Steve N Allen @mrstevenallen Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

"Prince Harry says Prince William attacked him and broke his necklace." Wow, that story really calms down in that last syllable.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

Hi @UNILAD & @EmilyBrown_6 . You've used a picture of me instead of the LBC Steve Allen. I'm not the potty mouthed one so could we swap it please as I don't need a pile on anytime soon. Thanks.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

"I took #Harry 's Virginity" On pages 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 & 9?! Christ! It’ll take longer to read about it than it took to actually do it. #TomorrowsPapersToday #bbcpapers #SkyPapers

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

Sadly this #Internationalwomensday we've just said goodbye to my Mum. She had a long struggle with Alzheimer's and she passed away this afternoon. I'm probably going to be off for a while because it's all a bit sad if I'm honest but it seemed fitting to pay a tribute to her.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

I'm sure this won't come back to bite anyone. 😉 #Strictly #GoodLuck

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

I just want to point out that tomorrow I shall not be presenting a show on the BBC. That's not due to any scandal. It's more linked to them sacking me in 2020.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

To be fair, that would be a surprise...

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

8 years

DC: "I didn't profit from my dad's off-shore investments." DC: "Oh, sorry, you mean THAT dad. Yeah, I did." #CurseDavidCameron

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

Jesus Christ! The amount of leaving do cake they must be getting through...

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

Well, it was Dad's funeral today. Before the hearse set off from the house he lived in for nearly 60 years lots of the neighbours on the street stood out in front of their homes to see him off. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like that in all my years.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

11 months

The #MCU so far. The easy catch-up guide to all the #Marvel films and TV show. Share with your uninitiated friends.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

9 days

Seeing as Charlotte Owen is trending I thought I'd add this clip to the pile.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

Here's my explainer of the #BBCPresenter scandal and #TheSun coverage. All you need to know, right here. #BBCScandal

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

Did the see the camera angle on #MeghanMarkIe at the funeral? Some people are saying it was deliberate. Others are saying it's to help Elton's next hit.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

No wonder Kevin Bacon is worried, he's only 6 people away from everyone who's got #coronavirus

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

9 months

@toryboypierce @BBC I think the fact that it hasn't got anything to do with football (his job) is why he can tweet about it (his personal opinion). Even if someone is paid via a licence fee we're all allowed freedom of speech.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

5 months

Here's a little column I wrote for @CityAM : "The real England football shirt scandal is the prices" 📰 #Nike #England #football

The real England football shirt scandal is the prices

The worst thing about Nike's new England football shirt isn't the purple St George's Cross, it's the £124.99 price tag

www.cityam.com

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

5 years

I'm on a train. The ticket inspector asked for my ticket. I handed it to him and he said, "That's absolutely lovely, thank you sir." And now I feel good about myself.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

I just got in a taxi and said, "Wow. That's a strong air freshener you've got." He said, "That's my aftershave." And now we sit in silence.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

A nice gig tonight at @CrackComedy #Wimbledon . Here's a clip on what it's like being a father. [I know, it's burry, but I'm just getting into this filming gigs lark.] #standupcomedy #London

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

Prisoners have their own keys these days!? And thus here's the radio bit I did.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

8 months

I woke up today to see that USB-C is trending and there's a political divide on it. Finally, a news story that suits me. USB-C is the best connector ever. I just wanted to give it a little plug. Little pl...! Nevermind.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

5 months

Some more examples of how to read the news. If Huw Edwards never comes back I am available to take over the #NewsAtTen . 📺

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 months

@RedpillDrifter It goes deep

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

5 years

Let the glamour begin. I'm on my way in to Tom things up on the new series of #TheMashReport 📺 I'll also do some back stretches in case I'm asked to recline in the News Desk chair like a man with nothing but contempt and entitlement. You never know.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

8 years

Just when I thought 2017 was going to be better than 2016... #theundateables #undateables

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

11 years

So Miley Cyrus, do you want a trial run, a simplify or are you going to beat The Cube! #XFactor http://t.co/fUQHKg1zk3

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

I've just had a bit of a long drive to wave Happy Birthday to my dad though his care home window. I hadn't seen him since Mum's funeral just before lockdown started. Even typing that makes me realise why I've been so different lately. 2020, not a fan.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

Newsreader Tom 2.0 is born. #LateNightMash

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

6 months

Seeing as "Huw Edwards" is trending again let me repost this handy explainer. #BBC

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

All of these people on the news saying during the strike we should only call 999 if we really have to. I'm so confused about how often I was meant to be calling for a chat before.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 month

OK, let’s test the water. Surely we can all agree, if you’re wearing a balaclava and looting from B&M Bargains you’re not doing that because you’re worried about immigration’s impact on GDP per capita.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

10 months

And when you're too antisemitic for Walt Disney...

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

5 years

Sadly this is me most days. "Oh, I'll email myself that so I don't forget." *1 second later, phone vibrates* "Ooh, I got a message. Who could that be?"

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

@CharlotteIvers You wait till he hears about breathing and other autonomic nervous system processes.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

I'm expecting a YouGov poll saying most people think Nadhim Zahawi should get his job back.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

Next week on my radio show we're serialising the most talked about book of the year, #PrinceHarrySpare . Including shocking stories like this...

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

@bbcsoutheast For a second I thought it had been blurred to protect the identity of the bin.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

Quick side note: As tempting as it is to attack the looks of someone who's said a nasty thing, maybe criticise them for what they said. That way, if you got the wrong person, you haven't called them ugly for 24 hours. #BeKind and all that.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

Well, I'll miss that grey suit. #TheMashReport

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

Typical. No one uses my picture for the apology part of the story.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

10 years

Sorry everyone. As if #TheDress was annoying enough I washed it with a red sock. My bad. http://t.co/kLZGhNGNds

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

@andrewdoyle_com @UNILAD @EmilyBrown_6 It must be true. I was surprised at me because normally I'm not like that.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

I take it all back. Turns out I AM free to cover #MOTD this week.

British Comedy Guide

@BritishComedy

1 year

Dave has decided to drop Late Night Mash after two series: "We'd like to thank everyone involved in the show [but it] will not return for another series".

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

Great. Time to get some hate on Twitter meant for someone else.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

Did you see the camera angle on #MeghanMarkIe at the #QueensFuneral ? Some people are saying it was deliberate. I'm sure 'certain' newspapers are happy.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

5 days

So, turns out I was in the wrong online shopping queue yesterday.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

@wisestreligion @michaelwhite Even if what you claim is true it's possible for two things to be wrong at the same time.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

5 years

I'm currently watching my passport. Still the same colour. I may have misunderstood. #Brexit

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

Do us #selfemployed a favour and leave some stuff on the supermarket shelves in June when we can afford to shop again.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

How's the sweating now #PrinceAndrew ?

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

Well, I've had better days, but at least the Twitter trends weren't all about Piers Morgan.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

Not the first right wing leader's reign to end in a bunker. #USElection2020

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

No

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

8 years

#WhatHaveWeDone ? I remember when I could afford to go in there.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

In defence of the people flocking to Skegness, they may have misunderstood the term "social isolation" and thought, "OK, what can I do to lose all my friends in one swift move?"

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

Ah, I see #antivaxxers is trending. Here's a little video for them. Pass it on. #Iwillgetvaccinated #vaccine #VaccinesWork #CovidVaccine

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

@AvaSantina It was nothing to do with my petard. He brought his own.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

Thanks to the #CostOfLivingCrisis my new #Christmas album has needed some updating.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

10 months

I want to see the director's cut of the #JohnLewis and where the plant eats the whole family, before the focus groups got involved and made the studio change it.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

8 years

Have you had an accident at work and it wasn't your fault... #xfactorfinal #XFactor

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 months

Strong chance she spelled the X wrongly.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

23 days

@Rossmac212 I don't know why but I really feel like watching The Simpsons now.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

Give us a flippin' second.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

@MayaJama If you were born 11 days later the press would claim you're dating snooker player John Virgo.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

@Ameer_Kotecha Because their flags are more complicated?

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

9 years

That's the secret, go to your happy place, it'll pass. #LeadersDebate http://t.co/9m4Zj7AecH

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

#WillSmith has apologised to #ChrisRock for the #Oscars slap heard around the world.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

#MashBack !

U&Dave

@davechannel

3 years

🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

5 years

I don't want to be that guy but doesn't everyone live at home?

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

Last night, for the first time in my career, I was recognised by someone who knew me from the telly. I now predict 3 to 4 days of being insufferable.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

25 days

The label was bothering me in the back of this t-shirt. I tried to reach it and accidentally took bronze in the Olympic breakdancing.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

It's coming home but when it gets home it will have to isolate for 10 days.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

@SoozUK It's almost as if not following the correct instructions messes up the test. Not all pop bands are scientists. Brian Cox gave them false confidence.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

Earlier today I edited a clip of when I was on the radio predicting that #2023 would have more #JustStopOil and #ExtinctionRebellion style protests. A few hours later they announced they're stopping the disruption. This is why I earn top dollar as a news commentator.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

9 years

#WordsThatDontGetUsedEnough "I don't agree with you on politics but I'll stay calm & respect your viewpoint, this is the internet after all"

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

6 months

This is the door into the cricket club gig I was meant to be doing tonight. I guess I can't even go in.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

@therealshodan @UNILAD @EmilyBrown_6 I was surprised when I heard I'd said that too. I thought I was nicer than that.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 month

@RosaryMum Oh, I'm totally with you. And I know who to blame after I wrote this

This infuriating new EU rule has everyone flipping their lid

A new EU directive banning fully detachable lids on plastic bottles has angered soft drink consumers everywhere

www.cityam.com

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

"People are doing DIY medical treatment because they can't see their GP." We deal with this serious subject the way we know best on the @Time1075_fm radio show. #NHS

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

If you fancy watching something on YouTube we have our topical comedy thingy, #CIQSP S01E16

Comics In Quarantine Solving Problems - S01E16 - Trump V Twitter,...

There are loads of problems with the world. Well, one mostly at the moment. But, others will still be there. With the new live stream Comics in Quarantine So...

www.youtube.com

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

2 years

Tonight on @davechannel at 10pm, there'll be so much news. Rolling, breaking, upsetting... all the main kinds. #LateNightMash

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

10 years

That awkward moment when you're on TV with your knob out & you're not needed for that bit anymore. #EmbarrasingBodies http://t.co/uDAcbO88ID

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

But what if I'm doing it to test my eyesight?

The Mirror

@DailyMirror

4 years

Sex in your house with a person from another household illegal from tomorrow

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

Has anyone got some of that wallpaper that looks like a bookshelf going spare? I might be on TV from my home during the lockdown and I want to blend in with everyone else.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

On an unrelated note, I have a few gaps in the diary if anyone suddenly needs a comedian after the one they booked had to pull out.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

9 years

Was #EllieGoulding 's choreographer Bez from The Happy Mondays? #XFactor

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 year

Would you rather have a house or a husband? Taken from this afternoon's radio show, out later as a podcast at

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

11 years

Yay! White Dee has put a bra on. Channel 4 must've got all my letters. #BenefitsStreet http://t.co/wGL7BMDIQf

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

This was my studio for tonight's Mash Report. 📺 A camera in your home, no human contact... it's the future.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

5 years

Not that I'm childish but I've found a new way of organising my apps but I need one with an I.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

I just tallied up all the tweets from people who bothered to point out that wouldn't be watching #LateNightMash because that's what we do now apparently. Then subtracted that figure from the total possible audience and, wow, huge number. That's great news. Thanks, Tweeters.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

8 years

See, he can cause a big crowd to form when he really tries. #trumpban

Derek Momodu

@DelMody

8 years

This is outside the White House, right now #trumpban #MuslimBan #MuslimBanprotest

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

I had a caller on the radio show I did today who said of the #COVIDvaccine , “I wouldn’t want a parachute that’s only 95% effective!” OK, but if you were already out of the plane and had to pick between that parachute and nothing, good luck learning how to bounce.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

3 years

Most days: People tweeting, "I don't want to wear a mask." Tonight: Everyone seems to be dressed like Michael Myers.

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

Where are you people who accuse us of canned laughter now!? #TheMashReport

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

8 years

Actually, May has just added three kids to her CV, so that sorted that. #Leadsom

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

1 month

@othingstodo_com Are you in London? That could be rented out as a bedroom. £1k/m

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Steve N Allen

@mrstevenallen

4 years

To everyone I saw wearing a face mask on their chin, well done, that's like wearing a condom on your balls. #coronavirus #facemasks

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