I’m an unfunny 40 yrold. I’m fat, I have a lazy eye. So fucking what!
All you straight eye haters HATE TO SEE IT!
Fuck Off Twitter trolls.
I gave 1 of you pussies a shot n he went MEMES TIME!
Full hands over head out fucking cold.
THX TO THE BEST COMPANY EVER!
@barstoolsports
Cute insults
@FrancisCEllis
. You got me good man! Dang. The skateboard stuff!? The eye stuff!? GOLD DUDE!!
Response blog coming, I apologize for the delay but I’m filming two separate sponsored episodes of Chef today. Someone has to pay for that fucking piano.
Barstool has been an amazing work place. Today is my last day. Finally day Blog and Chef episode coming at 3pm. Thx for the love to those who enjoyed my shit. For those who didn’t, you’re welcome. On the the next chapter.
“I’m not using it as a weapon. It makes me feel good. I’m sorry if I hurt anybody.
Etc. etc. Yada, yada, yada. Everything I’m soposed to say. ( Fart noise.)” 🙏🏽😂
Chappelle is the man.
Oh shit! Your boy is throwing out the first pitch this Saturday night (7:10pm) as our
@Reds
take on the
@cubs
! I’ve wanted to do this since I was a little lazy eyed kid!
#BucketList
When I was a kid my mom said I should eat my carrots cause they were good for my eyes. Little lazy eye me HOUSED carrots for years. Thinking it was a matter of time before ya boy had 2 straight eyes.
Anyway, that shit didn’t work.
I had an amazing dinner last night with friends.
The wave of emotion has subsided.
A HUGE Thank you to the BEST group of people on earth! The ones who show an unbelievable about of support n love.
Couldn’t have done it without you! We are nothin without The
#StoolieNation
!
HUGE THANK YOU to my all amazing Co-workers at
@barstoolsports
. What a wild fucking company. Everyone has their shows and their content. But when it comes down to it, these bad ass folks come together as a team and tonight made me feel amazing!
I havnt said much about the
@barstoolhrtland
/
@barstoolsports
situation cause it’s hard as fuck. I don’t feel A need to put out statements etc. until I’m ready. I just wanted to hang w/ my buddies, cook some half ass meals n make people laugh. I’m just a broke ass comedian, man.
I’m gonna start getting a new debit card every 6 months just to get rid of the 21 things I randomly sign up for that costs $3 - $23 a month. Feels great seeing those emails that say “billing issue needs resolved.” Naw, we good. Thx though.
I’m so excited to get to work in the
@barstoolsports
HQ w/ those wild ass, creative, hilarious, witty, hustlers. I love the unknown. I will hit the ground running. I’m ready to go, just have some feelings to deal with. Good friendships are hard to find n I respect mine in Indy.
Anytime anyone asks me what my end all be all in life was. My response every single time was “I wanna be Anthony Bourdain.”
This is devastating. I love that guy.
Thank you for being who you were Mr. Bourdain.
I was lucky enough to tour the earth with this man for 5 years. 49 states, n like 10 countries!
Literally Lived on his tour bus for years!
I didn’t even have an apartment, just the bus! Today I was lucky enough to have
@fluffyguy
on
#20DollarChef
!
Ep. Comes out Friday!
When I was a kid I was always told to eat my carrots cause it was good for my eyes. Little lazy eye me ate a shit ton of carrots thinking my eye was going to straighten out, real quick.
Shit didn’t work fam.
Yoo,
@SmittyBarstool
.. All your weak ass, bitch made shit talking wont help you. I’m going to embarrass you Friday. All while your nemesis
@stoolpresidente
and 90% of the stolid nation laughs n claps at your demise.
#RNR2
@roughnrowdy
. Sign two waivers clown.
It was a good run! To those who enjoyed my show, You’ll have an option to listen to me coming soon. To those happy I’m gone, ur welcome.
Either way it was all a bonus.
@LabattUSA
has bought
#20DollarChef
for the year n change is good! Thx
@stoolpresidente
for the shot.
I won a $150 Rock Paper Scissors game last night. It was a one and done, no best of 3. Dude went paper. 😂 FUCJN ROOK.
He swore I was going to throw rock. Rock is a rookie move to make out the gate. You know I went scissors, and took the Dub.
I’m not sure bringing up Dobbins was almost aborted is necessary!
What kind of “fun fact” shit is that!?
Is this something widely talked about n I’m just not in the know?
The reason you buy a huge bag of kabob sticks is so you can use 8 sticks for cooking your meat n veggies and use the rest to clear resin from that bowl you’ve been hitting for 3 years that keeps getting clogged.
If you’re reading this, please know today is not the day to carry on convos with the god damn cashier at any store! Get in line, pay, keep it moving. Jesus.
Hey
@ShaunLatham
we land in Indy tomorrow at 2. Please make sure your afternoon is free as I would like to have a detailed discussion on steroid use in sports.
@PatMcAfeeShow
What a night. In all honesty, no matter what the result, you should be required to have respect to anyone who gets into the ring or takes the stage to do stand up. It takes BALLS. Big Homie
@ShaunLatham
does both.