Does anyone else every feel like they have completely lost their intelligence to depression, I used to be so passionate about reading and writing, I adored knowledge and I’d spend my days analysing the latest book I had fallen in love with, now I can barely read a cereal box
@DaynaEMCraig
Kinda unrelated but a member of my family had the misfortune of getting pregnant at 15 in Donegal in the 70’s, she narrowly missed the laundries but when she was giving birth her doctor refused her any pain relief because he wanted her to feel the pain
@user_1_1
I am the exact same, it’s even more frustrating when you are being told that things like journaling could help, feeling locked out of something so beneficial is heartbreaking
@JadeRose83
It makes me so happy to hear that it got better for you! It’s been years for me and it just seems to be getting worse, for now I can at least get comfort knowing others have come out the other side
Very few people realise just how awful seeking help for suicidal ideation can be
for the majority of us it means terrible treatment from a service that isn’t fit for purpose
If I wanted attention I would go on fucking tinder, it’s honestly a lot less painful
Suicidal ideation IS sometimes a communication in that the communication is 'I am suicidal, help me before this is inevitable'. The communication is not 'look at me' in the way it seems to get imagined.
Since being diagnosed with EUPD I have never been told why its been diagnosed, what symptoms I exhibit etc, I’ve also never been offered a single treatment for it, but according to my mental health team my lack of improvement is entirely my own fault
@DaynaEMCraig
Had it not been for her parents being so called progressives for the time she would have ended up in a laundry and her baby would have been adopted
@DaynaEMCraig
And remember it the next time she wanted to misbehave, he told her parents she should be in a laundry and even took the liberty of calling the local priest to come and talk to her after the birth
Dear psychiatrist, please stop telling students they should drop out of degrees they adore because they aren’t capable, it’s very soul crushing, worsens stigma, leaves absolutely no room for hope and helps lock people with SMI into a life of further structural inequality
@audisdead
There are a wide variety of reasons for cognitive impairments and you can’t assume that all of the people relating to this are completely unaware of long covid/already explored it, yes long covid needs more awareness but this isn’t the way to do it
@imaliveontwt
It’s horrible, and the worst part is that it’s so hard to articulate because your ability to understand and communicate is suddenly limited 😫
@obeenibi
It’s almost as if we can have mature and appropriate conversations about sex and sexuality that aren’t driven by a desire for sexual gratification
✨mental health services maths✨
Asking for help = just wants attention doesn’t actually need help
Not asking for help = refusing to engage
Inevitably declining because you didn’t get the help you needed either way = manipulation
Mental health nurse: if you really wanted to die why would you come to the ER?
Me: isn’t this where you’re meant to come if you’re suicidal?
Him: but if you were actually suicidal wouldn’t you just do it?
Me:
Ever since being dx with EUPD I have found that any time I try and say that I’m struggling I am brushed aside and told that I can’t be struggling that much because I haven’t attempted, yet when I do im asked why I didn’t reach out before, it’s a lose lose situation
CW suicide
I was in hospital for a week at the end of January due to a suicide attempt, here’s some of the highlights:
- the paramedic that called me a stupid girl for attempting 🥰
@MadiSP4321
Not a man but when I was 17 a very insightful male GP informed me that getting pregnant stops your periods for 9 months, could be an option worth looking into I’ve heard it’s great
My experience of accessing mental healthcare as a young woman has been 90% dehumanising, hope-destroying character assassination and 10% life saving, I live for the day that young women can access help for mental illness without being disregarded as another hysterical little girl
Last night I had a very lengthy convo with friends about how the housing crisis has completely sucked all of the creativity out of Ireland, nobody can afford a creative career anymore and those lucky enough to always end up emigrating, so much good work is going unseen
The fact that almost nobody can afford anymore to be in journalism or the arts (music, writing, visual art) doing that full-time unless they come from money is seriously sucking the marrow out of the culture. There’s lots of cool stuff being done right now but you won’t find it.
Unfriendly reminder that it is entirely possible to make people aware that someone is an asshole without a stupid armchair diagnosis that does absolutely nothing but fan the flames of stigma against mental illness
"The behavior you describe is very characteristic of somebody with borderline personality disorder," my therapist stated matter-of-factly. "I can’t make a formal diagnosis since I’ve never met him. But from what you’ve said, he certainly seems to fit the criteria."
@Ontheboldstep
I saw someone on tik tok going mad because he thought one of them was Brazilian because of the surname and when people corrected him he was like oh well nevermind, I’m sorry what? Is violence against women only worth standing up for when you can spew more hate, boils my blood
@ZahraLXP
Withdrawal of warmth and being ignored has done little more than deter me from ever asking for help again, sure it might mean I’m asking for help less but that isn’t because I’m any better, all it reinforces for me is shame which usually makes me want to punish myself more
- sitting in blood and puke stained pyjamas for 6 days without a shower 🥳
- being sent to my psychiatrist in a taxi, in those exact same pyjamas and no shoes 🤓
Overall a 10/10 experience my mental health has never been better thank you HSE 😍
Not to be that person but I weirdly think going back to work despite being incredibly depressed has lifted the mood a little, it’s forced me to have a routine again, I can’t stay in bed all day and it’s distracting me from how bad I feel, hopefully this continues
You know when the depressive episode has lasted so long and MH services are so shite that you genuinely consider taking the advice of the shroom bots for a second because that’s the level of desperation you have reached, or is it just me?
I was not expecting this to get so many responses at all and I’m so grateful to hear that other people have experienced this and come through the other side 🫶🏻
Does anyone else every feel like they have completely lost their intelligence to depression, I used to be so passionate about reading and writing, I adored knowledge and I’d spend my days analysing the latest book I had fallen in love with, now I can barely read a cereal box
@Mirandarrgh
I’ve been told something similar, I’ve met a lot of new psychiatrist recently and found it incredibly hard to trust them based on past experiences, and many of them chalked it up to my personality, like no, maybe just maybe I’m reluctant to trust the same ppl that fucked me over?
- said paramedic and the A&E triage nurse calling me a stupid borderline attention seeker 🫶🏻
- the triage nurse laughing at me while I got violently sick and telling me I should really give it up 🥵
- having my top stripped off me in a busy corridor for an ecg 🫡
How mental health professionals react to me a young woman trying to explain that despite my EUPD diagnosis, I actually have a strong sense of self, don’t have intense and unstable relationships, don’t have a fear of abandonment, don’t feel empty, or 90% of the symptoms of EUPD
I will never understand why 90% of the psychiatrists I meet respond to me explaining why I don’t relate to my EUPD diagnosis with well we’re the experts and you’re the patient, as if they live inside my head and know exactly what I am feeling, it’s so unproductive
I just got fired because my coworker snitched on me for refusing to take a drinks payment off a person because they were staying in the hotel to be near a relative who got rushed into the hospital nearby, I just love hospitality so much 🥰
@_borntobemild
All I can manage right now is reality TV, it doesn’t matter if I completely miss what they are saying because they weren’t saying much to begin with 😭
- the nurse that shouted at me that I wouldn’t be getting any antiemetic if I kept getting sick❓
- the HCA that spent 12 hours reminding me every time I got sick that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t attempt 😎
- being carried to and watched on the toilet by 3 men 🤪
- every single nurse in the AMU that came to see how bad my scars were 👺
- hearing said nurses discuss how bad my scars were ❤️
- The nurse that told me I’m mentally ill because I don’t pray enough 😘
- the hepatologist that told me I was unworthy of a liver transplant 🤩
Turns out that spending 5 years trying to get my degree, having to drop out three times and watching all my mates graduate while I was in hospital because of a suicide attempt and facing the possibility of having to drop out again because I’m still not any better is a bit shit
I will never forget the nurses in general and mental health settings that shared their own experiences with me, it made such a difference, especially in general wards when I felt like a bit of a leper, they created a safe and stigma free space for me that was desperately needed
Every time we, as mental health professionals, open up about our own experiences of mental health condition(s), a door immediately opens for others, and stigma fades a little more.
I have lost count of the number of times I have left appointments with MH services without an ounce of hope left because of this, it makes me feel like a little girl screaming for someone to just believe her while nobody’s is listening, it is absolute misery
'One of the by-products of a culture which encourages staff to respond to patients with scepticism, disbelief and cruelty, is the desperate feeling it creates in survivors of needing to prove what we are saying is true.'
@audisdead
Thank you for understanding! I honestly don’t mind, I can appreciate that there needs to be far more awareness surrounding long covid and it’s cognitive effects but it needs to be recognised as one of many possible explanations
My consultant has decided that the medication I’m on needs to be stopped, my diagnosis of EUPD needs to be reevaluated, I need to see a psychologist to work on trusting mental health services again and I need to see and OT to help manage my ADHD symptoms
Once I was deemed to high risk to be discharged from a general ward but there were no psych beds, so they arranged a taxi to see a psychiatrist in my local psych hospital with the driver under strict conditions not to let me out, easily the most awkward 20 minutes of my life 😭
Turns out that forcing yourself to get out of bed everyday and go to work when you feel like you barely have the energy to breathe is incredibly fucking exhausting
@MadiSP4321
That is simply a very minor side effect that us women adapt to very quickly, I wouldn’t be too concerned, I’ve even been told it can provide purpose in life and aid in the treatment of psychological ailments, very exciting stuff
Having a mental illness in Ireland honestly feels like a death sentence sometimes, either being in desperate need of help you know just isn’t there or in fear that when you will need it it just isn’t going to be there really kills all hope
@ConvenientoKill
@audisdead
I say I feel I’ve lost intelligence because depression impedes on my ability to engage in anything intellectual, I lose all motivation, my memory is severely affected, my processing speed slows down and my creativity is severely affected, I’m well aware that it isn’t a loss of
So far a good 90% of interactions I have had with Irish mental health services have done absolutely nothing but erode any hope I had left that I might just be able to live a life I want one day
@JohnnyArgent
It’s heartbreaking! A few years ago I was doing a challenging degree that I loved and could excel in, reading and writing in two different languages for fun while also trying to learn Arabic and Irish and I was a tutor, now I struggle with basic comprehension, it’s scary
I have this crazy idea in my head that maybe, just maybe if mental health professionals used all of the time they spend telling me what I’m saying isn’t true to actually listen and try to help I might actually get better, that isn’t happening though which is just fantastic for me
and that I shouldn’t let my mh make me think otherwise, a psychiatrist that has seen me for a grand total of 20 minutes, felt the need to tell me that I should drop out, do something less challenging and called my attachment to my degree unhealthy
“Psychiatric disorders, such as borderline personality disorder, are frequently associated with tattoos. Finding a tattoo on physical examination should alert the physician to the possibility of an underlying psychiatric condition.”
🙄 🤦♀️
#psychiatry
CW suicide, hospital trauma
Such an important 🧵
Thank you for sharing this, hospital trauma is not spoken about nearly enough, especially in the context of people with mental illness (1/11)
Today I was told to go to A&E because my toes on my left foot will barely move, and it seems like a nerve issue. My foot also feels "heavy" and constantly painful.
But I haven't gone. Not because I don't care, but because of hospital trauma. What does that mean? (1/5)
AI generated art should be illegal, but I adore this, but it makes me sad because there is no person that made this and I don’t like it and I want to cry because art is so human and now we’re using AI to make art and it’s actually good but it also isn’t because yeah
It has been several days but I’m still slightly (very) salty that after the most positive continuation meeting with the director of my course, where she assured me that I am absolutely capable of not just completing, but excelling in my degree
@chanelroe
Sometimes I still buy loads of books thinking I will be able to read them, so I like to treat them as a goal for recovery, finally being able to enjoy all of the books I have pulled up will be such an achievement
It’s very common for irish couples in their 20s to book hotel rooms so they can get the ride without their parents hearing them from the childhoods bedrooms they haven’t been able to move out of, so in work we put them all on the same floor to avoid noise complaints, fun fact
I am yet to meet a woman that hasn’t had at least one absolutely awful interaction with a doctor that did absolutely nothing to help the problem they presented with and made them feel like a steaming pile of shit on top of it
I do find it quite ironic that being diagnosed with a disorder caused by trauma has done nothing but generate many more traumatic experiences, so far being labelled with EUPD has done nothing except make health care workers treat me like scum of the earth, love it
The details of this case and the shocking failings of the HSE in treating Diego when he was very clearly psychotic is beyond heartbreaking. More lives lost and destroyed by a mental health service that is completely unfit for purpose. How many more before we see change?
A 35-year-old man who killed his wife because he believed she was possessed and had become a serpent, was suffering from a psychotic disorder induced by cannabis, the Central Criminal Court has been told
I cried and puked this morning because I was so anxious about my first psych appointment with my new team, but I pulled it together and made my way, only to be told that they cancelled it and rescheduled it for a months time because they thought I was still at the day hospital
@ConvenientoKill
@audisdead
Intelligence, however I was expressing a fear that many people who have severe depression have, that their depression has robbed them of their intelligence, depression feels so permanent that it does feel like you will be that way forever
Meeting my consultant for the second time last Friday has honestly multiplied how hopeless I feel by 100, I have tried and tried to get help for years now and so far all it has done is convince me that I am damaged beyond repair
Similarly being in my early twenties watching people go to college, graduate, travel and just generally have the time of their lives while I am just trying to survive is soul crushing, mental illness is so cruel
Being mentally ill in your mid twenties is hard.
You see your peers buying houses, securing good jobs and having partners.
All whilst you are stuck in hospital with no purpose or plan.
It’s demoralising
#madtwitter
For me a diagnosis of EUPD I don’t agree with has meant I no longer feel comfortable describing symptoms that aren’t related to it, because it is almost always met with suspicion, disbelief and ultimately dismissal, fighting to be understood is too exhausting right now
All I’m asking for is a group for daughters who’s mothers desperately need therapy but refuse to go because they can just talk to their daughters instead, so we can all just hold hands and collectively scream
The suicidal thoughts, self hatred, guilt, apathy, hopelessness, lack of energy and motivation and absolute misery leaving my body the second a MH professional tells me that life’s just tough
Social media is fake so here are some things I am trying to accept about myself at 22
- I suffer from SMI and addiction
- I am on my 6th year of a 4 year degree, with (hopefully)another year and a half left
- I have severe self harm scarring
- I am thousands of euro in debt
Social media is fake so here are some things that I get judged for and I’m trying to accept about myself at 29
- Live with my parents
- Can’t hold down a job or get a degree due to my illness
- No savings
- Barely any IRL friends due to being flakey bc of my illness
- Goofy af
They might not have responded with a genocidal campaign but they did open fire on peaceful protest, allowed undercover troops to kill unarmed civilians, helped arm loyalist paras, introduced internment and passed the legacies bill once it was all over
This was London after an IRA bombing in 1993.
The government did not react by bombing the shit out of everyone and everything in Ireland because, despite being Tories, they were not a bunch of evil psychopaths.
You know the really glamorous point in your depression where you finally get out of bed to go to the toilet and notice that your mattress is completely dented where you have been slowly decaying for months on end, ✨bed rotting✨ feels just as romantic as tik tok says it is🥰
@rantsndchaiii
Every wound is a step towards maturity and sanity. The more you hurt, the more you realize the nothingness of the world and the people around.
@IrunguShirley
Yes! It really does make you feel like a fraud, like maybe you never had the ability in the first place and you were just fooling yourself, mental illness is so so cruel
@Lacey_artist
So many MH teams just disregard so much of what you say, cherry pick the parts that fit their narrative and treat you like you’re disordered for suggesting that they aren’t really listening
Ended up having to work an extra hour to kick out a man that was being violent towards staff, missed my last bus home and had to wait an 1 + 1/2 for the night bus, got on the bus and nearly got puked on and now I get home and there is a rent arrears notice on my door 🥰
The lack of continuity of care in Irish MH services is easily the most frustrating part of seeking treatment, it’s like a never ending parade of strangers you don’t know or trust asking you the most intrusive and personal questions about the worst times of your life on repeat
I felt slightly better yesterday and managed to open my blinds and wash my hair for the first time in a very long time, today I’m absolutely miserable again, I can’t get out of bed and I just want to cry, bodes well for the essay I have due in two days