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Dave Barry Profile
Dave Barry

@rayadverb

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Former journalist and world powerlifting champion.

Joined March 2009
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@rayadverb
Dave Barry
2 years
I hung out with PJ O'Rourke many times at conventions and other Serious Events populated by Serious Journalists; he was excellent company at those things, because he refused to take them seriously. He was a joy to be around. I'll miss him, and I'll miss his voice.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
10 years
If I understand CNN correctly, everybody east of Cleveland is dead.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
2 years
Woke up this morning to find that my neighbor had already shoveled the iguanas off my driveway. That’s the neighborly way we roll here in Miami.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
5 years
Dear airline passengers who do not understand “Step in when you get to your row”: It means you should step in when you get to your row.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
6 years
I'm very sorry to learn of the death of Harry Anderson. He was a very talented guy, and, more important, a genuinely nice guy.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
8 years
Here I am at the Rio airport with a person wearing a traditional Brazilian costume.
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Dave Barry
1 year
I met Richard Belzer some years ago when he performed in Miami with the Rock Bottom Remainders. At left is the late, great Frank McCourt, playing harmonica; then Belzer, looking cool, which he was; then Alan Zweibel, looking lost; then me, wondering what key we're in.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
1 year
I just found out how "synecdoche" is pronounced and boy am I glad I never said it out loud in front of anybody.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
2 years
@StephenKing That's it; you're out of the band.
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Dave Barry
7 months
Who decided that all the battery compartments on children’s toys had to be fastened shut with tiny annoying screws and WHY WAS I NOT CONSULTED?
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Dave Barry
1 year
If that balloon flies over Miami, it is toast.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
7 years
If only Sean had gone with his original instinct...
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Dave Barry
6 years
I just singlehandedly, using only a small Tupperware container, rescued my wife from a bathroom lizard measuring close to three inches, but you don't see me bragging about it.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
3 years
The great Warren Zevon would have been 75 today. He played many times with the Rock Bottom Remainders, possibly because he learned so much about music from me and Steve King.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
7 years
Outside, over the relentless howl of the wind, we hear frogs croaking exuberantly. They're like, "This is OUR TIME, BABY."
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Dave Barry
4 years
What we need is a Chesley Sullenberger, who focused on getting the plane down safely, not on telling everybody what a great job he was doing of getting the plane down safely.
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Dave Barry
4 years
The good news is, every company I have ever interacted with is responding to the crisis and relentlessly keeping me posted.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
5 years
Be advised that the corn is closed.
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Dave Barry
6 years
Thoughts and prayers with Mark Zuckerberg at this time of maybe having to sell a couple of helicopters.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
5 years
Here in Miami we're at the point with hurricane Dorian where the forecasters are warning us that anybody, anywhere, is probably going to die.
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Dave Barry
4 years
They keep saying it's worst for the elderly, and I keep thinking, "I AM the elderly."
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Dave Barry
6 years
Great. The ONE YEAR I'm favored to win the Nobel Prize in literature and they're not giving it out.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
4 years
Stand with me, America. You can be in the cabinet.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
4 years
An essay I wrote in 2002 about United Airlines Flight 93:
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Dave Barry
13 days
Dear Everybody Selling Goods and/or Services: My feedback is: PLEASE STOP ASKING ME FOR MY FEEDBACK.
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Dave Barry
2 years
TRUE SPORTS FACT: A world-class soccer player can suffer as many as six career-ending injuries in a single game.
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Dave Barry
1 year
It's "toe the line." It's NOT "tow the line." Please make a note of it. Thank you.
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Dave Barry
7 years
I think that, as a nation, we need to use the word "cahoots" more often.
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Dave Barry
4 years
Iowa has announced that as of the third quarter, the Chiefs were up 20-10.
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Dave Barry
6 years
I think a Trump-Biden pay-per-view fight could raise billions of dollars for a good cause, like moving us all to Australia.
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Dave Barry
6 years
Some thoughts on Annapolis:
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Dave Barry
7 years
Rest assured that we here in South Florida are NOT FREAKING OUT AT ALL.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
7 years
Bud Light is gerbil urine. Can I get a #DillyDilly ?
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Dave Barry
2 years
Five stars, OK? Whatever interaction I had with whoever you are, I rate it FIVE STARS. Now for the love of God PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
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Dave Barry
3 years
FACT: The music you hear when you’re waiting on hold? That is LIVE. And the musicians don’t like it any more than you do.
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Dave Barry
5 years
Oh, you noticed that I'm using an ad blocker? Well *I* notice that you have popup ads puking all over your basically unreadable site.
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Dave Barry
2 years
Here in Miami we're freaking out about the weekend weather forecast. We're like BRING YOUR PETS INSIDE. BRING YOUR PLANTS INSIDE. BRING YOUR ENTIRE YARD INSIDE, INCLUDING THE ROCKS. BRING...
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Dave Barry
4 years
Today Abraham Lincoln and I assisted a lost tourist.
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Dave Barry
2 years
Just when I thought all the great band names had been taken.
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Dave Barry
4 years
It's always the last place you look. via @upi
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Dave Barry
6 years
Dave Barry’s Year in Review: Is there anything good we can say about 2018?
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Dave Barry
7 years
Applying for college today is WAY harder than actually going to college was when I went to college.
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Dave Barry
2 years
Science Fact: If you accidentally buy one-ply toilet paper, it will last FOREVER. Every time you finish a roll, you’ll be like “Finally! Time to switch back to… MY GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE”
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Dave Barry
4 years
Since this is a slow news day, I thought I’d mention that my book is now out in paperback. It’s about me and my dog, Lucy (the good-looking one on the bottom).
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Dave Barry
4 years
Dear Every Company I Have Ever Dealt With Online: I hereby rate you at five stars. Or ten. Whatever rating you want, that's where I hereby rate you. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE OK??
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Dave Barry
4 years
This changes everything.
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Dave Barry
4 years
Just completed my census questionnaire. Was NOT expecting the geometry section.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
6 years
Whoever left this space station on my lawn better clean it up.
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Dave Barry
6 years
Here in Miami, we're already pretty deep into Christmas.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
5 years
I have never been prouder.
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Joe Bowen
5 years
18 years ago today, @GrandForksCity dedicated this sewage pumping station to @rayadverb . His name will live there in poop-etuity:
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Dave Barry
2 years
My experience has been that fans at sporting events will happily wear anything they get for free. Clearly it’s time for Tutu Night.
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Dave Barry
3 years
A grateful nation rejoices.
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Dave Barry
7 years
So who is currently the first lady?
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Dave Barry
8 years
OK Brexit whatever but what can we do to STOP THE BON JOVI DIRECT TV COMMERCIAL.
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Dave Barry
8 years
Now it's time for TV people to stand on the beach and advise you to stay the hell off the beach.
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Dave Barry
4 years
ESPN is showing professional oyster- shucking.
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Dave Barry
6 years
Today at a hotel breakfast I was trapped for I would estimate 3 hours behind the World’s Slowest Buffet-Item Chooser. Several minutes PER BACON SLICE.
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Dave Barry
5 years
#DavesHurricaneTips Never give the hurricane your social security number.
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Dave Barry
6 years
The First Rule of House Physics: When you finally fix something in your house, something else equally major will break.
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Dave Barry
2 years
...it would always be, in a sense, part of the U.S., “like Normandy Beach.” According to David, the interviewer looked quite puzzled, and then, after a pause, said: “I don't understand. Who is Norman D. Beach?”
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Dave Barry
5 years
#DavesHurricaneTips If you have not yet started consuming margaritas it is ALREADY TOO LATE.
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Dave Barry
4 years
I'm getting a lot of offers of investment advice from experts who did not tell me ten days ago what very big thing was about to happen.
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Dave Barry
7 years
Humor tip: "Asking for a friend" has a specific humor use. Adding it randomly does not automatically make questions funnier.
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Dave Barry
8 years
My Year In Review goes online tomorrow so you probably need to start drinking now.
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Dave Barry
1 year
There is only one right way to prepare salmon.
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Dave Barry
6 years
The highlight, for me, was the Chicken Dance. #royalwedding
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Dave Barry
4 years
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Dave Barry
7 years
Has any flight ever actually departed from LaGuardia? Or is it a giant scam operated by the snack-food industry?
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Dave Barry
5 years
Here's my dog Lucy with my new book about her, Lessons From Lucy, which goes on sale April 2. Lucy says it smells, but in a good way.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
2 years
At least some of us are enjoying the South Florida weather.
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@rayadverb
Dave Barry
10 years
I think next year they should consider having TWO teams in the Super Bowl.
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Dave Barry
8 years
Here at the airport they're shooting Galaxy Note 7 owners on sight.
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