So you're a tough spy
Like it really rough spy
Just can't get enough spy
Chest always so puffed spy
I'm that bad spy
Make your mama sad spy
Make your girlfriend mad spy
Might seduce your dad spy
I'm the bad spy, duh
Going to bed feeling smug as a pug because today my sister said "I really need some new Vans... ASOS has some leopard print ones but they're sold out in my size"
Guess what's waiting under the tree for her? ๐
@jazlikescheese
Not saying 'good morning' must be biting at you, but please remember that you showed your love with every hug, every funny video you showed her, every bracelet you lent, every time you let her have the bigger piece of cake. She will always be loved โค๏ธ
@shitscaredmum
Is there anything we can do as an online community to make Christmas comfortable and special? I would be happy to chip in for something like a hired chef so you don't have to spend time cooking and cleaning up, if that helps
@Pheobelyall
I wish for a world where every trans person was treated with this same love and respect. We would have so many more people living authentic, happy lives. Hopefully people can learn from your mother's beautiful response ๐
When I'm prime minister I'm bringing in 3 day weekends so everyone can have a fun day, a chill day, and a productive day. I'm sick of choosing which one to miss out every week.
A lady came out of a toilet cubicle, saw me go in, and didn't tell me there was no paper in it.
You've just violated section 17b of The Girl Code, Angela.
Before considering a plaster cast and crutches, why not try these remedies for your broken leg?
- submerge it in jelly
- stick googly eyes on it
- read it a story
- rub it with a DAB radio
@ourelectra
Sadly guilt is such a big part of grief, I just hope I can take away even the tiniest part of that. These families loved their children, they shouldn't feel any guilt or remorse when they were taken by one monster ๐โค๏ธ
My dad used to put Mars Bars in the fridge then slice them very thinly and call it 'Egyptian nougat'
This man let me believe he was importing a rare delicacy until I was 17 YEARS OLD
please tell me the single most dad thing your dad has ever done for me it was probably when my dad bought a Mini Cooper even though he had FIVE children who all played ice hockey
If I want to get married at 26 I'd best crack on and start making some more friends, at this rate my bridesmaids will be the cat and my favourite cashier from Morrisons
So the church set up by the man who had 6 wives, 2 of whom he decapitated, won't let two people deeply in love be married because they happen to be the same gender. Yeah, THAT would totally ruin the sanctity of marriage. Mmhmm.
It baffles me when I see people say Instagram is a great community. My Instagram is just random men DMing me 'hi sexy woman', bloggers liking 80% of my posts but not following, and pyramid schemes telling me they need to get me signed up to their babe team.
A woman in ASDA just made a customer complaint because the cashier didn't make eye contact. Imagine being THAT full of misery and entitlement. Have a break, have a KitKat.
My Finnish colleague told me that in Finland it's socially acceptable to say 'no thanks, I don't fancy it' instead of making excuses when someone invites you somewhere. What a DREAM. I'm getting the next flight out.
Wearing my biggest smile because I've finally bagged myself a job that seems positively perfect. Thankyou so much to everyone who's lifted me up when job hunting got me down!! If you're in that position I am so hoping that something perfect waits for you too ๐๐
My savings goal was ยฃ6000 in 12 months. I've done ยฃ6,236.50 in 10 months.
Fully admit I couldn't have done this if I had kids and didn't pay small rent at home, but this is the first time I've been employed and happy all year, and paid enough to save this. Proud of that ๐
I just really really want a pub tea. Give me a lasagne and chunky chips, serve me a half pint of 'is Pepsi alright?', and let me eat it from a suspiciously sticky table.
I got an interview for this job and missed out by ONE POINT. They kept my details, and a few weeks later a different ward invited me to interview and apply.
2 months later, I'm thrilled to say I got the job and start training tomorrow!!! ๐๐๐
One of my aims this year was to feel fulfilled. I don't believe I make much impact, so I've just applied for a role as a therapy assistant where I would be able to help patients regain their confidence and independence ๐
@DaniHarmer
I wondered if it was a hint when Granny Carly said 'you couldn't have children with your...lifestyle' or thereabouts, and I was not disappointed! Yessss Cam! ๐
A few weeks ago I was whinging about hair loss, sooo I chopped a foot off to donate, to help my poor scalp AND kids undergoing cancer treatment. 2 birds 1 stone!
@fesshole
I would advise befriending a weird child with a depressed mother. You could take him to feed the ducks, buy trainers, or introduce him to the music of Mystikal. Then, perform at his school talent show, and all will be well.
I remember when party prep used to mean borrowing an ID and skipping tea so I wouldn't be bloated in my bodycon.
Now it means shaving my toes and putting my pyjamas on the radiator for when I get in.
I was today years old when I realised Britney sang "my loneliness is killing me" in Oops I Did It Again, then "my loneliness ain't killing me no more" in Stronger ๐ฑ
Tips for dealing with cold mornings:
- have your dressing gown and slippers on the floor beside your bed ready to dive into
- put your clothes on the radiator so they're nice and toasty
- sod the clothes, get back in bed, you don't need that job anyway
Me before blogging: oh cool, Autumn
Me now: Wrap me in blankets! Roll me in leaves! Throw me to the pumpkins! Drown me in hot chocolate! Dust me in cinnamon! CAAAAANDLES!
Just Eat are telling me to RING the takeaway because my food is late.
If I wanted to speak to other humans, I wouldn't have used your app now, would I sunshine?
I'm going to start a clothing company called Anxious Apparel. I'll sell jackets covered in spikes so people will stOP WALKING SO CLOSE TO ME
Who's investing?
Let it be known that if you want to enter a competition on Instagram and you need to tag a friend, you can always tag me. Life is short. win the beauty hamper my Gs ๐
I told my mum I wanted to open a zoo where people can donate their bodies to be eaten by animals of their choice when they die and the look she gave me said 'I should have left you on the maternity unit'
Honest to God, there is no greater entertainment than a local Facebook group. Tonight Cath is LIVID because a cat has been seen eating the food she puts out for hedgehogs.
What food is it? Cat food.
@momlifeandwife
Constantly holding the 'we worked hard to buy OUR house' over your kids head isn't cool unless they are actually damaging it or being ungrateful
You CHOSE to raise a child with their own tastes and personality, it's not like inviting a guest
I bought a fancy, almost-new blazer in a charity shop for ยฃ3, and it turns out that the brand's other blazers retail for ยฃ160 ๐ฑ I hope it's waterproof, because I'm on the gloat boat
Had to decline a collaboration from a brand I use and love, because they have over 9000 stores but 'no budget'.
I'm sick of it. We're not greedy, we're not kids asking for pocket money, we just want to be fairly compensated for our time and talents.
I found a faaab coat at the weekend but it was ยฃ120. It's ยฃ60 online but there's a discount taking it to ยฃ48 and I found ยฃ45 in my blog PayPal.
If that isn't the universe telling me to get my taped seam, waterproof groove on, I don't know what is ๐
@kirstyleanneuk
It's especially sad that you're tirelessly championing plus size people, and even 'as a larger person' herself she's just full of fatphobia
Clothes don't have to improve a plus size figure, lumps and bumps don't have to be hidden, skirts don't have to be ankle length ๐
@TheComfyChair2
Clearly while she worked hard she also made sure she was a fantastic mum and raised two lovely, thoughtful daughters. I hope she has so much fun with her retirement ๐
@KathleenLights1
Don't rush it, make sure you and your lawyers are both 100% happy with how you and the information are presented! That's the most important thing
We are WAY overdue a good chick flick. I'm talking a She's The Man, Bridesmaids, Wild Child level chick flick. These Netflix originals are not cutting it for me.
The difficult part of this day was a group then solo interview for a job a band up from my current role, in Speech and Language therapy, the area I've wanted to be in for years. I was so nervous I truly thought I would wee on the floor.
Guess what? I START ON 6TH JANUARY ๐๐ญ๐
As you know, I love supporting small sellers. I retweet their posts, shout them out, and buy from small shops
... But I draw the line at paying ยฃ12.95!! for someone to BUY A ONE POUND TERRY'S ORANGE from Tesco and whizz some chocolate on it! ๐๐
The worst kind of people are the ones who say 'wtf, you're so weird' when I ask questions like 'what animal would you be? what colour sums you up? would you rather have wings or a tail?'
I'd rather be weird than boring!
Etsy sellers charging ยฃ10 for custom portraits... Could you not? That barely covers an hour of your time, let alone your talent, tools, insurance, tax, and Etsy's 5% fee.
Mum's cracked open the cinnamon spice reed diffuser, officially ending summer in our house.
Before I know it she'll be hoarding tins of Quality Street, wrapping pigs in blankets, and dusting off the Elf DVD.
Things I like about blogging
- writing
Things I don't like about blogging
- keywords, pinterest, headers, hosting, photos, meta data, spam emails, sorting tax, sorting self employment, HTML, theme, basically everything that is not writing