Lauren Theisen @theisen95 Twitter profile

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

6 months

I'm writing a book about It's A Wonderful Life alongside @emilystjams ! Put it on your Christmas list for 2026.

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Last Seen Profiles

@powpow7u

@LandscapeMgmt

@liaahwang

@TencerDani36748

@MylesTheModel

@CoachBiagi

@sakiijalon

@ManuelMilian

@4ilDt

@po6u_

@ttimecat7

@AngelaAngelmas

@euju4n

@studiiie

@CathyCo92560490

@anmysn

@Codealike

@lamduff

@barnett_tye

@Roni_Max_Amorim

@boyes_brian

@austin_tom67601

@sumantaiit

@AGTAuditions

@ZacharyAQW

@drobur

@reganwv

@noname12ge

@AllamaRajaNasir

@BabyKahlou12024

@Turbanlikarim11

@elonmuskcle

@_ai6zly_

@napo_MAYA

@CiboloCreekPTO

Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

hi, so I'm leaving Deadspin. it's been the best two and a half years of my life, but it's time to move on

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

if anyone wants to hire me for a very well paid boss position, I promise I would at least remember to change the passwords when all my employees quit together

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

they gave Mahomes 5 drugs that don't even have names yet he thinks he's Crash Bandicoot right now

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

photo of the meeting where management tried to get us to move past Barry's firing. credit: victor jefferies

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

is this what an underfunded department looks like.

Read Abolish Rent

@JoshuaPHilll

3 years

The NYPD has now moved into the village for no clear reason.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

Keith Hernandez appreciating Shania Twain while not realizing he's on air

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

Incredible. This nurse at my local hospital is pulling 16-hour shifts to care for everyone affected by #COVID_19 . Everyone please Like and RT to show your support!

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

Scientists believed that no corporate statement could ever be emptier than "love is love." But one brave cookie brand found a way.

OREO Cookie

@Oreo

4 years

Trans people exist.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

I'm really excited to figure out what I want to do next. If you're interested in a blogger, investigative journalist, podcaster, video talent, and/or social media person, hit me up at lautheisen @gmail .com. Here's a brief thread of my work, starting with the greatest headline ever

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

quick update: i had surgery today and every test/scan has been extremely good news so far!

Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

there's no reason to freak about this at all because it's super straightforward but i found out yesterday that i have to get some treatment for testicular cancer. Or, as I've started calling it, "Divine Gender Affirmation."

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

brief professional update: in the new year I'll be joining @NYDailyNews , blogging breaking stories for their National Desk

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

this is how you get kids interested in baseball

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

holy shit these guys are morons! I bet you can find a decent megaphone for like 100 bucks, 150 tops

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

I'm happy if joe rogan's fans vote for good candidates but I hope my fellow Bernie supporters realize that trans people have zero political power and need to rely heavily on allies so it's natural and reasonable to be scared about eventually getting sold out of the movement!

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

this is March

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

final update on this I hope: cancer was totally contained to the stuff they took out, and all that's left for me is a few non urgent checkups in the coming months 😤

Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

quick update: i had surgery today and every test/scan has been extremely good news so far!

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

not to be presumptuous but a good place to follow the freelance work of all the ex-deadspinners is @UnDeadspin

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

fuck these sellouts

Selling Out Still Sucks | Defector

What are these assholes doing besides bothering us?

defector.com

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

Defector

@DefectorMedia

3 years

Iowa TV station interrupts U.S. Open at funniest possible time:

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

"and shall be known by no other name" is a nice touch

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

looks like the CIA has restarted the David Foster Wallace discourse. the President ~must~ be dying

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

hey come hop on this pirate ship we built

Defector

@DefectorMedia

4 years

This is Defector, a new sports blog and media company from the writers you missed. We made this place together, we own it together, we run it together.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

there's no reason to freak about this at all because it's super straightforward but i found out yesterday that i have to get some treatment for testicular cancer. Or, as I've started calling it, "Divine Gender Affirmation."

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

wrote about the Times, specifically @mega2e and @By_CJewett , letting their imaginations run away with them as they try to limit the number of trans people who are allowed to exist

How Many Trans People Does The New York Times Believe There Should Be? | Defector

The Times believes there’s an ideal number of trans people who should be alive in the world, and we’re dangerously close to exceeding it.

defector.com

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

hate to even think about them but seeing a site I used to love (plus an employer that once gave me the safety and stability to transition that few trans girls get) pivot to shock-jock misogyny as dozens of talented sportswriters struggle to pay their bills really sucks, guys

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

you vs the blog she told you not to worry about

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

the main thing I keep thinking about on the day after is just how management was completely caught by surprise that nobody wanted to work here anymore - like, it's unfathomable to them that we'd choose our principles over our jobs

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

guy who turned on an episode of The Nanny five minutes in: "Wait ... so, like, how did she become the nanny?"

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

oh my god they took the comments off of deadspin

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

@david_j_roth

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

in retrospect tho I should have been more ambitious when I said I'd give my left nut to see Michigan in the Elite Eight

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

my last day was supposed to be friday, so I could do one last hockey blog, but apparently all my accounts are deactivated and I had to give up my building key today! (there's a deadcast going up tomorrow at least lol)

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

I'm a little nervous about surgery but it got caught super early and it should all be fine. And also, as someone who famously quit a job because of a hostile boss, I can't exactly blame my junk for trying the same move.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

may god have mercy on your soul if you get this

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

i wrote about the new Torrey Peters book, and my body then, and my body now

Lost And Found In The Batting Cage | Defector

So often our understanding of ourselves comes from bouncing off the world around us and seeing what bounces back.

defector.com

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

Happy Labor Day to everyone except scabs and police unions

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

when I turn 40 I'm gonna get a sweater that says, "I like the call to go for it but I don't like that specific play."

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

Lebon James

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

what an absolutely disgusting failure of journalism to do both-sides framing for the issue of "the existence of trans people" @daveweigel

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

one more win and Canada becomes part of New Jersey

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

tomorrow on Twitch:

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

Defector

@DefectorMedia

3 years

UPDATE: Urban Meyer's family "upset" about grim men's evening

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

there's nothing dads love more than criticizing goal line play-calling

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

Just shouted "No!" at my TV after Matthew Stafford threw an interception in a game from 2013 🙃

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

look at what the best idiots in the world got me

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

Jonathan Martin

@jmart

5 years

Pelosi escalates > If admin “persists in blocking whistleblower from disclosing to Congress a serious possible breach of constitutional duties by the President, they will be entering a grave new chapter of lawlessness which will take us into a whole new stage of investigation”

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

1 year

the Penguins experience the most pathetic and devastating loss of their season and then have to go back out to do giveaways for Fan Appreciation Night

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

the D is for "done getting my first jab"

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

6 years

extremely good own from the Islanders themselves

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

here's a very surreal recording of the time I was 99% sure I was about to quit my job but was still searching for something to change my mind

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

folks from towns with one McDonalds frickin love to tweet about how cities have been 'burned to the ground'

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

for the record, and as I told Paul, my issue wasn't the "coverage mandates," it's that I just couldn't work at a place that treated amazing people like @megreenwell and @barry so disrespectfully

Max Tani

@maxwelltani

5 years

G/O spokesperson on Deadspin resignations: "They resigned and we're sorry that they couldn't work within this incredibly broad coverage mandate. We're excited about Deadspin's future and we'll have some important updates in the coming days."

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

got sad about turning 25 today but cheered up when I stumbled upon a gem of a photo from my teens (I stg the hat was just a joke). Wish I could time travel back and tell that boy, "Move to South Korea in late 2019."

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

it's actually Snewp Duhg

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

Summoning Salt: This was one glitch that would remain out of reach. Me: 😔 SS: Until— Me: 😱

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

1 year

It feels more important than ever that trans history be preserved, both to learn from and to understand that we've always found ways to exist. With that in mind, Histories Of Transition is a new series from Defector, and @caseyplett kicked it off:

How One Dumb Woman Got On HRT In 2010 | Defector

This is the start of Histories Of Transition, a new series spotlighting the experiences of trans people as they’ve worked to exist within structures that don’t want them to. When my first doctor in...

defector.com

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

I'm pretty sure I called it _the_ greatest headline ever @AP

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

there better be a second executive order coming up that none of these shut-down places have to pay rent while they're closed

Freddi Goldstein

@FreddiGoldstein

5 years

Statement from Mayor de Blasio on New York City bars, restaurants, and entertainment venues:

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

some thoughts about Texas

On Bridges | Defector

This new Texas attack tears down, at the stroke of a pen, some of the bridges that have been built with so much sweat and blood to help kids reach something resembling safety.

defector.com

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

1 year

a smart writer: e.g. my brain: egzample

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

there's a point in the latest deadcast where Roth thinks I'm cringing at Drew talking about being old. Really, I was trying not to cry because I was so glad to hear his voice yesterday. That's my quarterback.

Drew Magary

@drewmagary

5 years

I resigned from Deadspin this morning. That was a fun time you and me had there all those years, wasn't it? Let's do it again sometime.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

Give Radcliffe the Oscar for his reading of this tweet.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

getting to do this little project felt better than I'd even like to admit. it was awesome, and i can't say thank you enough to all the wonderful people who supported me and my idiot ex-coworkers by reading these blogs

Goodbye From Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnQ8N1KacJc Thank you for supporting Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog. We hope you enjoyed the last three days as much as we did. The blogs will remain here for your...

unnamedtemporarysportsblog.com

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

it's Scrooge McDuck time

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

december's most dangerous tradition: the game of "how much chili can you fit in the chili pot"

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

9 months

The Defector internship basically treats you like a staff writer for ten weeks (and PAYS). I really don't think any other internship in media sets you up to publish better work than this one. So apply.

Defector

@DefectorMedia

9 months

Defector's internship app closes on Friday! And all eligible applicants get a free, year-long subscription just for applying! So go do it:

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

some pals and I are gonna do a few blogs this week. you can catch them all @UnDeadspin

Max Tani

@maxwelltani

4 years

Ex-Deadspin staff are bringing back the Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog next week

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

The haters and losers are absolutely furious that I have started baking again. "You can't put that much chocolate in one brownie!" they cry. I will send them all to hell.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

does this mean they were topless or were they just, like, covered in bikini bottoms

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

the new sports bar is just me looking out my living room window and fondly noticing that my across-the-street neighbors are watching the same football game as me

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

all of the literature on this is like "So you think you'll be anxious changing in front of the boys at the gym..." but there's nothing on "How to convince your surgeon to just give you the full bottom surgery package."

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

not linking but the latest anonymous deadspin blog claims the word "cracker" is a racist slur

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

the lunch wanter

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

Max Tani

@maxwelltani

5 years

Good media news: Some ex-Deadspin writers and editors are launching a temporary blog this weekend to post about the Super Bowl

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

"The rallying cry is 'Born This Way,' unless, like me, you were born a cop."

Defector

@DefectorMedia

3 years

It is unconscionable that the gay community has ostracized me simply because I was born a cop:

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

jesus christ have you even ~seen~ the fucking nerds I work with

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

2 years

leaving the bar with my friend as my CBS graphic flashes "SCORING DROUGHT"

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

every other tweet now is just "I'd cut off my left hand to chew some gum that I found stuck under a bar chair"

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

live from the Defector holiday party, it's the most anticipated match of the year

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

brief psa: the team that paid Gerrit Cole a king's ransom are the good guys and the team that lowballed Blake Snell are the bad guys in this series

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

the bad news is I currently don't have a steady source of income but the good news is I'm saving money by refusing to pay my rent until the landlord turns on the heat 🥶

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

1 year

instead of defending a status quo that isn't all that special, I tried to imagine my ideal Pride Night

No Straights At Pride Night | Defector

There’s an idealized version of a Pride Night in my head: one night a year where a ballpark truly becomes a place where straightness is the exception and not the norm.

defector.com

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

@david_j_roth the subtext of all the Politics Knower tweets tonight is like "You don't understand how much the simple-minded pigs love their slop. They eat this shit up like candy because their brains are so tiny."

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

some of the most beautiful parts of my transition have been the many unexpected moments of comeraderie and connection I've found with the cis women I love. the people who have built careers out of trying to drive a wedge between us will always be incomprehensible to me.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

getting word that Nick Saban has secured a commit from Ninja for 2020

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

as of this morning I have zero medical specialist appointments on my calendar for the first time since last March 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

end your fucking curfew @NYCMayor

Jake Offenhartz

@jangelooff

4 years

At the top of the hill they’re processing the arrestees. Medics and photographers among them. A woman is pulled out in a stretcher. I asked an officer what the point was and he shook his head and said “Eight o’clock”

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

trust me when I say you have never seen anyone react to an HBP like this

Daniel Álvarez-Montes

@DanielAlvarezEE

5 years

Insólito.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

i Remembered A Cult for vice

This Cult From the 80s Was Patient Zero for Epstein and Pizzagate Conspiracies

The FBI just released new documents about 'The Finders,' which conspiracy theorists think was a CIA-linked child abuse cult. But were The Finders just misunderstood?

www.vice.com

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

megan de facto returning to her rightful role as our leader has been the best thing about these past few days

Megan Greenwell

@megreenwell

5 years

And with that, it's over. Deadspin no longer employs a single writer or editor. I am gutted but so very proud of this group of people. Deadspin was a good website.

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

oh duh I should have just done that

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

4 years

brb gonna go get bangs and buy some Hold Steady merch

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

as a sophisticated new yorker, I don't usually stop celebrities for photos. but for this guy yesterday, I couldn't help myself

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

in water polo, even the knockout rounds are technically still pool play

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

5 years

want to end this with I think the most popular video I ever edited together. R.I.P. Splinter

Splinter

@splinter_news

5 years

What's the DEAL with lying about Medicare for All??? *bass riff*

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Lauren Theisen

@theisen95

3 years

Defector

@DefectorMedia

3 years

Celebrate Defector's first birthday with a live-stream tonight on Twitch! We'll have staff interviews, some guy remembering, and videos from friends of the blog. Join us at 7 p.m. ET:

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