audrey @saint_audrey Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@Bron2KillFF3

audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

Zach spelled with an “h” is a scholar, Zack spelled with a “k” is a menace to society

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

my best guy friend and I made a pact: if we’re still single by age 25, we’re going head on over to the woods to hunt each other to the death

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

jojo siwa telling her identical-looking gf she loves her in a one month anniversary post is the accurate representation queer women need

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

my sister is so offline, unplugged, unbothered. she’s been doing the massive New York Times end of year crossword for 5 days. right now she’s solving a rubik’s cube. she just asked me if “gone girl” is a romance movie.

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

this response to my tweet about being offline is the most online thing I’ve ever encountered

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

I love when a girl posts a selfie and you can just tell it’s because she’s mad at someone

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

Latest JSTOR software update: post a JSTOR-y to let us know what you’re reading!

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

the greatest challenge of a young woman’s life can occur when it comes time to chose between a sweet or savory item at brunch

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

these are the vibes me & my girls are guaranteed to bring to the function

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audrey

@saint_audrey

5 months

even when bad things happen in my adult life nothing compares to facing the world without a complete frontal lobe. I love my lobe so much, lobe makes things better, you couldn’t pay me to go back to no lobe

Amy

@bitter_german

5 months

Next time I see a crying teenager I’m going to hug them and tell them it only gets worse.

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

Zach spelled with an "h" is a scholar, Zack spelled with a "k" is a menace to society

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

cannot believe this tiktok commenter burned me so hard they got a job offer

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

when I was in the seventh grade a boy texted me all the lyrics to “What Makes You Beautiful” (One Direction, 2011) and told me it was a poem he’d written for me. ᴵ ᵇᵉˡᶦᵉᵛᵉᵈ ʰᶦᵐ

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audrey

@saint_audrey

8 months

I have a vivid image of the cheekiest friend at a 1970s bachelorette party bringing this as her gift for the bride

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

the main reason I think people shouldn’t get engaged young is every woman I know has just gotten cooler and hotter into her mid-20s. and the guys have either stayed the same or gotten much worse

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

being mid-twenties is so weird— I knew a girl who used to ask people to punch her in the face at parties and I just found out she’s a third grade teacher now

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

conservatives are so wrong about lil nas x influencing young people towards sin. I actually think he made me less gay... he is a sexy man

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

once I was on a fancy dinner date having a cocktail with a little leaf in it. my date & I liked the drinks so much we ordered more. we then watched the bartender walk out to the sidewalk & pull leaves out of a grass patch growing near the road. then she brought us the new drinks.

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audrey

@saint_audrey

9 months

the television program “Bones” is an exploration of sexuality, religion, and gender in post 9/11 American culture. it is also about autism

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audrey

@saint_audrey

10 months

me? a princess? shut up!

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

I don’t need to do psychedelics I experience Ego Death every time the girlies take too long to respond to me in our group chat

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

given my romantic history, my odds of getting out of this deal aren’t looking too good

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

@GeorgiaShenk if a mother names her child a name like that, she knows he’s going to grow up to be the worst so she’s trying to warn women

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

hardest part of my Sunday morning is waiting for my roommates to get up so we can go play outside

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

every time I meet a man I immediately put him into one of two categories: fun new pet or active threat

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

im addicted to women that are too hot to have ever had to learn social cues

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

doing a cultural exchange with my straight guy roommate (I show him an episode of the Kardashians & explain about how Kendall is probably gay, he shows me a video of a whale exploding)

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

we’re so oversaturated with the cottagecore, cutesy, picnicking-in-a-meadow queer girls thing. I demand more representation for the gay gals who are horny pieces of shit

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

kris jenner giving khloe $100 to go to in and out… I had to

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

this auction has everything !!

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

it’s so important to have a friend that’s the most evil woman you know

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

I’m kinda disappointed no one texted me at 2:22pm on 2/2/22. are none of my lovers interested in spiritually manipulating me?

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

I would watch a documentary about different types of dirt if the Internet told me there were lesbians in it for even 15 minutes

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

their super intense high school best friendship followed by frenemy status plotline is of course accurate representation for queer women everywhere

Pop Base

@PopBase

1 year

‘Wizards Of Waverly Place’ showrunner confirms Alex Russo was bisexual and wanted to do more with Alex and Stevie’s relationship, but they weren’t allowed by Disney Channel at that time.

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

my daughter (3) was hungry so I refused to feed her until she drove my (stick shift) Honda Civic to our local Tom Thumb. there is now a ten car pile up on I-35, but I think she learned her lesson (1/70)

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

constantly doing cultural exchanges with my straight guy friends. I’m always listening & learning

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

Brooklyn film guys not only live up to stereotypes they go beyond

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

Variety

@Variety

1 year

Elon Musk Says He's Hired a Woman as Twitter's New CEO — but Doesn't Say Who She Is

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

shoutout to the girl who completely unprompted asked to follow me on twitter in the middle of our first date and when I looked at her account she was only following me and Bernie Sanders

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

my New Years resolution is to stop laughing out of social pressure when men aren’t funny. I’m also thinking about getting into shoplifting!

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

it takes 5-7 business days for my very offline sister to get any pop culture news

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

this picture and the Pride and Prejudice movie (2005) are the only times straight people have contributed to culture

big n’ate 🐛

@Nateorious10

2 years

Thought this baby could have one more run before this site turns black.

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

finally caved and made a whisper account

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

“Women be shopping” out of touch, sexist “Women be shoplifting” relatable, pro-female entrepreneurship, accurate

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

“the liberal arts experience” is a fun nickname for the most expensive mental hospital you’ll ever attend

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

I make a lot of MILF jokes for someone who has never dated a MILF... do any moms in my area wanna make an honest woman of me?

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audrey

@saint_audrey

5 months

if I saw a crying teenager I’d tell them about lobe to give them hope

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

the only proof I need that beautiful women can get away with anything is the time my very hot friend wouldn’t stop saying “you’ve cat to be kitten me right meow” to guys she was going on first dates with and they always, always asked her out again

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

real film print of my great uncle in the 1940s. he lived his life a bachelor, with no one but his male roommate by his side

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

I am a nepotism baby (parents haven’t logged me out of their streaming services)

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

hey girl… the British losing their queen made me think about when I lost my queen… wyd this weekend?

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

if your Instagram caption asks me to swipe for a surprise I am not going to be swiping. frankly I have doubts about your ability to surprise me.

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

white wine is juice with a kick, red wine is a punishment for all of God’s little sinners

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

the L Word reboot is not, in fact, streaming on Showtime. the real L Word is unfolding on a combination of TikTok and Jojo Siwa’s mom’s Instagram story as we speak

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

thinking about how this scene from the princess bride is just the don’t kill yourself your so sexy meme

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

I am obsessed rn with this medical comedy drama called Doc Martin from the 2004. it’s set in England so the hottest actor they could get to play the sexy doctor character was this guy

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

free the nipple, but imprison the toe. it should be totally chill to be shirtless but super fucked up to get your feet out

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

Miley Cyrus to release explicit version of The Climb

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

Bereketeab

@sir_benedictx

1 year

Favorite tweet of your own?

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

my friends and I have come up with a foolproof test of character: text a guy “what is the stock market” unprompted and if he gives you a genuine explanation, block him

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

@showmetheyamz very Black Mirror

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

the only ‘am I gay test’ you need to take is “have I googled ‘am I gay test’?”

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

in middle school I was voted second ugliest in the class because the boys thought my nose was too big. keep this in mind while looking at the following entries in my fifth grade diary

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

lesbians aren’t disappearing they’re all hanging out with me at the farmers market rn

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

her: wow your moon and rising signs are super chaotic together me tryna hit: oh noo!! what should I do?? 😩😩😩😭😭😭

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

I lost my wallet at a bar so some guys helped me look for it. after they left a man walked up & said, “I’ve had your wallet for like an hour haha I was waiting for the guys to leave so I could come talk to you” okay so he wins points for originality but loses points for insanity

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

my deepest, darkest secret is what I was like at age 12 and there are people out there freely walking around with that knowledge

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

one time my friends and I were drunk and wanted to watch the Phantom Tollbooth, a 1970s animated movie about a boy who travels in a magic tollbooth. about 30 min in, I turned to everyone and said, “where is the tollbooth??” as it turns out, we were watching The Phantom Menace

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

okay I’ll… I’ll uh tell her what Gone Girl is (?)

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (parents hold an intervention about my sexuality, but I’m a cheerleader, so ofc I think I’m straight— that is, until I fall for a troubled girl i meet in therapy & perform my cheer routine to win her heart)

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

me after tweeting and deleting every thought I have

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

STOP sleeping with improv comedians you’re making them too powerful

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

I know lesbians who got a dog together in less time than it takes the average straight guy to acknowledge his girlfriend’s existence on instagram

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 months

people dunked on Kylie Jenner for calling 2016 her “year of realizing stuff and things” but that was the year she turned 19. and to be fair, that is an age where you really realize stuff and things.

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

extremely on brand little sister text

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 20s, it’s that no adult woman is actually blonde

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

okay I love lesbians

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

@goddammitsarah the restaurant was nice enough to strengthen our immune systems

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

I need everyone to know she’s just revealed she got Gone Girl confused with… The Notebook

audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

my sister is so offline, unplugged, unbothered. she’s been doing the massive New York Times end of year crossword for 5 days. right now she’s solving a rubik’s cube. she just asked me if “gone girl” is a romance movie.

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

something soo powerful about being in a friend group that doesn’t openly hate each other

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

this online quiz says my myers briggs type is BDSM does that mean I’m introverted or extroverted

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

free the nipple, but imprison the toe. it should be totally chill to be shirtless but so unacceptable to get your feet out

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

men are like, “I’m not sexist, my girlfriend is a woman!”

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audrey

@saint_audrey

4 years

the point of life is to eat berries and have kids but somehow we created the stock market

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

I’ve always loved the way they loved

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

I cleaned out my grandfather’s fridge for him recently and discovered he had a bottle of soy sauce dated every year going back to 2009

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

huge update

audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

my sister is so offline, unplugged, unbothered. she’s been doing the massive New York Times end of year crossword for 5 days. right now she’s solving a rubik’s cube. she just asked me if “gone girl” is a romance movie.

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

I always forget straight people don’t usually have to do the extra step of finding out if their crush is even interested in their gender… how are any of you single that’s soo embarrassing

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audrey

@saint_audrey

2 years

I keep showing my sister nice comments like this and every time she says, “aw! who is this? is this one of your friends?”

annabelle casillas

@museummomla

2 years

@saint_audrey I found your sister delightful. She is #goals 💗

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

the best queer culture clash I’ve witnessed myself was when my musical theater party gay friend did poppers in front of my granola bisexual friend and she said “are those essential oils??”

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audrey

@saint_audrey

1 year

trying to convince one of my boy roommates to get a summer job at the ice cream shop on our block because in the obvious sitcom that is our lives, this is necessary next plot point. but the argument “this will be the summer of our lives” isn’t working

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audrey

@saint_audrey

3 years

my mom just texted me to ask if I have a copy of the Bell Jar. this is the closest she’s ever come to acknowledging my sexuality

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audrey

@saint_audrey