Neal Brennan @nealbrennan Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@PetzOficial

@coexlion

@OUontheAir

@forgotten_sons

@AbdalUllah

@Kayisigirl44

@fannyrconquy

@genshinsqiqi1

@MrDeeKufa

@MyUmutoni

@fenerizm2019

@Aguantamelcuba1

@Gusky_Kohsuke

@phantozone

@absolutelypink_

@LeoMadrid

@acessoeslu

@BenBRockN

@caramel_master

@stwmaniax

@DoctorWhowatch

@inc_pius

@igorjaofkbar

@highlywantedyt

@BinorRaja

@Voluptuuous

@5llG_

@katelyn_0505

@GallopingSkirt

@CidobBarcelona

@kriegskrieg

@piuuvy

@official_scrfc

@yochi_443

@joeri83

@SHIRUCAFE

Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Kawhi Leonard seems like the kind of guy whose family doesn't even know he's in the NBA. He just says, "I'm going to work." and comes back 8 hours later and they go back to sitting at the kitchen table not speaking.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Somewhere, a white person is planning a costume for tonight that's gonna fuck up their whole future. 😂

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

NEW YORK: Shelter in place. CALFORNIA: Shelter in place. FLORIDA: Dade County Coughing Contest starts in 20 minutes!

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

7 years

If we can beat a pedophile by .8%, we can do anything!

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

I'm not impressed when a young person is skinny. I'm impressed when a 50 year old is skinny. Motherfucker ate 18,000 dinners and burnt it off. That's impressive to me.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

7 years

Was talking with friend about how impossibly old the Traveling Wilburys seemed when they released their music in 1988. I've listed their ages at the time. For some perspective, three of them are no longer alive. Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Heard a Burt Reyonds story: He was doing VO for GTA IV, long session, tons of dialogue, he's sweating, tired. Producer said, "Burt, need anything?" Burt goes, "Every once in a while, just gimme an 'Atta boy, Burt.' Let me know I'm doing okay.'" Anyhow, Atta boy, Burt. RIP

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Kanye does a thing every week called Sunday service. All music. Very little Jesus stuff. 60 person choir. 20 piece band. Gospel songs, his songs, classics. I went last week. It was excellent. Kanye is wildly talented and sweet when he's not suffering from mental illness.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Who will learn less? Felicity Huffman after 14 days in prison or her child after 4 years in college?

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

So the way the government works is, we give them 40% of our money for services, but then we have to be grateful to the President if he lets the government provide the services. OR MAYBE NO SERVICES HOW ABOUT THAT CUTIE PIE?

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

To me, every social engagement is an Escape Room.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

Most white people only like black protests one way: In documentaries about the 1960's.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

At some point, every cult leader says, "Okay, I talked to god and he wants me to have sex with your wives." Every single one.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

@IostincaroIina "I fought for your freedom to do that. BUT NOT AFTER 11!" 😂

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

11 months

Right now, a white person is planning a costume for tonight that's going to ruin their whole future. 💀😂🤷🏻‍♂️

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

The Joker did a lot of horrific things but the thing I objected to the most was him bringing a date to his open mic.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Pixar movie about all the items TSA confiscates.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

it'd be funny if NFL players got down on both knees next season to support Robert Kraft.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

Vote-By-Mail? Government: CAN'T BE DONE. Pay-Taxes-By-Mail? Government: DO IT OR YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

I'm not the most moral person out here but I will say this. My agents want me to charge more than $25 for tickets to my shows but I don't because I've already made a bunch of money from comedy to have a good life and don't want to gouge people who like me and want to come see me.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

I had dinner the other night with four friends and we didn't post pictures of it to social media or do a podcast. Shit was like the 1700's.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Man, that Day of Prayer didn't fucking work at all. 😕

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

A$AP Rocky needs to get back to America WHERE BLACK MEN ARE TREATED FAIRLY.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

I'm at the point in life when I listen to music and it shows the name of the musician and the name of the song I don't know which is the name of musician and which is the name of the song and I don't especially care.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

7 years

I'm speeding past 280 character tweets like they're a person holding a clipboard outside of Whole Foods. No eye contact.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

The joke about vegans bringing up being vegan is now actually more tiresome than vegans bringing up being vegan.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

7 years

I can’t believe Kevin Durant went to a team he wanted to play for instead of staying with the people who won him in a lottery.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Whenever customer service agents say that they're recording the phone call, I've started saying, "I am too." Service is way better.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

this woman is great.

NowThis Impact

@nowthisimpact

6 years

‘We have a system that is fundamentally broken.’ — Rep. @AOC is explaining just how f*cked campaign finance laws really are

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

NBC NEWS: AMERICA DOWNGRADED FROM EXTREMELY RACIST TO VERY RACIST.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

7 years

I'm buying tickets for underprivileged kids to see "Phantom Thread" so they can understand narcissism and the codependency it fosters in relationships.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Watch The Irishman in parts.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

3 years

If you're ever watching a movie with your parents and a sex scene comes on, give it a second, then look at your parents and say, "Is this the kind of filth you two are into? Disgusting." You just changed the balance of power forever.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Repeat after me: I may have a personal preference, but I would absolutely support and vote for any of the Democratic candidates in Iowa to become the next POTUS.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

People were mad last week that we did an R. Kelly sketches 15 years ago. Here's me explaining comedy to them.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Alex Jones went to war with info and was finally defeated.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

June 2020 is the first month that actually feels like black history month. 👍🏻

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

I miss the time before the internet when people's dumb thoughts were trapped inside their dumb heads. 😇

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, man you fucking really love blackface huh?

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

If America was a videogame, now's the time I would pause and watch some tutorials real quick.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

Electing a Republican to represent you in government is like hiring a wedding planner who hates weddings and planning.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

That Gwyneth Paltrow vagina scented candle is gonna be great for cheating men. "Nobody was here, baby. I'm burning a Gwyneth."

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

7 years

Charlie Murphy changed my life. One of the most original people I've ever met. Hilarious dude. Habitual Line Stepper. So sad.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

2 years

This is going around...pretty insane perspective...

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

7 years

Who wore it best?

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

It's so insane that people are saying that a new Healthcare system would be confusing and impersonal. Meanwhile, I have good insurance, yet see a different doctor every time and have no idea what insurance will or won't pay and how they came to that decision.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

No human being has ever truly known the score of a ping pong game they were in.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

From the man who brought you "Can we nuke the hurricane?" comes "what if we thew away the mailboxes?"

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

This St. Patrick's Day, do the truly Irish thing and quietly resent someone you love.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

I ask this out of genuine curiosity and not a fishing expedition...do you think think this made ppl shout "Kobe" when they shot into the trash? Sometimes I think yes and then I think I'm insane.

Sane

@SaneUTDOM

5 years

Dave Chappelle for the win! KOBE!

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Babies don't age well. Please RT

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

I just accidentally dropped something on the floor. A lady and I both knelt down to pick it up at the same time. We did not fall in love. Long story short, movies are bullshit.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Happy Black History Month.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

3 years

Until I find out my friend Bob Saget's cause of death, I'm just gonna assume irritable bowel syndrome. It's what he would want. 😥😂

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

Claudia Conway should make an Onlyfans for White House intel.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

2 years

Politician: "Let's not politicize this." Motherfucker, you had a regular life and CHOSE to be a politician. If you didn't want your life to get political, you should have stayed working at your daddy's law firm.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

2 years

9 years for Brittany Griner on a possession charge? Who does Russia think they are, America five years ago?!

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Someone please tweet the perfect tweet so we don't have to do this anymore.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

I'm gonna start using "Protecting a Statue" as a term for stubborn inexcusable behavior. "You should absolutely break up with him. You've known about his cheating for two years. At this point, you're just protecting a statue."

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

Trump ordered a hit on all of Congress and these stupid coward Republicans don't want to press charges.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

I'm not the least bit heart-warmed by these cops kneeling in solidarity with protestors now. They're like the abusive husband who is nice to his wife on her birthday. Save it, Chief.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

For people who say you don't vote because none of it affects your actual life: California has a proposal that ends day light savings time. Motherfucker, you can vote and literally change the time. Like Marty McFly or some shit.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

If Trump shut twitter down, it would have a more positive effect on my life than any other Presidential act I can remember. 🇺🇸🙏🏻

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Two girls at Comedy Store dressed up like a picture of me and Dave from '93. 😂 #HappyHalloween2018

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

3 years

When you inhale in a public space and think: "That was it. That was the one that gave me covid."

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

3 years

I really thought changing the gun emoji to🔫was gonna end America's 🔫 problem. Damn.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

7 years

For Trump voters: Do you believe that two lifetime civil servants - Comey and McCabe - are corrupt but a philandering, multi-bankruptcy having real estate and beauty pageant magnate is moral and ethical?

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

As the co-writer of Half Baked, here's my vote. NOT A GOOD MOVIE. Lots of funny, quotable dialogue by two 23 year olds. Back-i-otomy, you hungry, $8 date, Smoke-a-Lott, Yes cuban b. Guy on the couch, Snoop, Willie Nelson. But the story was not good. So it fails my quality meter.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Good

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

3 months

The Second Amendment is wild.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

3 years

💔 Bob Saget.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

Trump is in a tough spot because he doesn't believe in god or medicine.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

Meditation is just 20 minutes of revenge fantasies broken up by yelling at yourself to breathe, right?

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

2 years

So it seems like children have been doing mass shooter drills but cops haven't?

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

We're all cam girls now.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

I just live my life and ignore what other people say. Unless it's negative and then I obsess over it.😎

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

If your documentary doesn't open with operator calling from a correctional facility with a collect call, then START YOUR DOCUMENTARY OVER.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Heaven.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

I told you I was gonna be on the Daily Show.

The Daily Show

@TheDailyShow

5 years

Trump doesn’t think he won the election, he thinks he bought America. @NealBrennan explains:

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

People criticize me for not liking most activities. Here's my favorite activity. Let's go to my house, we'll sit on the couch, we'll watch things on TV, we'll pause it and one of us (probable me) will say something funny. It's stress free. It's private. It's the best.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

R. Kelly factoid: We did a sketch on Chappelle's Show where Dave absurdly argued in court that R. Kelly's pee could have been digital. Three years later, his lawyers actually argued the same thing and beat the case. 😝 #SurvivingRKelly

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. = Babe Ruth was a Red Sock.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

jesus this is a great joke

RUTH BUZZI

@Ruth_A_Buzzi

4 years

When one door closes, another one opens. Other than that it's a pretty good car.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

2020 is gonna be a synonym for "crazy" for the rest of time: "Yo, my man over there is a little...you know...2020." "I gained control of the car for a moment, your honor, and then things went 2020." "I was alive in 2020. That shit was 2020."

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

2010: I'm not racist, but... 2020: Every death is a tragedy, but...

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

These Trump no mask rallies remind me of '87 at the start of the AIDS epidemic when Reagan would shoot heroin with dirty needles and then raw dog whoever wanted some.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

4 years

These protests are like when a couple is arguing what happened at dinner, but you know it's about waaaaayyyyyy more than what happened at dinner. It's about the whole goddamn relationship.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

What's the funniest thing anybody ever said to you during a break-up? One time, a woman yelled at me, "Good luck finding somebody to watch your old man documentaries with!" 😂

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

It's so insane that the gov't will pay for Covid treatment, but cancer is on you.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

3 years

MOONEY. A giant. RIP

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

If you're about to do a zoom or a skype and don't have shelves of books behind you to look intelligent, use boxes of cereal or spaghetti. 💫

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

8 years

He said "LGBTQ" like he was taking an eye test.

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

7 years

What about the World Trade Center, lunging at those planes like that?

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

I know you're mad that NBA players got tested before everybody else, but pray for them now that they're forced to spend time with their wives with no access to side chicks. 🙏🏻

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

I like how this emoji 🧐 isn't available in any other colors. Like they're saying, "Come on, everybody knows only white people fuck with monocles."

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

5 years

Can you imagine being an adult and caring what apartment Pete left?

Pete Davidson seen leaving Kaia Gerber's apartment building

Newly single Pete Davidson was spotted leaving supermodel Kaia Gerber‘s apartment building on Wednesday, a source tells Page Six. An insider confirmed Davidson, 25, was there to see Gerber, 18, but...

www.foxnews.com

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Neal Brennan

@nealbrennan

6 years

Somebody say that these orphaned children burn facts to create a smokey eye. Maybe then Republicans will defend them.

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Neal Brennan