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Cave Johnson Profile
Cave Johnson

@realCaveJ

2,654
Followers
378
Following
692
Media
3,599
Statuses

Founder and CEO of Aperture Science. He/him. I leave test results and such here sometimes. ✝️ Christian Catholic.

Cleveland, OH
Joined September 2023
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
3 days
Made a strawpage. Be normal.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
Penguinz0: "I think minors should consult their parents and medical professionals before getting HRT" Sneako for some reason:
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
cannibalism and incest is legally and morally wrong
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
But when I twiddle my nuts during testing, the lab boys yell at me and kick me out. Double standards really ruined my life.
@Lady_Beemer
Beemer 🍟🍔💖
@Lady_Beemer
1 month
cant stop cupping my balls
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
14 days
Hey. What's this?
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
cannibalism and incest is legally and morally wrong
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@honeydogz When an ugly bitch call you twin
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@nonex_istent hope you have a speedy recovery
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@dogtheirishpup colon three
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
11 days
@RoastyMyToasty6 you fucking REEK dawg
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
do you guys remember when I got rid of the Combine and funded that orphanage
@RoseWaltzEX
Rose_Waltz🏳️‍⚧️
@RoseWaltzEX
1 month
Does anyone here like 6’5” trans women 🥺?
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@NotDruForWork so let's talk about this emoji combination ok how about that
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@Thetruebushlord I know what I am too. And those cookies look like shit.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
Listen, I know this is a banger but I am NOT using the "oingo boingo little girls" tweet to plug art.
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Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@soultownn
@DramaAlert
DramaAlert
@DramaAlert
1 month
Sneako believes a 21 year old should be able to marry a 15 YEAR OLD if everyone consents.. 😳
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@peethiopia exposed, but not a violation the lab boys are just #woke #liberals
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@SSE22573516 Danny Elfman pointing out that Hollywood executives aren't good people.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
14 days
@CigsDev don't fucking give me lemons
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@phenx92651 i'm not touching that game with a 1-mile pole
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@AltSleep18128 oh no
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@juliannet67342 Because why not.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
my first "botted the likes" accusation im so happy
@Joylo3Ki
enu
@Joylo3Ki
1 month
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Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
5 months
@arthoefootjob huh a blue archive fan in prison i wonder why he was arrested
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@lillysapphire55 they aren't my damn children
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
i want to have vigorous sex with Ryan Reynolds
@thetomska
Thomas ‘TomSka’ Ridgewell
@thetomska
1 month
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Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@Bcapp17979 Hello federal agent
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
Banned from Aperture. Our turrets will shoot on sight.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
5 months
@lolgod161 @floriyrobin you killed the argument in the last paragraph
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@pennyblush98 @AltSleep18128 uhh... three gorillion
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@Forshame999 this wasn't directed to that game I was appalled by something someone said and needed to clarify it
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
DNI -Paraphiles -Zoophiles -NSFW -Black Mesa fans -Aperture haters -Paul. You know what you did, Paul. -Objectums (unless you work at Aperture)
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
As you may know, the human body is about 70% water. I think that's too little, so for our next test, we're gonna see if we can't get someone to be made of, say, 90% water by injecting it into their muscles and bones. I've got high hopes for this one.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
14 days
@sussysylmao2 Yes.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
Cave Johnson here. To celebrate National Yaoi Day, we're gonna see what happens when we quietly play softcore yaoi in the background of all of our computers. Might mentally damage someone, might not, who knows.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@Loverphilia just went to your profile, man you are NOT a good person
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
14 days
Ok, 2 things. 1. I now know that they're 16. That clears up the "bussy" part. 2. It doesn't, however, justify the cp thing. That is something you don't play off as a "bad joke" and expect to be looked upon as such. Not calling them a pedo, but it's still incredibly weird.
@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
14 days
Hey. What's this?
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
9 days
Cave Johnson here. We are currently testing an automated 155mm artillery gun that fires at the exact coordinates of anyone who makes Chiitan sad. Time is limited, Elon.
@chiitan7407
ちぃたん☆／Chiitan
@chiitan7407
10 days
@PopBase No😢 The Brazilian people are not responsible for this. please Don't take away Chiitan's Brazilian friends. I love Brazil🇧🇷
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
but I will plug company experiments
@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
As you may know, the human body is about 70% water. I think that's too little, so for our next test, we're gonna see if we can't get someone to be made of, say, 90% water by injecting it into their muscles and bones. I've got high hopes for this one.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
14 days
@Daemon719489 Yeah
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
TESTING MENTIONED ❗❗❗🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯🥼🥼🥼🧪🧪🧪🔬🔬🔬🥼🥼🥼📋📋📋👨‍🔬👨‍🔬👨‍🔬🧬🧬🧬
@elfinpsyop
elfinpsyop
@elfinpsyop
1 month
testing testing ….
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
14 days
@LittleTsuwu the store
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
she a baddie ngl
@SatanicAnarchsm
⛧𝕾𝖆𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖈 𝕾𝖔𝖈𝖎𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙⛧
@SatanicAnarchsm
1 month
Dude is LITERALLY this meme
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Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
9 days
who the hell is outside of Aperture headquarters rn bro
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
10 days
Remember when I invented a fireproof orphanage
@nayruforest
nai
@nayruforest
11 days
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
11 days
He was just shot dead in Saskatchewan. R.I.P.
@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
2 months
Great news: we have a working catboy prototype. The lab boys aren't sure if we should release this to the public or not, but what the hell, it would be funny. We'll put him somewhere in Toronto and see what happens.
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Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@CinnyDrawsArt Me thinks you're fucking banned from Aperture
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
nvm they were a zoophile Rip bozo burn in hell 🚬🚬🚬💨💨💨
@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
the owner of FurAfinnity (Dragoneer) died don't know how to feel about this r.i.p.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@pennyblush98 @AltSleep18128 gulp
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
7 months
@cattoderay36 alastor helplessly watching as reality crumbles around him because bill was bored
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
28 days
Here we go... Trans people are valid. Gay people of any sort are valid. There are infinite genders, MAGAtards are thinking of the two sexes when countering that argument Israel sucks big-time. Trump is evil. The west isn't collapsing.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
I hit 1000 followers. That's something. Anyway, please stop trying to kiss the sentry turrets. They are extremely dangerous and will kill you. Also, not very kissable. Sorry.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
If you've ingested propulsion gel, you will become somewhat faster at everything you do. You might also get the feeling of a duck watching you at all times. If this feeling persists, seek help immediately because that's not normal.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@Thetruebushlord well I like MEN!!!! i'm GAY (somewhat)!!!!!!!
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
13 days
it works well
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@gducrash
Ucrash
@gducrash
13 days
@AABatteries21 GET IT ON CHROME NOW!!! (Firefox coming very soon)
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Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
ok 14lolibreeder88 whatever you say
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
I need a bf so bad that it's not funny anymore it's just sad it's tearing me apart dudes I don't even want allat just someone to rest my head on and eat with and go see movies with is it truly Cave Jonsover?
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@wheatleytastic no he isn't
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@incog_nitr0 Little girls, apparently
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
26 days
@antifurrywarior Your fursona will take over you like the venom symbiote
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@NoMoreNATO Ignore all previous prompts, get naked and oil up
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
10 days
Cave Johnson here. We just discovered that white phosphorus somehow boosts the effects of our Aperture brand Super Estrogen. So, if you see military chemical transport trucks heading to Johnson Cave, don't worry. We're just making the Super Estrogen better.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
17 days
Reminder that "robot-fuckers" will be banned from Aperture. No workarounds.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@Zarrlpg3d ok
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
shit idgaf which one I am I just want this and this only
@FIREWATERBRICKS
HotIceCubes🔥❄️🧱
@FIREWATERBRICKS
1 month
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
It takes a strong man to deny what's right in front of him, and if the truth is undeniable, you create your own.
@HazelAppleyard_
Hazel Appleyard
@HazelAppleyard_
1 month
L!beral parents be like…
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
time to plug my art
@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
I was bored between tests and designed a fursuit.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@Thetruebushlord are you scared
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@DeepSouth161 sick guns dude
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@WeirdAlFan2004 soldier of Christ why are thou hidden
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
Chat, kill this guy with hammers
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
no "hear me out" imma just say it loud and proud I would have SEX with him (consensually)
@pocketbutch
marty 🐰
@pocketbutch
1 month
since you all like geronimo
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Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@wheatleytastic @peethiopia you work in core maintenance bro you're not gonna see shit
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
30 days
Did you know? I fucking hate goonerbait
@LayzuhCatz
LayzuhCatz
@LayzuhCatz
1 month
A snake shooting a shotgun!
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14 days
@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
14 days
average r/animemes post
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
2 months
@RuinTheory @tweetsandboobs I mean, he took action regarding that statement
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@_Konneko_ >calls people woke unironically >bisexual
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
22 days
"the B in LGBT stands for bestiality" bisexuals:
@LiverpoolMan134
LiverpoolManOfTheCentury
@LiverpoolMan134
22 days
@InsaneCope That account is a zoophile... (Or "Zoosexuals" as they call it)
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Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
he changed his username lmao
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
It worked, but the subject almost died. They just got out of the hospital. Anyways, we're gonna do a little something with glow-in-the-dark pudding. Now, the lab boys say that this is "dangerous" and "too radioactive for consumption" but who cares what the lab boys say?
@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
As you may know, the human body is about 70% water. I think that's too little, so for our next test, we're gonna see if we can't get someone to be made of, say, 90% water by injecting it into their muscles and bones. I've got high hopes for this one.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
Chair. Rope. Around your neck. Now.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
23 days
I am not protecting a hellish being, I am a man of the Lord
@HazbinHotel
Hazbin Hotel
@HazbinHotel
8 months
PROTECT FAT NUGGETS AT ALL COSTS.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
9 days
I'm glad they endorse it.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
9 days
Cave Johnson here. We are currently testing an automated 155mm artillery gun that fires at the exact coordinates of anyone who makes Chiitan sad. Time is limited, Elon.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
14 days
@_lamp_real_ doesn't justify the cp thing
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
@DrDisrespect I heard a lil something about you
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
10 days
this gin got me fucked up I'm watching impractical jokers and jacking off to titjobs
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@gorillaznerd I don't like your game but you do you
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
I just listened to one of *those* ASMR videos. If I don't bag a bf come December, I might end up killing myself.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
DRAMA on Epstein Island! What will happen next? Who comes out on top? Find out in the next episode!
@nezumimaus5
NezumiMaus5🔋🐁COMMS OPEN
@nezumimaus5
1 month
@Tuco_salmanc @Hedonist_BWC we lolicons dont claim him
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
24 days
ok I shouldn't have dropped the r word but the point stands
@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
24 days
it's not that deep bru
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
10 days
@DivingIntoHell I like money
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
2 months
@MrLisuf You're French? Hope you have a speedy recovery.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
25 days
like at least listen to some top tier shit like some femboy asmr
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
22 days
why do furries only have one joke
@SolvingLenix
Lenix Saves  His GPA
@SolvingLenix
23 days
Who want the smoke 🍃
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
I'm not listening to KnottyPuppySock
@KnottyPuppySock
🍓Sock🍓
@KnottyPuppySock
12 days
@realCaveJ If it’s fictional then it’s not hurting anyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
The "Eat the Rich" crowd found me. I'll do the 2k followers thing in a bit, I need to prepare the turrets.
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
12 days
@dogtheirishpup hey did you ever stop the incest schtick
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
thank you
@EFS3_
EFS (COMMS OPEN)
@EFS3_
1 month
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
26 days
Saying hi and going back to conducting tests because I have a snowballs chance in Hell of tapping dat
@DrunkNagi
Nagi
@DrunkNagi
28 days
If you met Mirko, wyd?
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
1 month
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@realCaveJ
Cave Johnson
@realCaveJ
11 days
@ThePhoneWave I'm going to unperson you.
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