Neener Neener Neener🍁 @neenertothe3 Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

25 days

Big decision to make? You must seek The Five Dentists.

6

25

55

Last Seen Profiles

@sgkr13080

@Badermdh

@Walk4Louis

@kasonjones22

@Share4Rare

@AshleaDavis

@fivewaystop

@JURIOBOLUDO

@Annabe1Stiletto

@bokeplokalmalam

@BinorRaja

@MinisterOCW

@BandarStw

@bokeplokalmalam

@stw_pdg

@jazmonline

@bokeplokalmalam

@Area51SportsNet

@JoyceDiDonato

@tajham

@Jo_Peel

@BinorRaja

@bokeplokalmalam

@belmokhtasartv

@CardinalRedbird

@HookahKese

@TruEvolutionInc

@onesual

@dailyarlecchino

@SimpleStarfan

@TwinkBiDot

@chihirolove1129

@JoepBoxelaar

@stw_pdg

@RoyMcComb

@semangkawaiii

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Going to tell my grandkids this was Burger King.

78

385

2K

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

Wind chimes prevent the air from sneaking up on you.

14

268

2K

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

9 months

Took my mom to get a new phone this afternoon in case you’re wondering why I spent $327 at the liquor store.

9

111

1K

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

30 days

This meeting could have been a letter of resignation.

2

193

1K

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

9 months

You stand up, Apple Watch, if you’re so great.

5

112

874

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

8 months

Drove my Chevrolet to the levrolet but the levrolet was dry. - an early draft

21

139

865

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

Whenever I use the phrase, “As the good Lord intended,” I am referring to my wife.

5

129

818

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

My skill set is fine. It’s my will set that’s lacking.

4

177

622

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

If Sesame Street taught me anything, it’s that yelling, “Ten chocolate cakes!” while falling down the stairs makes people think you had a good reason to fall.

8

141

598

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

7 months

Starting with, “Fun fact,” adds whimsy to your mansplanation.

11

108

499

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Me: The floor is lava! Satan: Yes! We just had it redone. It used to be legos. Nice, right?

5

203

489

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

Yeah, I’m curious, but not, “look into it,” curious.

10

104

481

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

10 months

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

7

70

449

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

3 months

Flock tuah. Shit on that thang.

9

60

418

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

7 months

It might be International Women’s Day, but I think local women are swell too.

15

135

413

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

11 months

Vodka IS mashed potatoes.

16

111

398

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

Changing the name to Yeaster because of all the rising.

4

82

402

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up and more to warn the rest of us.

11

133

375

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

5 months

If there are no rat marriages we have to assume they’re all rat bastards.

1

71

363

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

Cats aren’t pets. They’re squatters.

15

83

325

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 months

Perhaps I’m tuning in to the Olympics at the wrong times, but I haven’t heard a single cannon blast heralding a competitor’s death.

1

59

327

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

A Sicilian wax doesn’t just remove the hair, it gets rid of the whole body.

12

153

289

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

That point at 3:45 a.m. when you either get up and pee or try to ride it out until morning is The Incontinental Divide.

12

84

289

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

9 months

Not to brag, but I picked a strong password first try.

15

84

292

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

7 months

I put my pants on just like everybody else. Reluctantly.

6

110

286

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

14 days

With Red Lobster shutting down and folks not needing a way to smuggle out cheese biscuits, it was just a matter of time for Tupperware.

5

49

275

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

9 months

Those “not dishwasher safe” glasses are going to look absolutely fantastic in the garbage.

3

54

259

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

5 months

Remember the movie with the guy who ate nothing but fast food for a month to prove how bad it is for you? I’ve been doing that for years with absolutely no ulterior motive. So who’s the real hero?

4

55

252

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

Fibronostalgia is chronic pain caused by thinking about stupid things you did in the past.

4

110

244

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Imagine the things Wile E. Coyote could have done if he’d had access to Amazon Prime Days.

12

102

244

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

Dogs wake up happy because they know they they can go back to sleep whenever they want.

6

104

228

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

If you’re not part of the solution, I might need to add more solvent.

9

140

225

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

According to the laws of Physics, every minute saved using an air fryer must be spent talking about said air fryer.

10

90

220

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Goddamn us, every one. - Tiny, bitter Tim

2

93

208

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 month

The irony of Canadians putting a “u” in Labour Day is that it’s more work.

8

64

217

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

Life without picture jokes would be memeingless.

10

91

212

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black

9

76

206

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

🎶That’s me in the corner. That’s me in the spotlight…🎶

7

66

203

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

It would be easier on everyone if my GPS would stop saying, “Recalculating,” and simply play Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” instead.

6

90

192

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 months

Squeezing a lime wedge into my Corona but got it right in the eye. It was best of limes, it was the worst of limes.

10

69

189

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

4 months

I am in my mid 50s and just had my first croissant sandwich. All I can say is that my life to this point has been a waste.

15

47

177

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Funny how yelling “Polo!” to some little kid’s repeated calls of “Marco!” from somewhere in this WalMart made both of our days a little bit better.

2

72

177

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

8 months

🎶Sweet dreams are made of zzz’s🎶

8

71

167

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

21 y.o.: Dad, you make pretty good money. Why don’t you have a nicer car? Me: *holds mirror up in front of 21 y.o.*

6

69

163

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

Maybe my tweets were about a different Kate Middleton. You don’t know.

5

30

167

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

5 months

It’s amazing how a nice drink on a Friday afternoon reanimates you. Kinda like sea monkeys.

0

37

165

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

I’ve never danced with the devil in the pale moonlight, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

11

88

159

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Whoever said, “Money can’t buy happiness,” never got a personal cheque for $5.00 from their grandma for their birthday.

8

64

161

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

9 days

When one door closes, a Spirit Hallowe’en opens.

5

64

164

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

9 months

This meeting could have been a stiff drink.

2

56

162

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Due to limited freezer space, Jeffery Dahmer had tough decisions about which parts to keep. Cooler heads prevailed.

14

69

155

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

My boss: So… [dramatic pause] Me, uncomfortable with silence: …a needle pulling thread?

4

58

155

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

9 months

If I had a lemon for every time life handed me lemons, I wouldn’t have this scurvy.

4

51

157

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

3

75

152

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

Casting agents for Over the Top meant to cast Sylvester the Cat but called Stallone by mistake.

2

26

152

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Waffle makers are the OG 3D printers.

0

78

147

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

What I lack in drive, I more than make up for in drive-thru.

3

89

148

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

At family dinners, I always offer to bring the potato dish. It’s always vodka.

8

73

140

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

4 months

Fuck, Fuck, Goose! is based on the original children’s game except it’s just a Canada goose chasing you through the park.

10

64

149

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

8 months

Can’t think of a single thing to post, but damned if that will stop me.

6

60

145

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

I just ate half a dozen donuts for lunch, but, in fairness, one was an appetizer and two were dessert.

4

79

144

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

A little boy looked at my tie the other day and told me that he really liked my leash. I hope to stop crying soon.

10

64

145

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Either I stood up too quickly or this quart of vodka was deliciouser than I thought.

8

59

145

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

5 months

Maybe one out of five dentists just minds their own business.

2

68

142

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

I set the Face ID on my phone with a Dorito hanging out of my mouth because of the Laws of Probability.

7

73

143

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

As a result of Christmas, I am now referring to my slacks as tights.

3

59

143

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 month

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

3

76

142

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

You may not like the word “moist” but the alternative is “endampened” and I’ll not have endampened cake.

4

84

134

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

9 months

It is acceptable to judge people by what they would do for a Klondike bar.

8

65

140

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

Stop, drop and roll. Follow me for more fitted sheet folding tips.

2

75

134

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

6 months

I bought my first house for $48K in 1995. I think I spent more than that on coffee this week.

7

48

140

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

7 days

Men are from Mars and women are from wherever they say because I don’t think that’s a fight we need to pick right now.

5

61

145

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

I FaceTimed with my mom this morning, and she upper-left-quarter-of-her-headed with me.

3

38

131

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

Crinkle cut fries. Ribbed for your pleasure.

5

70

129

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

Ritz crackers were named to convey oppulence and elegance in case you were wondering how terrible the 1930s really were.

4

46

128

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

The sequel to The Sound of Music starts with Maria and Capt. Von Trapp, cold and hungry, huddled together in the middle of the Alps making a list of the order in which to eat the children.

12

77

129

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

4 months

Wind chimes are a nice way to introduce your new neighbours to your sociopathy.

8

61

133

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

I fought the law* and the law* won. *duvet cover

7

57

131

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

When a child asks: You’ve had enough. Go back to bed. When the Keurig asks: Of course. Anything for you darling.

2

31

131

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

I’ll give a fuck, IDGAF.

2

81

123

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

“The world is your oyster,” they assured me. “It seems you’ve developed a shellfish allergy,” my doctor later confirmed.

2

72

126

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

Headline: Supermodel Dead after Choking on Lasagna Noodle My Brain: Death Carb for Cutie

1

61

129

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

"You will be haunted," resumed the Ghost, "by three spirits." Me: Ah! The plot Dickens!

1

60

124

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

My dad died on this day in 1990 and while I still miss him terribly, I’m sort of glad I never had to watch him try to send a text message.

16

34

125

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

You wrap your presents with Scotch tape. I wrap mine with Scotch and tape. We are not the same.

5

54

128

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

Am I too late to go to see the softer side of Sears?

9

57

122

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Who called it a witches’ coven and not a hex trafficking ring?

5

65

126

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

3 months

My daughter: Dad, your hair is getting ridiculous. Like, do something about that bald spot. Me: Why you little … Don’t make me combover there.

7

51

128

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

11 months

I hope this email finds you. I don’t know how this works. -My dad.

2

48

123

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Some people like to go out into the woods alone. I prefer to come back from the woods alone. With my shovel.

9

54

125

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

10 months

Adulthood is a terrible way to bridge from your teenage years to retirement.

1

57

124

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 months

Family means different things to different people. As a result, I am free to eat the family-sized bag of potato chips with my head held high.

3

48

124

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

My piano’s piano is my grand piano.

5

69

121

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

I think we’re playing fetch, but the dog sees it as sticking it to the man.

1

70

125

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

4 months

Any phone can be a flip phone if you fall down the stairs with it.

3

69

127

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

2 years

This is not a hill we are prepared to die on. - Jack and Jill, probably

4

56

124

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

1 year

Not all psychopaths hate dogs, but all dog haters are psychopaths.

4

60

121

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

3 months

Did you guys know that some people set their phone to make a sound when someone phones or texts them? Weirdos.

8

47

123

Neener Neener Neener🍁

@neenertothe3

11 months

Who called it human evolution and not primate change?

6

59

121