Shane @shanetorres Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@OneThyFox

@simakazu

@gishspe

@CJered65117

@555Mazumazu

@binor

@Charles_KarenB

@lightcoin

@Thirdway_Kenya

@kemaaaaa_____

@mayunocharlotte

@MountviewLDN

@LiviaFeetBunny

@impuuu

@TioVini_S

@_SNsandL

@Gunerrr3

@effymiaw

@TheLaikYobaz

@Something2X7

@bbwd20574

@MoSalas0

@antrenor35

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@niceboy94_

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@lialita21

@Bandlanna2

@pisstpisstel

@boogiebelgrade

@AlekseyResetnak

@TolulopeAyeni

@bokeplokalmalam

@Taylor20108432

@YuLuvZo

@VidadalaRajini

Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Most people don’t know this, but the reason Garfield hated Mondays is because that’s when John would fuck him.

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

I’m saying.

Dan Price

@DanPriceSeattle

4 years

Guy Fieri has raised $21.5 million for unemployed restaurant workers, which means Guy Fieri has done more for unemployed restaurant workers than Congress has in the last 8 months.

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Just learned it’s not Almond Brothers

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

I had a lot of cool things happen this year I am grateful for, but opening for @pattonoswalt on his special in Chicago is way up on the list

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Shane

@shanetorres

3 years

This felt pretty damn good.

Patton Oswalt

@pattonoswalt

3 years

If you’ve never seen @shanetorres live you need to correct that ASAP. His tour is taking him to a lot of small clubs and he’s beyond amazing live. If you can — catch one of these dates, trust me!

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

If @DonaldJTrumpJr dies of Covid I’ll start banging pots and pans in front of hospitals again.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

@IanKarmel @amandamull Thanks bud

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

This is happening tonight!! Please watch and share!

The Late Show

@colbertlateshow

5 years

TONIGHT: Brian Cox from @HBO 's "Succession" is here. Then the amazing @Hannahgadsby stops by to chat about her new off-Broadway show "Douglas" followed by stand-up comedy from @shanetorres . #LSSC

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Shane

@shanetorres

2 years

@megangailey You are twenty years away from full circling this tweet

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Time flies

Team Coco

@TeamCoco

4 years

On This Day In #CONAN History: @ShaneTorres went to bat for @GuyFieri and @Nickelback .

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

Pretty cool

Good One

@GoodOnePodcast

6 years

Why @PattonOswalt would steal @GaryGulman 's state abbreviations joke and @ShaneTorres 's Guy Fieri joke if he could

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Shane

@shanetorres

11 months

My first one hour special is coming out next Sunday, December 10th on my own @youtube channel as well as @bertkreischer . #TheBlueEyedMexican will be available at 7:00PM EST / 4:00PM PST. Subscribe to my YouTube at the link in my bio. very sincere thank you to @leeannkreischer

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

One time I asked my dad what he wanted for Father’s Day he replied “Some god damn peace and quiet.” Happy Father’s Day! #Deaddadclub

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Let’s pull out of the WHO and let’s end people’s health insurance during a pandemic, but he is still my guy because he wants to keep statues of a bunch of fucking losers who thought slavery was a good things. Suck my ass!

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

As a child I use to think that all figure skating pairs were married.

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

@GuyFieri I'm with you all the way back to flavortown my dude.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

Everyone I did a show with some friends where I eat whatever I want and swear a lot! Dreams are coming true!

Paramount Network

@paramountnet

5 years

We sent @ShaneTorres to @TDP_NYC to try their incredible everything doughnut. Watch the premiere of "How Good Can It Get":

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Shares a video of someone screaming white power, does nothing about bounties being put on US troops, goes golfing at his own resorts during a pandemic, won’t wear a mask, and he still thinks he is the good guy. Just admit you were wrong about this asshole.

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

How fucking funny was Pinky and The Brain?

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

Just listened to this past week’s @AllFantasyPod , first of all anybody tries to cut my hair they are getting fucked up. Secondly fuck @SeanSJordan and his drunken 3:00AM calls about how he misses me. Eat shit @davetotheross @charpiecomedy @IanKarmel . @MarsMel is a wonder!

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

. @vulture featured one of the tracks from my upcoming album Established 1981 @ComedyCentral records 9/8. YAY!!!!

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

I hate your tweets

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Shane

@shanetorres

10 months

My first one hour is out on my @youtube channel as well as @bertkreischer #TheBlueEyedMexican Subscribe to my YouTube at the link in my bio.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

This is my new show where I eat hamburgers and other foods. Have at me @IanKarmel @SeanSJordan @IanKarmel @SeanSJordan @thegissilent @zaktoscani . It's available on the @paramountnet site and @YouTube channel.

Bar Rescue

@BarRescue

5 years

Want to try the perfect burger? 🍔Join @ShaneTorres for a very delicious episode of #HowGoodCanItGet :

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Shane

@shanetorres

3 years

I did this before it was hack.

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Not my most graceful moment

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

Its my 10 year anniversary in comedy. I am so incredibly lucky to do what I want with my life. Comedy you are the love of my life.

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

Ham as entree is fucking disgusting and cake would not be shit without frosting

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

. @GregAbbott_TX you’re a fucking coward

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

The employees name tags at my hotel say a first name and the state they are from. I’m sure you can imagine my disappointment when I found out the bartenders names were not actually Bill Louisiana and Teddy Arizona.

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Shane

@shanetorres

2 years

How come every goddamn time I look up a recipe for something online I have to read someone’s life story. It should be a list of ingredients and list of directions to make it. It’s a recipe!! It’s not a script for a movie about someone who is unaware they suck.

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

Hey friends!! My album Established 1981 is available for pre order on Itunes!! Please share this. Big kiss!

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Fourth of July is just dog hell

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Shane

@shanetorres

8 years

I'm a very lucky man. About to tape my half hour @ComedyCentral . In 2 weeks @bridgetown with my friends @SeanSJordan @IanKarmel . Very Loved

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Shane

@shanetorres

3 years

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Shane

@shanetorres

9 years

I am going to be on @ConanOBrien show Tuesday March 8th performing stand up. It would mean a lot if you watched me talk about my dead dad.

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

I think this may have just made this bolt bus ride to @sfoutsidelands in SF this weekend a bit more awesome.

Mayor Guy Fieri

@GuyFieri

7 years

. @shanetorres

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

This pretty much says it all

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Shane

@shanetorres

11 months

Tom Segura - Shane Torres #standupcomedy #comedy #standup #funny #funnyvideo #joke

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

If you compare what happened today and these people to @Blklivesmatter remember one thing. The things that BLM is fighting against ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!! There is no stolen election.

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

The only industry in Gary, Indiana is printing billboards for missing children.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

I got so drunk last night I came home and ate a handful of chocolate protein powder and went to sleep. Woke up and looked in the mirror. Thought I had eaten a shit sandwich in a blackout.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

My buddy is a funny dude follow @zaktoscani

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

I made a thing with some friends @ComedyCentral . Would love it if you tell your friends. Also, I’m in a @Variety article who the fuck saw that coming!

Comedy Central Launches YouTube Channel for Original Series and Specials (EXCLUSIVE)

Comedy Central is boosting its digital-entertainment drive with the launch of its first YouTube channel for originals.

variety.com

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Shane

@shanetorres

3 years

I wake up everyday and think today is the day I get up and go take care of shit. Here is this tweet instead.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

I know we are supposed to have become a more intelligent nation over time, but I can’t help feeling this is the dumbest America has ever been.

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Shane

@shanetorres

2 years

What’s the movie you laughed the most at that was not a comedy?

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Shane

@shanetorres

3 years

I slept in a twin bed last night. I’ll be honest. I fucking loved it. Felt like a huge baby.

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

I bet Trump leaves his shits in the toilet.

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

My debut album Established 1981 is out today. Give it a spin on Spotify or buy it on iTunes! MUAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

@IanKarmel @amandamull As long as I’m getting plugged and @GuyFieri is getting loved.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

Wanted to cry this weekend, but I do not have the energy. Maybe next week.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

Everyone please watch my very dear friend @thegissilent on @ComedyCentral tonight! You won’t be sorry. He’s a hell of a comedian and pretty impressive on the roulette table.

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Shane

@shanetorres

3 years

I’m playing at the legendary @FoxTheatreDet . Check this fucker out!

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

Hey @AllFantasyPod @zaktoscani is a fucking liar! I did not wash my suit as usual fuck @SeanSJordan and when I saw @thegissilent in Denver could not have been nicer to me. Weird how he is mean to me when he gets around the rest of the good vibes gang. @MarsMel is the best

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

If you can show me sufficient way to fold a fitted sheet I will give you $5.

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

I really feel like @cbs exclusively programs for retired military

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

OK @AllFantasyPod shots fired motherfuckers! If you’re going to tell stories at least be accurate @SeanSJordan . If I start talking about the slob shit I have seen you pull I could do 1,000 episodes of a podcast. Props for using a joke of mine to make fun of me! @MarsMel is great

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

28 Cleveland - 0 Pittsburgh is a real nail biter if your a Browns fan.

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

@pattonoswalt Thanks for having me man!!!!

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Shane

@shanetorres

3 years

You know I think that would be a really fun lunch

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

If you think I have not been jamming Melissa Ethridge all night I’ve got an ass you can kiss.

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

@PressSec @realDonaldTrump You lie a lot.

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

I remember when @IanKarmel and I lived together in Portland and we would talk about riding horses with @Venuseswilliams and @RobGronkowski . My boy made it and I am very proud of him!

ian karmel

@IanKarmel

4 years

Extremely excited to announce @GameOn is dropping on CBS on May 20th! @RobGronkowski , @Venuseswilliams , @bobbyleelive and I engaged in wonderfully ridiculous athletic competition - all hosted by @KeeganMKey ! Tune in! Tell a friend!

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Finally hit bottom in my quarantine and slept in swim trunks lasts night. Can finally see all of my potential from down here!

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

I always knew @MittRomney was a sorry motherfucker, but was not quite sure how sorry a motherfucker he was till today. I can’t wait till you no longer have a Senate seat you goal post moving weakling.

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Shane

@shanetorres

9 years

I am going to be so smug if the medical community ever finds out that yoga is bad for you.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

The man in front me on this flight is wearing a tank top and has so much backne that you can barely see his tribal tattoo . You guessed it I’m flying from Phoenix.

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

Hey friends!! I was on my favorite podcast with my meanest friends @IanKarmel @SeanSJordan @thegissilent and @MarsMel (marsmel is always night) Give it a listen

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

@IanKarmel why

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

@blairsocci Tim’s a good guy! I told you that. He runs a sun glass hut! Anyone would be lucky to have him.

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

@realDonaldTrump This was in front of your dump of a building today

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

I am sharing an hour of airtime on @ComedyCentral with one of my favorite people @jennyzigrino tonight starting at midnight!!!!

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Fuck @tedcruz and all the other sycophantic ring kissing, boot licking, Republican senators that want to act like they are being tough. All they are actually doing is blowing smoke up Trump’s ass because they will still need his base when they need votes.

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Shane

@shanetorres

3 years

My man @GuyFieri

James

@CaucasianJames

3 years

wearing the same outfit to the super bowl that u wore in a super bowl commercial is one of the coolest things i’ve ever seen

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

I ate frites for a living once. It was a glorious day

Paramount Network

@paramountnet

5 years

We've never met a french fry we didn't like, but the fries and sauces @ShaneTorres sampled from @PommesFritesNYC are a thing of true beauty. Watch more:

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

What if twins were born years apart? is a thought I had today.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

Did this fun thing for @ComedyCentral !! Ill be @RoosterTF in Sunnyvale , CA May 16 -`19!

comedycentral

@ComedyCentral

5 years

They’ll turn up eventually. #YouDidntWannaKnow @shanetorres

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

. @IanKarmel @thegissilent @SeanSJordan these folks Sampy p'd me.

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

Hey my friends! it's finally here! It is my web series @shanetorres Torres Conquers Your Fear from @ComedyCentral with my first guest @MollyoAustin directed by the wonderful @michaelwolff Link Below

Molly Austin vs. An Actual F**king Snake - Shane Torres Conquers Your...

Shane Torres helps Molly Austin revisit a trauma from her past to see if she can overcome her fear of snakes.About Shane Torres Conquers Your FearsShane Torr...

www.youtube.com

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

If you like brussel sprouts you are full of shit. Also, fuck buffalo cauliflower!

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

I am on @TeamCoco tonight with my dude Fred Savage is on. Also, I am looking for a new place in Brooklyn hit me up if you know of anything!

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

Portland come see me soon @HeliumComedyPdx next month. I have missed you and I want want to get day drunk at Reel Em Inn. Join me for both.

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

I am on @TeamCoco with Fred Savage (so dope) and Paula Patton tomorrow night. Watch the show please!!

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Shane

@shanetorres

10 months

Out Now on @bertkreischer and my own @YouTube channels now!! #theblueeyedmexixan

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

You’re a shithead

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Shane

@shanetorres

3 years

Got drunk and took @mrseanpatton ‘a hat

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

I have been recommended

Concerned Parent in North Texas

@ZachRunsThings

5 years

Today #ChicagoComedyGuide recommends @shanetorres at @ZaniesChicago ! Three nights of shows starting tonight!

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

@realDonaldTrump Fuck off

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

Can’t believe with all the shit going on in the world that it feels like we have still not hit bottom. God I hope this bottom and we are on our way back up.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

I am hanging on by a thread!! Watch this new show from @paramountnet . I eat and swear and eat and swear.

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Shane

@shanetorres

4 years

The one thing I have learned from Covid is that the 6:00PM tired and 4:00AM tired are the same thing when you lose your social life.

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

Next week I record my debut album @ComedyOnState for @ComedyCentral in Madison come hang out

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Shane

@shanetorres

7 years

My @ComedyCentral Presents comes out September 22nd. Please give it a watch!

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Shane

@shanetorres

6 years

@tbyrneii @IanKarmel @miel @AllFantasyPod @amymiller @zaktoscani Appreciate it. You might go number one in the go fuck your self draft.

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Shane

@shanetorres

5 years

I had a lot of fun with @miel on @punchupthejam give it listen. Even though she is kind of shitty and mean to me.

Punch Up The Jam

@punchupthejam

5 years

HUFFING both sex and candy with America’s premiere guy fieri stan Shane Torres!!! Contrary to popular belief and also this photo he actually had a great time