when I thought Ben Affleck couldn’t get any scarier

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Chelsea Fagan

@Chelsea_Fagan

2 years

truly nothing stops you in your tracks IRL more than a much-older couple who have clearly been together forever and still look incredible for each other. in a culture where beauty is conflated with youth and aspiration with newness, lived-in elegance and romance are unmatched

Cort

@bonillacortne

2 years

rehearsal dinner moodboard

4

15

400

16

125

2K