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All Pro Lines Profile
All Pro Lines

@AllProLines

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Original football stuff written by professional comedians.

Joined October 2020
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
9 months
Doesn’t look like the Browns watched tape on the Texans. Was it only available on Peacock?
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
POWER RANKINGS UPDATE: The Lions are now the THIRD most embarrassing thing out of Detroit, behind Kid Rock and these two.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Gronk wasn’t phased by Antonio Brown. This ain’t the first time he’s seen a Tampa stripper quit mid shift.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
I have watched A LOT of National Geographic, but I’ve never seen a dolphin hurt a zebra.
@BadSportsRefs
Bad Sports Refs
4 years
Ref got crushed by a herd of stampeding Dolphins
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
Aaron Rodgers is out already? Tim Tebow lasted longer on his wedding night.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
9 months
The Texas border is more secure than this end zone.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
First time I just wanted the Weeknd to be over.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
This is how I felt when I heard that Colt McCoy is still playing. #Giants #NFL
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
BREAKING: Belichick texted congrats on unretiring to Tom Jones.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Hey Aaron, if you really want no shot, you should play for the Lions.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
When Gronk heard that Kelce got 69 yards in the Taylor Swift game.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
I feel like Brady could have saved his marriage if she told him there were two minutes left.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
Who wore it better?
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Kudos to Eminem. Somebody from Detroit made it to a Super Bowl!
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
I enjoy this kind of comedy. Got any other classic/favorite jerseys like this?
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
Aaron Rodgers was in for 4 plays. That’s only 3 more than Abe Lincoln.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
For the 13th year in a row, Stafford is home for the #SuperBowl
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
The NFL is scouting sites for future games in Spain and Brazil. Someday they might even put a professional football team in Chicago.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
After hearing that Urban Meyer can kick, the Vikings signed him.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Knowing @FrankCaliendo ’s luck lately, he probably just perfected his impression of Antonio Brown.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
What happens to these ads now? Nobody wants to go home with Deshaun Watson.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
For a short time, this was the center of my world…
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
9 months
This game is so embarrassing, The Village People have asked the Cowboy to leave.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
Who gave the halftime speech to Indianapolis? The Falcons??
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
The two statues outside of the #Colts stadium. #NFL
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
RIP Madden! What a character. What a life. He still refuses to fly. ETA in heaven: 2023.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
How to tackle Tom Brady #NFL
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
The Weeknd spent more time in the end zone than the #Chiefs . #SuperBowl
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
9 months
The last two to underestimate Lions
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Antonio Brown just quit in the third quarter, so they made him an honorary Falcon.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
BREAKING: After “extensive research” Browns sign Will Smith.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
10 months
LOVE it. Give ‘em hell @PatMcAfeeShow !
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
This popped up in memories. Spooky, right?
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
The #HalfTimeShow was a Proud Boys nightmare. A bunch of rappers and hip-hop stars take over a white neighborhood.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
Dalvin Cook scored 4 TDs. First time a Viking has done that since Ahmad Rashad. Which reminds me of this hilarious photo from of Ahmad’s wedding, featuring the worst taste in groomsmen. EVER.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
10 months
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
9 months
Headed to Buffalo. First time in a while she has to worry about any bills.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
Taylor Swift has shown up to more games this year than Josh Allen.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
Aaron Rodgers had more time in the pocket than my high school condom. #Packers #NFL
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
Who wrote this slogan? Yoda??
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
One bloody lip. “I’m taking my ball and going home.”
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
I think Rihanna stole her set from the arcade game Joust.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
#Giants fans watching Nate Sudfeld #Eagles
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
BEAR WARNING. What to do if you encounter these bears.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
Tom Brady got laid off and moved to Tampa, has a baby mama, just walks into random houses, and gets so fall down drunk he throws stuff out of his boat. He’s one pet alligator away from being the perfect “Florida man.”
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
When it comes to playoff bonus checks it looks like the Packers players get the Rodgers rate.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
This could be your LAST CHANCE Joe. Get in there!!
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
9 months
Sure, Notre Dame has Touchdown Jesus. But Brazil has Unsportsmanlike Conduct Jesus.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
Aaron Rodgers challenged Travis Kelce to a debate about vaccines. Travis Kelce is busy. He has a new girlfriend. And a podcast. And a JOB. Travis Kelce even has communication with his family.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
Saturday v. Cowher
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
8 months
This is Tom Brady’s combine photo. Or Mike Birbiglia has a new special.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
The only way you're allowed to tackle a QB in the #NFL
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
The “Fucking Emails” Club
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Funny and talented @JessHooker_ @bobandtom surprised me with an All Pro Lines shirt. Cool!
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
9 months
The NFL considered Lizzo for the halftime show, but they were worried the audience would see a fat lady singing and think the game was over.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Usually when Urban Meyer encounters a pink slip, he tries to slide his hand up and inside of it.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
#Bengals are 0-2. Cinci hasn’t been this miffed since WKRP dropped live turkeys out of a helicopter.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
Know why Jeff Fisher isn’t coaching in 2021? Because with 17 games, you can’t go 8-8.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
It’s Carson Wentz’s second chapter with Frank Reich, who was once his offensive coordinator in Philly. Hopefully this is the last chapter. Nobody wants a 3rd Reich.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
9 months
He won’t know it for 40 years, but this kid’s life peaked this week.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
Andy Dalton finally figured out how to win in Cinci. Be the visiting team.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
🎄🏈👌🏼
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
At least now we’ll have a case study on what heals an Achilles faster. Praying to God, or visiting a witch doctor...
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
If Rodgers leaves it will be the worst thing to happen to Wisconsin since lactose intolerance.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
Wait, is this Bill Burr??
@CantALoupe_FF
CantaLoupe
2 years
In his postgame press conference, Sean McDermott took full responsibility for the Bills' loss.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Jeff Fisher said some things this week that very much impressed me. Kudos man. But also this:
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
The early favorite for Offensive Rookie of the Year is Ja’Marr Chase. Offensive Coach of the Year is pretty much wrapped up.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Saturday was the best day for #Bengals since they ate Roy.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
It's not often you to get see some zebras fuck some tigers. #AFCChampionshipGame
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
Detroit
@FootbaIl_Tweets
Football Is Life
2 years
What city needs an NFL team?
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Legit gut laughs from me...
@nbcsnl
Saturday Night Live - SNL
3 years
joke swap timeee 💀 #SNLFinale
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
For 8 years Tim Tebow has been like Chick-fil-A. Pious, committed to his principles, and not working on Sundays.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
What’s the big deal about a home Super Bowl? #Lions
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
BREAKING: The New York #Jets have hired the head of Capitol security to be their defensive coordinator.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Offensive Player of the Year: Cooper Kupp. Offensive COACH of the Year: Jon Gruden.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Andy Dalton’s family is NOT HAPPY the Bears drafted a QB.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
Introducing… Mini Helmet Theater!
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
Great line from @ThatJoshArnold this morning @bobandtom : "OJ cuts the cake, and Cosby serves the drinks."
@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
Dalvin Cook scored 4 TDs. First time a Viking has done that since Ahmad Rashad. Which reminds me of this hilarious photo from of Ahmad’s wedding, featuring the worst taste in groomsmen. EVER.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Tom Brady’s diet is so strict, he’s not allowed to lick his own bloody lip.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
A damn fine joke. #Seahawks
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
No joke here. Just thought this was pretty cool.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
Boy, that next Caliendo impression of Gruden is gonna be a doooozy.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
4 years
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
10 months
Jake Browning’s girlfriend. 😳 I’d like to “share a luge” with her.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
10 months
He’s retiring soon. Last chance to do this joke. #teddybridgewater #lions
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
Tony Romo and Jim Nantz will do the Super Bowl. Romo is likely to be the only Cowboy at the game.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
This AFC game had worse officiating than a Vegas drive-through wedding.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
8 months
Jason Kelce topless. Usher topless. Can we get Gracie Hunt in on the fun?
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
10 months
#Ravens 🤷🏻‍♂️ #NFL 🤦🏻‍♂️
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
KARDASHIANS. Helping NFL players get over their exes since 1994.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
Has anyone ever seen Matt Ryan successfully finish a meal? I kind of assume he just drops the second half of his steak on the floor and loses his wallet.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
“That motherfucker out his gottdamn mind.” -Kanye West on Antonio Brown
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
The Bills/Browns game is being moved to Detroit? Boooooooo. We should immediately put together two rag tag teams of bar dudes from Buffalo and still have the snow game that we’ve been looking forward to.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
1 year
Cheers! 🍺 #Dolphins #NFL
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
2 years
The Tom Brady vs. @FunnyCostaki Economopoulos comparison nobody asked for. #NFL #NFLmemes
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
9 months
Punxsutawney Phil has a 39% accuracy rate. So the Falcons have signed him to be their quarterback.
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@AllProLines
All Pro Lines
3 years
. @FunnyCostaki , @tdlockett12 & @WillieGriswold Try to guess which one of us has 45 touchdowns. So far. @bobandtom @WestwoodOne
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