Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes Twitter profile

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

3 months

#Jokes #SaturdayVibes #U2

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

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Weekday Jokes

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10 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

27 days

I call it an elevator, but my British friend calls it a lift. I guess we were just raised differently #LunchPun

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

28 days

NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to the two stranded American astronauts. It’s called Apollo G #NASA

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

27 days

My girlfriend is turning 32 soon and got upset when I told her we're only going to celebrate it for half a minute. When she asked why I would do that, I pointed out "This is your thirty-second birthday"

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

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Weekday Jokes

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1 month

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Weekday Jokes

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22 days

My math teacher called me average. How mean #Maths

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

29 days

#Maths

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

5 months

#Jokes #WednesdayMotivation

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

23 days

Albert Einstein was a genius. But his brother Frank was a monster

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

My son came over to me and asked "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?" I replied, "Yes, we arson" #LunchPun #SundayFunday

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

28 days

I don't want to sound arrogant, but when I left the hotel earlier I'm pretty sure that receptionist was checking me out #OneLiner

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

Does anyone remember the chiropractor joke that was posted about a week back?

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

4 months

#Jokes #ThursdayVibes #Maths

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

My grandmother was 80% Irish. Her name was Iris #Irish #FridayFeeling

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

Sylvester Stallone said he wants to make a movie about classical music. He says “I will be Beethoven” Jean Claude Van Damme says “Okay, I’ll be Mozart” Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach” #Arnie #ThursdayVibes

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

I went to my first session with a personal trainer this morning and he asked me what sort of squat do I normally do... I said ‘diddly’ #Gym

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

15 days

#Puns

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

4 months

#Jokes #TuesdayVibe #Humour

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

20 days

Broke up with my girlfriend yesterday because I found out she's a communist. I should've known, there were red flags everywhere #Communism

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

17 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

23 days

My biology class had to assemble a human skeleton, and I hid one of the arm bones as a joke. No one found that humerus #LunchPun

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

4 months

#Jokes #TuesdayVibe

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

26 days

I love the way the Earth rotates. It makes my day. #Puns

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

22 days

#LunchPun

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

26 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

What do you call a Roman Emperor with Epilepsy? Julius Seizure #DadJoke

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

10 days

A man was being chased by a coffin... He threw a bottle of cough syrup at it and the coffin stopped #LunchPun

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

24 days

I used to date this woman who said my face looked like the back end of a boat. I didn’t say anything but I did give her a stern look! #DadJoke

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

#OneLiner

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

Every morning I take my pet cow for a long walk in the local vineyard. I herd it through the grapevine #DadJoke #SaturdayVibes

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

2 months

Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Saturday: Ian Sunday: Greg The Gregorian Calendar #Gregorian #ThursdayVibes

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

20 days

I saw six men carrying a coffin in the cemetery. Two hours later they were still carrying the coffin around the cemetery I thought to myself "They've lost the plot"

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

4 months

#Jokes #SundayFunday

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

24 days

I asked the librarian to recommend an author who writes dinosaur books. "Try Sarah Topps," she replied #LunchPun

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

2 months

#Amazon

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

17 days

#DadJoke

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

15 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

21 days

I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS. THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS #Paris

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

4 months

#Jokes #TuesdayVibe #DadJoke

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

21 days

#Puns

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

I’ve often heard that “icy” is the easiest word to spell. Looking at it now, I see why #Puns #MondayMotivation

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

Tried calling the tinnitus helpline but there was no answer. It just kept ringing

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

#LunchPun

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

29 days

I just burnt 2000 calories in 25 minutes. I forgot to take the cookies out of the oven #Diets

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

Me: “Have you heard of Murphy’s law?” Wife: “Yeah” Me: “What is it?” Wife: “If something can go wrong, it will go wrong” Me: “Have you heard of Cole’s law?” Wife: “No, what is it?” Me: “Thinly sliced cabbage and mayo” #MondayMotivation

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

#MorseCode

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

10 days

I bought a book on how to build stairs. It's a step by step guide #Puns

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

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Weekday Jokes

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4 months

#Jokes #MondayMotivation

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

27 days

I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels. She never knew I existed

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

17 days

#LunchPun

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

4 months

#Jokes #MondayMotivation #Churchill

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

3 months

#Jokes #SundayFunday #Funny

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Weekday Jokes

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14 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

19 days

My dad was walking around the house screaming yesterday.... He kept shouting, "A, E, I, O, U" "What's wrong?", I asked him. To which he responded, "Nothing, I just have irritable vowel syndrome..."

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

13 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

My friend keeps saying "cheer up mate it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well #Puns #FridayFeeling

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

13 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

21 days

I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years #OneLiner

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

I got a new pair of gloves today, but theyre both lefts. Which, on the one hand, is great, on the other, it's just not right. #DadJoke

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

29 days

What do you call the study of carbonated drinks? Fizzics! #DadJoke

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

3 months

#Jokes #TuesdayVibe #Funny

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

I went into my local Costco and said, “Have you seen a sailor with one arm and one leg?” They said “Sorry we are wholesalers” #Costco #TuesdayVibe

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

27 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

I said to my son, "If you think our microwave, phone and TV spying on us is bad, our vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on us for years!" #OneLiner

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

Penguins produce an oil that helps their feathers retain heat, so basically the oily bird gets the warm #LunchPun #TuesdayVibe

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

5 days

A father asks his son, "Could you please stop listening to Korean music?" He replied, "K, pop" #KPop

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

#TheCure

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Weekday Jokes

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26 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

I'm convinced my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapons collection She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

7 days

Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

I had the watch Goldeneye before heating my dinner because the packaging said 'Pierce film before cooking' #JamesBond

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

30 days

My wife divorced me today, saying I was too ‘Un-American’... I saw it coming a kilometer away

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

25 days

Police: There has been an increase in home burglary in London. Dr. Watson. Can you give us some advice? Dr. Watson: Sure, lock homes #Sherlock

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

3 months

#Jokes #ThursdayVibes #GymShark

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

#DadJoke

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

There was a fire drill at IKEA today. We all assembled in the car park #IKEA #SaturdayVibes

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

4 months

#Jokes #WednesdayMotivation #Humour

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

23 days

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

I got a Humpty Dumpty toy from the middle aisle at Aldi. It's brilliant. It comes with Aldi King's horse's and Aldi King's men #Aldi #SundayFunday

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

2 months

#EyeRoll

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

Someone threw a bottle of Omega3 at me yesterday. Luckily my wounds are only super fish oil #Jokes

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

30 days

I bought a wall calendar, but discovered it was missing an entire page. It skipped from the fourth month to the sixth month. Needless to say, I was dismayed

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

#French

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

Bread is a lot like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist #OneLiner

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

17 days

Did you know the movie Speed didn't have a director? If it had direction, they would of had to call it Velocity #Physics

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

My wife said she was fed up with me putting the name of a vegetable in every sentence. "Are you going to stop?" She said "Not neccecelery" I said #Puns

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

29 days

#SpaceX

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

22 days

I was walking back from the shop with some eggs, flour and milk, when some guy started a fight with me! So I battered him

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

1 month

I hate taking pictures of myself standing next to boiling water. Doctor says I've got selfie steam issues #LunchPun

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

16 days

My wife told me earlier that she's going to leave me because of my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was kidding, and then I saw her face #Monkees

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes

6 days

Jay-Z has an underachieving brother named Lay #JayZ

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Weekday Jokes

@weekdayjokes