is it normal to feel more dead and weak than usual despite having an embarassingly high intake and maintaining for a little over a month now ? can my body please stop being overdramatic and cooperate for once smh
to be bmi 12s by my birthday is all that i'm asking for.
i mostly purge spicy food (dishes containing chilli oil / curry / mala / sambal etc) as they're so triggering for absolutely no reason
the spice just makes purging more interesting and not as mundane if that makes any sense
i really need to get my shit together and lock in for both my studies and weight loss because right now i'm pretty much the definition of grades low bmi high sobs
my mom now insists on sitting next to me during meals, so she'll be able to control my food portions and be absolutely sure that i'm eating.
help would be very much appreciated in this trying time :")
supporting local hawkers by bp-ing and flushing desserts - ang ku kueh 红龟糕 + cendol + gingko nuts barley and beancurd skin tong sui 白果腐竹糖水 + nine layer kueh 九层糕
i thought losing my period would = no more painful period cramps but it so happens that i forgot constipation / diarrhoea cramps are apparently a thing
and i'm somehow defying the laws of physics by weighing more after taking a fat ass dump ???
since i've hit my gbmi twice before 2024, i'm in a dilemma. should i maintain bmi 13.4 till next year before continuing to lose, or aim to hit my lw before 1/1/24 ? it doesn't help that i'm chronically skinny fat
@ edtwt check in time ! how are yall doing today ?
the psychatrist upped my antidepressant dosage to 225 mg,, and mr psychologist told me that whatever i said today was a little too much for him HELPP
and !! i've been feeling so very tired as of late ? i should really stock up on energy drinks and pray that they work,,,, my intake is embarrassingly high enough i do not need to eat more trustt
i should really have a metab week as i've hit a plateau to allow my fatass to lose the 0.05kg required to hit bmi 12.9
but i'm afraid of gaining everything back from 1 week of eating at my pathetic maintenance of 1.2k calories ? screams
someone brought cherries + doughnut peaches + mandarin oranges + shine muscats to my aunt's birthday potluck,, i love fruits sm i'm currently full of fruit
猪肝汤 (pig liver soup)
lunch that was enforced upon me as mom said i looked too pale despite my insistence that i already had something in school (i didn't-)
i feel guilty purging the dinner i shared with my ex ahaha
i swear i tried to get rid of the food taste by chugging water and rinsing my mouth, but it still bothered me really badly soo purge it was
live laugh loven't moment
i've been eating over my maintenance for the past week or so now and i'd actually kms if i end up gaining over 34kg lol. it took me so fucking long to get to 32kgs there's no way i'm gonna let anyone take it away from me.
- vent -
i wish those "how i restrict/fast while living with strict parents" threads worked for me, as mine makes sure i'm actually eating and swallowing my food. they'll comment when i eat less than what they deem satisfactory, then i'm forced to eat more.
praying that i don't gain from my mom's attempts at fattening me up over the june holidays
at this point i genuinely don't mind maintaining just no gaining and undoing all my hard work tyvm
i need to lock in istg but my mom keeps forcing me to eat so fucking much it's honestly a miracle that i'm not gaining. i'm actually so fat right now i don't deserve to live.
i believe my food poisoning is punishment from the ana gods for doing more eating than disordering
good night mooties i'm going to sleep off the pain and suffering
idt i'm even in forced recovery as my mom doesn't know i have an ed,, she just thinks that i am "too thin" helpp
in fact no one irl has sussed me out which just goes to show how average i actually am ahaha
i feel so bad that my mom's giving me lunch money to eat more and gain as i'm 瘦到像骨头 (her words not mine), but i will never spend it as i'll be fasting to get right back to my lw sobs