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carl 🥦 Profile
carl 🥦

@NightlifeMingus

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Following
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psionic menace carrying alien spores

CA
Joined January 2016
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 years
🌬💨🌨💨🌨🌨🌨💨🌨🌨💨 💨🌨🌨💨💨🗻❄️🌨🌨💨🌨 🌨💨❄️💨⛩🦧⛩💨❄️🌨🌨 ❄️💨🌨🏔🪨🪨🪨🏔❄️❄️💨 💨❄️🏔🪨🌲🪨🪨🪨🏔💨❄️ ❄️⛰🌲🪨🪨🌲🌲🪨🧗⛰❄️ ⛰🌲🪨🌲🌲🪨🌲🌲🪨🌲⛰
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
6 years
asked for sprite but they gave me clown juice instead
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
7 years
DO NOT READ IF YOU DIDNT STARE AT THE SUN . . . . . . . greetings fellow chosen ones, what shall we name the three new colors revealed to us
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
18 days
last thing a straight man hears after refusing to twerk in gay city
@oblivion_rtf
Oblivion.rtf 🇵🇸
18 days
Ok, girls! We got someone who doesn't want to cooperate!
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
4 years
if phoebe bridgers lightly denting a cheap guitar on SNL can provoke this level of discourse, we absolutely need to make rock music scary again. bring back the blood and snakes. bring back the music videos where a businessman’s head explodes because he hears a guitar solo
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
they’re powerscaling on mental health IG now
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
4 years
i used to hate in video games when you’d talk to everyone in a town and they’d all be like “did you hear about the PLOT ELEMENT?” and all the ambient conversations are like “dreadful days, these, what with the PLOT ELEMENT and all.” didn’t realize that’s just actually how it goes
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
10 months
r/TwoSentenceHorror “Thank you,” said the illiterate man to the butcher, “this is my favorite meat.” “You’re welcome,” said the butcher as he handed him a package labeled “human meat” and then also when the guy walks out of the butcher shop the sign says “Cannibal Butcher”
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 months
nothing quite like pulling up a heavy hitter on wikipedia, WWII or The Renaissance or China, and just tucking in for the long haul
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
The truth is out there
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
4 years
as you approach your 30s it’s very very important that you acquire a “boring” interest that will develop into an obsession as you age. local water policy, shipping containers, composting, amateur geology, metal detectors, collecting old coins
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
11 months
love this mopey email from the website i bought one bong off of 2-3 years ago
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
a lot of people are mad at this but you have to understand that tech biz guys don’t know about real books such as Moby Dick or Don Quixote. they think all books are called Thought For Food: Hack Your Brain’s Diet or The Squint Principle: See Less, Perceive More
@gauravmunjal
Gaurav Munjal
2 years
Imagine if every Book is converted into an Animated Book and made 10x more engaging. AI will do this. Huge opportunity here to disrupt Kindle and Audible.
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 months
Do you guys think the engineers were natty or did they cook up some crazy black goop steroids to get this shredded
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
9 months
(rubbing temples as i brood over a sprawling heap of scrolls) tell me… my people, do they still say I am the GOAT? my vizier: (rueful—and yet, is that the shadow of a smile which plays across his lips?) they say, my lord… that you are washed, I fear
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
7 months
Love when someone says “IYKYK” and I don’t know. that’s one thing off my plate
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
How long would you wait in line for ham?
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@KTLA
KTLA
2 years
How long would you wait in line for ham?
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 years
if she’s your girl, why’s she introducing a variety of enrichment activities into my enclosure? 🤔
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
11 months
this is what my dreams look like
@ABC7
ABC7 Eyewitness News
11 months
WILD PURSUIT! New Jersey police officers chased a deer down the halls of an elementary school after it broke in through a glass window.
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 years
(Joss Whedon’s “Dark Souls: The Movie”) hey pal, you good? not going hollow or anything? cause you kinda have like a, hollow-y type thingy going on. just around the eye (hollow soldier lunges with sword) okay, yeah, he’s hollow. he’s definitely gone hollow
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
4 years
smoked a joint and cued up fellowship of the ring only to be hit with a PS4 error. google it and discover that it’s an issue that only affects the fellowship extended edition DVD which, when you’re high, feels like something designed specifically to torture you and you alone
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 years
not me leafing through the ancient tomes while Master is asleep
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
6 years
by age 25 you should have at least one leg joint that cracks like a distant gunshot on a crisp winter morning every time you stand up
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 years
this is the loot that hollows would drop if dark souls was set in america
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
1 year
friend: dude did you see The Sphere? pretty crazy stuff me: (Thinking they’re referring to the interdimensional entity that visited me) yeah man
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
11 months
this post changed something deep inside of me
@fatestaynova
nova
11 months
zoomer little brother spent the entire aquarium trip today pointing and either going "that fish is locked in" or "that fish is tweaking" no in between
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carl 🥦
4 months
he died in a freak accident when he was killed by a freak
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
5 years
all i fucking want is the classic 1992 lithuanian men’s olympic basketball t-shirt
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
1 month
possibly the worst burger i have ever seen. not a single good decision on display
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 years
more than 15 years later and i still haven’t seen a better representation of the internet than this comic
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 years
Wow.... these guys gotta be the most craziest band ever
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 years
no one has ever looked better than this
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 months
There should be themed gyms, decorated like rainforests or pirate ships or aquariums, for us creative souls
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
Ok so a narcissist beats an empath. but a SUPER empath defeats a narcissist. but then a dark empath beats a super empath. and goku wipes the floor with all of them
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
11 months
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@EduardHabsburg
Eduard Habsburg
11 months
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! The Habsburg household celebrated 🦃 Thanksgiving🦃 with Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, greens and a 🎃pumpkin pie🎃 (note the FALL LEAVES!) We even had an 🇺🇸American guest who said he could attest this was the REAL DEAL!
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
10 months
Poison tastes so good when you don’t have a poison taster in your ear telling you Agkhh-! Ggguhhhnnggh… Hrrrgfhh…
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
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@sir_benedictx
Bereketeab
2 years
Favorite tweet of your own?
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
7 months
We are not even fully known to our own selves. So jot that down
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
17 days
Hey man it was really good catching up with you, but I gotta take off now, the mountain is calling me. Yeah you know how it is haha. The mountain is calling me.
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
6 months
@feelingsstores • financial compensation for your labor
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
What goes on here
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
11 months
@Billaric see this hole in the ground? you know why i dug it? i dug it so i can crawl in and die, since clearly that’s what you want me to do sooooo… yeah :/
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
1 year
you have to admit that it’s pretty funny people will read a poem titled “Saturday night as an adult” by esteemed Canadian poet Anne Carson, born 1950, and immediately conclude it describes life as a 28 year old in Brooklyn
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
kush got me taking poison damage at a rate of 5 hp/second. kush got me going Oof… Hah… Nrghh… Oof… Nrghh
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
1 month
There’s something almost chilling about the Xenomorph…
@DiscussingFilm
DiscussingFilm
1 month
Noah Hawley explains why he is bringing the Xenomorph to Earth in his ‘ALIEN’ TV series. “There’s something about seeing a Xenomorph in the wilds of Earth with your own eyes. That is truly chilling to think of it moving here among us… you’ll see it & you’re going to lock your
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 months
Hi everyone, so excited to be joining the team! I’m looking forward to getting to know you all. Just a little bit about me: my background is mainly in Strength, Agility, and Endurance, and my interests include Light Armor and Axe
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
A film by Apichatpong Weerasethakul (2010)
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 years
anyone else notice how thanksgiving, which was just last week, has been completely memoryholed by the media? 🤔
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
4 years
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@SecondGentleman
Douglas Emhoff
4 years
What motivated you to get vaccinated?
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
7 years
wikipedia's 'list of poems by catullus' is also a litany of relatable sentiments
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carl 🥦
2 years
(Pusha T “you are hiding a child” voice) I got my info from your tailor
@dieworkwear
derek guy
2 years
@jacksonhinklle I got my info from your tailor and from the photos you posted. I called him to ask him about his process. Even he said that his base price is not the full bespoke standard, although he can do that if asked.
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
4 months
Yesterday after quietly accepting a clogged ear for months I finally decided to unclog it and I passed a clump of impacted earwax so large I can now feel a breeze passing through my skull
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 months
My Larva was ‘Student of the Minute’ at Fruit Fly Elementary
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
5 years
i spent my adolescence downloading a hundred gigs of music because online people told me to instead of cultivating a personality, just so that in ten years when my coworkers ask what music i like i can say “uhhhhhh”
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
2 years
going to start dressing like this in 2023
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
3 months
Hoagie has sadly perished after losing his battle with a sudden and severe case of “can’t eat the chicken breast resting on the counter” disease
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
6 years
hit LIKE for marriage, children, home ownership hit RETWEET for living on the tundra, harvesting edible lichens trying to prove a point
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
4 years
@BAKKOOONN please sir, my wife, she‘ll starve without shredded cheese
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
1 year
@LegoRacers2 Sweet James is my favorite but you have to give jacob credit for aping the BCS logo so boldly
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carl 🥦
1 year
what was ‘the incident’ at your clandestine research facility?
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
1 year
Sam, it’s Piss Jugman here. If you’re making a delivery and you need to relieve yourself, just use one of the JUGS that BRIDGES has outfitted you with. And remember, filled JUGS can be used against BTs in a pinch
@celinatruckstop
Celina 52 Truck Stop
1 year
Piss Jugman is here until 6pm today to teach truckers proper pee disposal. Jugman is "pissed" at all the jugs he's found laying in the parking lot. "Urine trouble" if you don't dispose properly. Kids can get their picture taken with Piss Jugman for only $5 from 4-6pm today
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carl 🥦
1 month
Quit pocket watching my man
@sanstitre2000
sanstitre (commissions closed)
2 months
Bummer
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carl 🥦
3 years
if i fell backward through time and found myself in the court of a medieval king, forced to entertain him with a song under penalty of hard labor or death, i think a safe bet would be “kiss from a rose”
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carl 🥦
2 months
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
4 years
it’s journalistic malpractice not to clarify that “the beach boys” is simply mike love squatting on the name
@latimes
Los Angeles Times
4 years
President Trump will visit Newport Beach today to raise money for his cash-strapped campaign. The event will feature a live performance by the Beach Boys and tickets start at $2,800 per person, up to $150,000 per couple for co-chair status.
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
1 year
i’ve noticed that 5x5=25 gives Friday vibes
@mimi10v3
mimi ˚♡⋆。☆∴
1 year
for ppl who are intellectually anomalous (say, iq 145+) how does your mind differ from avg folks and how do you know?
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
5 years
when you forsake the pursuit of enlightenment for the temptations of flesh
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
4 years
sitting there, high off my nut, feeling like the next Reddit post from another stoned dude deprived of LOTR will be the one to nudge me into a full-scale Philip K Dick solipsistic nightmare of a universe designed to torment me. anyway, bit the bullet and watched it on am*zon
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carl 🥦
4 years
chet hanks and his “Icelandic horse” pillowcases
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carl 🥦
9 months
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carl 🥦
5 years
If we can light up a blunt — we can hotbox my car. If we can hotbox my car — we can hotbox a room. If we can hotbox a room — we can hotbox this nation.
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carl 🥦
2 years
hey dude you should come over. we are smoking weed and listening to Scary Music
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carl 🥦
2 years
Money hack. $100 = $200
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carl 🥦
4 years
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carl 🥦
4 years
other metal bands: Satan is my unholy master. I am going to disembowel you and shit in your ribcage. Metallica: time for bed 😈
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carl 🥦
2 years
@_unwell The Don Quixote Experience: Live The Book
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carl 🥦
6 years
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carl 🥦
6 months
Intriguing… tell me more
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carl 🥦
9 months
when i was a teenage metalhead i leapfrogged over a lot of the fundamental and foundational bands in favor of the more obscure and extreme stuff, which is why i am 31 and having my first Iron Maiden phase. did you know they’re good
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@NightlifeMingus
carl 🥦
8 months
@lolt64 “M” as in “mnemonic”
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carl 🥦
5 years
@cal_beu i always imagined that the orc barracks has like a mess hall with a rotating menu offering a variety of slops, gruels etc
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carl 🥦
2 years
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carl 🥦
1 year
I love when the king’s army marches through my village and the soldiers in their proud and splendid uniforms appear to me as symbols of youth’s strengths and hopes… hate when months later, the autumn wind carries news of those same soldiers’ deaths on a distant battle field
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carl 🥦
7 years
i wish i were a medieval french peasant who sees an elephant for the first time and thinks it's the devil
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carl 🥦
2 years
Oubliette Chat 🕳 Wasting_Away: Who up rattling they chain ⛓7 ☠️3 jailcel: just had a spoonful of gruel hbu ☠️5 manacleman (freedom era 🔑🔓): lovely breeze today lads and the sun is shining! 🌞 👎11 🔒6 🔪7 jailcel: Fuck off dude DungeonDan: rat just bit me lol 🐀9 😂5
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carl 🥦
3 years
hey, my girlfriend and i saw you across the bar and we are watching you, scum.
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carl 🥦
1 year
It used to be that kids would dress up in scary costumes and say “trick or treat!” But nowadays, they say “tiktok or tweet!” and also they wear their normal clothes because today’s styles and fashions often resemble a costume of sorts
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carl 🥦
3 months
(Anton Chigurh voice) Be careful what tea you spill there.
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carl 🥦
2 years
[Press X to interact with TOILET] “Wow, a toilet… haven’t seen one of those in years. Well, I should keep moving.” [X] “I don’t need to do that. I better keep moving.” [X] “I don’t need to do that right now.” [X] “I don’t need to do that right now.” [X] “I don’t need to d
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carl 🥦
4 years
how did i go through 6 years of latin without ever learning about the Roman emperor named “Poopy Anus”
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carl 🥦
6 months
Saying this to my coworkers when we’re clocking out for the day
@oblivion_rtf
Oblivion.rtf 🇵🇸
6 months
Well, you take care of yourself. I'd hate to hear about another senseless death. Good luck to you!
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carl 🥦
6 months
Checking with dad about his yard work
@oblivion_rtf
Oblivion.rtf 🇵🇸
6 months
This tree is the source of our problems. It is an abomination of nature, and it must be destroyed.
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carl 🥦
2 years
@Carzonfye they got soft, no two ways about it
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carl 🥦
4 years
beer is the mind chiller. lol like dune. can i get an “amen brotha”
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carl 🥦
2 years
@Carzonfye @primalignity just something to keep the hobbits in check. they need to know their place
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carl 🥦
7 years
@Sean__Doyle lol I muted this tweet hours ago but even the runoff notifications are overwhelming
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carl 🥦
2 years
(tiktok voice to speech lady) When that one friend who’s a murderer kills you
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carl 🥦
2 months
How I speak to introverts when they leave the house to make friends
@oblivion_rtf
Oblivion.rtf 🇵🇸
2 months
I haven't seen you here before. Awww, and you're all alone too. How sad.
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carl 🥦
4 years
@mollylambert @allmydads while nowhere near as iconic, i’m a fan of the culver city lion. totally vibing, living in the moment, not a thought in the world
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carl 🥦
2 months
@rachelmillman I checked my archive but I only documented her meat pie (?) and eraserhead baby baguettes
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