Porn Bloopers (the band) @pornbloopers69 Twitter profile | Pikagi

Pikagi

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

216

Followers

50

Following

20

Media

222

Statuses

band out of Seattle, WA. don't trust our advice. do trust our music

Seattle, WA

https://t.co/6f3RtJ2KYJ

Joined January 2019

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

I can't believe no one is suggesting our Hockey team be called the Seattle Freeze.

@SeattleKraken

Seattle Kraken

5 years

While we’re aware of some fishy rumors surrounding our team name, please rest assured we’re doing our due diligence by scouring the depths of the ocean, the tallest mountains, and the densest parts of the forest to find the right name for our great, green city.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

It's been 6 days has Mark Wahlberg started filming a shitty movie about the storming of the Capitol yet?

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

I want to say "Hail Satan" but I don't like hail as a verb. I'm trying out some different expressions: -"Yay Satan" -"Less Hatin' More Satan" -"Go Satan, it's his birthday" -"3 cheers to Satan" -"Hashtag Satan, blaze it" Thoughts?

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

No. No. C'mon what's next? Air is a flavor? The inside of your mouth is a flavor? Thinking about your dad is a flavor? There are 5 flavors; sugar, dirt, creamy, stinging, and black licorice.

@andrewbaums

andrew

4 years

water is a flavor

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

My grandpa could predict the rain based on his knee swelling. Once we were sitting on the porch and his knee swelled up. "Storm's a coming" he said, his knee inflating like a hot air balloon. "Real big storm" he said, floating knee-first into the sky, never to be seen again.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Porn Bloopers is proud to be the wacky, drunk Grandpa of the wonderful Den Tapes family. Please don't put us in a home.

@nprmusic

NPR Music

5 years

Founded in 2015, Den Tapes releases emerging and unique artists from the Northwest on cassette. Groups like @actionesse and @wildpowwers have been paving the way for future Seattle bands.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

My coworker has been listening to lots of early 2000's alt rock. "Is this Hoobastank?" I ask for the 5th song in a row. For the 5th time he tells it's not. But I knew it wasn't Hoobastank. I am in fact pranking him. I'm a pranker.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Whenever I get gas in Oregon, as soon as the attendant picks up the nozzle I always think to myself "yeah stick that in my gas hole and give it a squirt" and even after years of therapy I can't stop.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Conjunction junction erectile dysfunction

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Can we at least laugh a little at the people who decry masks as government control and tyranny while simultaneously ignoring or opposing protests against state sanctioned violence, I mean maybe I'm high on salvia but c'mon now

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

6. Most people summon demons by drawing pentagram on the floor. Instead, do it in your toilet. Then if the demon starts sucking your soul out your butt or something flush that dingus back to Jupiter (I don't actually remember where demons come from).

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

1 year

Calling someone a silly goose should mean they're silly AND terrifying because that's what gooses fucking are. They're scary little freaks. Whoever named them goosebumps knew what was up.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

If you need a chuckle today might I recommend checking out the Wikipedia article for 18th century painter William Hogarth's dog?

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

We are finishing up our next album and the two most common words used in the lyrics are: 1. Meat (26 times) 2. Dance (23 times)

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

out of lube? use hot sauce!

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

Billions of people use the toilet everyday. Sadly, few will unlock its full potential. Here's are 7 ways everyone can utilize to make the toilet so much better:

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Hear me out: we call orange juice "OJ", so we should call apple juice "AJ", grapefruit juice "GJ", and blueberry juice should probably stay the same now that I think about it

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

"Why don't you feel comfortable talking about sex?" Me, early twenties: Insecurity arising from internalized perception of sexual experience as a determinant of self-worth Me, late Twenties: I don't want to lose at "never have I ever"

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

YOU FUCKIN' KNOW IT, SPICY BIG DAD

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Hey all you lovely voting people, friendly psa tfor those of you planning on dropping off a ballot: DO NOT lift up a manhole and throw it in, this is actually NOT a valid way to get your vote counted. Hope this was helpful!

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Yakutskians are punk as fuck. Proud to have been born there in 1983.

@b_nishanov

Bakhti Nishanov

4 years

This pro-Navalny protest in Yakutsk in the negative 50C absolutely blows my mind

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

Me, to coworker: Working hard or getting hard while you're working? Coworker: ....wait what? Me: I SAID DO YOU HAVE AN ERECTION AT WORK, GREG!? #WorkBloopers

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

This from another painting. Apparently he is wearing the wig of an actual British royal navy officer who had commissioned the painting. Why? No idea, but I love it.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Alright just for the record we all kept putting things on the record without introducing any kind of categorization system and now no one can navigate the record so we should probably just bury the record in the Nevada dessert

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

We, the band whom is Porn Bloopers, are playing in Georgetown tomorrow as part of the Dead Baby Downhill bike ride. We play at 7 somewhere (maybe on Airport Way?) maybe in an alley. I don't even know! This gig sounds like it'll be a wild dumpster fire. Just the way we like it.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Was trying to practice self-love but I got dumped by myself, we're gonna try and stay friends tho.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Forgot the twitter login about two months ago but I'M BACK right so whatd I miss

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Some people say people don't change but 5-10 years ago I was all about ketchup and thought mustard could gtfo but now I love mustard and think ketchup tastes like gross tomato pudding so explain that one

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

2. Most people either wipe front-to-back or back-to-front. But the best way to wipe is both side-to-side AND up-to-down. I can’t explain how it works over twitter, so DM me and I’ll send you some videos (NSFW).

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Thanks Bandcamp. This warmed my icy heart.

@Bandcamp

bandcamp

5 years

New & Notable: Seattle's @pornbloopers69 add keys and horns to their upbeat party punk sound for this third release on @den_tapes

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

3. Next time you have a party put a bunch of dry ice in the toilet tank reservoir. The fog coming from your toilet will add a fun, spooky element. Added bonus: potential porcelain explosion at any moment – how exciting!

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

I had a dream last night about a burger made with pizza slices instead of buns. Anyone tried this? Someone help me do the maths on this one.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

7. Flush yourself to the secret room. Grease* up your naked feet, stick them into the toilet bowl and start flushing. You should be sucked – water-slide style – into the secret room hidden in every house. (*only works with goose grease, not sure why)

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

5. Flush evidence. Don’t tell me any details, the less I know the better.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

Sasquatch is real. Real Thicc.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

A friend of mine just started a frog-themed music review website. Check out my review of the new Front Bottoms album if for some strange reason you want my opinion on music.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

Who wants to start a band that covers My Chemical Romance songs in the style of Creedence Clearwater Revival? We can call ourselves My Chemical Creedence Clearwater Romance (or MCCCR for short).

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

@andrewbaums It's a sign

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Feels surprisingly appropriate

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

3 years

Oh shit butts! New demo track about dinosaurs. This is our first but hopefully not last attempt at releasing music made without being physically together.

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Listen to Dinosaurs by Porn Bloopers #np on #SoundCloud

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Made pasta with fresh parsley and olive oil tonight, but I didn't actually have pasta so I used potato chips. And I didn't have parsley so I used grass clippings. And I didn't have olive oil so I used baby oil. Anyway I'm typing this from the toilet.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Maybe the Journey song was meant to be Don't *comma* Stop Believin' and the message of the song was basically: Just don't. Stop believing. Hold on to that feeling (of giving up).

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

1. Sit on the toilet backwards and use the top of the tank as a table. Use it do some journaling or eat a nice bowl of @ChefBoyardee ravioli or something.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

To those of you who've asked me to stop; I will no longer excuse myself to the bathroom by doing air quotes and saying "my ass is pregnant".

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Some hot sauces will have normal titles like "Mild" and "Hot" but then you reach a certain point they call them like "Radioactive Super Murder Volcano Fuck You Sauce"

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

"The Lord giveth away giveth away giveth away now" (Kiedis 9:91)

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

3 years

It's absurd that society teaches children involved in sports the false notion that a person cannot be both a pitcher AND a belly-itcher.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

Whenever I hear term "crapshoot" I picture someone skeet shooting poop. Just fat dookies hurling across the sky, getting blasted into dust clouds by a high powered rifle.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

QUICK REMINDER we are a band and we are playing a GIG at CONOR BYRNE in Ballard tomorrow at 9pm with the great @saltliick and Forest Ray. come bloop with us

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Can you use rogaine on your feet to make them really hairy like a Hobbit?

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

did u know: the closer to work, the better the orgasm

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Oh boy howdy we are playing music at Add-a-Ball tomorrow with our friends Rat Queen and Choke the Pope! It's also Willy's birthday show, so come on down/up/whichever direction you're coming from and tell Willy if he were a giraffee he'd be a old ass giraffe. Music from 7-10.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

We do indeed say fuck SEO. We also don't care for CEOs, the CIA, CBS, and CVD. We do like CERN, CDs, CSAs, and CPR. We are currently undecided on CRISPR.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

young, dumb, and full of pennies. I eat pennies.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

@andrewbaums Possibly including an absurdly long scene of the Balrog and their family members interacting via growls with no subtitles like the first 10 minutes of the Star Wars Christmas special

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Wish I was a judge so I could say stuff like "don't poop on my leg and tell me I'm in a poop hurricane".

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

After almost no consideration, Porn Bloopers has decided to run for president in 2020. Here's part 1 of our platform: –Find Sasquatch (& make it first lady) –Change National bird to a Dodo –Keep ICE, but now they only give out free ice cream –Mandatory sexy education in school

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

Alright fuckos I’m here to settle the age-old debate of what spy had the best codenames. It’s Oleg Gordievsky. Feast yer little eye cubes on this:

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

–Reduce cum inequality –Add 8th day of week called Blooperday –Subsidize farms raising crickets for food –Legalize all drugs except Tylenol We know a band running for president might be considered "strange" or "unconstitutional" but we don't give a fuck #imwithherpes #yeswecum

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

Person: Are you ready? Me: I was born ready! And then my public school education conditioned me into excessive self-doubt and I was no longer ready. But I eventually become ready again, thanks to the support of many wonderful people as well as learning to trust myself by...

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Andrew does not represent the the band Porn Bloopers on this matter. As long I have control of the band twitter our position is, officially, RYE CHIPS ARE ALRIGHT BORDERING ON GOOD

@andrewbaums

andrew

5 years

@hiimjamescalvet wow this take is horrid. RYE CHIPS ARE EASILY THE WORST OF THE MIX

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

4. There are a lot of good pranks using toilets. Here's my favorite: fill the bowl with 23 thousand spiders and close the lid. Then when someone goes to use the toilet a wriggling cloud of spiders will storm out, scaring them silly.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Hey friends/lovers/enemies/people from Portugal/orange cats! We have a new album out called Send Noodz! Check it out, maybe let us know if you like it (or even if you dislike it–I probably won't cry this time).

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Send Noodz, by Porn Bloopers

9 track album

pornbloopers.bandcamp.com

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Me: Time to to write a serious song for once *30 minutes later* ♪ Pack of Velociraptors and a T-Rex In the jungle having sex Joining now is a Pterodactyl His dick is long and retractable Dinosaur orgy! Dinosaur orgy!

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

The polls are over and here's the story you voted on: "Dan is riding a crocodile while in France and trying to get away from a bunch of giant Gary Buseys whose faces are covered in teeth. Meanwhile Kerkira is in a UFO for some reason" Now let's see how that looks as a poster:

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

eat chili dogs before sex for a fun surprise

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

So did Aragorn Targaryen throw the iron throne into Mt. Doom or whatever?

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Our actual music memoir: "we didn't know how to play music. some guy in a bathroom just said we should start a band. also that guy was the manager for grumpy cat"

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Re-reading Fight Club and realizing the most unbelievable part is NOT that a bunch of proud boy types would commit acts of terrorism but rather that someone goes to the doctor for insomnia and DOESN'T immediately get a script for 8000 Ambien

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

If you're reading this I invite you to slip the phrase "flobbing my dong" into casual conversation at some point in the next week. If pressed act like it's a normal thing to say. Tell me how it goes!

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

@andrewbaums I read the senior author's book last year and let me tell you I think this is some of the coolest shit happening in biology right now, fuck dude I wish we could jam and chat about it

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

"I don't make the rules I just also don't follow them" -Me, before lighting up a joint and skateboarding pantsless into a Koi pond

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Take me down to the blooper city Where the grass is brown and the songs don't rhyme

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

"boobies: they often get used for sex" - ur coworker, probably

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

s/o to Amazon workers who felt compelled to strike, hope you don't get fired via an automated email like I did

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

HOPEFULLY THIS CLEARS SOME THINGS UP

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Spiders have squatter's rights just fyi

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

Someone at a show once said our drummer was a real butterface. They said everything looked good about him and he had a bunch of butter on his face.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

"You do only use 10% of your brain if you consider your skin as part of your brain for some reason" -Professor Porn Bloopers

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Some people will toss a banana peel on your living room floor and go "don't worry, it's biodegradable".

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

everybody likes a good dad bod. because then your body IS your dad.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

I guess spider-man got bit by a radioactive cancelled look I made a joke about the thing everyone is talking about I feel so relevant DO YOU LOVE ME NOW DADDY??

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Just a reminder that Craigslist is amazing. These are things I could actually buy right now: -Life size Elvis figurine -Platform that vibrates (for...exercise?) -Baby dwarf goat -An "uncommon thunderegg" (sounds cool but it's just a rock)

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Feel like I could look into the future and see everything on fire or just everyone peeing on everything and neither would be surprising

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

V-day is Thursday, so here are Porn-Bloopers approved aphrodisiacs to get you in the mood to be lewd: -Cream Cheese -Bull Testicles -Pepto-Bismol™ -Red M&Ms (blue ones make you attracted to your dad) -Raccoon Feet -Nickels from 1979 -Meat Loaf (the Musician @RealMeatLoaf )

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Parmigiano Reggiano make them boys go loco

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

if you enjoy it it's called funnilingus

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

2020's been rough but on the bright side I haven't accidentally swallowed a single spider while sleeping this year

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

@andrewbaums I (Morgan) have always seen myself as the rye chip of the band Porn Bloopers so this matter is very personal to me

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

2 years

Hey @ChefBoyardee you should make a ravioli shaped like R2D2 and change the label to say Chef Boyar(2)dee(2). I have many other great ideas just like this one. Make me the Chief Noodle Officer of the company and you can have them for free.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

I misread "LL bean" as "LiL bean" every single time and it makes me giggle Also I sat here for 5 minutes trying whether to bother posting this dumb tweet but whatever here ya go friends

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

3 years

"Captain's log Stardate 44429.6. Hi guys, smash that like button and drop a comment below for a chance to win a communicator from today's sponsors"

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

we have show tonight at black lodge at 9 plz come we will all be either naked or in wedding dresses

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

does your boo spark joy? if so, fold them up neatly in your closet so you can see them clearly among your other partners

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

5 years

Can't stop thinking about if you never farted, except for once a year when all your farts came out at once and you had no idea when it'll happen

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

Anyone like watching sports? Because men's lingerie table tennis has been 🔥 this year.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

when ur nips are hard in the cold it means next time u should have sex in a refrigerator

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

Walmart was actually founded as place to experiment on unwitting members of the public under the CIA's MKUltra program. @Walmart never stopped this testing. To this day, all stores are aerosolizing several psychoactive drugs into the air at any given time.

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

4 years

Thinking of band names for fun. Everything I come up with sounds like it could be a race horse's name.

Tweet media one

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@pornbloopers69

Porn Bloopers (the band)

@pornbloopers69

6 years

did u know: most condoms are edible

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