Create a life too fulfilling to numb •
Cofounder Natura Care •
Somatic therapist & exec coach •
Exploring modern addiction, spiritual inquiry, & social healing
Before having his wife inject him with 400mg of LSD on his deathbed, Aldous Huxley said:
“It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than ‘Try to be a little kinder.’”
@thatconnieshin
As someone in recovery, this entire sequence hit hard. It's about self-destruction.
People are sometimes attracted to self-destruction. Rock-bottom can indeed be "sexy." The thing about Hollywood Beauty is that it never fails
I believe the artistic decisions here were warranted
@sama
Ah, good ole scientific materialist reductionism!
A life outlook with no flare nor fun.
Useful for scaling businesses and existential disconnection.
Marching through life like an well-oiled army trot.
Rather than embracing and dancing with the mystery.
For those curious about the source, you can read Laura Huxley's letter here.
As he died, she whispered into his ears, "you are going towards the light, you are going towards a greater love."
And she gave him multiple IV doses of 100micrograms :)
I've detoxed from virtually every drug known to man and, once sober, found coffee to be shockingly brutal to kick physically.
I mean, it wasn't as hard as opiate or benzos or booze, but it was not easy. Most people do not realize how dependent they are on it
Dr. Andrew Huberman on Tim Ferriss talking about the magnesium glycinate x l-theanine sleep cocktail
@Grimhood
got me on a couple years ago.
There are experts out there who aren't Professors at Stanford who are on the bleeding edge of research. The internet has changed the game
@SimoneStolzoff
No phone/email/text/social media until after my morning sadhana and after I’ve done my writing for the day
I’m enforce this religiously, even on weekends barring and have maintained it for ~6 years
It's kinda shocking that you can do epic amounts of "inner work" – years of therapy, retreats, blasty psychedelic journeys, endless transformational personal dev programs – and never once be taught, with simple, repeatable instructions, how to actually access awake awareness
And obligatory "this tweet unexpectedly exploded" plug - I write a newsletter about ending your inner civil war, one strange ceremony at a time.
It's also a community where we meet bi-weekly to talk about existential, yet practical stuff like this
On several occasions, life has forced me to make dramatic changes in how I pass my days. None of these came easy. I had a clinically bad case of the “I’m special” bug that, I think, needed to be beaten out of me. When you believe you’re somehow exempt from life’s usual rules and
After years of somatic work with dudes:
Don't just listen to what a man says – watch how he moves.
Fidgeting is a man's involuntary autobiography. Finger taps hint dissatisfaction, bouncy legs express anxiety, shifty eyes whisper shame, relaxed hands reveal deep comfort
Surprising plot twist for a former addict and psychonaut:
I truly never imagined I'd have zero craving for mind-altering substances, even psychedelics. I used to scoff at "get the message, hang up the phone."
But life's so goddamned good and awareness so damn vivid, I don't
@eade_bengard
For the people on this thread saying "but the addicts voluntarily overdosed!"...
You do not understand how trauma and addiction work.
We should be past the addiction is a choice and "moral failing" convo.
No overdose is conscious or voluntary.
This week, I celebrated 7 years of freedom from drugs and alcohol.
There are a few areas in my life where I possess crystal clarity. This is one of them: recovery, not as an objective end, but as an ongoing process, is the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me
I gleaned many things from
@sashachapin
's essay on Deep Okayness, but it's this line that I still think of months later:
"It’s the intuitive understanding that I am merely one of the apertures through which the universe expresses itself, so why would I hate that?"
Ayahuasca has been instrumental to my recovery from a polysubstance addiction. Yet in many recovery communities - that I deeply respect - it's still considered a *relapse*.
So, I wrote the comprehensive essay I wish I could have read in my early recovery
I worried, tbh, that having a baby would impede, or at least dampen, the intense awakening process I've experienced via mediation in recent years.
But to my surprise, even with no sleep, it's been a massive accelerant. With hourly love bombs. I see now that was a silly worry!
This pod w
@Grimhood
+
@jonnym1ller
is excellent. I've been saying it for a min, but the internet has allowed autodidacts like Grim to share protocols weaving pharmacology, spiritual practice, & holistic health that are likely several yrs ahead of academia
This Camus quote is psychoactive af
"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."
Yesterday, I recorded a pod with one of the world's experts on the Hakomi Method of Somatic Psychology.
For anyone who's interested in "unfolding," it started with this method over 40 years ago. Hakomi is very well-known in psychotherapeutic and psychedelic circles and was
Some exciting news:
Out of 1,000+ applicants, I was (one of twelve) writers accepted into
@SubstackInc
's Bridge Program!
I’m thrilled to be working with
@jpbrammer
as my mentor.
We evolved to walk six miles per day, dance, sing, pray for rain—to move our bodies, making decisions from our guts and hearts.
Embodiment is an invitation to directly experience life rather than just intellectualize it. My latest here
When I was exactly a year into my recovery, I drank ayahuasca for the first time
I was thrilled to finally be free of my "big" vices - the opiates, benzos, speeds
But, to be very honest, I was toying with the notion of drinking & smoking weed again, much to my sponsor's chagrin
Protect your energy.
Don't take "constructive criticism" from someone who has not constructed anything.
"Social media made y'all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punching in the face for it." -Mike Tyson.
I'm 1.5 months caffeine-free. This weekend got my normal post-workout smoothie with cacao and 20 min later it literally felt like I was on a light dose of MDMA, my heart bursting open, beautiful energy
the increased sensitivity is insane
that's how cacao is supposed to feel
From a retreat yrs ago when I was full-on New Age, prob saying
"but, like, we should really call them eco-delics instead of psychedelics because they illuminate the interconnectedness of all things"
In the weeks after, I felt so radically alive, so sharp, and so healthy that even the mere notion of drinking or smoking seemed laughable
Life was so good, I never wanted to escape it again
It's now been 6.5 years. I don't plan on stopping anytime soon, and most def not today
After two years of study, yesterday I graduated from the Hakomi Institute of Somatic Psychology!
I'm very stoked about the potential this work has to transform individual lives and a variety of therapeutic modalities that will shape the future. Still have much to learn too
Today I’m beyond excited to unveil a program I’ve been helping develop for nearly two years:
Natura Care Programs––a unique spiritual care immersion + integration program dedicated to addressing addiction in all its forms
Hi friends, returning from a glorious twitter break these past 6 mos, actually, more like a year. I've been doing my thing, mostly meditating, but also writing, coaching, surfing till my sinuses get infected, Theo Vonning, men's work, podcasting (!), & working on my first course
Dōgen: if you're unable to find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?
Wellness influencer: in my $995 workshop!
Dōgen: a fool sees himsel–
Wellness influencer: ah! ur interested in Zen, we'll skip u str8 to my life coaching certification program!
Based on dozens of convos I've had of late, it feels like the collective vibes are shifting in a dope way. People want to build instead of deconstruct, to dance and journey, to relinquish being v online, and I keep hearing that ppl have expanded their capacity to be with what is
@schlaf
16:8 will be breeze: drink water or tea when you feel hungry. Treat the hunger pangs like a meditation, observing your body, and mind.
Highly rec doing a 24hr water fast if you've never. You'll realize how lil food you actually need.
No fasting apps or fancy tools required.
If you've been curious about Internal Family Systems (IFS), the Deep Fix community is about to start reading "No Bad Parts," which is an excellent entry point into the method, def Dick Schwartz's most accessible book
@IFS_Model
Yoga is a 20,000+ year old tradition.
It amazes me how the yogis figured all of this shit out, many years ago, in ancient times.
You can read about expanded states of consciousness from breathwork, or pranayama, but words can't do them justice.
They need to be experienced.
Today is two weeks without any caffeine, and it's glorious. Natural grounded energy, less anxiety, deep sleep; it's highly underrated, you should try it
Secular Meditator -> Childhood Religion Pipeline
1. Try Headspace/Calm
2. Start meditating
3. Realize some inner peace
4. Call yourself a 'Buddhist'
5. Find your mind & heart so open, you revisit your childhood religion, finding all the gold your younger self so easily discarded
I feel like this might be the cheesiest/truest breakdown I've ever encountered -
the meaning of life is to figure out your gifts
your purpose in life is to then give those gifts away
Today I am stoked to share what I believe is the greatest thing I’ve ever created, a labor of love and sweat and years of face-planting my way to a freer, deeper, easier way of living.
My inaugural course, Life Not Wasted, is now open to the general public.
It is designed to
Reluctantly, thousands of bloated meals later, I'm now convinced: energy's secret cheat code is simply *not* overeating.
That Zen master was dead fucking right: "80% of the food is for you, 20% is for the doctor."
For these last five years of wakefulness—free from drug and drink—I’ve tried very hard to reflect on life while busy living it.
I wrote about my learnings from this year, some gems from working with
@jpbrammer
in
@SubstackInc
's program, and more.
People often ask me how to quit drinking and drugging
The simplest answer I can give is to make recovery the most important thing in your life and never stop fighting for it
It's a new year according to the Gregorian calendar.
Time is a funny emergent phenomenon. So much weight is placed on arbitrary markers, but time is only experienced by the events that occur within it.
Everyday is an opportunity to be better than yesterday.
Science now reveals:
The *gut* has a brain: 90% of serotonin is produced there.
The *heart* has a brain: 40,000 neurons, and an electromagnetic field 5,000x stronger than the brain.
There's a deeper, more mysterious, and higher consciousness than the "mind."
I wrote a piece for
@PsychToday
. Enormous gratitude to
@JonathanAveryMD
, the Director of Addiction Psychiatry at Cornell, for the opportunity. And thank you for the work you do in combatting stigma
Having been trained in various somatic modalities, from classical to experimental, I find River's contributions to the field to be truly genius. He's filling a unique gap somewhere btwn somatic inquiry, Jungian depth psychology, neo-Buddhism, and shamanism
his courses are sick
I made a training oasis for deep aliveness
Two courses to deepen into the body & open into the imaginal
to integrate what's Real with what's Possible
❤️🔥🧵
I’ve received ~500 newsletter signups this weekend and couldn’t figure out where they were coming from, but just learned Deep Fix is one of Substack’s featured pubs this week. Thank you
@SubstackInc
!
Friends, these are the working definitions of “Modern Addiction” and “Awakened Recovery” I’m using for my course–would love any feedback or thoughts:
Modern Addiction:
Modern Addiction is a spectrum that nearly *everyone* in contemporary society finds themselves on, ranging
After a viral-ish thread with
@sama
, and with help from
@cognazor
, I wrote about philosophical reductionism.
How "you" are an emergent property that cannot be reduced simply to neuroscience, and what this convo implies about the state of humanity.
Two fallacies I've been exploring:
1) The Arrival Fallacy: the belief that when you arrive at a certain destination, you'll be happy.
2) The Nihilism Fallacy: the belief that it's not possible to become happier
I contain multitudes, as in, there’s a part of me that’s a somatic therapist and just wants to be all loving and nourishing, and then there’s the writer part of me that wants to self-mock and shitpost ab the great cultural decline, think I'll stop denying that part now
Taught a workshop on embodiment this morning for 300 ppl and the very first question I got in the Q&A was "how do you reconcile samsara and duality," I kid you not
I wrote an essay on Israel & Palestine for
@tabletmag
––about the ideological war waging around it here in the States and the way in which it has exposed a perilous blindspot in Western "woke" ideology.
This is my best attempt at casting personal clarity
This is fascinating.
Classical serotonergic psychedelics, like LSD, have been shown to have an immunomodulatory response. Also, an increase of 5-HT(1a) synaptic availability. Thoughts
@Grimhood
?
One of the greatest things that happens to an addict or alcoholic is that they get privately and publicly humbled.
I wrote about one of the biggest challenges we face in modern culture: a lack of humility.
It's shocking how many young men I encounter, through my coaching or retreats, who are *completely* convinced they're meant to be billionaires—anything less feels like failure. Sounds absurd, but it's startlingly common, revolutionizing industries and utterly destroying psyches
Interview with William Leonard Pickard, aka the "acid king," who served 20 yrs for manufacturing LSD, who also predicted and warned us about the fentanyl crisis 20 yrs ago. Some people risk everything to give humanity the right psychotechnologies
For all you *unfolding, somatic, and healing* enthusiasts out there – the pod episode I promised is finally here!
Anyone curious about the transformative power of the Hakomi Method of Somatic Psychotherapy, this convo serves as the primer I wish I had years ago.
I sat down
I've developed a bit of protocol around "how to quit coffee" that seems to work for people -
It takes ~1.5 months and involves a slow taper mixing regular coffee with decaf, slowly changing the proportions until eventually, you're drinking just decaf
Think it's time I wrote about the Hakomi method of somatic psychotherapy
outside of the Bay, psychedelic circles, and trauma therapists, it's not v well known. I'm biased, but of all the modalities I've studied, it's by far the most elegant approach for organic transformation
When ppl embark on a contemplative or spiritual path, it's v common to suddenly no longer feel or enjoy the effects of alcohol
I personally didn't experience this bc I had to get sober first, lol, but I witness it all the time w friends, meditators, psychonauts
True story: I was in a sweat lodge ceremony in Central America, and during the gratitude circle, some spiritual founder bro actually thanked the Great Spirit for his two venture studios and asked for "disruption-level returns". I almost threw my crystal necklace at him.
Today I’m six years drug and alcohol free.
Giving up my vices and learning to love myself remains the hardest, most consequential thing I’ve ever done. I wrote about six things I’m still practicing
No newsletter today. Olshonksy was Olshonyetsky before it was shortened at Ellis Island, when my Ukrainian ancestors had to flee to America.
Praying for peace, for healing, for grace.
Anyways, once your nervous system adjusts for a couple weeks with no coffee, you energy comes back online, deep sleep drastically improves, and THEN you can introduce better caffeine alternatives, and they will feel amazing
Pu'erh is my all-time favorite, a fermented black tea
Matcha, oolong, green, and especially cacao - which has theobromine (euphoric and heart-opening) instead of caffeine - are all far more efficient and healthy long-term energy sources.
And the best part: once you detox, they will absolutely blast your chi in the best way
This essay is a tremendous gift, a first-person portal into how we can heal and come to love ourselves. It’s also one of the more descriptive accounts of the future of mental health -
Namely, somatic psychotherapy + Internal Family Systems + expanded states of consciousness
We just wrapped up our first retreat with Natura Care Programs which went so remarkably well, I’m kinda blown away by the potential this type of longitudinal approach offers for healing
It breaks my heart how rapidly microwave culture seems to be intensifying, making everything faster, shorter, dumber. We used to spend years chiseling a sculpture, decades writing a book, centuries building a cathedral
After 5 incredible years, yesterday was my last day
@VentureBeat
.
I'm doing precisely what a younger version of myself couldn't imagine - going all in on what I love: writing, coaching, and creating.
I wrote about the entrepreneurial journey.
When it comes to kicking anything w physical dependency, the key to sustained recovery and long-term success is a slowmaxxed taper.
"Cold turkey", while def possible for some badass individuals who have a high degree of tolerance for suffering, is more of a myth than practical
Bridge people:
Humans who are working to bridge the gap between political differences, actively engaging in dialogue between ideological opposites.
Inspired by the great
@kristatippett
@onbeing
, I wrote about what it means to bridge a divided world.
As Dr. Lembke and
@hubermanlab
said:
If you believe you’re not an addict, think of the one thing in your life that gives you meaning and joy, and then imagine if you could never do it again.