Buzzy Gran @Buzzy__Gran Twitter profile

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Buzzy Gran

5 months

Quote of the Day “Some poor, phoneless fool is probably sitting next to a waterfall somewhere totally unaware of how angry and scared he’s supposed to be ” - Duncan Trussell

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

My dad sent this to me. I’m dying.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

I am basically the greatest angler to ever angle. Who wants fish tacos?

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

My nephew earned something very important today. I couldn’t be more proud of him. #IYKYK

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

The wind gave me this sweet stick so now I am jousting the bushes.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

It only took me three and a half years to get around to remodeling my bedroom but it’s finally finished. I know it doesn’t seem like much but I did everything by myself and I am kind of proud of my work. Next up: the bathroom.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

2 months

Boss: Can you give us a minute alone? Coworker: Of course. [leaves] Me: Uh-oh. Now what? Boss: Nothing. I’m just tired of hearing that motherfucker talk. Me: ☠️

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

8 months

Merry Christmas, warriors. You are remembered.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

26 days

@JesseKellyDC Your tastebuds are retreating faster than your hairline.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 year

@DomesticCEOCat Reminds me of this bit.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

My time off for the Marine Corps birthday has been approved. PREPARE THYSELF.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

7 months

My brother and I have precisely zero respect for child labor laws.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

I stopped by my cousin’s house to meet this goober.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

Works a 16-hour shift, grabs a few hours of sleep, throws on a sundress, hires a car to take her out to the vineyard. She’s pretty rad.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

Priest: …speak now or forever hold your peace. Groom: [glaring at me] Me: She thinks the F-35 can replace the A-10! *scuffling* Me: Get off me! Bride’s dad: [punches me] Me: YOU HIT LIKE A CHEERLEADER, OLD MAN! *children crying* Bride: I told you not to invite him!

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

2 months

Me: I am immune to the charms of Southern wimmins. Her: Darlin'. Me: Please have my babies.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

7 months

There’s a cougar with a mullet drinking a pitcher of Long Island iced tea and shaking her ass to Def Leppard over by the pool table, in case any of you lads are looking to make some bad decisions.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

She’s going to bag a turkey before I do and I will never hear the end of it.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

Am I doing this right? I don’t have any fish but I do have beers.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

3 months

GM. It's time to carpe the shit out of this diem.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

The newest addiction to the homies. Adorable, but bro needs to get a job.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

My niece is now fully qualified to join the Marine Corps.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

Having a rough day? Life got ya down? Cheer up! Today is the anniversary of Joseph Stalin’s death and a nice reminder that the only good commie is a dead commie.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

8 months

My aunt is bringing her new boyfriend to the family shindig and asked everyone to say “happy holidays” to him since he is a special flower or something. My brothers and I are going to “merry Christmas” the shit outta that guy all. day. long.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

Post the oldest picture of you on your phone, and there is no description.

TroutmasterFlex

@TroutmasterFIex

5 months

Post the oldest picture of you on your phone, and there is no description

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

My aunt died this past Saturday and left this painting to me. My grandma bought it when she lived in Argentina and left it to her. Auntie K knew I loved this piece so she made sure I would get it. Pretty cool.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

7 months

@DomesticCEOCat When I was 10 my brother and I paddled our surfboards across Kaneohe Bay to Recon Beach at the Marine base so we could watch the Blue Angels practice. We got busted by a civilian employee who called our dad who was stationed there. Pops was so impressed he didn’t even yell at us.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

10 months

I think I just made up a sweet dad joke. What does an electrician call an RV? A mobile ohm.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

I am now the proud owner of my niece’s opus magnum.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

10 months

Cashier: You saved… Me: [grabs mic] Cashier: Sir! SIR! Me: Attention shoppers! Seven days and a wake-up until the Marine Corps’ birthday! Cashier: HELP! Me: FROM THE HALLS OF MONTEZUMA! *scuffling* UNHAND ME! Cop: Put it down, sir! Me: SEMPER FI, MOTHERF— Cop: [tazes me]

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

The one downside of these fancy insulated mugs is that they are a bit heavy which often fools me into believing I still have a sip or two of coffee when there is nothing but shattered dreams in an empty vessel.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

3 months

Some of you all, abuse commas, to the point that I read your posts, a la Christopher Walken.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

3 months

I CAUGHT THE FISH FOR FISH TACOS. I AM ALL THAT IS MAN. *excited monkeh noises*

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

I humbly accept this tribute of banana bread for being the world’s best son.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

Courtesy of my dad. He’s not joking.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

2 months

GM Just a quick reminder that I am still out in these woods fighting off bears whomst would steal our women. That's not true. I am in my kitchen nursing a wee hangover.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

GUYS! Stick!

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

A Southern belle at Starbucks called me sugar and said I’m handsome, so now you’re all going to have to deal with smug Buzzy for a bit.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

26 days

Great Grandpa and his homies looking harder than woodpecker lips.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

GM GM

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

SITREP Currently watching this extremely accurate documentary about King Arthur.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

Guess whose mom dropped off some banana bread. Give up? It was my mom. I now have banana bread. I would share but I know how much you all hate this stuff.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

Few things make me happier than having all of the seats around my table occupied by family.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

Time to go flirt with some little old church ladies and steal a bunch of those powdered mini donuts.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

@DomesticCEOCat These are bones and organs from that Operation game.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

My big brother sent a meme to the wrong text thread and now I am wheezing.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

29 days

Fuck Tim Walz and all of the vile commies who support him.

Kurt Schlichter

@KurtSchlichter

29 days

Vets, post your photo of you not being Tim Walz!

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

9 months

Her: I bet he’s out chasing women. Me and my brothers:

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

2 months

She wants an omelette with cheesy roasted potatoes, she gets an omelette with cheesy roasted potatoes.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

8 months

The fact that a man allows this abomination to live under his roof is just sad. The fact that I am related to that man is even sadder.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

11 months

GM. I would like to wish a very happy International Wombat Day to all who celebrate.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

Time to show a little leg, flirt with some dames, circle the snack bar like a great white stalking a wounded seal…

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

9 months

We have ways of dealing with Brits who want to take things from us.

Mark 🐈‍⬛

@TheBossnME

9 months

@nellen55 @boyonabike62 These vehicles should be banned.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

Guys! GUYS! Check out this doggo and his stick!

Rad

@8541SD

5 months

Hey guys, check out this stick Baklava Pup found!

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 year

Gang signs.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

I was just called handsome and hoooooooo buddy I'm about to be (•_•) < ) ) ╯smug / \ \(•_•) ( (> as / \ (•_•) < ) ) > fuck / \

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

I decided to clean my phone case and had a pleasant surprise.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

11 months

So long, Grandma. Save a dance for me.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

Sausage, ricotta, and pecorino romano ravioli in brown butter with toasted pine nuts.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 year

I want to buy this truck so I can take a date out to the drive-in theater then grab some chocolate malts.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

2 months

• Checks Twitter • Sees angry commies • Assumes something good just happened

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

It’s been one of those days.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

2 months

Me and one of the bros rolling into our friend's house to find several youths staring at their phones on the couch while their parents are outside getting things ready for a party.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

4 months

Her: Are we having bacon?! Me: What? Oh! Yeah, I was definitely *nervous laughter* making this entire sheet of bacon for both of us.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

I don’t know if “lethal” is a valid unit of measure but that’s about how much butter I used.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

3 months

GM

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

5 months

I am taking care of these vicious beasts tonight. I daren’t turn my back on them lest I fall prey. I ask for your prayers that I may endure this night.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

2 months

Made a new friend. His name is Hamish MacRibbit.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

3 months

Shout out to the Marine Corps for giving me the ability to remain calm in chaotic situations but also for making it so I turn into a madman when little things go a tiny bit sideways. Good times.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

Happy 0311 Day to my fellow men of the rifle. May your beers be cold and your crayons delicious.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

2 months

I wear my finest flops whenever I attend awards ceremonies at city hall.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

You know those fancy dish towels you hang on your oven handle but expect to be treated as museum pieces? I will use them to clean up tomato sauce while looking you right your fucking eyes.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

3 months

My buddy posted a video of a fish he caught in our group text and now we’re all roasting him for being a fat instead of saying anything about the fish because we can hear him breathing heavily. Dude friends are brutal.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

My 2-year-old niece is really starting to talk but, like most toddlers, she still has difficulty pronouncing words. One of those words is "uncle." How does she pronounce it? "Icky." Yep. I am Icky. Let's hope this doesn't last.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

Ladies and gentlemen, I am very proud to present Doctor Sasquatch MacYeti.

Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

Extra proud of my big brother today.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

10 days

Professor Buzzy is off to school these fools on how to properly raid a snack bar.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

3 months

No time for GM. I overslept, didn't do a fitness, and I have to buy coffee instead of savoring my home-brewed deuce juice. Very sad.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

Mocking someone who accidentally killed their dog, no matter how horrible they are, makes me want to kill something you love just so I can watch you drown in the pain, and I hate you for waking up that part of my mind.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

11 months

A quick reminder for the people who seem to find conflict at every turn: “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.” - Raylan Givens, Justified

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

7 months

My pizza and I have are similar in that we aren’t very good looking but we will make you happy.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

7 months

GM. So much for a snow storm. That John Denver is full of shit. Anyway, it’s time for tent coffee.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

12 days

Time to show a little leg while putting the “fun” in “funeral.”

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

I will bet you a bag of those little powdered donuts that I will be the only guy on-site rocking a handmade punch that his homie machined.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

Another food pic to annoy the people who hate food pics.

Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

[slams fist on table] We are having lemon basil spaghettini with venison sausage tonight. If you have a problem with that, go huff a jar of dog farts.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

1 month

Extra proud of my big brother today.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

10 months

Off to the pub. Here’s hoping I find some dames who like a fella in a Mister Rogers sweater.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

2 months

Oh wow would you look at the time I guess I will have this pool beer

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

3 months

Beach Grocery List • 120 Yuenglings • 96 White Claws • 6 bottles of Pinot Noir • 6 bottles of Chardonnay • 4 bottles of champagne • 25 Davidoff cigars • Bottle of vodka • Bottle of bourbon • Bottle of rum • Ginger ale • Limes • Bag of Doritos

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

10 months

Marine Corps birthday suit: Sunnies, silkies, aloha shirt. Because a gentleman must always look his best.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

3 months

Flex just told me that we are all invited over to his place for ceviche and fish tacos.

TroutmasterFlex

@TroutmasterFIex

3 months

#2 #StayFlexing

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

24 days

Benefit of living in a small town: • Run into chiropractor at market. • She asks how I’ve been. • I complain about neck pain and headaches since Wednesday. • She sits me down on a bench out front and adjusts me for free. • I instantly feel better. • Go home with snacks.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran

6 months

This is your periodic reminder that I don’t have to hate your enemies and I certainly do not have to like your friends.

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Buzzy Gran

@Buzzy__Gran