when i was 17 my car started to spin out on the freeway during a blizzard and the only thing that snapped me out of my terror enough to be able to regain control was the chilling revelation that I didn’t want 2 Phones by Kevin Gates to be the soundtrack to my death
lil pump is 17 i am no longer comfortable with the lyrics to gucci gang. why does he have a bitch who loves doing cocaine. go to precalc class lil pump.
In honor of her birthday yesterday I want everyone to know one time my roommate saw Rihanna at a club and was so blacked out she knew she recognized her but couldn’t figure out where from so she GOES UP TO RIHANNA and asks if they have MARKETING CLASS TOGETHER
i started dating guys in their mid twenties with the hope they’d be more mature than those in their early 20s but they’ve just have had more time to think of more creative ways to be terrible
my parents get worried when I'm out late when I'm home as if I don't live 3000 miles away 10 months of the year and have a near death experience they don't know about AT LEAST twice per weekend
when I was a senior in high school I wanted to be pre-law at Stanford and now I’m a senior in college and haven’t stopped talking about Youtuber drama for 3 days straight
i’m on the business school’s deans list with a double minor and am an athlete at one of the top 20 universities in the country and you think i get my self worth from men??????
It blows my mind that people get married to people they met in high school I genuinely don’t even know if the people I dated in high school are still alive
me: i like the color pink :)
random man on the internet: of course you do you fucking WHORE, it's the same color as all the DICK you suck you STUPID bitch
last night I got a DM request and I went “I bet it’s a dick pic” and my guy friend was like “not a chance that’s so weird people don’t do that” and he was right because I opened it and turns out it was three dick pics
sometimes i want a bf but then i think about how much effort it takes just to get to the “talking” phase let alone the “exclusive but like not boyfriend/girlfriend” phase LET ALONE being in an actual relationship and then i’m good lmfao
i was 17 when i started college which is like ok, whatever, until you consider that whenever i got sick i had to run around convincing other students in my dorm to buy cough syrup for me😭😭😭
when i was 16 i was driving in a blizzard and my car started skidding sideways on the INTERSTATE and i’m pretty sure I only got control back bc I kept thinking that I didn’t want 2 Phones to be the song that was playing when i died
last year i was in a 45 min uber alone & the driver wouldn’t stop talking & i was getting visibly annoyed & he went “i’m sorry for talking so much you just remind me of my 19 yr old daughter who died in a car crash” & i think about him every single day. hope ur having a good one.
once this random number texted me a bunch of hate trying to be anonymous and then snapchat suggested I add the number as a friend and the girl’s handle was just her first and last name😭😭😭 she never replied once i called her out😭😭😭😭😭😭
Post Malone’s “Zack and Codeine” is a reference to the show “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody”: a small theory
The first lyric is, “Man, my life so sweet, I feel like Cody”
At 40 seconds he says, “we turned the hotel lobby into a party”
We don’t deserve Post Malone
Growing up is weird because one of my closest friends is now in law school and it’s like. I saw what you did when we were 16. You should not be responsible for upholding the laws of this nation.
every single study room in the business school is booked until the end of finals and i’m 90% sure some business major booked all of them and is selling them to people
just wanna say this dude facetimed me out of the blue the other day and our interaction was literally exactly what the contact says. not even a usc student. random south central Soundcloud rapper. it's been 2.5 years. we never spoke after this night.
long story but i’m in an uber pool and the other passenger and the driver are talking about cheating on their gfs and being “alpha males” do i tuck and roll
@elijahdaniel
so my mom had a heart attack when i was 16 and she was literally throwing up on the ground from pain waiting for the ambulance i’m sobbing thinking she’s going to die and she goes “see this is what happens when you don’t do the dishes” and she started laughing
my most notable contribution to the feminist movement was the time I found another girl’s underwear in a guy’s room so I stole all the phone chargers from his house
YES I go to the Trader Joe’s on my street multiple times a day just to drink the free coffee samples and immediately leave NO I don’t feel any shame about it
I HATE BEING A WOMAN IM IN A GARBAGE MOOD ALREADY AND HERE I AM, FORCE FEEDING MYSELF ZUCCHINI THAT IS LYING ABOUT BEING NOODLES PRETENDING I LIKE IT BC I DONT WANT TO GAIN WEIGHT BC SOCIETY WONT LET ME anyways how is everyone else’s Thursday
i’m sitting at the bar of a restaurant and this guy is manspreading so hard into me and the barstools are screwed to the floor so I can’t move am I legally allowed to push him over
freshmen year i was so organized and had color coded everything and my textbooks ready to go day 1 now it’s the first day of senior year and i’m only 60% sure i didn’t have class today but couldn’t be bothered to check
remember freshman year of high school when everyone would make videos of them poorly wall twerking in a sports bra and spandex to Gas Pedal and everyone else would judge them. a simpler time.
you want to marry someone who will pregame your kid’s little league games with you, i want someone who will roll with me at a wigglez concert. we are not the same sweetie.
i can’t believe my junior year started with me getting robbed by someone posing as my uber and ended with me getting rear ended by a bus and neither of those were the most wack thing to happen to me this year
so in this scenario they could be deemed too immature to have an abortion but not too immature to be responsible for being a mother and having to raise a baby?
the venn diagram of guys who don’t think rape is a big deal and guys who definitely punched a hole in drywall over the U2 album being forcefully put on their phones is a circle
this day has been absolutely havoc on my DMs. lots of men either calling me a bitch and telling me to die or trying to buy my underwear and absolutely nothing in between.
every time I see a man’s “hot take” of “well if women just keep their legs closed then abortion wouldn’t even be an issue” I have to close my eyes and breathe deeply for like 30 seconds to calm myself down
the worst part about being a 20 something year old addicted to tiktok is it has completely skewed my targeted ads into thinking i am a teenage girl. stop showing me prom dresses I have a bachelor’s degree.
everyone gives boys without bedframes shit but i present to you the final boss: the boy i used to hook up with who doesn’t use a towel after he showers (?)
i just took 3 back to back cumulative finals and not to be facetitious but i would easily pay one million dollars for someone to come crack my back and give me a drink
Not only do I not have a graduation ceremony and I am entering into one of the worst job markets in modern history, my college is also trying to make me pay $12.95 for the PDF version of my diploma
my dad bought an 18 stall horse farm just to make my mom and i happy and guys really think i’m gonna let them treat me poorly? i mean YEAH I am but i really should have higher standards for myself
remember when girls got mercilessly made fun of for all dressing like harley quinn and then last night every guy and his dad felt compelled to dress like the joker haha good times
as i was leaving a diner today the security guard up front stopped me and told me a guy out in the parking lot was taking pics of me when i was inside and now :) i :) can’t :) sleep :) men :) are :) terrifying :) :) :)
it’s going to be hilarious when our generation starts running for the presidency and everything was posted online so old finsta posts of the candidates doing keg stands and railing lines get unearthed