Ashish Shakya @stupidusmaximus Twitter profile | Pikagi

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Ashish Shakya

@stupidusmaximus

1,064,575

Followers

769

Following

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Statuses

Writer. Comic. Member, @AllIndiaBakchod Stand-up special 'Life Is Good' on @primevideoIN For business: radhika @oml .in

Bombay, India

https://t.co/aRtIItLwVj

Joined July 2009

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

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@stupidusmaximus

Ashish Shakya

@stupidusmaximus

8 months

Consulted on and wrote this promo with @officiallysane and team @SupariStudios Fun fact: we only had 30 mins of shoot time with @iamsrk (it happens sometimes, star schedules are v hectic) so kudos to director Akshat Gupt and the superb crew for pulling it off in a tight

@NetflixIndia

Netflix India

8 months

Birthday Jawan ka hai par gift sab ke liye 😎We're good to go! Jawan (the extended cut) is now streaming in Hindi, Tamil and Telugu, only on Netflix 💥

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@stupidusmaximus

Ashish Shakya

@stupidusmaximus

7 years

Main mard hoon bhosdiwaalo mujhe lip balm mein bhi daaru chahiye mere moisturizer mein anthrax hai bc main plutonium se brush karta hoon tu bahar mil saale

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6 years

Apparently the Karni Sena attacked a school bus full of kids, so the question is, how long before they get elected to political office?

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7 years

Main aur meri tanhai - Tanhai: I have a boyfriend.

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7 years

DO U WANNA PARTNER O PARTNER DO U WANNA PARTNER LUV ME LUV ME SAY

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7 years

Gentle Reminder: Let dumb political mudslinging not distract you from the fact that you pretty much watched a murder on your feed today. Even if that asshole has been arrested, he's symptomatic of a much larger issue. Soak in that disaster for a bit. Remember it when you vote.

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Ashish Shakya

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7 years

Happy birthday @iamsrk . As always, your party at my house. Chaar soda lete aaiyo please, paise main de doonga. Cheers buddy.

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7 years

"How dare he call India poor?!!" - Sent from my iPhone, ignoring the beggar kid knocking at my car window hatt saale kaanch ganda mat kar

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8 years

It's nice how the average Indian is ready to get nuked for patriotism lekin kachra dustbin mein phenkne ko bolo toh behre ho jaate hain.

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Ashish Shakya

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2 years

My family is all like 'Hey @NetflixIndia get more movies like #TheAdamProject so that this idiot will hang with us more' (P.S. Pretty sure they wouldn't mind swapping me for @VancityReynolds as their son) #ad

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6 years

Reading the news and man... bure din hi achhe thhe.

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7 years

Hey @jetairways let's get this flight going. My baby is getting cranky. And I wasn't even a father when I checked in.

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8 years

*Uber driver reaches girlfriend's elbow* Uber Driver: Haanji main clitoris pe aa gaya hoon.

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7 years

Bieber was so bad it was hilarious. He had the stage presence of khichdi. Plus kaafi lip sync. (Lucky that my tickets were free :D)

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6 years

Pedestrian crossing a one-way street abroad: *moonwalks across blindfolded* Pedestrian crossing a one-way street in India: *looks in eight directions, invents teleportation, gets hit by Scorpio*

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7 years

Hi @arunjaitley . 80% of women who don't use sanitary pads do so because of cost. Please abolish the tax on pads. #LahukaLagaan @SheSaysIndia

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7 years

Justin Biebler with his number one hit, Is It Too Late Now To Say Nazi.

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7 years

Found a great replacement app for Twitter. It's got a concise, professionally curated information stream, great tactile UI, and is well moderated so there's no chance of getting into dumbfuck arguments. Yep, it's a newspaper.

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Ashish Shakya

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7 years

Don't study history. Just do the Twitter crash course: 1. Our past was amaze. 2. Minus all the Mughal assholes 3. Nehru liked women, haaaw.

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7 years

Pakistan batting like they don't know they're supposed to lose wtf

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Ashish Shakya

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7 years

Hey @VodafoneIN which one of my kids do you need me to sacrifice so that your network exhibits a basic level of competency? (I'm hoping you say my older one, his drawings are rubbish.)

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7 years

What a fucking shithole of a day. I'm sorry for all that you went through. #RIPChesterBennington

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8 years

You waited 9 month in small cramped space to be born but u can't stand in line for country

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7 years

Happy to inform you that after multiple tries in Spain, I have concluded that biryani kicks paella ass. Proud day 4 all Indianz.

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7 years

Headline: These celebrities SLAYED on social media with HILARIOUS RESPONSES. Reality: Basic uncle-level joke but exciting because famous.

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8 years

I like dogs because they don't leak your private conversations to the world.

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8 years

Can we have Indians compete in the Olympics every day so that Twitter remains nice, happy and idiot-free?

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7 years

Oh, are people who don't go to open mics and shows and know nothing about the field making generalisations about comedy again? How lovely.

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7 years

Landed in U.P, took my phone off airplane mode and it automatically made three ransom calls.

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8 years

Trump's first act as President will be to grab the Statue Of Liberty by the pussy.

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7 years

Don't bother paying attention to the first line of a sher. They'll repeat it a few times anyway. #LifeHacks

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7 years

Simi Garewal's greatest contribution to society was teaching Indians how to pronounce 'rendezvous'. #RennDezzVowzz

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Ashish Shakya

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7 years

Oh man, @hasanminhaj killing it at The White House Correspondents Dinner:

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Hasan Minhaj White House Correspondents' Dinner full monologue

Comedian Hasan Minhaj (Daily Show, Patriot Act) took full advantage of Donald Trump's absence during the 2017 White House Correspondents' Dinner, by taking a...

www.youtube.com

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8 years

Saying 'Udta Punjab was worth the fuss' is like saying 'So glad we didn't abort the foetus because she grew up to be a star'. Wrong reason.

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7 years

My expert travel review of Spain after a few hours in Barcelona: BC yahaan pe sab log kya hot hain.

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7 years

Happy Compromise Day!

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7 years

New On Air episode, where the question is, why are we still using prohibition as a legit political tool?

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Get the Disney Bundle Subscription now to Watch all the Content from Hotstar

Watch all latest Indian Movies, TV Shows and live sports events like Cricket only with Disney bundle where you can access content from Hulu, Disney...

www.hotstar.com

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7 years

Just saw the news. Kya chal raha hai yaar. Development waale uncle Manmohan Singh pe kharaab open mic level material kar rahe hain. Ek toing sound laga do, Nagpur mein mast chalega.

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7 years

Junta going nuts to the most timeless @juniorbachchan and @VishalDadlani track ever :D

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7 years

HOW DARE VADRA SUE A JOURNALIST FOR ASKING LEGITIMATE QUES... oh, it wasn't Vadra? Carry on then, nothing to see here.

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8 years

Pretty sure all of India just wants to group hug #PVSindhu right now. Mad respect.

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8 years

This doctor does not inspire confidence.

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7 years

Do we have to discuss those arson-loving maniacs? They're a distraction. Even if you don't wanna discuss farmers or dead judges, do we need to talk about nutjobs? Talk about puppies instead. Or orgasms. Or ice-cream. Or pot. Or other fun stuff that makes life suck less. No? Okay.

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6 years

Sab MLAs ko eBay pe daal do, public ka bhi timepass ho jaayega.

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7 years

Sickened by all the allegations coming to the fore. There's no place for such behaviour in 2017.

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8 years

Pahlaj Nihalani is on my flight. Unrelated: The cockpit is now just called the pit.

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8 years

Wen u throw surprise budday party 4 bae but bae 2 busy being unaware of ur existence

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8 years

Watched Kapoor And Sons last night and it's still stuck in my head. @shakunbatra has worked wonders with the complex beast that is family.

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7 years

Man, there's so much tatti on the timeline these days. I feel like debating but then I remember that I like happiness. *shrug*

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6 years

A successful marriage is when both people have given up on each other to the same extent.

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7 years

Uncle woh sab theek hai lekin aap ne Indian Ocean chhod ke yeh kab shuru kiya?

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7 years

At that age where I need to work out for an hour to feel the way teenagers feel when they wake up.

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8 years

An old but super joke on gender.

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7 years

Can't overstate the importance of @Memeghnad 's piece. Just try and be a little less uninformed everyday. That's it.

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I Voted For You, So Give Me A Unicorn Right Now

The millennial's guide to going beyond the Nayak model of governance and engaging with Indian democracy.

www.buzzfeed.com

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7 years

Bandra bars on a weekend are just pretty people smiling and pretending that they don't have sweat running down their butt-cracks.

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6 years

d/dx of jalebi = imarti.

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7 years

India's gonna relate to Aakash Gupta from Raipur so hard. Saw the first two episodes, loved 'em. Congrats @kalyanrath & team! #LaakhonMeinEk

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7 years

Here's us diving into Comedy Nostalgia with the staggeringly talented Varun Grover. Dekh bhai, dekh. #OnAirWithAIB

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Get the Disney Bundle Subscription now to Watch all the Content from Hotstar

Watch all latest Indian Movies, TV Shows and live sports events like Cricket only with Disney bundle where you can access content from Hulu, Disney...

www.hotstar.com

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6 years

Devastating to hear about Sridevi. Too young, too soon.

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7 years

This piece does a great job in calling out the minority appeasement at play in Bengal.

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The missing ‘A’ word in media narratives on Bengal violence

www.newslaundry.com

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7 years

Kaafi nostalgia and hilarity in AIB's Honest Engineering Placements, starring all my favourite people. Chekkit!

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AIB : Honest Engineering Campus Placements | Part 01

Three friends in an engineering college find out that campus placements are about to begin. Will they get placed? Watch Part 2 & 3 here - https://youtu.be/6...

www.youtube.com

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6 years

Shoutout to all girls named Billo for supporting Punjabi lyricists when they ran out of jugnis.

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8 years

Was going to feed a homeless man today but turned out he wasn't Sonu Nigam so I told him to fuck off.

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7 years

Thank you for all the wishes :) May you have great hair days everyday and may you never feel the urge to pee after having settled into bed.

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7 years

Everything about #AnInsignificantMan has been a struggle - from the subject to the making to the release. Kudos!

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8 years

Today's TOI headline sounds like it was written by Nandoo from Raja Babu. #MereLahulBabaThoGaye #NandooooSabKaPunDoo

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7 years

Waiting for Vodafone to start a Delhi marathon to support those suffering from the Airtel Delhi Marathon.

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6 years

One day, I also want to be successful enough to blame Jignesh Mevani for all my problems.

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7 years

Hey @mehartweets , props to you for your composure today. Ignore the insect infestation here - it's the most some people will ever amount to.

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7 years

Sunroof: jiss mein se subah dhoop andar aati hai aur raat ko chutia bahar nikalta hai.

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8 years

What I was reminded of after GoT and Udta Punjab over the last few days: You can't buy happiness but you sure as hell can watch it.

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8 years

Happy birthday @iamsrk . As always, see you at Bar Stock Exchange tonight. Cheers buddy.

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8 years

So all-new GoT, Veep and Silicon Valley premiered on Hotstar today, uncensored, like we're some sort of first-world country. Say whaaaaa :D

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7 years

Fast And The Furious 9: Vin Diesel drives his car into space. Statham reaches Mars, kicks Matt Damon's ass. The Rock punches Jupiter dead.

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4 years

Shoutout to my Uber driver Mudhir Mandal. He has this safety partition in place plus sanitizers. With so many people being lax at this stage, these precautions are really good to see. @Uber_India - good stuff bruh.

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8 years

Dangal is a great headrush. By the end, I wanted to hug people around me... and then flip and slam 'em on the theatre floor. Full fun :D

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7 years

I don't say this enough and I don't feel this enough, but life is good :)

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7 years

Somewhere in a parallel universe, people are struggling to caption wedding albums because Queen never wrote 'Another One Bites The Dust'.

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8 years

I wish civilian protesters and journalists would stop attacking Delhi cops by walking into their sticks and fists.

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8 years

Thank you all for the birthday love today :) May you all find unexpected cash in the pockets of your jeans, metaphorically speaking.

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7 years

Cheers to the team that killed it on The Bollywood Diva Song. And thank you Kangana :)

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7 years

Chalo sab log daaru pee lo sab theek ho jaayega #CT17Final

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7 years

New #OnAirWithAIB ! This week we talk about the fake news phenomenon and the recent assaults on doctors. Watch!

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Get the Disney Bundle Subscription now to Watch all the Content from Hotstar

Watch all latest Indian Movies, TV Shows and live sports events like Cricket only with Disney bundle where you can access content from Hulu, Disney...

www.hotstar.com

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8 years

If you're issuing rape threats online, you're not a troll. You're a sexual offender.

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7 years

When you order 10 drinks on an international flight just because they're free...

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8 years

Guys, met this regular Indian today who spoke about demonetisation in a manner that confirmed my biases, please share widely.

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9 years

. @gkhamba calls for food: Khamba: Ek roll. Staff: Naam? K: Gursimran S: Gu? K: Gursimran. S: Junsinra? K: Ashish. S: Ok. #Always

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8 years

On a related note, this thread is pretty interesting. Lots of new information for me. Thoughts/counters?

@vadakkus

vadakkus

8 years

I have always wondered what makes Kashmir so attractive to Pakistan, that they are willing to keep the issue burning forever. What IS there?

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7 years

Fact: Colleges can cancel your engineering degree if you don't yell 'GHANTA!' after the 'Duniya ne hum ko diya kya' line in 'Dum Maaro Dum'.

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7 years

As well meaning as it is, I wish people would stop citing scriptures and ancient history as support for modern, liberal acts.

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8 years

Really enjoying this cardiac arrest festival. #PVSindhu

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7 years

Delhi, you were a dream tonight. Thank you for that response. You made this bunch very happy :)

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7 years

It was some internal meeting. You guys make it sound like the Snapchat CEO sold out the O2 arena, said "India is poor" and walked off stage.

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7 years

Wen u want 2 go down on bae bt u r in long distance relationship

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7 years

How these anti-national vets are saying like this yaar: 'Dissent is Not Treason... It is the Essence of Democracy'

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8 years

Just heard that Gurgaon has been renamed to 'Don't Come Here'.

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7 years

So Snapchat aside, what else is everyone up to this Sunday?

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7 years

The good people at @The_Spool interviewed me about work, life and everything in between. Read?

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Ashish Shakya, Comedian | The Spool

"Five years ago I could write a certain joke, put it out in public and nothing would happen, now I don’t know."

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7 years

Just saw some of the photos from the #NotInMyName protests. Much love, you guys.

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7 years

Hi @Samsung_IN , why is your customer service such garbage? Like with everything else, please feel free to waste my time for a month or so before you answer that question. Bonus points for redundant site visits. Thank you.

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