The Cardigan Cowboy @thatdumbrancher Twitter profile

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Love is a lie. Cowboyin is not. Stay punchy my friends.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Oh yeah no my bad, they were just my feelings. No need to worry about them.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“You shoulda just came over” No I can’t just go anywhere without an invite. It’s impolite.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Unpopular opinion: horse slaughter should still be legal in the US.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Alright, that’s enough marketplace for today.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

The amount of times I’ve said “and this is my 13th reason” is way higher than 13.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Still haven’t danced with anyone to Zach’s new album. Kinda upset about it not even gonna lie.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

This is why other races make fun of us.

Zane Bearden

@ZaneBearden

2 years

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I don’t have baby fever…. I got a whole ass family fever. THAT SHIT LOOKS FUN

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

*sneezes* instead of saying excuse me just yells “FUCK”

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Just a heads up. No one will love you like I did.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

ISO: a wife who can cook me chicken Alfredo. In exchange I will give you attention, love, and bring you with me too all the cowboy things I do.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

When Koe said “I’m tired of being perfect” I felt that.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

11 months

I wonder where this kid is at now

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

There’s the guy that wears a cowboy hat 24/7 and the girl who would rather wear a ball cap and they marry each other.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Ducks are just all terrain chickens if you think about it.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Over worked and underfucked

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I JUST WANNA BUY SOMEONE A DAMN RING AND BE HAPPY

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

GOING TO THE SALE BARN IS A DATE I DONT CARE

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Unless you are interviewing to go work for a place that runs cattle and you wanna know how many head will be under your care. DONT ASK HOW MANY CATTLE SOMEONE FUCKING RUNS

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I’m so broken someone asked how my day was and I almost cried. Not because the day was bad. But because they asked.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Just remember, “if he wanted too he would” were true, it also goes the same way for the ladies.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

If you’re single, raise your hand. I need a head count for how many of us have been screwed over lately. Not in the fun way either.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I’m into some kinky shit… like love and affection. 🤤🤤🤤

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Don’t wink at me. That’ll get us both in trouble

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I’m an asshole because I’m afraid of getting attached again.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Shoulda left you as an unsaved number.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

There will be a day where I can bring these home to someone. Til then. Enjoy.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Fuck my dad and I look good.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

1 year

With JB announcing his retirement, it is officially the end of an era. Hell of a run man.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I just wanna have someone to call about my day and hear about theirs.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“Horse for sale, finished. And by finished meaning IM finished with him” Will be my new sale slogan.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

1 year

Fuck you. Tyler childers new song is beautiful.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Calm down unsaved number. You’re getting a little too ahead of yourself

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“My suicide story” Must not be a good one if you’re telling it.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Me? Falling for someone I shouldn’t? NEVERRRR!!!!

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I just want to love someone and believe there’s gonna be a future there again.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

If I hit you with the “you up?” Text it means one of two things 1: I’m driving and need something to keep me awake. 2: I’m about to ask you the WILDEST series of questions that are coming from my unmedicated thoughts.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Yoo hoooo Big summer blow out

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Did you know that the corona virus has been around for years and the Information of us Vaccinating for it has been around for just as long. The strand we vaccinate for is to help with scours or diarrhea in calves. It is not for the covid 19 strand which you so desperately

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“You don’t know anything” I know my worth, I also know that a aluminum baseball bat makes a funny noise when it hits kneecaps. Just sayin.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“Hey” with the intention of hitting ranch rodeos together

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

8 months

“Crystal meth raccoon” is now my new favorite term for a blue heeler

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“You still owe me a dance” No no I don’t. Drunk me might. Sober me does not. Sober me has standards.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts”

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

In a matter of 4 days I got broken up with, and lost my job. When it rains, it sure as hell pours.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Got my Christmas tree put up today.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“You’re so sweet” Thanks it’s my greatest downfall.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

1 year

I’d rope the moon for you, but if you’d prefer. I’d tie on to the brightest of the stars for you.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Churches ruin religion so much because they are filled with the most hateful, two faced, judgmental crowds you will ever come across.

Spiricoco Twittter

@SpiricocoNg

2 years

What's a church opinion that will get you like this?

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“Now we are strangers again, but this time with memories” Oh to feel the way I felt with you again.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

So I got approached by a media company to talk to about mental health in the farming/ranching/cowboy industry… If it works out what are some things you want to see talked about?

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

At this point, it’s just sad.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Something in the orange may tell you we’re not done but something in the black tells me I’m never coming back.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“What do those hands do?” Rope shit and flip you off.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Stuck between wanting a girl who’s always dressed nice and has style and a girl who’s handy, knows how to read cattle and just kinda all around hand. Cant seem to find the girls that do both.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I’d do some really questionable things for some rain right now.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Cosmic brownies and coors lights. That’s the tweet.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Sweetheart, do you fucking mind, I’m trying to make you fall in love with me.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I just wish I didn’t feel like a such a nuisance to anyone I wanna talk too.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

It’s not home wrecking if your better than the man she’s with now. It’s ✨home improvement ✨

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I just wanna feel loved. Like legitimate love from someone.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I have got to quit moving to places on 39 bucks 53 cents and prayers.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

New dictionary term for cowboy. Cowboy: underpaid underappreciated person who specializes in the handle and care of cattle and horses.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Zach did NOT have to add that voicemail at the end of “She’s Alright”

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

He’s a solid 5 and cowboys in Hawaiian shirts most of the summer. It’s me.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Also here’s tatty two

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Imagine your “friends” come see you instead of you always going to them.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

At the end of the day, cowboyin is just peaceful chaos with guidelines.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

No, I’m not on Rocker’s side. You are at THE premier PRCA rodeo. That is not the place to be throwing a bawl baby fit ESPECIALLY in the arena. You draw bad? Oh well! Don’t get the score you want? Oh well! This isn’t a make believe tv show. ACT LIKE A PROFESSIONAL!

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU PEOPLE ARE GETTING MARRIED? WHILE IM STILL PLAYING THE FAVORITE COLOR GAME!? BS

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I wanna make a ridiculously long distance relationship work purely out of spite

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Think I’m just gonna skip the dating stage, who wants to get married for financial purposes.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Wondered why my hat felt heavier…

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“How are do you get your horses so broke to everything?” In all honesty, just throw them in a situation and find out what happens.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Searching for a girl who’ll let me play with hot wheels on her butt…

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

1 year

IMAGINE CATCHING A RIGHT HOOK FROM THIS FUCKIN THING

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“Is this horse a good horse for my kid? Depends on your parenting style.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Give the mild looking guy a shot. We’re funny.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

JUST BECAUSE YOU PUT A COWBOY HAT ON YOUR TACKY OUTFIT DOESN’T MAKE IT WESTERN FASHION! That’s about all I have to say about your western fashion influencer bullshit. Thank youuuuu

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

1 year

The sale barn loves me I promise

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Hearing about other guys talking about women as just sexual objects just pisses me off to no end.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Dad and I are cooler than you.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

My toxic trait is wanting them to hate me after we break up. Makes it easier on me.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Girls ride a single crow hop and call themselves a baddie….

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Therapist: “what do we say when stuff doesn’t go right?” Me: well that’s handy Therapist: “uh no”

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Been called a failure by people who didn’t understand the goal. Been called a role model by people who are working for the same dream. Been told I have potential by the people who I look up too. Surround yourself with the people who are there and wanna be there.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

My body hurts all the time from the stuff I do to distract my heart from hurting too.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Yes bank, it is me buying friend chicken and Dr Pepper in small town colorado, don’t judge me and decline my card for “unusual behavior”

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

On today’s episode of wtf, my boss stuck his fingers in my chest while telling me how worthless I was… AND insulted my horse… that last parts just cold man.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I have 10 bucks to last me the next 10 days…. Looks like it’s fasting time.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

“If only” Those must be the two saddest words in the world.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I’m just tryna find someone who wants to be my lockscreen.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

NUFLOR IF YOU DONT GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND QUIT PICKING ON RESFLOR! EXCEDE GO GET YOUR SIS EXCENEL

There is no Dane there is only Zuul

@dane_berggren

2 years

Goddamn white women naming kids Draxxin

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Unpopular opinion, you don’t always need a beer when cowboyin

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

10 months

Divorced dad rock will always be the move.

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

Best thing I’ve heard today… “I’ll factory reset this horse if he tries to flip on me”

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

IF YOU CANT TAKE BEING YELLED AT WHEN WORKING/SHIPPING/GATHERING CATTLE OR ANYTHING WHILE WORKING WITH CATTLE DONT GET IN THE BUSINESS! EVERYTHING IS LOUD

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

SHE FED ME FRIES WHILE I WAS DRIVING! Best passenger princess, EVER

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The Cardigan Cowboy

@thatdumbrancher

2 years

I’ll catch a break, one of these days.

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