Bohemian Rhaptitties @nonchalantnacho Twitter profile

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Million dollar idea: A wet t-shirt contest but with queso.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

A year ago today, a guy swerved into my lane and I flipped my car into pine trees. I dunno, it's kinda cool still being alive even if glass is still coming out of my hands.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Might fuck around and start sending nudes to the wrong people on purpose.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Strip poker but instead of poker it's pizza and instead of stripping we just eat pizza.

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@nonchalantnacho

7 years

Sex with me is like a roller coaster. There's lots of screaming and sometimes people fly out and die.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Could really go for a hug right now and at this point I wouldn't even care if somebody copped a feel.

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@nonchalantnacho

2 years

For Father's day this year, I'm going to grill shirtless while drinking a beer because my dog needs a father figure in her life.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

This vodka wanted me to tell you that you're hot.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Cheese fries are better than 99% of people.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Might as well suck his dick while he watches football.

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@nonchalantnacho

2 years

The secret ingredient is blowjobs.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

This guy's cologne smells like I just got pregnant.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Everyone is getting a hug this Christmas because I have no money but I do have arms.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Sex is cool and all but at least with grilled cheese I'm promised an orgasm.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I'm super chill except for my constant anxiety. Other than that though, super chill.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Get naked. We've got things to do.

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@nonchalantnacho

3 years

One vodka lemonade and suddenly I'm ready to strip for some free mozzarella sticks.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

If I had a secret admirer, I'd hope they'd send me cheeseburgers instead of love notes.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

My tits might not be huge but my sandwich making abilities make up for that.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

What kind of monster says no to rotisserie chicken during sex?

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

I'd much rather be full of nachos than anxiety.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Anyone wanna watch me chug a gallon of chocolate milk before I cry for a little bit?

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Not to get all hopeless romantic or anything, but I'd totally suck your dick right now.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I think I found my g-spot. It was at Buffalo Wild Wings.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Wanna hang out and eat chicken quesadillas in the nude?

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I made chicken wing nachos so I get it if you're suddenly in love with me.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

I'm starting a new club where we just watch Star Wars and eat burritos.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Bacon tastes better if you eat it pantsless.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Dammit I ate a large pizza as a snack again.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I hope my neighbors appreciate how often I masturbate with the blinds open.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I just want a burrito and all your love and devotion. Is that so much to ask?

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Who needs a boyfriend when you have garlic bread? *sobbing* anyways, did I mention there's cheese on it?

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Who needs sex when you can just eat Doritos?

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Hope you don't mind a little dick sucking in the airport parking lot.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

When expecting company, make sure your handcuffs and sex toys have been put away.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Listen buddy, do you wanna fuck to "Fly Like an Eagle" or not?

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I'm in the mood to do something extreme like go to bed at a reasonable hour.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

The lady next to me on the plane smells like she ate a bowl of grandmas for breakfast.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I've wasted too much of my adult life not drinking chocolate milk.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Is there a sandwich that both tastes delicious and gives me a will to live?

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

This Valentine's Day treat your lady right and buy that bitch some mozzarella sticks.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Hey you wanna go get naked and eat some cookie dough together?

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Please, sir. Your gold chain is too arousing.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I tried to flip my hair and my neck cracked instead. Is this what sexy feels like?

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I'm just like one of the guys. But with boobs and all that shit.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Good news: I have vodka Bad news: I have vodka Sorry in advance if I show you my boobs, folks.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

7 years

Imagine sex with me. Wrong. More Predator noises.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Just keep eating burritos until you no longer feel dead inside.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

The Super Bowl party I was invited to has a strict yoga pants rule for female guests. This feels like a trap.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Think I'll become a boob avi and do some boob avi stuff for a while.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I forgot to buy Doritos at the grocery store. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I'm either going to get a tattoo today or do something real crazy like clean my closet.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

*mouth full of donut* wanna fuck?

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

This orgy better have queso.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

It's flattering when no one ever asks for nudes, right?

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

It's not that I really need a boyfriend, I just need someone who will cuddle with me while eating cookie dough.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Gonna go have sex or eat Doritos.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

My sense of humor makes up for my lack of tits. Either way, I'm sorry.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

7 years

*softly stroking your face* Sorry, I'm not sure how to act when I meet new people.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

I've had all my favorites today: chicken wings, nachos, and penis.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Phone sex but all the sexy talk is about breakfast foods.

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@nonchalantnacho

7 years

I'm a very loveable alcoholic once you get to know me.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Today is my dog's birthday and she specifically requested that we day drink together so if you'll excuse me.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

I bet if we touched our nipples together we could solve crimes.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Want to go halfsies on some pizza and wings? Making out is optional.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

May I hug your penis real quick?

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@nonchalantnacho

4 years

Wait, isn't murder hornet a sex position?

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Who needs therapy when you can have chips and queso?

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Who needs perfume when you can just rub a Reese's peanut butter cup on your neck.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Nice balls. Wanna put them on my face?

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I'm burying all my feelings inside of a loaded baked potato.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

You're a creepy motherfucker. What are you doing later?

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

The perfect foursome is you, me, pizza, and chicken wings.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

My mom would be so proud to know how much I've talked about sucking dick on here.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

For health reasons, I refuse to wear a bra today.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I don't remember how to sext so I'm just sending fellas photos of the chicken and waffles I made.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

This guy keeps saying he wants to see more of my complexion, which I think is code for "you're my next skin suit."

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Time to ditch the bra and chug the wine.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Excuse me, hi hello. Um yes, I am drunk.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

I don't think you understand how committed I am to staying this lazy.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Being naked makes everything better. Except waiting in line at Target...apparently.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Tell your boner I said "good morning."

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Sorry you soft blocked me and I refollowed you, but in my defense, I'm high a lot and don't know who the hell you are.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Okay okay, I'm starting to get the impression that some of you might like freckles.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Man, you sure are weird. Wanna make out later?

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Self-care is when you take a bath while eating a sandwich.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Let me stroke your beard while I feed you chicken nuggets.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Butt rubs are better than most things. Maybe not potato skins, but still most things.

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Ribeyes are acceptable late night snacks, right?

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

All I want is a philly cheesesteak and to cry for like seven to ten minutes.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Sorry that I moaned a little when I looked at the dinner menu.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Wine makes me want to tell you some pretty questionable things.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Wanna go be romantic and feed each other mozzarella sticks while we watch the sunset?

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Alright, I finished my sandwich so I guess I'll go take those nudes now.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

My house plants and I are going to get so drunk tonight.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Allow me to seduce you. *slides you a cheeseburger*

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@nonchalantnacho

5 years

Getting high in the bathtub so I'll just apologize in advance for the obscene amount of pics I'm going to send.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

I don't need you. I have this quesadilla.

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@nonchalantnacho

6 years

My word I forgot how much I love getting drunk on whiskey.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

5 years

No, I don't have pants on. Yes, I'm about to bake some cookies.

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Bohemian Rhaptitties

@nonchalantnacho

6 years

Being single on Valentine's Day is the exact same as being single any other day of the year except my tears are heart shaped.

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