Sam Avery @sam__avery Twitter profile

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Queues at Dover

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Last Seen Profiles

@rmmill01

@CcVv35538909

@LordReebs

@ily2seo

@peytonoleary6

@awokonewspaper

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@SuccubusQAQ

@Quent293

@MattWil26875768

@idu115

@3PEACE_osaka

Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

If you’re struggling to keep up with the news, let me summarise: 1. The world is burning 2. Our govt are crooks 3. Saudis own everything 4. There’s sewage in the water 5. The NHS has snapped 6. Brexit was shit 7. Billionaires run the world 8. Energy companies are Satan 9. Butter

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

5 things about the Huw Edwards story: 1. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps 2. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps 3. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps 4. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps 5. Boris Johnson is hiding WhatsApps

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

Sat in a coffee shop and noticed a little girl drawing the Union Jack in crayon. I pointed out she’d used maroon instead of traditional red so should probably start again. She mumbled something about not having another red so I kindly fished out my emergency Commemorative 1966

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Dear British Gas, Fuck you. Love, everyone.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

School run this morning. A mum and two kids wait to cross the road. A car slows down. They make their way across. The car behind the driver who stopped beeps angrily. How dare someone allow a young family to safely cross the road outside a primary school? A group of us spot

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Russell Brand.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

11 months

All these rancid journalists now calling out Boris Johnson, yet who spent half the pandemic heralding what a ‘great job’ he was doing in an ‘unprecedented time’ can fuck ALL the way off. You’re not journalists. You’re glorified PR goons who spin shite into soundbites. Get in

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

2 years

Stop the boats.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

9 months

If I started a party that promised to: 1. Abolish the House of Lords 2. Close tax loopholes 3. Prosecute corrupt politicians 4. Fuck Mondays off 5. Replace the national anthem with ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ by Journey Would you vote for me?

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

Dear Mr Sunak…

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

8 months

Everton & the Premier League.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Evertation - Meditation for Evertonians

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

8 months

I’m old enough to remember when politicians hid the fact they were cunts.

The Independent

@Independent

8 months

Rishi Sunak has accepted a £1,000 bet from Piers Morgan that deportation flights to Rwanda will be up and running before the General Election. The full interview is due to be shown on the Piers Morgan Uncensored YouTube channel at 2pm and TalkTV at 8pm on Monday (5 February).

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

People talking about Russell Brand like he’s the ONLY person to ever question the establishment, big pharma, etc. Nah, mate. He’s just the one with good cheekbones who uses long words that make YOU feel intelligent. The dude’s less authentic than astroturf.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

8 months

A billionaire Prime Minister with pound shop social skills.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

2 months

Never underestimate the ability of cunts to hijack a tragedy.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

7 months

Sunak’s Speech 💩

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

EAMONN HOLMES: I knew about Schofield for years, glad it’s finally out. EVERYONE: Why didn’t YOU say something then? EAMONN: Erm? Shit.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

10 months

KEEP. OUR. NAME. OUT. OF. YOUR. MOUTH.

Premier League

@premierleague

10 months

Three away wins in a row for @Everton 🫡 #NFOEVE

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

Bye-bye Tories 👋

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

5 months

Sick note culture?

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

7 months

National Insurance cuts

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

A message for Chairman Bill:

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

@TonyFindlay3 Gave you more time to reply I suppose.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 years

My boys turned 3 today. In 3 years I’ve: 1. Aged a decade 2. Gained weight 3. Lost hair 4. Wrecked my back 5. Grieved for sleep 6. Vanished from society 7. Misplaced sanity 8. Watched our house become a farmyard 9. Worked bodily stains into fashion choices 10. Found true joy

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

Farage should be on the telly MORE!

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

2 years

The budget.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Dominic Raab resigns

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Goodnight, Dad. You were the best.💔

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

Everton are getting thrown in prison for brewing Moonshine the day before Prohibition ends.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

@JasonTweets1980 How dare you insinuate this is all completely fictional.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

Reform UK Manifesto

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

5 years

My wife just called me to verify the utterly bullshit claim put forward by my 4 yr old son that I said he could have a choc ice in bed tonight 🤣

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

5 months

Poundshop Rod Stewart giving us the lowdown on British workers from his villa in Marbella. I never knew peroxide rots your brain.

Oliver Stirling

@OWS1892

5 months

"Employees have too many rights, & exploiting them is harder than it used to be."

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

It’s me again, Rishi:

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

My Russell Brand video was very popular. I also lost a tonne of followers. Good. Fuck those people.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

4 months

Man City are like climate change. Depressing, inevitable and caused by oil.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

2 months

I’m deleting this app for a bit. Not saying I won’t be back but it’s poison for the mind. Everyone is arguing, nobody is checking facts, everything is misquoted. We are divided. The establishment’s dream. I woke up feeling great ahead of a weekend with my family. Literally

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

Holly Valance

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

✖️Reasons NOT to vote: DEBUNKED!

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

9 months

Hey HMRC, why stop at cracking down on Etsy and Vinted sellers? You wanna get snooping on kids’ piggy banks and down the back of student sofas. And what about homeless folk? I bet they don’t declare their loose change. Just make sure you leave those poor defenceless,

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

10 months

This points deduction will galvanise Evertonians in ways that a Phil Neville tackle could only dream of.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

Nike England kit 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Everton’s first few games of the season are like getting back with your ex and slowly realising why you left the dreary fucking dullard in the first place.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

One of us 💔

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

11 months

Time to say goodbye, Dad ❤️

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

Lee Anderson

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

5 months

Last time Everton won a Goodison derby: The iPad didn’t exist Bin Laden was still vlogging P Diddy was sound A ‘high press’ was something for your kecks Prince Andrew was sound The Walking Dead was good Russell Brand was sound The Tories weren’t in power Donald Trump was sound

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

Jonathan Gullis: Tory Deputy Chair

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

2 years

Stanley Johnson.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

9 months

If Joey Barton and Katie Hopkins had a baby you’d get Joey Barton.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

5 months

I’m enjoying Twitter / X. I seem to have found a bunch of Tory-hating, dissatisfied, rabble-rousing, lefty wisecrackers and I feel right at home.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

10 months

Farage on I’m a Celebrity

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

2 years

Gary Lineker.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

8 months

The Normalisation of Terrible Things:

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

I’m no Tory…

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Jeremy Corbyn.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

5 months

THERE IS STILL JOY IN THIS CRUEL WORLD! 💙 #UTFT

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

@mikemoves12 She was definitely a knobhead :)

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

If I was interviewing Sunak I’d make my 4th question a monumental curveball to see if he gave me the same repetitive shite. ‘Will you be watching tonight’s Orbital set with a few cans, Mr Prime Minister?’ ‘Putin’s illegal war in Ukraine has destabilised the region and blah

Marina Purkiss

@MarinaPurkiss

1 year

This is not normal… 4 different questions 4 almost identical answers Imagine this being tolerated in any other job.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

10 months

Anyone who can’t describe their own job probably shouldn’t have it because a) the job itself makes no sense or b) the person is fucking clueless Bizarrely, in this case it’s c) both of the above.

Farrukh

@implausibleblog

10 months

Please watch Esther McVery explain what the Minister for Common Sense is on #BBCQT 😅 Please RT this, as laughter is the best medicine 😅 😅

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Thames Water

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

11 months

Steal the Tents.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Laurence Fox on consent.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 years

Dad on school run just texted me to say I seemed quiet this morning, was I okay and could he help in anyway. I’m fine, my lad had just fallen over so he was sulking and we were lagging behind. But boss to see fellas looking out for each other. Keep it up.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

🎵 Eton Wizard 🎵

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

8 months

The Media. When Everton fans protested their owners: ‘THEY SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THEY’VE GOT!’ When Everton fans protest the Premier League: ‘THEY SHOULD BE ANGRY WITH THEIR OWNERS!’

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

NatCon Conference:

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Never forget what they did.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Absolutely overwhelmed and sincerely touched by all of your messages, comments & WhatsApps about my dad’s passing. Apologies if I haven’t replied yet but please know that I feel your love and it’s helped me clear the dark clouds. I love and appreciate you all xxx

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Sunak sounds like a cyborg supply teacher who twatted his head and is now stuck inside his own shitty lesson plan.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

@MarinaPurkiss The Rishi Sunak tweet template™️ 1. Outline what he wants. (Be bold) 2. Remind us the public want that too (See? He wants the same as us, guys!) 3. Tell us the hurdle in his way. (JEOPARDY! What will our hero do?) 4. Outline his solution. (PHEW! *cue Superman music*)

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

My last word on this England kit 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

8 years

Woman on desk at soft play: "You pass is valid for 90 mins but it'll feel like longer." 😂

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

10 months

Rwanda.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Learn maths till we’re 18?!

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

8 years

The reason you never see the face of Lord Sugar's receptionist is because it's last year's winner. #TheApprentice

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

4 months

So the hashtag #generalelectionnow worked! All it took was 4 years, 3 PMs, half a pandemic, partygate, sexual assaults, by-election annihilation, destruction in living standards, a massive recession and human shite in our drinking water. See, hashtags work!

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

The Bodyguard

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

9 months

Kids got me a wig. Fucks sake 🤣

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

20 THINGS I LEARNED IN THE FIRST YEAR OF PARENTHOOD 1. People who say you should 'enjoy every single moment’ are at best, unrealistic and at worst, morons. 2. It's easy to get to midday and realise you've not stopped since 6am but have achieved a grand total of fuck all. 3. I

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Mason Greenwood.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

They should be docked points for this

Nottingham Forest

@NFFC

6 months

Nottingham Forest owner Evangelos Marinakis today welcomed British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak to the club’s City Ground for the unveiling of a county-wide community health initiative.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

4 months

Sunak on Loose Women

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

🎵 SECRET TORY 🎵

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

This account was a barren wasteland for years. Mainly followed by bots and inactive users, the interaction was close to zero. A few videos later, I’ve gained 10k followers and you’re all REAL people. AREN’T YOU?! 👀

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

3 months

Hopes for this election: 1. Fuck the Tories 2. Fuck the Tories 3. Fuck the Tories 4. Fuck the Tories 5. Fuck the Tories 6. Fuck the Tories 7. Fuck the Tories 8. Fuck the Tories 9. Truss loses seat 10. Sunak gets piles

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

BBC Presenter Scandal

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

An Apology.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

6 months

Weird to wake up after a first Everton win since December still feeling hollow and joyless knowing they’ll probably take those points back anyway. The system is rotten, the rules aren’t fit for purpose and our founding member club has been mismanaged by a clueless bunch of

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

7 years

Can’t wait for the kids go to bed at 7 so I can try to fit my entire life in before I go to bed at 7.30.

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

Nadine Dorries

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Sam Avery

@sam__avery

1 year

I feel sorry for anyone who still supports these cunts. You deserve better. Don’t you see this?

Politics UK

@PolitlcsUK

1 year

🚨 | BREAKING: A first ever video of partygate has been leaked showing the Tories drinking, dancing and LAUGHING at breaking covid rules “Are you filming this? As long as we’re not steaming that we’re like, bending the rules ahahah”