Khadija M. @5odayja Twitter profile | Pikagi

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Khadija M.

@5odayja

9,247

Followers

550

Following

2,743

Media

73,014

Statuses

this is twitter, not the freaking parliament, sometimes i'm talking to myself alone

Lahore, Pakistan

Joined February 2011

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

Pinned Tweet

@5odayja

Khadija M.

4 years

Brown daughters inherit their mothers as damaged commodities. Not as something to derive love and satisfaction from, but as something to fix. We battle against their fears and insecurities with them, alongside our own. It completely exhausts us, and yet there is no winning.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

played Quran on my phone for my khala who's in ICU, checked on her ten minutes later and she was listening to backstreet boys instead I FORGOT TO REMOVE SHUFFLE

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

Just realised I never told twitter this bizarre story. In 2018 I lost my laptop bag at Islamabad airport after an exhausting flight. It had my iPad, kindle and a hard disk. The hard disk had all my phone's backup. I was devastated but I got over it.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

6 years

who the fuck said your twenties are the best years of your life I've never met a 20+ person who's not neurotic almost every one of us is having existential crisis and is ready to jump off a building

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

they want to marry you off asap because they know soon as you hit 25 you'll realise you don't really need a man

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

So my brother decided to book a flight to Pakistan and surprise the whole family. Only informed me so I'd pick him from the airport. And then I..........forgot to pick him up.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

Our entire household has been preoccupied with assembling this 1000 piece puzzle since the last week. There's a night shift and a day shift for different age groups. Couple of days ago day shift noticed that the progress has come to a halt. Night shift isn't contributing.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

1 year

The most heartbreaking reality I have had to accept as an adult is the realisation that truth has zero value on every scale, whether at home, in professional settings, in history books, or in international politics. The narrative is shaped and reshaped by whoever has more power.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

Then my brother drove all the way to Jehlum to retrieve the stuff and thank the guy. The man lived in a small village, had a tiny mobile shop and barely made a living. But he did everything within his power to return a lost item to its rightful owner.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

7 years

my great grandmother to her second cousin who visited her after a long time: "tu te mar ni gai si?"

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

I was in awe of the honesty and integrity of that man but also of how bizarre the whole situation was. I never ever thought I was ever getting that stuff back in this country. But wholesome things happen at all the unexpected places. And my life is filled with wholesome events.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

got a message from an unknown number

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

6 years

My classmate who's pregnant with her third child is a housewife who looks after the entire household plus performs her duties towards her in-laws, and she still gets A's. As for me, I get invited over for lunch somewhere and next thing I know I'm failing 3 subjects.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

4 years

*me driving a vigo on GT road as respectfully and as ethically as my conscience dictates* a biker in a hurry comes up from behind me: "jay badmashan vargi nai chalani tay rakkhi kion aey?"

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

4 years

my biggest fear in life is to end up becoming a kitchen expert ghazal married to a lounge mien betha akmal

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

Had this moment today. Except I was in the driving seat dropping kaam wali auntie to her place. I marveled at how uplifting the rainy weather is and she said "mere ghar to ghutnon tak pani khara hai kal se". To say that I wanted the earth to swallow me would be an understatement.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

He kept the bag. Went through my hard disk to find a way to contact me. My back up folder had a completely random screenshot of a conversation between me and my roommate. Her number showed at the top so he contacted her to get my contact info.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

It was discovered that the team of under 5 toddlers sneak into the dining area with their milk glasses every morning and undo whatever progress the night shift had made. Making it look like there was no work done. Screams were heard across the street.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

He sent me pictures of the contents of the bag and sure enough, it was my stuff. Exactly how I left them in the bag. Including my sunglasses and a notebook with my scribbles in it. Turns out, someone tried to sell him the gadgets but he figured out he wasn't the rightful owner.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

Three years later in 2021. When I had already gotten another kindle and tablet and had forgotten all about the lost luggage, I received a call from a mobile shop owner in Jehlum. Man claimed he had my stuff. First I couldn't figure what he was referring to, then I remembered.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

parmesan naam ki bhi koi cheese hoti hai

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

His flight landed late and then immigration took an hour, day saved by divine intervention.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

drove my father's super fancy car to work today since mine was at the garage and noticed a huge difference in others' attitude: - more cars gave me way - almost no one honked at me - cars went out of their way to get out of my way - drove over someone's foot and they said it's ok

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

6 years

when will my husband decide to be my husband

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

before spaces I didn't know that half of you had a british accent kahan se lia mujhy bhi chahye

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

muslims hate pigs with such intense passion it doesn't even make sense, i mean if it's haram don't eat it don't go near it but hating the animal like he's abu lahab incarnate is craaaazy

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

Screenshot for proof before @DesiDHOTYA jumps in.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

- 4 year old niece: "konsi daal banai hai?" - me, dumbing it down to her: "yellow wali" - niece: "Oh pagal.. mash ki hai ya masoor ki?"

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

Why is the thought of marriage so freaking scary and traumatising for us desi girls? Especially my generation? I'm seriously considering not marrying at all and the thought alone is so liberating. Marriage seems like a limitation on my growth in every aspect.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

Day shift and night shift have joined hands to reverse the damage.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

Our entire household has been preoccupied with assembling this 1000 piece puzzle since the last week. There's a night shift and a day shift for different age groups. Couple of days ago day shift noticed that the progress has come to a halt. Night shift isn't contributing.

Tweet media one

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

It's one thing to oversleep and miss your online class when you're a student. But it's an entirely different thing when you oversleep and miss your online class when you're the teacher.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

I feel bad for boyz.. imagine craving something and not being able to get up and make it because you never freaking learnt to cook

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

That's insaaane bro I remember something similar happening to me in 2019

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

my 2 yo nephew's life is so stupid I'm glad I'm not him wakes up, has breakfast, rides his bike, watches yt, has lunch, pretends he's fixing my door with his toy hammer, no purpose, no nothing, every day he thinks he's doing something meaningful and in fact he's just passing time

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

Found this while cleaning my room. Don't know who said it or why or when I wrote it down but dammit it hurts.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

An argument ensued. Night shift maintained their quality of work never deteriorated, everyone was confused. So a JIT was formed to investigate the matter.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

asked an Islamabadi for their "long drive" playlist and it literally has 7 songs

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

Hi Anas. I took a screenshot of your tweet and emailed it to du so they know their employee is out here justifying rape. Your info is all over SM and I took advantage it, you fault in the first place. Maybe this will teach what it's like to be victimized for merely "existing".

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

10 months

Why is she dressed like an orthodox jewish man?

@amir_pakiza

Iza🦋

10 months

A lot of differences with her but agreed 💯 we can't walk freely in this country

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

6 years

guys please find 17-18 year olds around you and give them proper career counseling before they mess up their lives with a single unsupervised decision

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

how did chaye khana come up with this super cool super innovative idea????

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

7 years

once I was reversing out of a parking and there was a car waiting to take my spot, halfway through the guy honked at me rudely to speed up. My reaction was that I parked right back and finished eating my ice cream and I think this is the best thing I have ever done as a woman

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

My khala lives close to my campus and knows my course schedule by heart. So every week, five minutes before the end of my last class I receive a VN from her inviting me over for dinner. And each VN sounds like she's inviting me for the first time, full of love and warmth.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

This Quaid Day I wanna release a video of my niece saluting to what she assumed was the national anthem of Pakistan.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

I've tweeted this before but couldn't find it. My great grandmother saw hee second cousin after a long time and genuinely asked: "tu tay mar ni gai si?"

@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

What is the funniest thing your grandparent has ever said?

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

11 months

I have sued NADRA because they wouldn't issue my client an ID card. His mother was dead, father in jail. He spent 6 years without an ID card losing on opportunities, education, and being harassed by police because NADRA wouldn't apply two braincells to come up with a solution-

@pakistansagara

Sousuke Sagara stan acc

@pakistansagara

11 months

Just to illustrate how bad NADRA is: When I turned 18 I went to get my CNIC made, but couldn't, because they said I told them I was single but their records showed I was married. I asked, "to whom?". They said "that box is empty in our records" ....

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

6 years

I think the hardest part about losing a loved one is coming home after their burial, to a house that shall never witness their presence ever again. Yet you can hear them, smell them, see them through the avalanche of memories that hit you every second of the rest of your life.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

park mien bachon ko "araam se beta!" kehny wali umar aa gai hai

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

9 years

We don't wash our hands, our hands wash eachother.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

post texts with your dad

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

8 years

Not sure if we ordered pizzas or an invasion of our land

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

nOt sUpPoRtInG oThEr MaRgInAlIsEd wOmEn cOz i hAvE ThE BeSt fAtHeR AnD ThE BeSt hUsBeYnD WhY ShOuLd i bOtHeR AbOuT OtHeR WoMeN LiTeRaLlY DyInG At tHe hAnDs oF ThE MeN In tHeIr lIvEs aS LoNg aS I'M GeTtInG PoCkEt mOnEy fRoM My hYsBeYnD WhO'S ThE BeSt iN ThIs wHoLe wIdE WoRlD

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

guys if you ever find my abba jee in one of these spaces you let me know okay mien unka wifi band kardon gi

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

My brother opened up a coffee shop in our town and my 5 year old niece has just announced her supporting role in this venture, she wants to be the doorman.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

8 years

My sister is hilarious.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

Please don't let this reach Facebook my family will kill me

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

4 years

And the saddest part is that in a bid to save our mothers, some of us inherit their traumas along with their gold. Their battles stay with us long after they have gone. We spend the rest of our lives being angry and frustrated on their behalf, over the pain we could never avert.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

a pastatute

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

This is how I passed the bar of E&W during lockdown. In my brothers' oversized clothes, with a makeshift desk in a room with one tube light and a slow fan at my daadi's house in the village where I had terrible internet. Can't wait to flex this on my underachieving children.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

just remembered when I had my online bar exam, I was wearing a shalwar under my white shirt and black coat and my gora examiner asked me to get up and switch the fan off 'cause he couldn't hear me over the noise so I freaked out and said no and he said ok then scream into the mic

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

4 years

No amount of love we invest into them can undo the levels of trauma they have already undergone. We arrive too late into their lives.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

2 years

Done!

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

Abbu: corona ka masla etna serious ho gaya hai Me: yahan tu log murree ja raye hien Abbu: marna hi hai ab oor kia karna hai Me: ... Abbu: ... Me: MAREE NAI M-U-R-R-E-E JA RAYE HIEN!!

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

6 years

I really felt this

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

After a little more than a year of hard work and dedication. I passed bar at law in the first attempt. Something that is considered close to impossible unless you're a genius. Which I guess I am???? 💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

i am now the adult who interrupts the third generation's 3 am laughing fits by yelling at them to go to sleep and they oblige in fear

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

4 years

rest of the world: go corona go al fatah:

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

Lesson to learn from Pakistan team is: burger and pizze band karny se zindagi badal jati hai halaat badal jaty hien allah taufeeq day mujhy bhi

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

deaded

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

I'M GONNA PASS BAR AT LAW AND I'M GONNA BECOME A BARRISTER AND I'M GONNA KICK ASS AND I'M GONNA MAKE MY FAMILY PROUD inshallah

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

Sometimes I forget that Pakistan is a lot more than what I see on my way to work, or what I hear on news channels. Then I stumble upon an old song, or a piece of urdu literature so beautiful that it makes me cry. And I realize this is also us. This beauty is us.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

Today after my class, I arrived unexpectedly at my Khala's doorstep and silently wept in her arms. She didn't ask me why or how, she only threw her arms around me, kissed me on the eye and tucked me into a blanket.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

it's been more than a year since I graduated yet every time I've met my grandmother she's asked "chuttian kaday tak ni?" hun te chuttian ai chuttian nay but twanno das ditta tay tussi mera veya kara sar nai

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

log tweets chori karty hien es nay tu meri family chori kar li 😭😭😭😭😭 you can keep the kid BUT GIVE ME BACK MY MOM

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

7 years

you literally have your head on SRK's shoulder

@mahwashajaz_

Mahwash Ajaz 🇵🇰

7 years

How could you comment "jaaaaannnn" on a celebrity's photo? Matlab itna free kese ho jaatay hain log?

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

To all the people praying for her under this tweet: I did not expect this response! Jazakallah is all I can say. Please do remember her in your prayers for the next two weeks as well. She's the life of every family gathering and very very dear to my heart. ❤

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

6 years

What do masters' students get when they fail to defend their thesis? Second degree burns LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL I have high hopes for this tweet

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

desi men are THIS close to defending ted bundy

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

The Avengers are basically what the US is to the rest of the world.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

just remembered when I had my online bar exam, I was wearing a shalwar under my white shirt and black coat and my gora examiner asked me to get up and switch the fan off 'cause he couldn't hear me over the noise so I freaked out and said no and he said ok then scream into the mic

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

4 years

Asked baby niece what she wants me to pray for her in witr and she says she wants an iPad. Fair enough. Except she came back tugging my leg every two minutes with a new demand while I prayed.. "deeja phuppo make up bhi" "deeja phuppo cycle bhi" "deeja phuppo oreos bhi"

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

just argued with the fruit vendor for three minutes because he gave me the "aadha darjan maltay" that I asked for without weighing them

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

There is this person standing in the McDonald's drive thru. No car. Just standing on his feet.. between two cars.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

some waiters treat you like you've disturbed them at their home

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

I know a guy who won 5k for winning first position in a quran competition and then spent it on drugs

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

4 years

Atif Aslam was next to me at a red light in F7. I looked at him he looked at me I looked straight ahead and drove off. Maybe he was expecting some acknowledgment of his fame that day but he wasn't getting it from me not after Dil Diyan Gallan.

@MavenofHonor

Mave

4 years

Now, more than ever, we should share our most mundane celebrity encounters. For example, in 2002 I saw Diane Keaton in the Gap

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

I will never understand the human tendency to leave bed at 8 am on a holiday and go hike a mountain.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

11 months

Sure.

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@Israel

Israel ישראל

11 months

Israelis are some of the most resilient people to ever walk this earth. Remember that 💙🇮🇱

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Khadija M.

5 years

my nephew ate my takeaway from last night which I was saving for breakfast today and all I could blurt out at the peak of my anger was "WOH MIEN NAY BARAY HO K KHANA THA!" The whole room erupted into laughter and I lost my case before I could even argue it.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

does it physically hurt men to write more than a word in response to a paragraph?

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

Our housemaid got engaged to this guy in an arranged setting two years ago. Watching her gradually fall in love with him over the time has been one of the most profound observations I've made. From nonchalant to her entire face lighting up when he calls, to goosebumps on her skin

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

only thing worse that GoT's ending is maulana banana's eloping saga's ending, one fakeeri ka bayt and she's back at her darzi's shop getting clothes stitched, the story had so much potential I swear

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

heard the government placed a ban on weddings kher apna kia lena dena

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

5 years

breaks my heart when people who aren't used to being spoiled freak out anxiously when they occasionally are being spoiled? like YES we'll make you a roti at 12 YES you'll get it in bed NO you're not a burden YES your existence is appreciated STOP CRYING AND EAT YOUR FOOD GODAMIT

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

dear diary today I felt inadequate, untalented, weak, unmoisturised and melancholic

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

7 years

An honest man who exhausted all means to bring a corrupt PM to justice is a laughingstock for half the country. We deserve our rulers.

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

6 years

Koi peechy say speed barha day

@ai7iiih

🇵🇸ربیعہ

6 years

Who else is planning a wedding entrance like this I just wanna talk

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@5odayja

Khadija M.

3 years

some drug lord washing his money through Timmy's 🤝 us broke lahoris getting 60% off deals throughout the year

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