pantslessandplanless @vodkanopants Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

pantslessandplanless

7 days

I’m having a time out here so I’m just going to throw out some ways to help. 🙏 Wishlist: $carliannewolf/Venmo @carliannesunshine /PayPal carliannewolf @gmail .com/ Share and VOTE! 😘🫶🙏 Thank you!

Check out my list on Amazon

www.amazon.com

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pantslessandplanless

@vodkanopants

3 years

Thrift find 😆

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Hi. Can you see me?

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@vodkanopants

4 years

Hi I’m Carli. I have FND.

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@vodkanopants

6 months

No one seems to see my tweets so here’s my face to muck up the algorithm

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Hi new friends. I’m Carli! I have a laundry list of disorders, mental and physical issues, emotional and physical scars, adult acne, big inverted front teeth, eye wrinkles, no brain filter, no house, a crooked smile, and the best damn dogs ever. Welcome!

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@vodkanopants

7 months

Today I turn 40, but my heart is still 4. A day of taking the dogs to the river, making flower crowns, bare feet, collecting rocks, singing, and pancakes for dinner. Thank you. XO

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@vodkanopants

5 years

The biggest dick I’ve ever seen is 5’10”

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@vodkanopants

3 years

On my way to my momma!

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@vodkanopants

3 years

When people notice my disabled placard and tell me I don’t look disabled I’m just going to start saying, “you don’t either.”

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@vodkanopants

5 years

Do men actually fall in love, or is that just a thing in the movies?

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Girl date night outfit!

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@vodkanopants

1 year

The moon!

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@vodkanopants

4 years

How old were you when you found out life is shit?

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@vodkanopants

3 years

My gnome is my accomplice.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

New shirt

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Bubbles make everything better.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

I made it to my momma! I’m exhausted! Thank you everyone for helping get to her for her birthday!!! ❤️🙏❤️

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@vodkanopants

5 years

If you don’t have depression, you don’t realize how hard it can be to just text someone back. And it’s not personal. And explaining why they haven’t is exhausting and stressful. Please be patient and kind.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Friendly reminder that bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Health is what matters.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

Today is my birthday. This shelter in place makes for an introvert’s dream birthday party. More cake for me!

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@vodkanopants

6 months

First time I’ve worn makeup in at least two years and real clothes in a long time. I’m out of bed and went to go get water and a pair of socks and I got thanked for being beautiful… uh you’re welcome? 😅

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@vodkanopants

4 years

Gone camping

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@vodkanopants

3 years

How’s I do for my first real tattoo attempt? 😃

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@vodkanopants

4 years

I have an idea. Just be fucking nice to people.

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@vodkanopants

1 year

One year alcohol free today... again.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Here we go!

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@vodkanopants

7 months

Proof of life and doing 40 right.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

Happy New Year Twitter! Thank you for being my rock! Xoxo 😘

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@vodkanopants

4 years

How long is a 1.75L bottle of vodka supposed to last? Is it three days? Please say it’s three days.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

I leave tomorrow. I leave toxic, I leave emotional abuse, I leave neglect, I leave lies, I leave deceit, I leave narcissism, I leave being put down, used, and devalued. I leave tomorrow. I’m terrified. I’m sad. I’m ready.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Three years ago I left an adulterer and all I built my life around with just my dog and what fit in my car. Today I leave a different (but bad) situation again. This time without a destination or money, but with a teardrop camper and a debilitating disorder. I’m tired of leaving.

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@vodkanopants

1 year

Do I look like I'm losing my mind because I'm losing my gottdamn frucking mind.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

Pants!

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@vodkanopants

4 years

I feel for all my new followers that followed me for my selfie getting a whole dose of mental health craziness in their faces right now. Yeah. I’m all real no tits. Don’t leave me.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

I think my biggest accomplishment is not having a tramp stamp.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

My retirement plan is don’t live that long.

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@vodkanopants

6 months

I hardly thought the side of the freeway would be where I let my river of emotions out, but here we are.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

I’m having a hard time deciding what goes into storage and what goes in the trunk of my car. Honestly, I think this dress is appropriate for everything.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Disabled or pimp?

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@vodkanopants

6 years

Has anyone seen my standards?

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@vodkanopants

3 years

I heard it was National Nude Day so, I figured, what the kale?

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@vodkanopants

2 years

Hi, I’m Carli and I’m an alcoholic. I don’t do AA so I’m saying it here. I relapsed.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Why the fuck are people still going to Florida?

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@vodkanopants

5 years

My target weight is me plus whatever a plate of nachos weighs.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Made it! Momma time!

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@vodkanopants

4 years

I can’t decide if I want to start drinking or start drinking.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Feels

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@vodkanopants

4 years

My new mask matches my sparkling personality

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@vodkanopants

5 years

I accidentally stuck my finger in my ass while wiping. Did I just have sex?

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@vodkanopants

3 years

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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@vodkanopants

5 years

This is an accurate description of my life.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

Been waiting on my dr for 30 mins in this little room, so I’m filling it with farts for him.

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@vodkanopants

4 years

Still processing that time I sent a sexy lingerie pic and his response was “k.”

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@vodkanopants

5 years

Not having a sex life has saved me a lot of money on razors.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

Men will be obsolete once dildos double as jar openers.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Needing to feel the force today.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

The best kind of photo bomb

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@vodkanopants

5 years

I’m basically the adult version of a toddler that won’t keep their clothes on.

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@vodkanopants

1 year

I kind of fell hard for this one. ❤️

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@vodkanopants

3 years

The best medicine for depression is a dog.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

The worst part of social distancing is I’ve never needed a hug so bad in my life.

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@vodkanopants

7 months

Last day in my 30s and it could be worse.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

Alright Twitter, Show me what you got! I regret this already.

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@vodkanopants

4 years

I want mashed potatoes and by mashed potatoes I mean sex.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

I don’t talk or act sexual and I’m not a drunk anymore. I have nothing left to offer this place.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

If I ever go missing, it’s on purpose.

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@vodkanopants

4 years

I know I have awful taste in men because I like men.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

My anxiety is keeping my depression awake again. Alcoholism: I’ve got this.

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@vodkanopants

4 years

I know people that have had the same cell phone number for 20 years. How have they not met anyone crazy enough that they need to change their number in 20 years?!?!

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@vodkanopants

5 years

What the fuck is so hard to understand? Leave me alone. Hold me. Tell me I’m pretty. Don’t lie. Give me space. Never leave. Open this jar. I’m so independent!

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@vodkanopants

4 years

Too depressed to do things so I waste days then I get depressed because I wasted days.

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@vodkanopants

4 years

In 2018 I was cheated on, divorced, drugged, raped, my dog died, I had to leave my house/farm/pets/all belongings, had tubal ligation surgery, got really sick, onset of FND, and was deeply rejected by many people, parents included, and that shit was still better than 2020.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

It’s my birthday and I don’t want it to be the last one so don’t be stupid and be kind.

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@vodkanopants

5 years

Guy on airplane: What’s your drink of choice? Me: Vodka Guy: That’s classy Me: Not in the amounts I drink

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@vodkanopants

2 years

Today is my birthday! What should I do during my last year in my 30s? (Wrong answers encouraged).

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@vodkanopants

3 years

Today I feel truly happy for the first time in a very long time.

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@vodkanopants

4 years

Kind of feel like I might have witchy superpowers here

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@vodkanopants

5 years

I’m looking for a relationship but it’s just sex at night, bring me coffee in bed in the morning, and then fuck off the rest of the time.

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@vodkanopants

4 years

I have lost more followers in the last couple days due to me being open about my mental and physical health and standing up for myself than I have this whole time on Twitter. Jokes on you. Idgaf about follower count.

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@vodkanopants

3 years

I took two naps today and had cake for dinner, if you’re in need of a life coach.

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@vodkanopants