jz2 @mixedgrass666 Twitter profile

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

Cmon babe you know I believe the highway is a prison

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

It used to be you went online to search “fleece lined work pants 30x30” and returned a handful of results that met your criteria. Thanks to technological improvements, that is no longer possible

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

That’s so baller. Imagine how many iterations of “animal that loves to headbutt” died out from brain damage before evolution put the pieces together

Żarówka

@BivouacChillin

7 months

Bighorn Sheep love to hit stuff with their heads extremely hard, so it's good that their spiral horns horns absorb and redirect impact energy away from their brains. They can headbutt stuff their entire lives without ever getting a concussion!

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

Can I have $96,000

Vice President Kamala Harris

@VP

4 years

I’m proposing $2,000 monthly payments throughout the pandemic and for 3 months after, because rent and bills are still due during this crisis and people are going hungry. It’s that basic.

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

Each morning on my 45 min drive to work I remember my entire life in chronological order

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

I wish there was more hours in a day. I would use them to go on my phone

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

Trash day is awesome. Get this crap out of here I don’t want it

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

In college I emailed an artist to say I found her painting very moving and that I had tried to express its mood in a short story. She wrote back to say that’s impossible, the whole point of painting is to express something words can’t. Lol. Humbling

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

5 months

This is the kind of stuff I want to see on here

tara

@proletarat

5 months

My friends in college had a microwave that would still run with the door open

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

Cucumbers are so good. And they’re friends with watermelon

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

This is how it feels to yuck someone’s yum

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

5 months

Older I get more I feel like the only thing worth doing is giving food to your neighbors

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

Me, part way through a life that has been far easier than nearly every other life in human history: I just need a win for once

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

9 months

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

Reading this while I eat lunch

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

@tomrobinson Wait lol I just clicked through these results and like half of them are not available in a 30x30 anyway

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

@plasticwatercan Shut the fuck up

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

27 days

I love when a reply guy doesn’t know theyre on strike two

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

A nutritious lunch sucks compared to a crunchwrap supreme

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

Birthday in your 30s is so funny bc I received like ten texts today hoping I have the best day ever. Meanwhile I’m just at work

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

26 days

We are stunningly ill-equipped for this moment despite decades of warning. Flaccid and unimaginative liberal government is an utter failure

Jesse Hamilton

@JesseJHamilton

27 days

It’s so hot in NYC that the Third Ave Bridge over the Harlem River can’t fully open/close because the heat has expanded the steel. We saw workers using a saw to shave part of the steel down & fire boats shooting water on the bridge to cool it down @nbcnewyork #nbc4ny #nyc #heat

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

10 months

It rules to get a coffee and a pastry from a place that’s cute. Girls are right about that

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

5 months

*bursting through the door sweaty and out of breath* MY MOM HAD A JOB HER WHOLE LIFE AND SHE STILL TOOK GREAT CARE OF HER BI SON

katie

@focusfronting

5 months

taking care of the bison

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

I think a lot of you are taking this the wrong way. It’s not an indictment of the painter nor of my 20 year old self. It is simply a goofy little story I remembered at 5:30 this morning

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

@rlyrlyrlydumb Everybody get in here this person knows how to use the internet 🏆

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

@poniesandsodies Eh I don’t mind. She’s a painter not a PR person

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

5 months

Basically I stopped having goals once I ate like 100 banh mi in Vietnam. That was all I ever really wanted to do

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

@beersnbikes @babadookspinoza Oh ok. For a second I thought I was in danger of receiving $96,000 from the U.S. government. Thanks

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

6 months

Yes everything is more expensive now but at least the quality is way worse too

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

6 months

I don’t have pictures of me at 21 years old. What am I a fucking archivist

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

@DonaldHines @tomrobinson I don’t mean they’re sold out of that size I mean they don’t make them that size

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

25 days

Unfortunately my parents raised me to pursue happiness instead of money. It was the 90s they didn’t know yet that one begets the other

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

Which, as those of you who have been following along will know, is a normal time for me to remember things

jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

Each morning on my 45 min drive to work I remember my entire life in chronological order

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

For a long time I thought I didn’t like food that much but then I found out my parents just aren’t good at cooking

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

When someone says they would never choose to be attracted to men. I can’t really relate. I saw men and I was like yeah I’m getting into that shit

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

I encourage all of you to interpret others’ actions charitably, rather than seeking conflict where it doesn’t exist

rosey🌹

@thechosenberg

2 months

>gf bathes him > “I might marry her” >All men want is a mommy

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

24 days

Made one about why I don’t smoke weed anymore

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

11 months

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

I’m at the butcher sampling unreleased cuts of beef. Stuff you didn’t even know was on the cow

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

6 months

You should get a bonus for showing up to work three days in a row

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

26 days

Did you guys know that natural grasslands are by some measures a more reliable carbon sink than forests. Do you guys ever think about the prairie

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

Libertarianism entering my body when I have to do osha training

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

Two weeks notice is a lie invented to keep you from feeling awesome

dont let me get bangs again fr

@yoadri_n

7 months

30+ folks, what is your best piece of professional advice?

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

23 days

I miss public likes. I realize now it was a good bit when someone roasts your friend and they get a notification saying you favd it

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

1 month

Im teaching the men of Denver you don’t have to wear quick dry hiking pants to a restaurant

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

I stopped going to bars and figured it would make the occasions when I do go feel more special. But no. A bar gets more special the more times you go

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

@butt_sword 6 am time to check twitter

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

Printing a bunch of these for next time me and the boys get together

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

@DonaldHines @tomrobinson Also Christmas is tomorrow

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

The only thing we ever get on the trail cam is me walking to the barn

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

5 months

Old fashioned is kind of a girl drink. They make you think it’s not because it’s got whiskey and don draper drinks it but it’s for girls. Men are supposed to drink a budweiser and get kicked in the nuts

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

5 months

When exercise works, puts me in a better mood makes me feel energized etc. Well obviously that pisses me off

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

I don’t think I would log off for one million dollars. I would collect the money and post by proxy. Can a beaver stop building dams? Can a mole stop digging.

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

Me neither. I’ve never had to do that either

livi

@notlivibabyy

2 months

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

Today is all about finding the limits of my lawn mower. And chilling at the creek of course

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

8 months

Lennon-McCartney harmonized in a way that only two guys who have jerked off together can

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

6 months

Nebraska mentioned

zae

@itszaeok

6 months

some states are so random like wdym you from nebraska😭😭😭

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

Love is when you see a picture of them as a little kid and you go oooh my god I wish I could protect that little kid so bad

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

27 days

👇🏻

Adrian

@blagojevism

27 days

Love a rambling, shapeless, timber-frame, American Gormenghast.

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

17 days

Last year I told my antivax coworkers that I wear as mask at stores and stuff and they said “oh ok” so I don’t worry too much about the evil stuff people say on here

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

@hdklun I need to make room for all the new ones

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

9 months

That time of year where we learn who’s really about that chilling on the porch life and who is simply a fan of nice weather

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

When vampire weekend first came out it was like. Finally, indie rock for private school kids with media aspirations

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

It’s the fucking bozo patrol over here

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

1 month

I went to college but it didn’t take

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

6 months

Sometimes I think I’m depressed but it turns out I’m actually just at work

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

I can tell if music is good just by listening to it

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

?

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

Sure when don draper smokes in the kitchen its sexy but when I do it I’m “not emotionally mature enough to participate in cohabitation”

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

27 days

When you have your shit together only a medium amount you neither reap the benefits of fastidiousness nor enjoy turmoil of delinquency. God would spit you out of his mouth

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

3 months

This is more what it’s all about than anything it’s ever been about

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

Growing up there was no one in my life to model normal behavior. I had to teach it to myself when I was 26

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

4 months

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

11 months

Doc says I’m sick and the only cure is a three meat plate of texas bbq. He said if I don’t get two sides + cornbread it might be the end for me

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

11 months

Circles is better than an alt cuz you can put people in there against their will

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

11 months

Whenever one of my coworkers doesn’t come in it’s like damn I wish I had thought of that

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

2 months

I wonder if a woman has ever wanted to be loved nebraskanly. Pining for a man who can’t express emotions and gets sullen if you don’t let him change your oil (the only way he can communicate affection)

lee

@aaliyahbiaa

2 months

I wanna be loved mexicanly, I think it’s time

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

11 months

Can I have $78,000

Vice President Kamala Harris

@VP

4 years

I’m proposing $2,000 monthly payments throughout the pandemic and for 3 months after, because rent and bills are still due during this crisis and people are going hungry. It’s that basic.

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

28 days

We gotta put a moratorium on this hillbilly whisperer bullshit

𝙷𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚖𝚊𝚗

@shagbark_hick

30 days

Many do not realize that there are many viable businesses in rural America owned by an aging man who has no obvious successor. The guy probably wants to retire, the locals need the service he provides, but the business would be hard to sell because it is not managed according

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

7 months

@MsCastons Fuck off

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

9 months

Boy dinner

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

24 days

My 20s was all about finding myself my 30s is all about employer-matched 401k contributions

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jz2

@mixedgrass666

5 months

With the acceleration of climate change, we can expect to see dipshit fit season beginning earlier and ending later every year. And it’s simply not a sustainable way to live