IDEA:
@afl
have a raffle for each game and one member is allowed to attend as the sole spectator. They are allowed to pour their own beers all game and will be given an audience mic to say things like "BALL" and "HES BEEN DOING IT ALL DAY".
Just in case anyone was wondering how my sex/dating life is going and how irresistible I am - I went on a date with a man last night and he ended the night by offering me a HANDSHAKE.
Mid celebration the lights in the MCG go out, everyone looks around confused. The Crows song starts playing, they enter the stadium WWE style. They challenge Carlton to a game which starts immediately. Vince McMahon is probably there I dunno.
Went to a bar in Melbourne tonight ordered a beer and the bartender asked me if I wanted a pint, pot or schooner. I can never remember what they are so I just went into panic mode and said frantically "I'M FROM ADELAIDE".
Being single and not keen on marriage/kids makes life feel like a bunch of disjointed side quests. Like I just booked a solo trip to India and Borneo in March. Couldn't tell you why, has no relevance to the rest of my life or future. But might find some cool loot and rare items.
Went to a wedding on Monday and have decided the bouquet toss should be banned. Why do I now bear the burden of getting married just because my contested pack marking skills are better than the average desperate, lonely woman?
The weirdest thing about a draw is no song after the game.
@AFL
can you please write a "draw" song and all the players have to sing it together after the game?
#AFLTigersBlues
I wear makeup twice a year for events and it still spooks me seeing my face with it on. Here's a photo of my face not looking like my face from a wedding on the weekend.
3rd night of Gather Round β just got into bed, drenched from the rain. I've seen 5 games of football, slept 8 hours since Thursday and my diet has consisted of Adelaide Oval chips and CC & dry. One more day π€
Port don't kick a goal for the first qtr and a half, play 3 and a half qtrs of putrid footy, concuss half of Sydney's defence then scrape a win because of negligence from Sydney players on the goal line. Ten more years for Ken pls βοΈπ€
Feel like I should clarify that the guy was genuinely lovely, just an absolute nervous wreck. He did apologise after I burst out laughing at the handshake offer!
First night of Gather Round, I'm just getting into bed now. The sun is up, I've had way too many drinks and I have 6 more games of footy to go to in the next 3 days. What a wild ride.
Yesterday I asked my friend who has no interest in footy if she wanted to come to a game with me today and she said "sure, if we can do something I wanna do first" which seemed like a fair exchange. And that is the story of how I ended up in an ice bath on the beach at 6 AM.
The 5 km jog I'm about to do might fool some bystanders into thinking I'm starting the year off the right way. But really I'm just a hungover piece of shit who left my car at my friend's house and need it back asap so I can go get hot chippies.
We should start lowering the bar for when it's appropriate for fans to storm the field. As a Crows supporter just one goal from ROB is enough for me to jump a fence.
#AFLSwansCats
Tomorrow is my comeback footy game almost 12 months after breaking my ankle in a tackle. Can't wait to get out there and rack up plenty of the stats that matter - clangers, turnovers, frees against, time on bench π€
Not doing any "challenges" or losing weight, still binge drinking on weekends. But damn just exercising everyday and not eating like a dumbass during the week makes your body feel powerful, who knew!!
Christmas is a weirdly vulnerable time, past losses hit harder and it feels a lil lonely when you don't have much going on. In good news though I've found the true meaning of Christmas - 10 hours of penalty rates doing an overnight shift at the hospital on Xmas Eve π π
Every guy on dating apps: "let's go on an adventure".
Okay but where and how long and do I need to pack lunch? Are we swimming with whales in Tonga or hiking in Nepal? Let's be real Josh, we're going to your place for 30 mins of awkward conversation and 3 mins of sex.
I did an 18 hour double shift at work last night - finished at 7:30 am. Slept for 3 hours and dreamt that I booked an overseas trip. So I got up at midday and booked/paid for a solo overseas trip for March. Literally following my dreams.
Easter weekend scenes - my cousin is drinking hard tonight and was telling me about a girl he was gonna hit up. A few hours later, in possibly the biggest blunder of all time, he starts accidentally sexting me.
Being childless in a female dominated industry is the WORST cause everyone always comes to you for extra hours/shifts/swaps. Next job I'm telling everyone I have 5 kids and you bet I'll be coming in late and leaving early on the regular to do school pick up.
I didn't think I'd get a medal at my footy clubs BnF due to being undeniably bad at football and breaking my ankle halfway through the season. But with a little determination and petty theft from one of the much more talented guys, I was able to live out the dream ππΌ
I've always hated meeting up with men I meet online, I never do it. But tonight I'm meeting up with a random guy who I'm convinced I'll either hate or he'll murder me. Details to come, unless it's the murder thing then you'll have to figure out the rest of the story yourselves.
Played my first ever football game today! 28 years old with an unfit, broken body seems like a good time to start contact sports. Not a bad guernsey number allocated ππΌ
I am in awe of people who consistently announce personal news on social media in a way that implies people are interested in their lives. I could literally spend a day curing cancer and solving the israel-palestine conflict and still be like "no one wants to hear about this".
This is by far the worst chocolate bar ever made and I'm so confused why Cadbury keeps making them. I even saw them in a box of favourites the other day!? If this is anybody's favourite chocolate they are seriously deranged.
#cancelchomp
First Father's Day since my dad passed away feels weird but feeling grateful for the 27 Father's Days I got with him π₯° Hope all the dads have fun and big love to anyone who finds this day hard for whatever reason!
Things Healy doesn't understand:
- Collingwood not wanting to offer $3.2m to a guy who's had countless controversies and shown blatant disregard for his club.
- A kid wanting to move back home and make more money to play in front of bigger crowds in an AFL relevant city.
I am so fkn over people talking about this Crows Camp bullshit. At the end of the day, these are grown men who are employed by the football club. Their employers treated them badly for a short period in between paying them 6 figure salaries. Get OVER it.
Does anyone else feel great about port losing but heartbroken that richmond won?? I don't really know what outcome my brain would have accepted?!
#aflporttigers
Men: AFLW sucks, why would you wanna watch a lower standard of footy? π‘
Those same men: get 3 touches in D grade local footy, obsessed with "div 12 ressies" content, will give you 2 mins of sex in missionary and say "did you cum"?
Good to have a run this weekend, though I'm unsure my body will ever not be sore again. It's a tough gig running around getting cheap touches on the wing in div 6 women's footy.
The only thing stopping me from dating women is that every hot girl is into star signs and astrology. I would rather date awful men for the rest of my life than hear about mercury being in retrograde.
Some people are one eyed supporters for a certain club and aren't interested in other teams and that's fine. Other people (like me) have a club they follow but mostly just enjoy football and having a good time with friends and that's also fine. Stop gatekeeping football teams.
Officially returning to my stance of not meeting up with men from online dating ππΌ and also not meeting up with footy boys. I live to see another day though and only wasted 2 hours of my life π€·
I've always hated meeting up with men I meet online, I never do it. But tonight I'm meeting up with a random guy who I'm convinced I'll either hate or he'll murder me. Details to come, unless it's the murder thing then you'll have to figure out the rest of the story yourselves.
The best thing about your football team being good again is heading home from a game and being excited to watch the replay rather than actively avoiding it.
#gocrom
First official day of being a manager today is going well! I'd just finished introducing myself and meeting a bunch of new people and it went great. Then I went to the bathroom and saw my light blue shirt had gone completely see through from the rain ππ
Everyone salty about Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti getting a guard of honour need to grow tf up. You don't have to play 300 games to make an impact on the game, the guy is a cult hero. Heck, I'm still salty Nick Gill never got chaired off.
How to know you're doing good at life - your friend comes to games night with a present because she "saw it and immediately thought of you". I can't even be mad at this.
A guy I work with was telling me that someone made a fake Tinder profile with his photos and without even thinking I said "Why are they using your photos? Don't those fake profiles usually use photos of hot people?". He is rightfully refusing to talk to me.
At my friends costume party and there's a guy here I was seeing earlier this year and it ended in a hostile way (my fault not his). And I feel like I should apologise or have a proper conversation with him but I'm unsure how possible that is while I'm dressed as Mr. Bean.
It blows my mind that people in monogamous relationships judge polyamory as a weird lifestyle choice when they're out there having a week long fight with their partner for talking to a friend.
Travelling through South Korea alone has been absolutely unreal. Celebrating showdown eve on my last day here before heading back just in time to be on the Adl oval hill for a crom win π€
IDEA
#2
:
@AFL
introduce a rule where if a field umpire is making consistently terrible calls, they can be removed and replaced by a sub. This can happen at any quarter time break and has to be agreed on by both participating teams captains.
Despite what this photo of me and
@valleyflaxman
would have you believe, I had a great weekend celebrating the harsh reality of inevitable death with cocktails.
At the casino tonight and a guy who just finished his shift was buying us drinks with his staff discount and I kept calling him daddy casino. He hated it and hated me but kept buying us drinks so he truly was daddy casino ππΌ
I have never been more entertained by a live sport as much as I was by wheelchair rugby this weekend. It's surprisingly fast paced, high scoring and brutal as fk. Highly recommend checking it out if you ever have a chance!
The guy at my local petrol station EVERY time says "just a quick in and out today hey". I don't understand what the other options are? Does he want me to spend the afternoon there? Book a table at the BP for $6 chocolate bars and 2 for 1 energy drinks?
I'm inventing a dating app for people like me who prefer phone calls to messaging. Same as tinder with swiping but as soon as you match with someone it dials their number and you have a conversation right then and there. No waiting for replies, pressure is on. Genius.
I'll never stop being shook by people getting married in their early 20s. The closest thing I had to dates in my early 20s was guys buying me drinks at HQ and there were people out there legit picking someone to spend the rest of their lives with?! Unfathomable.
Is there anything more annoying than someone sitting in the same room as you with their phone full volume flicking through tiktoks? And is it an acceptable reason to smash a coworkers phone?