Zach Wolfe @zachwolfelaw Twitter profile

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Zach Wolfe

7 years

My tweets ≠ legal advice or opinion of my firm or clients. They are probably not even my own opinions. You should probably just ignore me.

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Last Seen Profiles

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Breaking news: Southlake, Texas school board to vote on removing Goodnight Moon from 1st grade library, after parents express concern over lack of opposing views.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 months

Yesterday we see a turtle in the road and Mrs zachwolfelaw yells “pull over!” I have known this woman many years. So I understood. She got out to move the turtle so it wouldn’t be run over. Some dude in a pickup sees what she’s doing and swerves to run over the turtle.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

In fairness, who among us hasn’t stolen nuclear secrets and then had a legally unfounded request for a “special master” to an unqualified judge we appointed backfire?

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

Breaking: Rick Perry issues statement resigning as Secretary of Energy, has to be reminded by staff he already did that a year ago.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

If the Texas grid goes down again in this freeze, Greg Abbott will pay a heavy price at the ballot box. Just kidding. He will go on Fox News, blame wind power and CRT, and his supporters will cheer. Because nothing matters anymore. #TexasFreeze

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

This is fascism. We called it early with Trump, and we were not exaggerating.

Ron Filipkowski

@RonFilipkowski

3 years

PA GOP Gov candidate Steve Lynch today: “Forget going into these school boards with freaking data. You go in to these school boards to remove them. I’m going in with 20 strong men and I’m gonna give them an option - they can leave or they can be removed.”

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

What do they call the guy on the hockey team who’s basically just there for when the brawl breaks out? The Democrats need one of those.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

1 year

Every law school should have a one-semester course on “Emailing People Another Reminder to Send You That Document,” considering that is 90% of law practice, in all practice areas.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Breyer says his decision came down to a multi-factored balancing test.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

It still feels like Democrats bringing a knife to a gun fight on this Ginni Thomas story. Absent a miracle, you’re going to lose the House this fall. Get the ball rolling on impeachment. Your guiding principle should be “what would Republicans do?” #ClarenceThomas

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 months

@ElLockeLawGroup She was 😡

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

1 year

Contracts final exam: A well known rich man is socializing at a bar and yells out loud “drinks for everyone!” Everyone hears him and starts ordering drinks. He gets the bill for all the drinks and says “I never agreed to pay for all this.” Is he liable for the tab?

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

Thank you President Biden for signing an executive order reversing Trump’s Muslim ban, and thank you to everyone who stood against it.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

7 years

Let this sink in: A US president who won't unequivocally condemn Nazi white supremacists for fear of alienating his base. #Charlottesville

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

I’ve had enough of all this “head injury theater.” Rescind the motorcycle helmet mandate now!

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

Lawyers, what is something about practicing that law school students might have a hard time believing? The one that gets me is how often opposing counsel will cite a case for a proposition, and then you look and see the case doesn't say that at all, or even says the *opposite.*

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Last week it was a new set of tires. This week it was paying for my daughter to get her wisdom teeth out. I’m a lawyer with a relatively high income (I mean compared to the average American), so it’s ok. But I really do not understand how ordinary people get by in this country.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

1 year

When they invite the BigLaw and PI lawyers to the same gala

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

1 year

@lawtinaxiii It’s not oversharing. I’m sorry this happened to you. It was brave for you to share.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

They should replace the LSAT with making everybody do five minutes of standup comedy.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

I will have y’all know, I got a 1600 on my LSAT, but I don’t think that makes me a genius or anything.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Georgia Republicans, braced for loss tonight, already floating bill to narrow time for voting to one-hour window on a Monday morning.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 months

@kelspluscoffee not sure what we would talk about besides arguing over the comforter

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Breaking: FBI denies reports of altercation when agents refused request from Melania to take Trump into custody.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

I don’t know where to begin with this.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Yes, Trump called for suspending the Constitution, but I am voting for him because Starbucks won’t put “Merry Christmas” on its cups.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Is Gideon safe? I doubt the right to appointed criminal defense counsel is “deeply rooted in our history.”

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Please let it be leaked that the raid was codenamed Operation Covfefe.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

21 days

First, the disclaimer: I condemn political violence. I’m glad Trump wasn’t seriously hurt or killed. Now let’s get real: No major party candidate in my lifetime has encouraged violence more than Trump. So spare me your sanctimony, Trump supporters. (I did wait 24 hours.)

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

The price of a movie ticket is now the highest it has been since the invention of the “talkie.” This is what the “woke” policies of the Biden administration have brought us!

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 months

@AMWClarkLaw That was my first thought too.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

14 days

I’m calling for President Trump to step aside as the Republican presidential candidate. He would be the oldest President ever elected and has been showing signs of mental decline. He is also a convicted felon and adjudicated sex offender.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

1 year

Law school professors: You always have to prove intent with circumstantial evidence. It’s not like you’re going to get the defendant on tape saying “here’s the secret document, I took it!” Trump:

[email protected]

@LauraWalkerKC

1 year

“Secret. This is secret information. Look, look at this,” Trump says at one point, according to the transcript. “This was done by the military and given to me.”

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

The clinic most needed in law school is Revising a Crappy Document Without Totally Rewriting It and Making Somebody Mad.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

Can't wait to tell the kids their homeschool assignment to read Emma, watch the new movie version, watch the movie version with Gwyneth Paltrow, and write a comparative essay. They have two days. #EmmaOnDemand

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Law school students thinking about litigation: Let me just tell you that right now in one of my cases we are having a heated email debate over who is at fault for a delay in *scheduling a call* to confer on a discovery issue.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

I’m sorry, but Mexican is just the best, most diverse cuisine. No contest.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

Young associate rolls into my driveway in his new Porsche to pick up a box of documents. Do I: A. Pull him aside and say, listen my dude, trade that back in, get a pre-owned Honda Accord, and put the money in a mutual fund, or B. Just shake my head and let him go on his way?

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Well here we go . . .

Austin Statesman

@statesman

2 years

Abbott said Wednesday that Texas would consider challenging a 1982 Supreme Court decision requiring states to offer free public education to all children, including those of undocumented immigrants.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

In addition to being a simple state law assault, violent intimidation of a presidential campaign on an interstate highway has to be some kind of federal crime as well.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

I remember in the 80s and 90s there was all this talk in conservative intellectual circles about how rights come with responsibilities, etc. Good times.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

5 years

Law students on Twitter: we’re so stressed out. Lawyers on Twitter: well let us help you feel crappier by telling you how horrible your future profession is.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

“Can you tell us when you believe life begins?” “That’s a very difficult question, Senator. I would have to say it’s when you’re youngest child goes to college.”

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

The most unrealistic part of lawyer movies is they almost never show the lawyers working on *other* cases. Like, you never see the lawyer the day before the big trial saying "hold on, I've got a call with another client to try to finalize his settlement."

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

We lawyers have a technical term for this. We call it a “massive red flag.”

Forbes

@Forbes

2 years

NEW: Elon Musk Has Outfitted Twitter’s Headquarters With Bedrooms For Employees by @cfarivar and @SchwabKatharine

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Got a call this morning every litigator loves. "Mr. Wolfe, this is __ from __th court, we're waiting for you on Zoom right now." Bear in mind, I had no hearing on my calendar today.* (*Turns out I did not receive notice and it was not my mistake, but still.)

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Usually when I say “some personal news” it’s a joke, but this is real. We lost my mom to cancer. It happened fast. I’m very sad, but determined to honor her memory by bringing a little more positivity into the world every day. “All we are saying, is give peace a chance.”

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

who did this

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

The judge told me I did a great job on my summary judgment argument today. I think you can guess how she ruled. #ZachWolfeLawFirm

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Hey, Republican Senators who didn’t vote for Trump’s first impeachment, listen, you don’t get to talk tough on Ukraine now. You must sit this one out. Sorry (not sorry). #Ukraine

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

I am dismayed to report that many lawyers showed up at the Houston Bar Association’s charity Fun Run last Saturday in athletic clothing, not professional attire, clearly showing a lack of respect for the legal process.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

When the client ignores your advice that the deposition is not the time to “tell your story.”

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

In law school you learn the answer to most legal questions is "it depends." In law practice you learn the answer to most legal questions is "I don't know, what does the case law say?"

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Hear me out, y’all. Law Twitter trading cards.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

After 20+ years of law practice I just made a discovery that I have to share with everyone. If you only have one day's worth of time entries to enter, it really doesn't take that long. This is going to change everything.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

1 year

“various litigation workstreams” “attention to discovery” This is a goldmine.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Young people, don't get me wrong, I like my job, but if you are good with your hands, like working alone, want to own your business eventually, and if making good money is your primary objective, consider plumbing school over law school. Seriously.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Judge: good morning, we have a lot of cases, so when I call your case, please just state your appearance and your time estimate for trial. Judge: Ok, Case No. 2019-8675309, Ramirez Electrical v. BigRefinery LLP. Attorney: judge, this whole thing started when my client . . .

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

I don't do personal injury cases, but if we're honest, our personal injury system chronically *under* compensates people who have been injured as the result of the negligence or greed of big companies. Almost directly opposite the public narrative. It's a dirty little secret.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Anybody else thinking it’s a little weird that the Fox News crowd seems so fixated on the leak, rather than celebrating their victory? Like, they’ve been working on this for decades, why so angry?

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

@natsechobbyist It is sickening, whatever your political views. Anyone who claims to be some kind of principled "conservative" should be appalled at using government resources to pull a political stunt like this. Abbott and DeSantis should be ashamed of themselves.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

We all beat ourselves up about stuff. We should listen to Arnold.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

1 year

I clearly remember the month I got married I was working in BigLaw and billed 140 hours. It was scandalously low. Now I have a solo practice, and I have never billed that much in a month. #TeenyLaw for the win.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Required film festival for law school orientation week: My Cousin Vinnie A Few Good Men The Firm To Kill a Mockingbird ? Let me know your fifth slot, but those four have to be on the list, right?

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

I love the term Motion to Quash in litigation. I've never had to explain to a client what "quash" means. It's one of those words that, even if you've never heard it used, you immediately know what it means.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Some of y'all really missed out on being at the office at 2 am when the staff are long gone and you're at the copy machine redoing five sets of exhibit notebooks for court the next day.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Imagine if the typical first lecture in 1L spent an hour on: - What is this course about? - Why do we read cases? - How are the cases selected? - Why care about cases from other states? - How will you be tested? But no, they just dive right into Hawkins v. McGee, or whatever.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

@steve_vladeck Let’s remember this next time Texas Republicans complain about all the violence committed by homeless people or illegal immigrants.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

5 years

You might be an asshole if . . . you have ever criticized someone’s argument based on the “tier” of their law school.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 months

Since we're talking hiring lawyers: I don't want to sound arrogant, this is just my reality. If a potential client sounds like he wants to "interview" me & compare me to others, I'm not interested. I simply don't have time for that. And the best lawyers are probably the same.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Me, a solo lawyer, trying to format my brief so it doesn't get rejected by the Fifth Circuit #AppellateTwitter

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Supreme Court rules 6-3 that due process clause of 14th Amendment is unconstitutionally vague.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 months

Me a 25+ year lawyer with a specialized litigation practice based in the fourth largest city in America, and I feel kinda guilty when I charge $500/hour. Lord, grant me the audacity of a BigLaw associate.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Unprofessional lawyers who don't take the rules seriously will be the first to call you "unprofessional" when you insist on compliance with the rules. Don't fall for that.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Ok, ladies, I need some advice here. This is awkward, but here goes . . . I noticed this morning the young lady at the coffee shop made a little heart shape in the foam of my cappuccino. This is the second time. How do I break it to her that I’m a happily married man?

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 months

“I’m sorry, Justice Thomas, but do you really think it’s appropriate for you to ask questions when your wife worked with the Defendant to overturn the election?” I know this sort of thing just isn’t done, but it would be refreshing. What’s the worst that could happen?

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Married people, do you have strict, arbitrary divisions of labor with your spouse? Like, I don’t know how to Door Dash. Mrs zachwolfelaw does that. She will *not* take a car in for repairs. That’s my job. I know nothing about how cars work. It doesn’t matter. It’s my job.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

Lawyers, what the hell is going on with our profession. Just waive the damn bar exams this year already! Why do we think we’re so special? There’s a freaking pandemic. Time for boards of bar examiners to pull their heads out of their asses. #DiplomaPrivilegeNow

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

Biden saying all the right bipartisan things, but I will say this. Before Trump I was open to voting for a Republican on a case by case basis. I will never vote for a Republican who supported Trump as long as I live. And I have a long memory. #NeverTrump #NeverForget

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Good news. If I bill 27 hours today I can meet my firm’s annual requirement. #ZachWolfeLawFirm

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

5 months

Kate Middleton is searching Westlaw for that one case the partner saw years ago.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Sometimes a judge will start an opinion with a subtle signal that tells you what the result is likely to be.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

Finally found my suit for Virginia bar exam. Still need rubber-soled shoes appropriate for court.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

The "Camp Auschwitz" guy is a good example of how free speech works in America. 1. The message on his shirt is the most abhorrent "hate speech," but is protected by the First Amendment. 2. The First Amendment does not prevent all civilized people from shunning this man.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

5 years

Law schools really need to add a course on "Emailing People to Remind Them to Get Back to You on the Thing You Need." This is what I spend 90% of my time doing.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

11 months

The positions Neal Katyal has defended at SCOTUS are just especially prominent versions of positions BigLaw lawyers defend every day, but I don’t if y’all are ready for that conversation.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

where the grass is green and the girls are pretty

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

I’m not a “defund the police” kind of guy, but if police are just going to stand around outside a *school shooting*, it does seem to undermine the “what are you going to do when somebody breaks into your house” kind of argument.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

What ever happened to the Bermuda Triangle? When I was a kid it seemed like the leading cause of death, other than quicksand.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

"Burnout guilt." When you feel symptoms of burnout, but you feel guilty because you don't work long enough hours to be entitled to that. I'm probably the only person who experiences this.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

11 months

If there’s one group of lawyers who have a right to act morally superior, it’s public defenders, and also public interest lawyers, and I’m not being sarcastic. Those of us who work for profit could maybe dial it down a notch.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 months

Breaking: Cravath announces it will make 2L summer offers to high school seniors based on SAT scores.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

One thing you learn as a lawyer, at least if part of your practice is representing individuals, is that often prospective clients seem genuinely surprised that hiring you is going to cost money. Does this happen in other professions?

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Legally Blonde is missing. Duh. Sorry.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

Who among us . . .

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

3 years

He was drunk . . . the day that momma . . . got out of prison.

Acyn

@Acyn

3 years

Acosta: Trump’s life, it’s like a country music song. He’s lost the House. He’s lost the Senate. He’s lost the White House. His website. If he had a dog, the dog would leave him too

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 years

“Find me a case that says the President can’t pardon himself.” Every law firm associate recognizes this kind of assignment.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

9 months

Yesterday my son asked what RICO is, and let me tell you, people, after 25 years of law practice, this was my moment.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

4 months

If I lost at trial and a client was hit with a $450,000 judgment, and I told the Court of Appeals “can’t you just take a bond for $175,000,” they’d be like GTFOH.

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Zach Wolfe

@zachwolfelaw

2 years

Motion to extend weekend by one day

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