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simon

@simonnz_

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views expressed are representative of my employer

Auckland, New Zealand
Joined April 2021
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
2 months
Copyright the university of Auckland, all rights reserved. The content and delivery of lectures in this course are protected by copyright. Material belonging to others may have been used in these lectures and copied by and solely for the educational purposes of the university
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
@constans Europeans only have kettles because they can’t afford microwaves
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
Aight which one of you nerds is this?
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
Me dunking my butter chicken pie into the Waitematā harbour
@RoatansFinest
Damarys
@RoatansFinest
2 years
Went to Roatan to dip my mango in the ocean like Rihanna! And it’s so good!!! 😩
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
@LiterallyCanada @psych0kn0t_ The Iraqi army fought back in this battle and did not attempt to surrender, meaning they were combatants. Saying this was a war crime discredits the plenty of actual war crimes that were committed
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
We did it guys
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@NZParliament
NZ Parliament
@NZParliament
5 months
Hon James Shaw will deliver his Valedictory Statement in the House of Representatives today, Wednesday, 1 May at 5.30pm. He was first elected on 20 September 2014, and was a member of the 51st, 52nd, 53rd and 54th Parliaments. Watch on
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
@TrueSlazac I love how kiwis continue to hold a grudge against the French for this, even those who hate Greenpeace
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
@lwspl Gordon was right tho
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
3 months
Was on a date once and she started complaining about a pedestrian crossing in pakuranga and I instantly knew it wasn’t gonna work
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
I wonder what Erijk McRae is doing this Mother’s Day
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
God forbid people have hobbies these days
@SkyNews
Sky News
@SkyNews
1 year
A British Airways pilot has been sacked after reports he snorted cocaine off a topless woman before trying to fly a passenger plane back to London
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
7 months
Talking to myself coming back to Auckland after visiting real cities
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
8 months
At Auckland war memorial museum today
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
@aurochalex Unironically the biggest culture shock overseas is going to a cafe or dairy and having to buy a fucking sandwich
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Love a guy who posts feet on main
@MayorWayneBrown
Mayor Wayne Brown
@MayorWayneBrown
9 months
Kia ora Auckland, It's been a memorable year. I do hope that, no matter your situation, you are able to find some rest amongst it all. I wish you a Merry Christmas and a brighter New Year. Warm Regards, Mayor of Auckland, Wayne Brown.
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
Wellingtonians will point to some mid sized arterial road and go “bro it’s st8 highway 1 it’s really important this is made a motorway”
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
To be clear, libertarians are not real. They don’t exist. Everyone who claims to be one is lying and is either a reactionary conservative or greenie, whose friends would bully them if they admitted it
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
Beers!
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
It is with great pride that I can say we have busted that glass ceiling and elected a gamer to the House of Representatives
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
7 months
Oh you think you’re young, but horses have been in minecraft for over 10 years
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
I reckon I could Insta story like my way into a relationship
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
@RepealTCPA1947 This is largely not true right? Parliament can write any law it wants and common law only applies to areas where statute doesnt exist?
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
Refreshing the trending page every few minutes in hopes beers makes it there
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
2 years
@antiboomerparty My best clang was posting this in r/auckland and r/nz and watching the anger consume the comments
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
I distinctly remember him saying that Maryland’s flag was “so bad it’s good”. Like no this is just fraught up one of the best flags around. It fucking rocks
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@Punished_Jess
Jess 🥥
@Punished_Jess
4 months
CP Grey goes straight to hell due to the damage he's done to the online perception of what a "good" flag is. Under his definition, this is a terrible flag.
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
How it feels going to the pub after uni all day no breakfast
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
She’s back
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
Being informed that my gym crush was in fact flirting (I'm never going to recover from this)
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
Guy who uses “on the tools” to refer to working an email job
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
@fabiooreilly How can one simultaneously be both 12 and 52
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@simonnz_
4 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
10 months
Excited for this tramp but I’m terrified a thick thighed granola girl is gonna find me and take me home. The fear paralyses me
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
@paulwiggins @MorganGodfery @pepperraccoon Yes it is
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Vaxxed?
@RandomAuspol
Random Australian Political Facts
@RandomAuspol
9 months
On this day in 1967: Prime Minister Harold Holt drowns
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
Spiritually in dunedin - day drinking - up a hill - in a shitty flat - fucking cold
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
@JamesHalcrow
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
3 months
Don’t hate me if: I take 3-5 business days to reply 🤪 My biggest mistake is: downloading this app Change my opinion about: men 🤢 Typical Sunday: hungover and F1 🍺🤮🏎️ The way to win me over: is with a bottle of wine 🍾
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
Beers!
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@simonnz_
5 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
6 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
How bout a guy who makes 69420 “I haven’t done x all year” jokes as soon as the clock strikes midnight
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
7 months
Don’t know how I got home last night but I presume it had something to do with this cool tram that’s in my camera roll
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
See also: Auckland’s pre 1989 local government areas. Each had a 10-20 storey apartment building built then promptly banned such buildings
@_fat_ugly_rat_
James🗳
@_fat_ugly_rat_
11 months
I think it's funny how mid-sized Texas cities all have like *one* tall building that sticks out like a sore thumb and there's always a very good chance it was built in the 70s/80s
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4 months
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
My humble night train pulling up to the station
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
8 months
POV: it’s the year 2040 and you’re leaving the ALR station. The majority of your commute is going up the escalator
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
10 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Least racist Ponsonby resident
@hamish_keith
Hamish Keith
@hamish_keith
9 months
I wonder if the Asian men illegally selling stuff in Franklin Road have visas?
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
@rustie5555 Dont know what you're on about everythings right where it should be?
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
10 months
Beers posting will continue until morale improves
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
3 months
Spotify recommends me only two genres of music: - Sad music for lesbians - happy music for lesbians
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
House of cards-ass-place
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
Dating apps aren’t working, time to look confused at a run club
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
3 months
Just learning it’s ok not to save for a trip but just finance it by selling useless shit on the streets of Hong Kong. This might come in handy
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
2 years
@PureBloodKiwi Great news, prices are too damn high. Sounds like building these apartments will be an unmitigated success
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
3 months
Woulda done better in that exam if I gave a fuck
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
3 months
Man so true
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
If it’s concluded that presidents have immunity, Biden has the ability to do the funniest thing possible
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@TrumpDailyPosts
Donald J. Trump Posts From His Truth Social
@TrumpDailyPosts
5 months
IF IMMUNITY IS NOT GRANTED TO A PRESIDENT, EVERY PRESIDENT THAT LEAVES OFFICE WILL BE IMMEDIATELY INDICTED BY THE OPPOSING PARTY. WITHOUT COMPLETE IMMUNITY, A PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO PROPERLY FUNCTION! Donald Trump Truth Social 09:23 AM EST 04/19/24
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
8 months
Inner structural engineer: yup this is definitely not compliant with AS/NZS 1170.5
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
I am once again calling for all gym couples to be deported
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
POV: it’s Jan 2020. You’ve just been denied entry to bar 101 because you’re wearing your Park shorts you got at hellensteins. You won’t be getting any $3 cruisers tonight and sucking face with some 17 year old in the smoking section
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
10 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Airport beer or no airport beer?
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
3 months
Great to see well wishers as my limo arrives to the diplomatic summit
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
🫡🫡🫡
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
8 months
@FrankMcRae Does it consider the health of people living in old and therefore cold and damp buildings by any chance?
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
Stuff should scrap the 6pm news bulletin and use the time to run the afternoon quiz
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
Thinking about maxing out my student loan and putting it all on black, thoughts?
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
6 months
Rizz
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
10 months
Sorry but the deputy prime minister isn’t mentioned in the bible, you can’t convince me it’s a real thing
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
8 months
Damn look at those beautiful wind turbines 🫡🫡🫡
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
10 months
Should turn this into a cutting and put a 4 lane motorway through here
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
That’s right
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
Engineering students who spend all day in the computer labs take one (1) shower challenge (Impossible)
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
Tweets on Francisco Hernandez climate advocate-cum-New Zealand politician
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
6 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
6 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
Hey chat, do you get marked down if you tell your group project partners to “get a fucking life you weirdos, it’s 8 o’clock on a fucking Saturday. Fuck your group meeting”
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
11 months
What the fuck are you on about
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Just booked flights to Europe for two weeks from now we are so fucking back
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
9 months
Beers
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
Ffs you're telling me I have to vote labour now?!?
@NZStuffPolitics
Stuff.co.nz Politics
@NZStuffPolitics
1 year
National leader Christopher Luxon has indicated he no longer supports a key housing policy his deputy played a key role in designing.
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
@AidanSkinner02 They don’t build houses like they do in the other areas in Auckland so those areas generally become older and less populated as the kids move out
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
God forbid a man has hobbies
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
The real girl I fell in love with on the train is the girl reading this tweet
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
Got conflicting info coming in from my sources
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@simonnz_
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10 months
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@simonnz_
10 months
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simon
@simonnz_
7 months
@IslaStewart @jdcmedlock It wasn’t really, it’s just the USMC’s large scale overseas infrastructure projects get lumped in there
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
10 months
Oh no
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1 year
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@simonnz_
1 year
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simon
@simonnz_
3 months
Just found out that the guy who stabbed his mum is on TikTok and it’s as brain damaging as you’d expect
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@simonnz_
10 months
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@simonnz_
10 months
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8 months
Fell in love on the train again 😔
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
5 months
We need four lanes to the planes guys it’s state highway one
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
4 months
Mandatory castration for all uni couples
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simon
@simonnz_
1 year
Not convinced these top bros even know where illam is
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@simonnz_
9 months
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@XuehuaEnjoyer
light rail lover
@XuehuaEnjoyer
9 months
@fabiooreilly at least I have a light rail
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
1 year
Going to foodtown, you guys need anything?
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@simonnz_
simon
@simonnz_
6 months
The kiwi mind cannot comprehend this
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