BREAKING: The Toronto Blue Jays concede that they will not be 2018 World Series champions but ask for your continued support to prevent a Yankees/Red Sox majority.
Lots of great items to bid on at the Jays Care Auction this year.
1. Smoke your weight in pot with Kevin Gausman.
2. A tickle from Davis Schneider's moustache.
3. Get blocked on a Twitter by Mike Wilner.
4. Strike out Paul DeJong.
5. Apologize to Yusei Kikuchi.
#BlueJays
If there's concern that Daulton Varsho may not win a Gold Glove because he plays two positions, I have a very simple solution.
Give him two Gold Gloves.
#BlueJays
Imagine being a GM of a Major League Baseball team.
Now imagine you're a stupid fucking idiot.
Now imagine you're such a stupid fucking idiot that you actually think that run prevention will carry you to the top of the AL East.
Now imagine you still have a job.
#BlueJays
The Orioles only have the one hitting coach and look how good they are.
Meanwhile, we have...
- Vice President of Hitting
- Lieutenant, Special Hitting Projects
- Offensive Enthusiast
- Bat Consultant
- Edwin Encarnacion
- Governor of Run Creation
And nothing!
#BlueJays
Ross Atkins is good at:
✅ Trades
Ross Atkins is bad at:
✅ Player Development
✅ Roster Construction
✅ Culture
✅ Coaches
✅ Analytics
✅ Push ups
✅ Calligraphy
✅ Karaoke
✅ Jenga
✅ Guessing how many jellybeans are in a jar
✅ Remembering which day is garbage day
You know what? I'm happy for Rangers fans. After all these years, they finally have a World Series trophy...
...four hours down the road in Houston that they can look at.
#BlueJays
I guess the good news is I'll be able to buy Blue Jays tickets for like a dollar on StubHub this summer.
And I'll have a freshly renovated SkyDome all to myself.
My Dad passed away in his sleep, sometime early this morning. He hadn't been the same guy since Mom passed in December.
Here's a photo that we never got around to recreating.
Love you forever, Pappy.
Cool. Alex Anthopoulos' team just clinched their division.
How the fuck did we get stuck with the stupid bunch a fucking nerds that run this team?
#BlueJays
OK...I think I fixed the team.
1. Move Wee Little Varsho to CF.
2. Davis Schneider to LF.
3. Leave Kiermaier on the bench but he's shirtless, oiled up and flexing the whole time.
Absolutely everyone's gotta be on board with this.
#BlueJays
I agree with Dan Shulman. A shirtless Kevin Kiermaier, singing the national anthems, is just what the doctor ordered.
I know Dan didn't specify shirtless.
Probably just forgot.
#BlueJays
Here's how I would have handled those last two plays, if I were Derek Fisher:
1. Retire from baseball.
2. Obtain medical degree.
3. Use medical powers to heal Teoscar Hernandez.
#BlueJays
Absolutely blows my mind that the Houston Astros traded us Teoscar Hernandez for a year of Disney Plus and half a pack of Belmonts.
Or whatever the hell it was.
#BlueJays
I'm hearing that George Springer will be activated, if he meets the following criteria:
- He gets eight hours of sleep
- He knows all the words to One Week by Barenaked Ladies
- He does a spot-on Johnny Carson impression
- He slays a giant squid
- He hosts SNL
#BlueJays
Notable moments in Texas Rangers history:
1. One time Nolan Ryan punched a guy in the face.
2. One time Roughed Odor punched a guy in the face.
3. After that, it's basically just a bunch of errors and shit.
#BlueJays
Remember when we signed Justin Turner and he was the fucking worst but we always batted him cleanup because we had that manager who was a total fucking moron who was not fired in a timely manner because we had that general manager who was an even bigger fucking moron?
#BlueJays
I have to admit, when the Blue Jays play in these Night Mode uniforms, they do a pretty good job of embodying the experience of a night out in Toronto.
Way overhyped and ending in disappointment.
When Kevin Kiermaier said that we were going to October, I didn't realize he was referring to the inevitable passage of time and not the playoffs.
That one's on me.
#BlueJays
Just so we’re all clear:
The losing pitcher was Trevor Bauer?
That’s a shame.
I feel bad for the losing pitcher, Trevor Bauer.
Believe me, it brings me no joy to say that the losing pitcher was Trevor Bauer.
It’ll be a long offseason for the losing pitcher.
Trevor Bauer.
Lots of great items up for bid at this year's Jays Care Auction.
1. A foot race with Alejandro Kirk.
2. Eat a dolphin with Buck Martinez.
3. Feed Pat Tabler with an eyedropper.
4. Chase down an errant throw from Bo Bichette.
5. Wrestle Alek Manoah to the ground.
#BlueJays
Before I start swearing at the stupid Nationals, I just want to say thank you to the
@BlueJays
for an amazing season.
Whatever happens over the next hour, it's been a blast.
Love to all of you Twitter folk as well.
Sincerely,
Pee Dubya Gee Frank