nina oyama @ninaoyama Twitter profile

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

6 years

You say: we’re trying for a child I hear: my husbands been doing big huge cums in my pussy

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Last Seen Profiles

@crazynorth80

@Pedro_y_el_lob0

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@PathanBhaiii

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@_Tenacious_G

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@mulockdown

@GeorgiaStallwor

@_AlexHirsch

@taisyo_link

@AdamHeis6

@goncalobustorff

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@Aysenengl382159

@SN_CdKey

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@YakiYakiosoba

@Miss_Dusk

@avghaly

@kakuyami_mao

nina oyama

@ninaoyama

2 years

When u non binary but only during a full moon

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Microdosing anal by taking a shit

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Why are there so many songs about people wanting to bang a 16 year old, and approximately zero songs about people wanting to have sex with a 27 year old bisexual who has ADHD. Where are those songs.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

today my weed guy said he was watching a tv show i was on, and he pointed me out to his mates and proudly announced "i sell weed to her". So anyway i think the lesson here is, if achieving success doesn't make ur parents proud, then do it for ur drug dealer <3

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

Lots of 50 year old men getting in touch with me to say they don’t like triple j. That’s well and fair but I got some bad news for u bud. They dont program triple j for old cunts. They program for boys who have ironic mullets and girls who get their stomachs pumped at festivals.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

NSW Police used their power to literally strip search 12 year old girls. If you don't hate them for being racist, you should at least hate them for being pedos lmao

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

It’s great that Gen Z are internet savvy and all but I can’t respect anyone who grew up with fences on their trampolines sorry

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

2 years

Everyone jokes Australia isn't real but have u heard of New Zealand? Like, their main news website is called "Stuff". Like you type "stuff" into the search browser and it gives you all the news! Most news sites are "The Herald" or "The Times" but NZ is just like nah bro, "Stuff"

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

That’s the thing about high school girls man. I get older and I still think they will bully me on the train.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

please don't read or watch anything from Sky News Australia...they are literally banned from airing in NZ because they were too racist lmao.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

holy shit I’m in a hipster cafe and just heard a dude say he’s releasing his first podcast straight to vinyl, pack up humanity it’s done.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

RnB in the early 2000s: baby I know u caught me cheating & lying heaps and I got both my side chicks pregnant but those hoes meant nothing please I love u take me back please I’m a just good guy who appreciates raw dogging a nice pussy RnB in 2019: I got anxiety at the party

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

Alien: *points to my butt* And what’s this? Me: it’s my asshole. An asshole is like a back pussy that cums shit. Alien: *goes back to space forever*

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

Imagine if white dudes put as much effort into making women cum as they do into creating podcasts.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Trying to explain to Americans that the closest thing Australia ever had to David Letterman was a 26 year old boy called “Rove” who used to end each show with a sign off that implied he had sex with your mum... no wonder people don’t think Australia is a real place lmao

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

I’m doing cry july

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

A great way to show a complex female character in a tv show is to have her smoke a cigarette. She can be the most basic ass bitch but once she lights up it’s like : who is this mysterious woman... damn

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

6 years

25 is truly the worst age. Too young to be taken seriously, too old to be Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

Having ADHD is pretty much believing you are the smartest person in the world, then quickly realising ur actually the dumbest person in the world and just flip flopping between those two mind sets until u die

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

I’m drunk in the pub toilets and heard two voices coming out of one stall so I knocked on the door and asked “you cunts doing coke in there?” Anyway it was a woman and her child, so now I’m going to bodyslam myself into eternity.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

2 years

sorry but if ratatouille pulled my hair, I’d just cum

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

When my friends take the pickles off their burgers, I learn: 1. they’re afraid of confrontation cos they could just straight up ask for “no pickles” but they don’t (cute!) 2. they don’t like pickles (weird!) 3. If we hang out I’m 100% gonna get a free pickle (yum!)

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

Stop insulting people by saying they fight or throw “like a girl”. Its rude to girls! A much better target is babies. Babies are weaksauce. They cant throw or fight, they come in every gender AND they cant even get mad at me for saying this cos they got tiny lil dumbcunt brains

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

People’s genitals should change every few years at the same rate Apple upgrades charging cords & ports. That way 40 yr old dudes couldn’t fuck 18 yr olds even if they tried. It would be like “sorry, this model is too new. Try a person who was born at the same time as you.”

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

lorde trying to convince us she loves the beach...she's such a damn liar

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Waiting on PCR test results to text me back like I’m a straight woman in a situationship with a fuckboi

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

NSW is the America of Australia

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

The Liberal Party cut 40.5 MILLION dollars from the Fire services sector in NSW so anyone that's mad at the Greens right now, please kindly fuck off into the sunset.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

A chick I went to uni with just posted an insta story about her ex bf cheating on her + screenshots of his msgs to other girls. Then HE told her to take the story down or he’d “EXPOSE” her by uploading a video of her SHITTING INTO A MACCAS CUP! This is better than any tv show imo

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

When u try to seize the day by sliding into someone’s messages...that’s a Carpe DM

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

oh yeah it's just like that movie The Croods (2013) where the Croods go through a global Crood pandemic and the Crood Prime Minister doesn't order enough Crood vaccines

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

So let me get this straight: a guy made a website to rate the hotness of women at uni and now Australian can’t get their news on the biggest social media platform? Sounds cool and normel.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

I tried to bring up some trauma with my psychiatrist today and he said “do you have a psychologist? You should talk about it with her instead” - it was kinda like when dads say “go ask your mother” but for therapy.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

What's the secret behind NSW's Covid Contact Tracing? Check out this sketch @brocklesnitch and I wrote for @Chaser 's War on 2020 to find out. Directed by and starring @Vzerbst and @jennaown

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

2 years

So last night at Hamilton the musical, I danced in my seat and laughed loudly at the jokes and the people behind me called me “special needs”, said “what is she even laughing at?” then mocked me by doing egregious fake laughter during quieter parts of the show 💀

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

me announcing that I’m single

Bec Shaw

@Brocklesnitch

4 years

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

the shops are empty, run out of food because of corona virus. All that’s left to eat... is my pussy.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

Being a queer woman has so many unexpected hurdles, like yesterday I went on a date and both of us cut our fingernails so short we physically couldn’t open the cans of prosecco at the venue

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

My body is a temple, because i keep letting gross backpackers inside it.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

so you’re telling me Warm Regards is fine, but Moist Regards is “weird” and “makes the office uncomfortable”? Ok boomer.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

Love the work Celeste Barber/P!nk are doing & I am incredibly glad for it. BUT if Scomo was doing his job, the Aus Govt would be paying millions of $ to fire fighters instead. He CUT their funding and refuses to pay them. The govt has resources & celebs shouldn’t have to do this!

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

It’s so insane that we trust therapists to keep our secrets. If I was a therapist I would be like “omg u should hear what this absolute psycho told me the other day”

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

my friends mate works for the morrison govt and says they are like a super christian clique & they bully anyone who is not christian. they also said morrison & co keep going into rooms with closed doors to do weird secret christian shit, like suck each other off for jesus & stuff

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

new headshot just dropped ❣️

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

Just found out Timothée is pronounced “Timothy” not “teemo tay”... and this makes me... extremolée angrée

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

My bf has two cloths in his shower, I assumed 1 cloth was his & the other his housemate’s. Today I found out both cloths belong to him: 1 for his body & 1 just for his asshole...Guess which one I’ve been using for the duration of our relationship? (Hint: it’s the butthole one)

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

i just want white people to be less racist, so I can go back to doing tweets about cum. I don't want to be an activist i just want to write jizz jokes in peace

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

day 5 of quarantine: dildo ran out of batteries, time to fuck the spaghetti

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

Too many women not having kids cos of climate change, not enough men deciding not to have podcasts cos of climate change

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

I only eat pussy to help the South Australian economy (no other reason)

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Unfortunately due to the reaction to the Full Dong on Mad As Hell, my segment where I show Full Pussy on Australia Talks, has been pulled. Thanks for nothing Micallef

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

man it's so weird that australian twitter has trending topics. The threshold for trends is so small, like, 10 people could tweet the words "Cat Poop" and I guarantee u it would be in the side bar before the end of tonight

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

When an American girl discovers a compact, affordable, Japanese car....Emily in Yaris

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

6 years

literally every body hates you. nobody voted you in. go fuck a piece of coal you useless loser.

Scott Morrison

@ScoMo30

6 years

Happy Australia Day! Today is the day we come together to celebrate our great nation. We are stronger and better together.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Therapists are like “it really do be like that sometimes” and then charge u $200

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Just spent 2 hrs in a COVID test line & made a new friend, Tom. It was great until the test, where I audibly gagged on the swab, began crying, then accidentally made eye contact with him while cry-gagging! He immediately left. Our friendship could not survive such early intensity

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

I wish they would stop renewing COVID Variants for more seasons. The writing has gone down hill and the storylines are becoming repetitive, we need a series finale ASAP.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

i've had sex before but nothing has destroyed my hole more than the process of fishing a moon cup outta my pussy. It took me like 30 mins, using multiple instruments and now my vag looks like the actual kraken. You're welcome, the environment.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

My process is: If I do 6 hours of solid procrastination and self hating, then I’m allowed to do 20 mins of work as a little treat.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

Hang on did Chris Kenny ~actually~ read my tweet that said the PM and his advisors “suck each other dicks for Jesus” live on TV. Did this actually happen- can someone confirm? Huge if true.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

I’m just a girl, standing in front of my 50 yr old boyfriend, asking him to do a sudoku so he doesn’t get dementia

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Thanks so much everyone for your kind messages and for believing me. Other victims of my ex gf are seeing it all and feeling validated. You're not just supporting me, you're supporting others too. It means the world to us, thank you ❤️

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

if u can’t handle me at my worst, then that’s totally fine haha honestly !! No worries if not!!

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

My PCR results came back today. I’m Covid Positive 💀

nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Waiting on PCR test results to text me back like I’m a straight woman in a situationship with a fuckboi

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Ah finally, it’s 5pm! Time to clock off and settle in for a long night of being mentally ill

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 months

decided im gonna make deadloch s2 even gayer by forcing everyone listen to chappell roan in the make up bus. it’s gonna happen.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

i love to harness the power of "ok boomer"

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

Omg I am at a kebab place and a man just absolutely devoured his kebab and then yelled “compliments to the chef” and then ordered another one

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

IT ONLY TOOK ME 5 MONTHS BUT I FINALLY ESCAPED THIS RELATIONSHIP!

nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

I can’t talk right now I’m doing hot girl shit (dating someone who makes me feel like a fucking idiot all the time, clinging on desperately to the “good moments” in the hope things might get better in the future, while being fully aware that they won’t)

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

ok wow… unfollowing now.. was a big fan of his work in the toilets at Engadine McDonalds after a Sharks game in 1997 but didn’t realise he was the literal prime minister

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

2 years

The barbie movie isn’t actually a real movie, it’s really a science experiment to see if images of Margot Robbie and Ryan gosling wearing hot pink outfits and cowboy hats could induce serotonin in terminally online people and it’s working

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

i'm not saying i have depression but every morning i gotta rev up my will to live, like an engine

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

In the future Game Stop movie when Margot Robbie explains stuff in the bath tub, I would like to play the bathwater please.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

it’s actually so dangerous to have sex with a woman and not make her cum! Don’t u know women can get a condition called “blue flaps” and then have to go to hospital?

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

when pussy on lockdown (period) essential services still open (butt hole)

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Never been more stressed in my life than when I gave a family member my phone to take a picture and realised the camera roll was full of nudes I took yesterday

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

I love dating Gen X people cos they got that old book smell.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

2 years

Does anyone know how I can get my stress levels down in a way that doesn’t involve me doing anything or changing my life style one bit

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

I once spent $50 on a uberEats burger order. My bank said nothing. Today I bought a thing at Rebel Sports & the bank texted me to ask if it was a "fraudulent purchase". Anyway what i'm trying to say is im being straight up negged by a bank & now i wanna fuck that st george dragon

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

***FOR THOSE WHO NEED IT*** Why a white person doing a “funny” fake Asian accent is bad: - It is directly making fun of the way Asian people speak - It reinforces negative stereotypes around Asian people - The same accent is used to bully and dehumanize Asian people every day

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

i can have a little mdma at family christmas, as a treat

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

what I'm learning from Bad Art Friend is that people use their group chats to bitch and gossip about others, something I was unaware was happening and would never partake in myself. Shocked at anyone who does this!

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

2 years

Checked my fridge for the hallucinogenic Coles products - turns out I’m in luck!!! See u guys in 5-8 hours, mama’s gonna visit some machine elves and experience ego death using her magical poison salad

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

6 years

Honestly why watch The Bachelor when u can witness emotionally stunted men screwing over amazing women every day, in real life, with no ad breaks?

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

all day: *has depression* 8pm: *has depression in night mode*

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

Being a man is not very hard. You just lie about ur height on tinder and host a movie podcast on the weekend. It’s that easy.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

last lockdown: I got drunk, vomited on my bed + laptop, had to bin my pillows. this lockdown: I got drunk, smoked inside, peed on my housemates plant in broad daylight, sprained my ankle, went to hospital. BUT, I vomited into a bowl this time, which is "character development"

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

Having wifi on a flight is great and all but you totally miss that feeling where you land and get to take your phone off airplane mode just to find out with great anticipation that absolutely no one has messaged you.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

Mum twitter bios be like: Mama. Wifey. Love my 2 baby boys. Coffee drinker. Child haver, twice. Music lover. Female creator of human spawn duo. Wine enjoyer. My womb made a fleshy home for tiny fugitives who wouldnt stop growing, they escaped, now I call them “sons”. Avid Reader.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

You, a basic: choke me daddy Me, an intellectual: Don’t chop the dinosaur daddy! 😈😈😈

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

honestly Australia is being run by a conservative christian cult and the sooner someone makes an in-depth podcast about it the better.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

Every Woolworths feels like a refurbished kitchen in an upper middle class home, and Every Coles feels like the cobwebbed storage basement where Dad keeps his pornos

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

5 years

Oh you like My Ass? Name one big shit I’ve done

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

If we’ve learned anything from Requestival it’s that Triple J listeners actually hate the music JJJ usually plays

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

If I was a man, I would simply never DM a woman. I really do think it’s that easy.

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

3 years

The Rita Ora, Tessa Thomson, Taika Waititi poly threesome situation but it’s me and the two old guys on the balcony from the Muppets

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

4 years

Every woman in a suit is a perfect hot babe and every man in a suit looks like a private school fuckhead whose dad helped him buy his first investment property

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

2 years

“This too shall pass” yeah I know cunt I want it to pass faster

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nina oyama

@ninaoyama

2 years

Hi! Archeologist here - we actually spend most of our time lining up the bones and playing them like a xylophone, gender is not important.

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